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This is my blog. I just went through a divorce; it was the worst thing that has yet to happen to me. This is me dealing with it and life. It's my blog; I write about what I want. I hope you enjoy. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The above was me about three years ago. It is the most up to date digital photo I have.
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Fake blog, just to put up a blue day.  Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Well, I had a follow up entry to the last one that I posted. However, I don't have the energy to rant anymore. Right now, I am happy being single. The interesting thing is that I got an e-mail from a girl in my creative writing class. She asked me out on a date. How's that for ironic timing? The only wrinkle is that she doesn't know I am going through a divorce. So, I am going to tell her Wednesday. Hopefully, we can still go out as friends. She is a nice gal, and we could be friends. I guess we'll see on Wednesday. I'm not looking forward to that awkward conversation, but like a lot of things that I don't like, I still have to do it. Wish me luck! * * * Today is the final day of Grifter's Thanksgiving experience. So, today, I have my list: 1.) I am thankful for my family. 2.) I am thankful for the soldiers in Iraq and the first responders in this world. 3.) I am thankful for the ability to write, otherwise I would go insane. 4.) I am thankful that I am able to work and contribute to society. 5.) I am thankful the WDC and all my new friends on here, especially the reviewers. 6.) I am thankful for logic as well. 7.) Mostly, I am thankful that I am still breathing to be able to be thankful. Have a great day everyone. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
Warning: The following entry contains adult topics. It is offensive and might lead to laughter. If you lack the ability to laugh or not get angry at another's ranting point of view, please, visit some of the other lovely blogs to the left there. Although I cannot promise their content will be appropriate for your uptight ass. Thank you, Management. With that out of the way, I want to talk about the joy of being single. bugzy is baaaccck!!   said a wonderfully nice thing about me yesterday that was the final straw that broke the camel's back. It wasn't her words that set me off; rather, her kind words just put a spot light on other words. She called me single with the implication that she couldn't believe someone had snapped me up. This is great, and a wonderful shot to my ego. Thanks, hun. However, it just pointed out other things about being single that drive me nuts.I am single. I have spent the better part of a year going through a divorce. Those two sentences indicate the problem that I see with being single. Apparently, being single is not enough of an explanation. There has to be some reason a person is single. He just got out of a bad relationship, or she is focusing on her career. He's a player who just hops from bed to bed. She's a single mom. Being single is apparently a disease. When a person is single, he/she is an abnormality. He/she is an error to be righted by the world. People believe that you must have a reason to be single, but no one has to have a reason to be married. That's all that needs to be said. No one asks why Joe's married. Being married is good enough. If you're single, somethings wrong. American society is so focused on individuals that a handful of atheists can impose their views on millions who believe in God. The rights of the individual are so important that the good of a nation no longer matters; unless you are single. You must be paired to be important. If you go to a restaurant to eat alone, you will see the table is set in pairs. While no one will outright condemn you for eating alone, you will get looks. This is because humans are still animals. The instinct to pass along our genetic material is still inherent in each of us. So, those not seeking to pass along their DNA seem alien or simply haven't found the right person yet. I have a woman at work who wishes to set me up on dates. I appreciate this, but the implied message is that alone I am somehow less of a person. She isn't conscious of this; she is just trying to be nice. My choice falls out to two paths: One I can be single and free, or I can have sex and be told what to do. Well, I ran out of time, so to be continued... Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Every writer should listen to George Carlin. His favorite topic is the English Language. He shows how politicians, corporations and lawyers use and modify the language to manipulate people. It is amazing. He is amazing at it. The best is "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." He points out that during the first World War, it was labeled as Shell Shock. The name Shell Shock sounds like guns, and it is brutal, like what the warriors went through. Then, in Vietnam, it was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This has more syllables to create distance, and it is a disorder which makes it sound like it is the person's fault. It is a humanless phrase that is used to compartmentalize people trying to deal with horrors. He also conjectures that if during Vietnam, it was still Shell Shock, the veterans might have got the treatment they needed. I highly recommend listening to Carlin. He is very offensive, but he brings up a point. He takes to a new level what George Orwell started in Politics and the English Language. This is a great essay to show the decline of the english language. Politicians, lawyers and advertisers change the language to fit their purposes. A janitor is now a custodial engineer because this title sounds more important than janitor. Why give a person a raise in pay to feel good about themselves when you can give them a title to make them feel more important? Plus, you can charge your customer, excuse me, client more because you employ numerous engineers. As we all know, engineers make a lot of money, so we have to charge more to cover increase costs. The language is a tool, like a hammer or a gun, and tools can be used for good or evil. The deft manipulation of a tool is the mark of a master craftsman. Not only do authors carve and create words from the formless void of their imagination, politicians slave and stress over each word they say. Does this word mean something? Does it say anything? No? Whew, dodged taking a stand there. Anyhow, I recommend taking a look at Orwell's essay, and if it interests you, pick up George Carlin. Listen once to laugh and be offended. Listen again to understand what he says. He is a master at pointing out the insane use of words to manipulate and control. Sure, he's a hippy. But he's a hippy that occasionally makes sense. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Hemingway and Joyce used generative sentences in nearly perfect ways. A generative sentence, if I don't have my wires crossed, is a plain sentence with a string of descriptions attached to it. For example: The boy held the ball. Generative: The boy held the ball, red as the sun at dusk, a near perfect sphere, hard rubber cool against his young flesh. My creative writing professor wants us to use more literary, artistic devices like the generative sentence to wrap the reader in the blanket of our words. So, here are some examples that I am working on for class next week: 1 I just needed someone to listen to me. My voice, scratchy, raw in my throat, verging on being hoarse, was lost in the background noise of the bar. I cried, and the world did not hear. 2 Take me to the place I love was the final command my father gave me. He laid in the back seat, emaciated, a wrinkled sack of flesh. His voice was hollow, unusually deep, shadowed by the infinite void. 3 The room was veiled in darkness, cold, silence and putrid, stale sweat. 4 The pressure of performance rested heavy on my shoulders, a burden of conscience, will and courage. 5 She lay at my feet curled into a ball, a fetus on the floor, wrapped around her memories, closed in on herself. 6 She stood naked in front of me, hair curled round her face, rosy nipples erect, knees shaking in fear, a desperate plea for approval on her face. 7 The hollow of her neck collected sweat in a puddle, a salty lake born of exertion. I wanted to drink it empty. 8 She lay on the bed, a romantic goddess, arms stretched above her head, breasts bared to the world, head turned to the side, eyes staring into the distant past, hair the color of sun dried tomatoes splashed on her creamy pillows. Personally, I like number eight the best. Seven might not be a generative sentence. Hell, for that matter, I might have misunderstood him altogether and be doing something different. Well, add generative sentences to your writing to bring the scene alive. Have a great day, and two more days till turkey time! Yay! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| The Thanksgiving holiday is this week in America. On Thursday, millions of Americans will stuff themselves with Turkey and professional American football games. Men will nap; women will chat, and kids will play. Then, we will all wake up early (if we fall asleep at all) to shop for the Christmas season. The morning after Thanksgiving in America is one of the craziest shopping days of the year. It is also the most fun. For the past three years, my ex-wife and I woke up at 3:00 am to shop. We never made to the front of any of the lines. If we had to go to Best Buy or Circuit City, we didn't even make it to the middle of the lines. We would shop until 10 am, and then go for breakfast. We would recount the adventures of the morning, the deals that we took advantage of and the general craziness of it all. This year, I will be up at 3:00 am myself. My wife won't be with me, which is fine. I will still be going myself. Due to the prolonged divorce hearings and having to pay a whole mortgage now, I have to save money wherever I can. If I have to wake up at 3 to do it, I will. I love the rush of shopping at that time. I don't like shopping, pretty much ever, but this time shopping is fun. One year, I only spent half of my budget for all of my gifts. It was great. I doubt I will be able to do that this year, but I am damn sure going to try. Wednesday, when the advertisements appear, I will plan my route. Most people focus on Best Buy, Circuit City, Wal-Mart and Target, but they are not the only good stores. One year, we went to Michael's, a craft store, and picked up decorations for the house. We picked up gifts for a couple of teenage gals. We have been to Sears picking up tools for our fathers. Last year, we went by Sam's Club, a wholesale center, where a complimentary continental breakfast was a great surprise. (We, also, picked up three videogames there for the price of one.) This year, I will go by myself, which is a little sad. But I will have a great time, again. I am still surprised to find that I gather such joy from shopping when people are crazy. As a whole, it is madness, but individually, people have been willing to help me search for bargains. I will venture out into that madness to find some thing nice for my family for the upcoming Christmas season. The wonderful thing about my family is that they won't care if I get them any presents, which is why I will wake up at 3 am. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Once again, too busy to peruse. I am going to get caught up on your blogs this weekend. It is on top of the to do list! For me, quick blog today. In honor of one of my favorite movies, High Fidelity, I will do a top five list. Top Five Movies 1.) Fight Club 2.) American Beauty 3.) Chasing Amy 4.) High Fidelity 5.) Life as a House Note: Classics and multi-volume movies omited. Top Five CD's 1.) Pearl Jam - Ten 2.) Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - Live at Luther College 3.) Norah Jones - Come Away with Me 4.) Led Zeppelin - IV 5.) Linkin Park - Meteora Top Five Books 1.) Larry McMurty - Lonesome Dove 2.) Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird 3.) Tom Clancy - Patriot Games 4.) John Irving - A Prayer for Owen Meany 5.) Frank Herbert - Dune Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
"If you can live without writing, don't do it." - Bob Earleywine My teacher said that last night. One of the older students asked about talent. Does it take talent to write? This led to a half hour lecture of what writing really means. That lecture can be boiled down to the above statement. He talked about everybody has talent of some degree or another, but without studying writing, talent will not get anyone anywhere. Reading and writing is the only way to get better at writing. It seems to me that some of my classmates are looking for that shortcut to a published work without putting in the sweat and tears of work. It is like the get rich quick schemes. Do they ever work out? It's funny that people think because they have a story that they can write that story. But they don't take classes or get on sites like this to have their work critiqued. Writing for me is great for the first draft. Then, it becomes a struggle to craft and shape the first draft into what I want to say. It is going through each word to make sure it works, and it is cutting and adding, adding and cutting. I struggle with trying to get what I want to say on the page, as I'm sure all of you do, too. I can tell a story, and I can write that story down. But shaping that story into something completely free of me is very hard. Still, some of the people in my class are looking for the key to cranking out publishable works. They aren't leaving a comfy lifestyle to pursue a dream of writing like bugzy is baaaccck!! . They are not participating in NaNoWriMo. They want that magic pen that will get them there easily. Because hey, they can talk, so they should be able to wright, right?Anyways, I turned in my story last night. It is my best story yet, but I am not finished with it. I wanted more time to work on that story. I don't feel that I turned in a story that is the best I can make it. However, I had a deadline, and I met it. The funny thing is that I didn't know what I was trying to say with my story until after I had left class. I was driving home when it hit me. I finally knew what I was trying to say with my story. Class doesn't meet next week; so, we'll see on the 28th if it came across in my writing. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| On the way to my parent's house, the state of Illinois has put up wires between the lanes of the highway. They are there to keep out of control vehicles from crossing into the oncoming lane, creating a head on colision. The head on collision is the most dangerous and is the most fatal. As I have said in the past, I am an engineer. A large part of being an engineer is needing to test out hypotheses like the scientists we are. So, some part of me wanted to drive my car, at 70 mph, into these cables to see if they work. It is not from some suicidal or depressed state. It is an innate curiosity. Those cables don't really look like they could stop my Ford Explorer from crossing lanes. But there are engineers out there just like me, who have designed them to do just that. I also wonder if those water barrells really work. I would like to see the test of those things. I think would be an interesting experiment. I have another weird thing, too. I am afraid of heights. I am like super afraid of heights, but I love to go up. The only problem is that when I get up that high, I get the overwhelming urge to jump. I wonder what it feels like falling. Once, I looked down from a small plane and wondered what falling that far would be like. The only problem with these feelings is that I couldn't walk away from these experiments to go dancing later that night. Obviously, I never perform them because the consequences are way too great. But it amazes me that I can have such a detached clinical view of testing these safety devices. It might because I have never seen an accident involved with these devices. It is weird, and I am weird. Anyone else ever have these thoughts? Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
First, thanks to bugzy is baaaccck!! , sweett and Thea for their comments on my story. I really appreciate the help. "Invalid Item"  is the new story that I have written for class. I finished the first draft two days ago. Last night in class, since I sat at the end of the chain, I got assigned for my story to be due next week. Yay! So, I have to revise like crazy this weekend to make sure that it is as polished as I can get it.I am really proud of this story. It is my best work by far, and I have learned a lot just writing it. So, three weeks from yesterday, I will learn how I did with this story. I am glad for the positive feedback. I appreciate the reviews and critiques. But, I got work to do on it, and I can't wait. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
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