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 |  my blog, for me to get out my views, ideas and emotions. |
| This is my blog; a place for me to put down my views, emotions, ideas, rants, and pretty much anything else I can think of put down while I'm typing. Enter at your own risk, I may be rather emotional, pessimistic and angry one day and downright giddy the next...You never know with me! |
| I'm just a few weeks and a couple of papers away from graduating college!! I'm so excited to be finishing this piece of my life and moving on, but the problem is that I'm not sure how I'm going to react to nothaving classes to complete. I guess that's the bad part of the eternal student. When eternity gets whittled down, you have to move on. |
| For the first time ever, I'm having problems after a dentist's appointment. Although I've had other teeth pulled before, this one is giving me major issues. The infection was apparantly not completely cleared up, and now the poison from that is moving through my system, with the anti-biotics trying to chase it down. Luckily the dentsist told me to stay home today, so I didn't go to school. This turned out to be a really good idea because I ended up passing out in the bathroom this morning and turning on the cold water in the tub by hitting the nob with my head. All in all, I've pretty much just been sleeping or throwing up all day. I'm so tired of it! I have to go to school tomorrow and I'm afraid that I'll be passing out etc. while I'm there. Oh well, I'll get through it. Hope ya'll are having better days than I have! |
| Thank GOD for pain meds! My numbing agents wore off about an hour ago and my mouth is so sore its not even feeling like a mouth. I can barely open it enought to take my meds and eat....not that I would be eating if it weren't for having to take the meds!! |
| Today my tooth will be cut, yanked, and pulled from its humble, hollow home. My gum will be sewn, my jaw with pain unknown, but at least that tooth will be gone!! In fact, the next time I get on these hallowed pages of WDC, I will be short 1, possibly 2, teeth. Happily, I don't have to speak to be on the site, or I might not make it back for a while. |
| OH NO! I just realized that I spent most of my gps and my upgrade runs out on the 15th!!!!!!!!! GRRRRR!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! GRRRRR!!!!! BAD BETH!! |
| I hadn't been to work in two weeks because I was sick, (well, I only missed one day of work because I only work 1 day a week) and there were four residents in the hospital and four that had passed away. Out of the four that had passed on, three were ones that weren't really in bad health until they got the flu/pneumonia. So I got caught completely by surprise. Now I'm singing the nursing home blues. |
| I know I'm good. Not to sound egotistical here, but I'm a good teacher. I work well with the students and handle irate parents fairly well. I even know I'm a pretty decent writer and when I play my flute, a great musician. However, right now I just feel like something has got to give. I had to give up playing my flute five hours a day because I had to work. So I started playing on my days off, and working on it whenever I could before and after work. Then I started teaching and still worked at the nursing home. Now I have one day a week off and I hardly ever play anymore. Same goes for my writing. Although I can take time for that more easily, not having to tote a flute and folders of music around, I can't just sit and write for hours anymore. This all comes from growing up, and I enjoy being in my own home and knowing that I'm paying the bills (or at least, most of them. THANKS MOM!). However, somedays I wish for the days when my biggest worry was getting that English paper done between my television shows, flute practice, and writing. Now I catch snippets of my shows on breaks from writing my paper, grading my student's papers, and running off to one of my jobs, while eeking out time to spend on my home, my dogs, and my own free time (that full five mintues of it). As I close this I realize that I feel better. Not because I spent some time griping about my life, but because I've realized that I still have it. I may not have the highest rated stories on the site, or many people (make that any people) reviewing my work, but I know I can write. Just like I know that I'm a good flutist when I find the time to practive, and that I know I'm the best teacher, daughter, friend, and co-worker that I know how to be. I just hope I remember that in fifteen minutes, when the 'ink' on this blog has dried. Maybe I'll go get that flute out.... |
| I think I've gotten too many eggs in my basket and now its tipping a little. Actually, I'm just stressing a little bit and feel that way, but oh well. You see, I work at a nursing home and don't want to. Its not that I don't love the residents, I do. In fact, that is a big part of why I want to quit. I have so much going on that I can't work more than one day a week there, and it hurts so much, no matter how much I work, to see them go down hill. This horrible strain of the flu is going around and they're all getting it, some dying from it, and all are getting mroe and more frail. It kills me emotionally to see this. On top of this, my job may be in jeapordy anyway since I've been sick and had to call in last week. Along with that, I just feel like it would be better for me to find a job as a waitress or something that I can get a paycheck for but won't feel like I'm abandoning people when I get a job teaching. I don't know, I want to just start teaching, but it is very unlikely that I will get a job in that field at this point. To add to that, I feel completely inadequate. The problem is, no matter how much my co-workers at the school tell me that I'm a great teacher, or that I do well with the kids, I just feel like I don't measure up. This is really because they are older and treat me as a student instead of another teacher. Which is fine, I mean really, it is. I understand where they're coming from. One is my mother, the other is a 57 year old controlling man, I get that and understand that they are trying to help. But for some reason, I still walk away with that just got put in a corner feeling. I don't want them to change, I think they are wonderful and I would never ask that they change their ways. I just need to change mine. |
| Tuesday is coming up fast, and I couldn't be happier. See, on Tuesday I go back to the dentist and get that tooth pulled!!!!!!!! Now if I can just make sure my glasses last....the side broke off the other day and Grandpa had to solder it to back on. |
| Ok, so our fourth grade is separated into three homerooms. Although they say that the separation of students was done on the computer randomly, one class has most of the Gifted and Talented students, with two that might occasionally need special help, the second has mostly mainstream students, with two that occasionally go out for a class or two, and the other has mostly students with behavioral and mental problems. Well....their teacher was out sick this afternoon and as the student teacher, I was elected to take over the class for her. I don't mind, I encouraged her to go home...but their state testing is on Wednesday and we elected to not switch classes in the afternoon so the students could get two hours of test prep, 30 min of Science and 30 min of Social Studies. The kids drove me up the wall. I'm used to dealing with them in short spurts when I'm feeling well. The anti-biotics muddle my brain (that's my story and I"m sticking to it) and I was about to go insane and smack the all, or break down and cry from the mental stress and physical anguish. My mother (another teacher in the 4th grade) had to talk to one of the students for a long time because he was behaving horribly and I couldn't handle it, I was going to swat him, but started to tear up instead. So I was just taking him to the principal, but she was in the hallway and he's more scared of her than of our principal, so she talked to him. He actually came back in and apologized to me for disrupting class, and apologized to the other little boy who he had been bullying (he thought the other boy would laugh...). I'm so glad the day is over and pray that their teacher is feeling better tomorrow, or at least that I'm feeling better and won't be so 'oomphy' tomorrow if I have to take care of the class! |
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Three more weeks of student teaching? Exciting, exciting! When will you know if they can offer you a job? It can be such a bitch getting a teaching job, it's amazing! They cry about needing teachers, but then it's hard to find a job once you've got your credential! 
I've got a couple of friends who had to sub for a year or two before being given a full-time position. But I have a couple other friends (brother and sister actually) who got jobs right after they finished their student teaching. Of course one of them was replacing his previous high school band teacher and the teacher had said he wouldn't retire until this guy was ready to replace him so he was guaranteed the job before he even finished high school!