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This is my blog. I just went through a divorce; it was the worst thing that has yet to happen to me. This is me dealing with it and life. It's my blog; I write about what I want. I hope you enjoy. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The above was me about three years ago. It is the most up to date digital photo I have.
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| I went for a walk today. I was gone for two hours, and I felt great. I wanted to start running, but my lungs would have packed their bags and headed for tropics if I had. My asthma does not do well in cold air, so I try not to run. It was 44 degrees here today, and it was beautiful. Today is the last day of my vacation. I got seven days of paid holidays from my work, and then I took eight days of vacation. I haven't been to work since 12/14/2007. Ha, I haven't been to work since last year or yet this year. (That sounds kind of funny.) Anyways, I have got my minimum of 90 minutes of cardio in this week, and I am super happy about that. On Sunday, I might get an early jump on next weeks quota. I, however, missed the word count this week. I probably could have made it if I stuck with the free flow writing, but I got to a point where all I was typing was, "I have nothing to say." Or some version of that sentences with many synonyms (thanks Thesaurus) and different structures. So, I have been listening to music, reading and perusing blogs in an attempt to find my muse, or, at the very least, some inspiration. However, that has not come to pass. Oh well, I guess I am stuck for now. However, I have been having strange dreams, but unfortunately, I can't remember them. I just know that I wake up thinking, "What the F%^&?" I have never had good luck at remembering my dreams. The ones that I do are sucky imitations of a boring life. Seriously, in college, I had a dream where I was watching T.V. on my couch. Although, in High School, a few days before graduation, I woke up got dressed and ran upstairs (I lived in the basement). I was late for my first day of college, and I was in the wrong town. I realized it was only a dream when I walked out the front door, and the stars were still in the sky. The best dream story that I have involves another High School incident. This was during my junior year. We had just finished playing a basketball game, and the team was showering. My girlfriend, we'll call her L, and her friend, we'll call her S, came into the locker room. (No, it isn't that kind of dream; bugzy is baaaccck!!   , head out of the gutter.) I was still showering, but they were flirting with my teammates. When I got dressed, my girlfriend dumped me for a Senior. I was crushed. I woke up and went to school thinking this really happened. All day, I avoided L, and after last period, but before practice, S asked me if I was mad at L. Then it all hit me that it was just a dream.I mean these were nice, church going gals that would never have stepped foot into a locker room with a bunch of naked boys. Nor, would Coach have allowed girls into the locker room. But, when it's a dream, you just go with the new rules, I guess. Anyways, she thought I was going to dump her since I hadn't said two words to her all day. Once I explained it to her, she laughed for a long, long time. Thankfully, she didn't look at me like I was nuts. I mean, there were less than 300 people in my high school. It is very hard to hide from someone in my small school. Ahh, high school, the good, old days when I was an ignorant teenager. Those were fun times. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| I have been reading blogs by current authors regarding writing, mostly sci fi authors. (They are listed to the left under offsite blogs.) Elizabeth Bear has good blog posts about writing, and she gives good tips as she goes along. I think that reading what published authors do is an excellent tool to expand my own toolbox. I usually try out new suggestions, but if they don't fit, I file them under Nice to Know/Useless for Me. However, one link has been passing around a couple of other author's blogs. It is about re-writing. Sure, it's a sci-fi/YA writer, but it is a very good article. It is a very, very long post, but it's damn good. I bookmarked it for future reference. http://justinelarbalestier.com/blog/?p=890 I think that while it is important to find what works for you and your own writing, it is also important to try new stuff. My day job is as an Engineer, and we constantly look at the results and methods that other engineers and companies use to find solutions. If these methods are better than ours, we adapt and then improve these methods. I think that a writer can use this, too. Personally, re-writing is a weakness of mine. So, when I came across this blog post, a ray of sunshine split the clouds and an angelic choir hummed what the sensation of Eureka feels like. I just thought I would pass it along. Take it or leave it; either way, keep writing. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Goals are important. Dreams are essential. However, without tenacity, both of these are just words. The only way to be successful at anything is to get up after being knocked down. Life will knock a person down, but the true character arises when they decide to stay down or get up. Even at life's darkest, the successful find a way to get back up and try again. Churchill immortalized this in his most famous and eloquent speeches. Never, never, never give up. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Ahh, New Year's resolutions...is there a tradition less actually performed than this one? Everyone has their goals for the new year, and most never come close to sticking to them. But we make them every year; don't we? So, in that spirit, here are my 2008 resolutions. Goal #1: I wish to lose weight this year. So, my resolution is to lose ten pounds by April. To accomplish this, I plan to do, at least, 90 minutes of cardio per week. Last year, I was doing 60 minutes per week (3 times a week, 20 minutes each) during the summer. Like a bad boy, I fell off at the end of the year. But, I am now changing gyms to the one at work, so I can exercise at the end of my work shift. I also plan to eat less. I have the most effective time with portion control. I would love to say that I will eat healthier, but I'm not there yet. So, now, less calories going down the gullet will have to suffice. Goal #2: I want to write more. An author, whose blog I regularly visit, puts in 1,200 words per day on one project. I would like to get 1,200 words per week. I can write 1,200 words per day, but, as with everything else, I get distracted, and it is time for bed without a word put down. So, my goal is twelve hundred words per week in either story or poems. My journal and blog do not apply toward that word count. Goal #3: Goal three is to sort through my personal library and donate books to the library or some other worthy place. I wish to give more to charity this year, but there is no room in the budget for financial contributions. So, it will be a goal to get more creative in what I give to charity, and my employer has many, many volunteering opportunities that I plan to participate in. Goal #4: This is the most nebulous goal that will be very hard to set about achieving. I wish to be more confident this year, and a lot of that will come from better thinking. (See, confusing) In other words, I want to stop the self-defeating thoughts that keep me from talking to an attractive woman or asking for a raise at work. I am still researching this one to figure out how to accomplish it. Goal #5: I usually stop at three or four goals, but this one will be easy. I want to get around to more of the blogs from my bloggville friends. It won't be an every day visit, but I will stop in and say hi! Well, that's all for this year. It seems quite daunting, but I am also very, very motivated in all of these aspects. In 364 short days, I will find out how well I did. What are your resolutions? Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| 2007 has been an eventful year for me to say the least. It has been the worst of my life so far in many ways, and it has been one of the most educational. I have written this post too many times on paper to get it right for what I want to say, but each time, it just doesn't work. So, I am just typing and writing, which is appropriate because that's how I have approached life this year. I just take it as it comes. 2007 started on a high point for me. My wife and I threw a New Year's party that was just amazing. I grilled a Cajun turkey, and she step up drinking games and entertainment. It was an amazing night that was the most fun I had all year. Then three months later, she walked out on my life, and pain, anger and depression came in to fill her void. I spent months in agony and confusion. Hell, I am still confused, but her leaving was the best thing for both of us. And on December 6th, the judge signed the decree that nullified our marriage. After three quarters of a year, I now join the other half of married people in the divorced column. I am a quiet person who keeps inside all of my pain and suffering because I feel it is selfish to burden others with it. But it had to come out; so, I began to write again. Awful, hate-filled poems of anger and loss were the first words that hit the page this year. But I felt better. I felt so much better. I joined the wonderful WDC and found the joys of blogging. Peace began to return to my life. Depression and hatred were losing their grip on me. I was lost and confused when an angel commented on my blog purtycurls said hi and sympathised. They were simple words that were comforting and touching. At the end of my posts are the words she sent me. I discovered a whole community online that read the stuff that I had to say. I have met and made many friends on here. Finding this site and blogging has been as helpful in getting over my divorce as seeing a therapist. Thank you to all for being there and being fun. It has been more help than I can convey with words, so ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) for all of you.Because my blogs were not met with scorn, derision and abject loathing, I began to think that maybe I could write. I have written all my life. Poems to impress girls was the start of my writing career, and as I have aged, inspiration for poetry has disappeared. My poems are bad now, which is fine, but they are uninspired, which is not fine. So, I wrote a short story about a boxing match. It was fun, and I thought more about that story that being alone. So, I decided to sign up for a writing class. Now, I have never told my family that I write. I always imagined they would consider it foolish, a waste of time. I thought they would find it a flight of fantasy that took away from the real things in my life. I thought my wife would think my writing was silly. But, I've come to realize that I hid my writing because I was embarrassed by it. I was the one who never took it seriously. I was the one who thought it was silly and detracted from the real things in life. But as I took the class, I found that writing made me happy, and I learned that it is okay to just write for me. I don't ever have to get published. I don't ever have to write well. But if I ever stop writing, then I will be miserable. I will be the unhappy idiot who will find it hard to be around anyone. So, I have to accept that I am a writer and that it is part of what makes me tick. And, most importantly, I am going to have to let others know this, regardless of how they look at me. This class solidified so many of the lessons that divorce and life were trying to teach me. It was important to me in so many ways, but the final way was that I met someone. I started dating again through this class. I met a smart, sassy and attractive woman who I have fun with. She has helped build my confidence and tear away the "I'll be alone forever" blues. Learning that I am not boring has boosted my confidence, and I am going to approach dating with this confidence. This year has been one of peaks and valleys, and I can't tell whether I am ending it on an up or downslope. All I know is that tomorrow, I will begin again. Tomorrow will start another year, and it will start another chapter in my life. Happy new year to you all. Saleen and Nelly, my adorable cats, wave their paws and meowed Happy New Year, WDC. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| I don't know when I will be back. Happy holidays, all. Grifter |
| Last night was the final writing class of the semester. I was very sad because it was nice to be around other writers. As you would expect, the second stories were much better than the first. Some of them were just straight home runs. Some were stinkers of the first kind, but all were much, much better, which, ultimately, is the point. I made the offer to anyone in the class that I would be willing to revise if they e-mailed me stories. I was the only one that was taking the Fiction Seminar next semester. This is the follow-on class to the one I just took. I was surprised because there were some very good, very passionate writers in there. Some I guess are not willing to put the work that is necessary into their writing. So, I am sad that it had to end, but I am happy with the results. I have learned so much. First, I learned that I am not a terrible writer. I am not that bad at all. Second, I have learned what I need to focus on. But the fun starts next semester. I have two writing classes next semester. I dropped French for writing. I am taking the Fiction Seminar and Poetry Writing. I know that learning Poetry will make my fiction sing. The biggest lesson that I have learned is I found some things I like about fiction. I like fiction that presents a scene and allows me to make a judgement. The piece of work may have a theme; Orwell's Animal Farm has a theme as plain as the nose on my face. But he doesn't beat you over the head with it in the text. He shows you. I need to look this story up, but supposedly, Chekov said he knew horse thiefs were bad, and that didn't interest him. He wants to know what they had for breakfast. I think that's great. I know stealing is bad, so the story doesn't have to say that to me. But it can show me that the theives are people, also. It doesn't have to explain or condemn their actions. It just has to present for the world to decide. I have a new appreciation for the short story that I have never had before. I am really looking forward to the new year to get more knowledge and personal feedback on my craft and the writing process. Have a great day! P.S. Bugzy, second date details, are on tap for tomorrow! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| http://freerice.com/index.php I love the above wesite. It satisfies my competition urge, my intellectual urge, my writer's love of language and the need to help people all in one fantastically, wonderful stop. 44 is my top score. The blogger who I stole the link from, has a high score of 46. What's your score? Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Because this is such a large company, all of the Performance Evaluations (P.E.'s) have to be completed. Then they rank us in relation to our peers in our levels. Then, they compare our salaries to the average salary in our discipline. With this, your rank, your P.E., they put it all together and come up with a range for a raise. This process takes them through March to determine, and then at the end of March or Mid-April, the raise goes into effect. Now, for a promotion, there are certain standards like time in grade and yada, yada. However, they only promote a small percentage per year. So, competition is very fierce. My boss said he would put me up, but it usually takes one or two runs at it to get it. So, I am not thinking that I will get promoted next year. * * * Last night was my writing class. The critiques that we did were very fun. Two of the writers had issues dealing with their emotions in the writing. As a writer, you have to confront your feelings. You cannot shy away from them or distance yourself from the ugliness of real life. One of the students wrote about a woman in a nursing home. Instead of him being the narrator, he used a female, Manhattan-living, underwear designer. This allowed him to avoid his emotions in dealing with this beautiful woman tucked away in a nursing home on the last leg of her life's journey. It could have been powerful if he would have showed us how this funny, old lady charmed him; instead, it was artificial, like the narrator. You also cannot write about something as you're feeling it. Another student wrote about her uncle dying earlier in the semester. She was so close that she couldn't write accurately enough to convey the pain she obviously felt. She was too busy feeling it to be able to write about feeling it. Then, there is fake emotion. This same student used fake emotion in her story last night. She was using Politician-like propaganda to elicit feelings of pride and an us versus them mentality. This has no place in fiction. In fiction, the writer should present a situation without commentary, without judgement. Let the reader judge the situation; let the reader draw their own conclusions. This will elicit feelings of a real work, a great work. A writer is just an observer of real life. A writer helps point out beauty and wonder in places were most people won't necessarily look. But a writer just points, he/she doesn't say this is beautiful. He/she just says look. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Yay! I got exceed's expectations! Yay! I had a great review, and basically my peers rated me how I feel I am. There are areas to improve, but they are ones that I am trying to improve. I got highest marks in Technical Knowledge and Team Building. So, that's great news. I am smart and a team player! I can always use compliments like that. Thanks for all the well wishes, I guess they worked! Woo hoo! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
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