%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Sing it if you understand... |
|
2Am and I'm still awake writing a song If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud And I know that you'll use them however you want to. But you can't jump the track We're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass glued to the table, No one can find the rewind button now Sing it if you understand...and breath... ~ Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This blaze was destined for you to be refined My plans for you this battle I had to require Even though, the fire is known to leave ashes behind These ashes will leave in you a God-Given Fire... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This woman prays... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ~ Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion to give unto them Beauty for Ashes the oil of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness that they might be called trees of righteousness the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. |
| I just got back in from the interview. He hired me, but I declined the job. The pay sucks! There is no health insurance. I felt comfortable with the doctor but he asked me some personal questions that I felt inappropriate. He asked how old I was? Married? Kids? Asked if I smoke, drink or do drugs? Where I live? How much I pay for rent? He asked about Meow! That one I appreciated. He said he would give me more pay within months of being hired but that he wanted to see my work first. Still... even with the little bit of raise he would offer, it just wouldn't be enough. He knows that he pays shitty, he said those that take this job do so out of love for animals. I love animals, don't get me wrong, but I love eating, having a roof over my head and a car to drive a bit more. Call me silly... if you will, Mr. Pet Doctor. I wish I had asked him about the stuff in Meow's nose. It looks like ashes, but I know its coming from the inside and not just getting sniffed in. It's strange. Here's my baby girl: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'm always cleaning out her little nose. She knows the routine to and just sticks her little nose and chin up for me. I wonder if it is dry blood?! Oh my... I scare myself sometimes. I do need to get her a doctor check up scheduled and soon. Here is a pic of Leslie, Me and Sherree. I'm standing up behind them, Leslie is in the purple dress. Sherree is my sponsor and the bestest friend I've EVER had. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sherree has lost weight since this picture was taken last year. I have found it! I'm so glad we are back together again. It means so much to me. Leslie is going to pick me up at 5 tonight and we are going to a steak cookout at the club, Then we will go back tonight for a dance. It's going to be a lot of fun. I just got an email from a lady named Wanda. She responded to my resume several weeks ago but because I had just started at the other job, I didn't call her cell as she had asked me too. Yesterday I did, left her a message and then emailed her again. She wrote back telling me the position has NOT been filled yet and she will contact me on Monday. This is good news! The pay was listed on the job description and I'm all about it! What it all comes down to... is that everything's gunna be FINE FINE FINE... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLXULfN77TQ |
| I just got in from a meeting. It is so awesome to have Leslie back. Sheree is out of college for the summer so she is around more. I've seen a lot of new faces in my home group; I'm making lots of new friends. Last night was date night with the girls and Leslie was there! She told me over dinner that she is amazed at the difference in me. I questioned, like what? And then Cheryl stepped in; "You're not the floozy you use to be." Cheryl is a little petite blonde that just blurts out whatever she is thinking. We all laughed... and they all agreed! I was a floozy? I did not KNOW this... Leslie said I appeared more confident. Leslie looks like she has been rode hard and put up wet. Man it reminds me of when I first sobered up. Hurts! Damn it... She is ok though. She is making two meetings a day and doing anything and everything that our sponsor suggests. She tried to kill herself last week. I'm so damn thankful that she failed at it and that she has come back to her friends. My bosses bosses boss... turned down my request for a transfer into another department. I told him that I didn't want to stay in this department. He told me all the reasons I should. I told him I'm 31 years old and I know if a job is right for me or not, this job is not right for me. He told me he felt it a bad business decision to allow me to transfer after I have been in training for two weeks. I asked if there was any way I could change his mind? He said no. I thanked him kindly and clocked out. I quit! To hell with em'... I have an interview in the morning at an Animal Hospital. They need a secretary. I went up today to give them my resume and they scheduled an interview for SATURDAY morning. That's weird, but I'm all about it. There are a lot of jobs out there. I have no reservations about finding work. First resume given out... first job interview... I wasn't excited about this job when I got it. I knew from the start it wasn't for me, but I gave it a try any way. Learned a few things, made a few bucks, enough to pay another months rent and another month's car payment. If I never see another acronym for the rest of my life, I'll be doing right by me! Almost every PC networking term is made into an acronym! That stuff hurts my head... I still haven't got rid of the headache that training class gave me. Tonight I have much to do, I must toodle away... This song has been on my heart lately. I had to google the lyrics I knew to see who the artist was, so I could find him on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q15klK4KCk |
| I was so frustrated this morning in class. We have two trainers, one man and one lady. The lady is very nice, tries very hard. I like her a lot on a personal level but her teaching is very confusing. She is new. Give the new girl a break... I keep telling myself this. She has recently been promoted to a trainer. She's learning! She is confusing. First she tells us one thing, turns out it's not correct so then she tells us another, that may or may not be correct. It's just nerve wrecking. I was ready to throw in the white towel and bail this morning. The stuff we are learning is complicated anyway but when your teacher doesn't know what they are teaching it's a real bitch. Then the man teacher came in and cleared it all up, just right before we left for lunch. Man that was so frustrating! FOUR hours spent going over something with her, less than thirty minutes with him and we all got light bulbs lighting up over our heads. And he is a Yankee... believe it or not. *Smirk* He really is a nice guy, good teacher, very approachable. She is too, she tries very hard, but she is just learning like the rest of us. I told em' today that I'm interested in another position within the company. Told them that I'm quite capable of a challenging position but that my hearts not in this one. I honestly don't give a furry behind about PC networking; it strikes my fancy NOT. I told them that the company has already invested a lot of money into me and I would make a fine employee but that this position isn't right for me. They were both very kind. He told me that he would talk to his boss and his bosses boss... on and on ... up the chain of command and see what options we have. He also asked that I keep coming to training class and to not just "no call no show." I wouldn't do that anyway, I'd at least tell em' to kiss my ass, I wouldn't just disappear, not my style either. I wanted to put all my cards on the table and play a fair game. I didn't think it would be fair to ride out the training and then quit when it's time to go out on the floor. I considered that they could easily tell me to go ahead and clock out when I told them how I felt. I took a chance and it has thus far worked out to my benefit. Tomorrow there may be other opportunities for me to pursue at this place of business OR I may know for sure that I'm stuck with this position or nothing with them, then I can start looking outside for a better match. Either way... at least I'm staying true to myself. This would be a "hate my job"... position for me. I don't have to settle for that. My part of the world is booming, people hiring all over the place. I got GOOD News! My sister in sobriety is BACK! Leslie left AA almost a year ago, went back to drinking BUT just yesterday got out of a six-day detox and she is back in the meetings as of today. I haven't seen her yet since I haven't been to a meeting this week but tomorrow I'm looking forward to giving her a big sloppy smooch. Twelve Steppers who study AA's Big Book are familiar with the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson, and his medical mentor, Dr. William Duncan Silkworth. Bill called him the "little doctor who loved drunks." Silkworth AKA Dr. Silky, a psychiatrist, had treated thousands of alcoholics and was director of the hospital where Bill had several times sought help. Dr. Silky explained the disease of alcoholism and gave his medical stamp of approval to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The following link leads to his letter, titled "The Doctors Opinion" and can be found in the first pages of the Big Book of AA. Thank GOD for Dr. Silky. I absolutely love the last sentence he wrote: I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through, and though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray. ~ William D. Silkworth, M.D. http://silkworth.net/silkworth/doctorsopinion.html I've been praying for Leslie. My sponsor has been praying for Leslie. She is one of us! We need each other and I'm so glad she is coming home. I hope she stays. I've missed her very much. I also got a letter from the lady in prison for her third DWI; she is asking me to be her sponsor. I'm scared about that! I didn't do so well with my last sponsor. We GOT DRUNK together and high! Bad Sponsor Bad SPONSOR.... I'm gonna have to do a lot of praying. I'm thinking that since she is scheduled to be released June 1st, that I may ask that we meet, talk and visit a few times, before making a decision. Maybe just be friends for now and take it one day at a time. Lot's of Prayer but mostly LISTENING... on my part. I gotta go Dammit It's bed time! I'm out of good water, water mill is broken... that chaps my ass. After reading my blog entry yesterday I tripped! I tripped because yesterday was a drinking day... That tension I felt had me tied up in knots, that's the same feeling I had before when I chose to drink it away. This time I chose other routes, maybe not as instant as the drink but much more beneficial. I did good. I can say that , right?! RIGHT! Leslie is COMING HOME!!!!!!! Here's a tune I haven't listened to in a while. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AD6LXXouD4k |
| I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Came home after work, totally freaking stressing. I felt it in my shoulders and back, so I lain down on the living room floor, cranked up my relaxation music and repeated "Those that trust in the Lord will rise up on wings like eagles". After about 20 times I think it started to sink in, so I ran myself a hot bubble bath, emptied half a body of baby oil in the water. I felt the tension burn off my shoulders, that bath was God sent! But as soon as I got out of the bath, I felt the tension come back, so I put on my tennis shoes and went for a power walk. I have found a walking area behind my apartments, I circle these pump jacks, and I'd say one round is one mile. Not the best view but it serves the purpose. Since I've been pulling goatheads out my skin, socks, stretch pants and tennis shoes, I forgot about the tension headache! So now I'm pumped, got a fresh dose of oxygen, tension has subsided. I came home to crank up the radio and bust a move while I washed the few dishes, lit candles, made my bed (yeah, that usually gets done right before I'm getting into it) Never been the bed making type, except on housecleaning days. Anyway! Now I'm good... I'm better... I think I'm gonna live! I applied for the Administrative Assistant position at the same company I am training with, except the need for an Admin Ass (hehehe) is in Human Resources department. I hope I get that job! I'm not real happy with the job I am training for; it's just not my bag. I'm not quitting though. I'm going to learn all this bullshit they are teaching us, soak it up for what's it worth but I'm beginning my job hunting again. I'm taking one day at a time, no promises about what I will end up doing. Just going to do the next right thing... go to work... learn to the best of my ability what they are teaching me, and keep my eye open for something that is more in line with my skills. I worked hard to earn my Admin Skills, and I want to use them dudes. They are me... I'm not a computer nerd, can't even see myself troubleshooting, I have no patience.... Don't give a damn about troubleshooting. Who knows though... today I so hell no, tomorrow I may be all about it. Day by day... only gonna worry about right now. But I do know I need a paycheck. Until something else comes up, I'll just keep showing up, even if I gotta cry all the way there. So........... Here's a Jen interpretation of the cube game players: Remember! This is all a figment of my imagination... take it for what it is... k... just me being silly. If you want you can find the real interpretation's at http://personal.ansir.com/cube/index_voc.html bugzy is baaaccck!!   ... has a fairly good self esteem, is pure, what you see is what you get. She has strong friendships with quality people that help her to the top. They also lean on her as she helps them go higher. Her mate or possible mate stands. Stands up for what he believes in? Stands up for her? Her kids mean the world to her. They are a part of each area of her world. They change her world into something beautiful and even calm the whipping sands of life. Even though there may be a storm in life, bugz feels sure and collective, able to stay calm as she finds peace in the midst of whatever storm life throws at her. galingo ...Here's a SOLID man... tough as stone, through and through. Unpolished, self-made. Good self esteem. Could he feel responsible for keeping his friends together? Does he feel his friends keep him together? I see that Galli lifts his friends up above himself, as his ladder was extended past the top of his cube. He holds his friends in high regard and possibly believes their happiness or success is possibly more important than his own. Galli may have or want in a mate these characteristics: Strength and endurance, Even-handedness, Soundness. I found this by researching the breed of horse he visioned. These babies are top-notch blood lines! Only the best does Galli fall for. The storm is moving towards Galli but is behind a dirt storm wall... Are you anticipating a large storm? Is the dust wall messing up your view? Are the winds of change starting to stir up in your life? And could you kind a like these changes... feel cool? or could it feel Kewl? Fivesixer  ... Spun so many times? Haha... Feeling a bit worn out? Wondering what gives? Struggling to figure yourself out maybe? You are clever, adaptable have High Energy...and thirsty for knowledge. Your friends... do they help you walk through the trials of life? You know you can count on them to help get you through? But you like a challenge, not gonna take the easy way out... not you. Though you depend on your friends, you are willing to step out and take a chance, walk the line, see what happens. Are you a bit apprehensive about your significant other? Not sure how to handle them? You may find that a domestic inclined mate would be your style. Maybe you like a partner who is willing to take a chance but one that is saddled. In a position to direct or command? In control? Or maybe one that is able to carry a burden? Your storm is off at a distance... you hope it stays there, maybe you don't feel ready for it just yet? You're too far from shelter at this time? Oh... You said potted... a potted marigold, as is common that the blossoms you see are actually clusters of many flowers, many flowers? Many Children? To come or now? And then Debi Wharton ... You're cube is wooden. Wood is strong and sturdy, is the sum of many experiences. I guess this wooden block is hollow? Showing lightheartedness, protective. I see that the letters and number on the block cube represent hidden messages. Do you watch for signs for guidance? The ladder is across your cube, offering protection? Keeping the cube sheltered and safe? Do the friends you have and choose do the same? Thoroughbreds are considered a "hot blooded" horse, and are known for their agility, speed and spirit. Sounds to me that your mate is quite the go-getter. Spirited, strong and possibly contemplating a major move of some kind? Flowers represent your kids... you are concerned about them. You fear for their welfare and want to shower them with your motherly love. |
| Saturday I was such a dead ass. I mean it... I was so sleepy. I felt overwhelmed, knew I needed to get some stuff done but had no energy to do any of it. I forced myself to fight the Mother's Day crowd and go WalMartin'. It was packed too. I had to circle the parking lot several times before I could finally get in and get parked. I had to get nasty with em' and go bumper to bumper with a few folks up there, got shot the finger a few times but I got where I needed to be, by God. Then I had to go buggy to buggy with some folk up in the store. I was not in a friendly mood. Just exhausted... but Mother needed a present and I promised to bake a cake and make some tator salad. Promises to Mother shant be broken no more. So I got what I needed and got back home, boiled my tators, threw the beans in the crock pot and I was out like a boy scout. Not even sure what time I crashed but I woke up at 3AM this morning, still a bit groggy but ready to get up. Before the break of dawn, I had baked a cake (flung cake batter all over my kitchen from the electric beater), fixed the tator salad, did two loads of laundry, cleaned my kitchen, living room and bedroom, rearranged my clothes in closet, vacuumed and watered every living organism that I'm aware of, in my home. Oh and listened to "Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places" like 20 times. I imagine my neighbor dude was like, WTF? Staring up at his ceiling in his fruit of the looms. I'm like that, I get stuck on a song and I listen to it over and over till I hate the damn thing. This shopping looking for love song addiction is all bugzy is baaaccck!! 's fault too! Now I've got ---- been through the desert on a horse with no name... STUCK in my head from the Cube Game. Who sings that song anyway? I must youtube. Oh geezzzzzzzzz.... my next song obsession. Yep! That game is a trip... I found it interesting that I had a hard time envisioning my plant. Teacher dude said plant when he had us do this in class, so I pictured an ivy, first I had it on the cube, then I took it off and sat it next to the cube, then back on the cube again. The stepladder I found quite interesting since my friendships are few but the one's I do have are with people that are made of good quality, strong as steel and they help me step upward. My horse was strong and healthy and calm through the storm we were both trapped within. Yep, that's what I want in a significant other. The storm seems to fit as well. It's right over me and the winds are blowing me around, but it didn't knock me on my butt! I was still standing in my vision. I went over to my mom's house today and we cooked out. I got her a big lilly plant to put out in her front yard. My mother is very much into her yard. It's like a meadow in the desert over at mom's house. I could just lay back in her tall grass and ..... and.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHHGC34c9f4 do my stuff... My mind is so not with me... I'm thinking about that white Stallion... Maybe I'll be back... Doubt it |
| I've learned a lot about those that played along. The Cube is a game about self-knowledge and is based on asking another person to describe a series of three to five objects. The game was popularized by Annie Gottlieb's short book "Secrets of the Cube" (released 1998). The cube represents the player's image of himself or herself. A cube that is small in the perspective of the scene suggests that the player thinks of themselves as insignificant or modest while a larger cube suggests the opposite. The ladder represents the player's close friends. A ladder close to the cube suggests the player keeps his or her friends close and a ladder the same height of the cube suggests a balanced relationship with his or her friends. The horse represents the player's love life. As with the previous objects, the closer to the cube the horse is, the better the love life of the player is. The flower represents the player's children or future children. A flower close to the cube suggests a close relationship with his or her children while a beaten down flower would suggest a bad or broken relationship with them. The storm represents the player's current problems. A storm covering the entire scene would suggest a life plagued with problems while a storm in the distance or a small storm would suggest contained or an easily managed number of problems. You can google "The Cube Game" and it will bring up all kinds of meanings for your choices, down to colors etc... |
Come on and Play my gaaaaaaaaaammmeeee!!!  |
| During the first part of last week, the trainer at my new job told us all to close our eyes and build in our minds what he said. So I'm going to ask you to do the same. Write me and tell me what your vision looked like. Later today I will come back, this game is suppose to give insight to your personality, purpose and even current situations in life. Start by picturing a desert in your mind's eye. A simple scene, there are no specific rules; no right or wrong answers. Somewhere in the desert landscape, there is a cube. See it in your mind's eye; describe it to yourself. What is its size? What color is it? Add to this scene a ladder. See the ladder... describe it to yourself. What is its size (especially in comparison to the cube)? Where is it located (specifically in relationship with the position of the cube)? What is it made of, etc.? Don't be afraid to see every little detail of each visualized object. The more you imagine, the more rewarding the game will be. Now also in this desert landscape, along with the cube and the ladder, is a horse. Just as you did with the cube and ladder, it's time to picture the horse and describe it. Is it a specific breed? How big is it? What is its coloring and markings (if any)? Anything special about this horse? Also be sure to imagine how it relates to the cube and the ladder. And since this is a living object, what action might it be doing right now? In this landscape there is also a storm. What kind of storm do you see? Where is it in relation to the other three objects in this scene? How is it affecting them (or not)? Now... In your desert, there are flowers. How many of them are there? What type and what color? And how do they relate to the other four objects you've imagined? There are no right or wrong answers. After all, this is your imagination, and only you are capable of describing what occurs inside. Look one more time at the scene you've created. Make sure that you've left nothing out; that everything is described in as much detail as you wish Tell me... What did you see? |
| I am so glad that it's Friday! I am absolutely trite. So glad to be home taking it easy till Monday. I'm almost caught up with all my blog reads and almost ready to dive into my California King for at least 24 hours. Kidding... sort of... It has been a long and agonizing day for me. I didn't think it was ever going to end. I did ace the end of week's test in my training class today. Got a 100% in red ink on top my paper.  It really does feel like I'm back in College No, not really, I slept through that. High School no... cause I didn't study or pay attention then, Jr. High School No, I skipped most of that, Ok ... I guess Elementary School! Oh my little friend Jeremy was escorted out the building today. They came and got him right in the middle of our classroom. Obviously he failed the pre-employment drug screen or the background check, not sure which one, but he was fired on the spot, no questions asked, just get your stuff and get out. I feel bad for him. I don't have much of a blog entry in me right now. I'm not feeling very well. So I'm going to take a bubble bath and read myself to sleep. Happy Mom's Day to all the Mom's out there! I'm preparing for a cook out over at my mom's house this Sunday. I'm gonna make homemade tator salad and some beans, gonna bake a cake or something. I need to think of something nice to get her. I put back a $100 for her gift but really have no idea what to get her. My mom is hard to shop for, she has everything she wants or needs.... I'm thinking... I'm thinking... except a husband for her daughter. It bothers my mom that I'm single a lot more than it bothers me. She worries... she's a mom. You know where I could get a husband for $100? I want a warranty with money back guarantee. |
| My new place of employment requires I travel to a huge building that sits out on the Interstate, just at the edge of town. Since I ride the loop to work, my drive time is five minutes or less. The parking lot is huge. Everyday I tell myself to park in the same spot so I can remember where to find myself. Everyday someone else has the parking spot I had the day before. When I'm leaving... I then forget what day was it... today? Or Yesterday? That I parked over there... or was it over... there? Still... I'm in process of devising my personal parking plan. Until then I just look for the antenna with the faded yellow smiley face ball. That ball has helped me many times to find my own means of conveyance. They took my picture on day one, gave me a badge with my name and title and the lovely picture of a 'pissed off' version of me. Yeah. I look a bit angry in this photo, though I am not. I didn't think a smile would be appropriate. I have one of those faces, if I don't intentionally try to make it friendly, I just automatically look pissed. In order to get into the building I have to scan this badge at the front door. I then have to stop and speak with a security guard that sits at the front desk. He scans my purse and then gives me the ok to enter. The morning shift security guard is really nice and good-looking. He complimented my purse one morning. It has rhinestones and lot's of fancy metallic designs, FYI. Yesterday he asked if I liked cats. "Yeah! How did you know?" I bewilderingly questioned. Thinking... This dude can see into my soul! He then pointed out the funny looking cat on my folder. Oh... yeah... I guess that's a big clue. He tried to make small talk this morning but I was running late and didn't reciprocate in conversation, just thanked him. The security guard that is there when I get back from my lunch hour isn't so friendly, not to me anyway. So then I walk through what looks like a huge restaurant. There are about 5 vending machines lined up on one wall. Three of them stocked with candy, chips, and cakes. The others filled with deli sandwiches, hot pockets, microwavable hamburgers and such. On the opposite wall, sit several Bunn coffee makers, three huge ice machines and just as many water fountains. Then of course, another wall is lined with coke machines, loaded with every flavor of soda one could ever desire. There's a housekeeping staff of at least 10, constantly wiping down counters, tables and stocking coffee condiments. There are fresh flowers on the dining tables, an ATM machine and phone booths. Not the old fashioned kind, but wooden chairs aligned with wooden cubicles with no charge phones, notepads and such. Since I'm still in training, I climb the stairs to the upper level where the classrooms and training staff are. There is another large restaurant looking dining room at the top of these stairs. Again, there are more of the same vending machines, water fountains and ice machines. There are television sets bracketed to each corner of this lobby area. Several sofa's, three pool tables, a fooze ball table. There is also an Internet café in this upper level. However! I am unable to open any of your blog books there, tells me access has been denied and to see administrator but I can check my email or send an email if needed. There are 10 people in the training class with me. We are scheduled to be in this classroom for 4 weeks. We will then go to another training area for 3 weeks and then we are out on the floors. My schedule is 7AM to 4PM now, but once I get fully trained and join the staff on the lower floor, I will be working 11AM - 8PM. Mon-Fri with weekends off. I was told when hired I would work 8-5, but we drew our schedules out of a hat and I drew the late schedule. Coincidence... or luck... neither. I'm actually looking forward to it. I've been going to work at 7AM for way too long! 11AM sounds nice, only problem... I'll no longer be able to join my AA home group meeting at 5:30. The later meeting is full of guys from the halfway house and I don't like going to those much. These dudes have been in prison for years and so when a woman walks by they light up like Christmas trees. But... there's ways of getting to a meeting if I really feel I need one. I can always hit the ignore button on those dudes too. I'm not quite as vulnerable as I use to be. Even I can recognize it. Jeremy is a 20-year-old kid in my training class. I know Jeremy because he would come to the food bank and do his community service. He is a cute kid, clever, outgoing and charming personality. He talks to me a lot since he recognized me from the non-profit. I've since noticed that he and I think a lot alike. He is one of my own, not sure he knows it yet, not sure that he even has an alcohol problem or that he ever will, but we are the same. Yesterday he sat next to me out on a smoke bench and just let it rip. He was having a day like I was, full of fear and contemplating jumping onto that interstate and riding off in the sunset. I was too... though I didn't tell him. He told me all about his cares and concerns. We both talked about how we are frustrated because we fill like we are in over our heads at this job. There is so much to learn. The thing is... the entire class is in over their heads, but not all of them take it as hard as Jeremy and I. We are perfectionists. We are hard on ourselves. We have that mindset, one that if not spiritually treated will lead us to places we need not be. Jeremy has talked to me a bit about his recreational drug use. He's also told me that if he goes around his friends he will use, but if he doesn't go around his friends, then he is lonely. Ya know what I did then... Yep... I stepped up on my pulpit and told him about my experience and hope. He didn't listen much, though he was respectful and pretended he was listening. I know he wasn't listening because ... he and I are the same. We have to learn this for ourselves, no one can convince us, BUT... I planted that seed in Jeremy's mind. It may surface at a time that he needs it. He is the jokester in the class... and he is funny, good for a laugh, but like me, he gets frustrated easily and you can see it all over him. Cody is a 20-year-old kid that started talking to me on day one. Just walked up and gave me a hug, told me he was gay and asked to borrow a lighter. He is a sweetheart, very affectionate, and obviously very gay. He did not have to tell me. I could clearly see. He also claims to be a male performer. I bet he is a cutie in the gay world. He makes friends easily and though he doesn't have the charisma that Jeremy has, he is very likable and outgoing. Talks a lot about his health problems. I'm not sure if they are real or imagined. He also talks a lot about his relationship with his boyfriend. For those that know my history, you know this isn't easy for me to hear. A gay man abused my brother and I witnessed some of it at a very young age. In fact, I had to put "gay men" on my very first 4th step because I had resentment towards them all because of what the one gay man did to my big brother. Here's another miracle of working the 12 steps. It just doesn't bother me anymore. No, I don't want to hear about their sex life but quite frankly I wouldn't want to hear about my girlfriends sex life either. Cody is a doll and though he is still very young, I hope that he follows his heart always and let's no man tell him who they think he's suppose to be. There are two other ladies that are around my age; everyone else is in early twenties, some mid twenties. The girl that sits right next to me, Her name is Monique. She does remind me of the celebrity. She is short and pretty hefty, a young Hispanic girl that has the cutest personality too. She throws out the wittiest comments that just crack me up. She is also very outgoing and nice like everyone I've met thus far. She was debating with someone about a certain recipe. She said... " Look here... I'm a fat girl! I know about food." She snapped her fingers, bobbed her head to strike a pose. And she gave a list of the best places to dine and has also given us the ingredients of some fine Mexican dishes. She seems confident and even a bit arrogant. She doesn't pay attention much when the trainer is talking, then she will start to freak out and ask if she can copy my notes. I'm steadily writing down as much as I can without totally getting left behind. I'm a writer. I'm also a recovering Administrative Assistant. I also learn better if I write something down. Today Monique was bitching about being ID'd for cigarettes, talked about how it just made her so mad. She asked if it made me mad... I said, hell no! I like it when I get ID'd. She looked at me like I was crazy and asked why? I told her that when you get old it's a compliment when someone asked for ID. This conversation caught everyone's attention and they are start telling me that I'm not old, and say, "You're probably 24!" I told them to guess again, go higher... They all agree, no you can't be older than 25. I was flattered, yes I was... it's funny that when I was younger I always looked older. Now that I'm older, I look younger. I must be doing something right. Yeah, I've mastered the art of makeup! Well... I've got other people to bring to life in my blog, but I'm tired and going to sleep very early tonight. My brain is working overtime these days, but I did learn a lot today. I learned a lot about all kinds of stuff! Not even going into details because I know tomorrow I will spend 8 hours of the day thinking and talking about all that stuff and tonight I need to free my mind. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11Xd-Iq2tN0 I'm starting my other book tonight. I read the first few pages and I'm intrigued. I was so tired after work I didn't even stop for fuel, I may be pushing myself to work tomorrow! Night! |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
