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 |  Crazy things my kids, husband and pets do, workplace nonsense and exhusband skewering |
| Events from the everyday life of a working mother of three, business analyst at a major company who tries to exist in a world of corporate bureaucracy, and prevent her children from turning out like her pathologically lazy and underemployed ex-husband. Enter at your own risk. |
| I'd like to think if we ever had a lot of money, I wouldn't lose my mind and pay people to do stuff I'm too lazy to do. G's daughter is a sophomore in college, and makes extra money babysitting for young families with kids occasionally. She was called to help a family a couple of weeks ago - stay at home mom, dad is a doctor, and they have two kids. A 4 yr old boy and a 2 yr old girl. LeeAnn was supposed to get the two year old ready for her dance class, then take her to class. LeeAnn shows up to for work, and the mom and dad are both home, and stay home the whole time LeeAnn gets the child ready, changes her diaper, gets her dressed, then gets her in the car to go. All while the parents, both of them, are at home, in the house, relaxing. First of all, what the heck is wrong with these parents? The mom doesn't even work, and can't even get her kids dressed. And how much money do they have that they don't mind paying for someone to take care of their kids while they are home? Does $30 really mean nothing to these people? Second, what benefit is a two year old who still wears a diaper going to get from dance class? Is that what people with too much money do when they just can't think of anything else to buy, waste, or throw away their money on? I guess you can only shop so much, or go on so many vacations, or redecorate so often. Taking a two year old to dance class is about as useful as taking your dog to pottery class. |
| My wayward daughter is having to give up this 'I'm just not that smart' act she's been working all year. She called me at work today to tell me she got a 92 on her Algebra quiz. All year she's tried to act like she didn't care about her grades, didn't like school, but the tone of her voice when she called me today was pure glee. She was happy, proud, relieved and victorious. So, for the first time in nine weeks, she was allowed to use the computer, check her email, and surf the web. I'm trying to reinforce the concept of consequences for actions, and rewards for hard work. All it takes is hard work. Life can be so much more pleasant! The boys turned in their Tennessee salt map projects today. I'm sooooo glad to have those stupid things out of my dining room! I know more than I ever wanted to know about the geography of our fair state now. But for anyone who doesn't know, Tennessee has it all. Mountains in the east, rolling hills in the middle, and flat plains in the west. We have rivers, lovely lakes, green valleys, and the friendliest people anywhere. Come visit us sometime! On another note entirely, we had a plumber install a new toilet in the boy's bathroom today. For anyone who has boys, you probably know that the product produced even by ten year olds is quite impressive. G's had to unstop their john at least once a week since we moved in this house, which we now refer to as the 'Money Pit.' The toilet we selected has a high performance flush, and a larger, fully glazed trapway. Next, we'll probably be replacing the water heater. Five people taking showers, plus laundry and dishwasher every day. The first time I end up having to rinse my hair with cold water, I'll probably be calling the plumber myself. It seems like it should be Friday already, but just two more days before the weekend. Maybe nothing else will break, get screwed up, or overlooked before Saturday! |
| It was not a good night for the boys. Their first game of the season was a humiliating defeat. Several of the boys on their team didn't show up, so they had to play most of the game, without extras to substitute. Even though they were outmatched and outplayed, my boys both gave it 110%. They ran, passed the ball, stayed focused and took care of business. I was very proud of how they listened to their coach, and they knew what to do and where they were supposed to be. But we lost count of how many goals were scored on them by the other team. Some of those ten year olds were taller than me. We got home at 8:30, and both boys had tons of homework, and finally got in bed after 10PM on a school night, worn out and grumpy. It will be fun trying to get them up and ready for school in the morning. |
| Based on Molly's new attitude and dedication to her studies, she's now sitting on a 72.2 in Honors Algebra. Barely a C, but not a D and, thank God, not an F. She's starting to see that keeping me off her back makes her life much easier, and that when she really puts her mind to it, she can learn this stuff. |
| Obviously I'm a shitty mother. My daughter's been failing Algebra all this nine weeks and I just found out Sunday night. She brought home a test with a 64 on Thursday from school, but didn't bother to show it to me until Sunday night at bedtime. Of course, she waited because she knew I wouldn't have let her do ANYTHING all weekend but stay in her room and study, so she purposefully withheld this information. What makes it even worse is that the test was a take-home, open book test she had all weekend to do. She didn't even look in the book, just filled in the answers off the top of her head and didn't check her work. I've asked her all this grading period how she was doing, and she kept saying she was understanding it. Since she made a C last report card, she's been grounded from computer, and her phone. But I told her if she got her grade back up to an A, she would not only get her privileges back, she'd also get unlimited texting on her phone which, for a twelve year old, is pure gold. And we'd get her a new hairstyle. I'm trying to show her consequences for goofing off, but incentives for going the extra mile. When I finally got access to the online site where the grades are posted, the 64 on the test was not the only F. Of 16 grades posted, 7 were F's. Her average was a 69. According to Molly, she had no idea her average was so low, and thought she could bring it up before the end of the nine week grading period. The nine weeks is over on the 14th. So she is basically screwed. I had a conference with her teacher on Wednesday, and she told me what I expected to hear - Molly is bright, but unmotivated. She comes to class but is only there in body. She says she is not smart, that it's too hard, it's boring, she hates it, and it seems like she's given up. She asks questions about things just out of the blue, which makes it clear she's not even listening. When I heard that, I realized that this is truly a battle of wills. She thinks if she screws around with this and gets a bad grade, she'll prove that she shouldn't be taking it. That I shouldn't have made her take Honors Algebra. And that she should be able to drop down to the easier class. But now that she realizes she can't drop it, and that I'm not backing down and lowering my expectations for her, she's actually trying harder. She got a 90 on an assignment last week, which brought her grade up from an F to a D, although a low one. So she can do it. Her teacher emailed me today to say Molly is paying attention now in class, and maybe she's turned the corner. I don't know. It may be too soon to say. But when I mentioned her going to summer school, it got her attention. When I took her iPod, she definitely took notice. When I told her how disappointed I was that she would mislead me about her grades and make excuses for her behavior, and that I felt she let me down, she cried. I'm not naive enough to assume that really meant she was remorseful. But maybe she was, just a wee bit. The kids are with their dad (cough) this weekend, and I'm actually glad for a break in the drama. I need some rest to prepare me for battle again on Sunday! |
| I really don't like to complain. I wish I had great things to blog about, but this week has taken it's toll. The new project I was dragged onto, kicking and screaming, it's in danger of going off the rails. I was brought on the project to keep it on the track, but the problem is, I think it's going the wrong direction. A little history - the executives in our company want a 'dashboard' report to provide information on the success of one of the company's initiatives. Last year, the company invested a shitload of money in a new program to hire doctors to work in the hospitals - not to see patients in an office, but to strictly take care of patients in the hospital. These doctors are called Hospitalists. They believe that the Hospitalist program will improve the quality of care because the doctors aren't distracted by running back and forth from the hospital and the office. They are dedicated only to providing proper diagnosis and care for the patients who come to our facilities. The only problem is that they don't have any way to determine if the program is, in fact, improving quality and reducing cost. So they want to measure and report on the results to determine if they should continue to invest money. The 'dashboard' report would provide key indicators to help management assess the results of the program. The problem is that in their rush to develop this quick solution, the team failed to understand the real need to analyze the results to determine how to improve them. Before I came on the project, the focus was to give Management a Dashboard. The subject matter expert who is familiar with the minute details of the Hospitalist program told the team in November that she needed detail at the patient level to be able to evaluate the results provided for a facility to determine how to improve the results. But our objective and timeline was focused on providing only the management level reports which just show if it's good, bad, or neither. So the team ignored the need for patient level detail and estimated the cost of database design and construction around the higher-level reporting needs. Now the subject matter expert is pushing back, and I believe she's right. One of our guiding principles in our charter is that the results should be actionable. How can results be actionable if you can't get to the data from which the results were derived? Our dashboard is built from various snapshots of data, then filtered through calculations and consolidations to provide these 'measures.' So we're having to create several staging tables to hold data, which is then filtered, and loaded into a 'cube' for reporting. Instead of using staging tables, we need to create production ready tables which would enable users to query the source data, in our snapshot views, to support the dashboard metrics. That's what we should have prepared for initially, but the focus was on the wrong thing. But we've already estimated and proposed a delivery date, and that's what our management is expecting. We're re-estimating based on doing it the right way, and it will extend the timeline by at least a month. There is no way to come back later, and add this work, unless it's a complete do-over. That's what is waiting for me Monday. I hate this fucking job. |
| My husband, G, can't seem to be satisfied with anything. When we moved into this house, which we now call The Money Pit, we thought the color in the bedroom was okay. The kitchen needed to be painted, and the boys bedroom for sure (it had been a nursery.) But our bedroom was a greyish green, kind of dark, but it was summer and seemed light enough. Now that it's winter, he's decided it's dark and gloomy, and needs to brightened up. I tend to agree, but there's little that I hate doing more with my weekend than painting. The last time I painted was the boy's bedroom. We picked a very, very light bluish grey for the walls, with a red stripe all the way around the room at around eye-level. I was never so sick of anything in my life by the time I finally finished. I spent more time on that stupid red stripe than on the whole damn room. But it was very cute when I was finished, and looked great with their red, white, and blue quilts on their beds. The good thing about this room was there was no furniture in it. We painted before we moved in. So the prospect of spending my weekend painting a bedroom with the furniture pulled away from the walls and covered in drop cloths, trying not to get in G's way, or spill paint, or get anything on the carpet, does not thrill me. I'm trying to edit the chapters of my book for the umpteenth time, and had hoped to make some serious progress since the kids are at their dad's (cough) this weekend. Hopefully he won't send someone home sick again this time. Anyway, again I feel stupid for complaining about G wanting to paint. Most men have to be bribed with something unspeakable (you fill in the blank!) to paint, but G's just wanting to replace everything in this house with something new and better. I don't even want to know what we've spent already. We finally decided on a company to install french drains under the house to solve the water problem in the crawlspace, and they finished that this week. Last week we had two trees in the front yard cut down and stumps ground up because the trees were too big for our tiny yard. So G will spend countless hours and God knows how much money on new trees that are just perfect for the space and don't grow too fast. Sheesh! I didn't notice for three days that the trees were gone because I don't get home till long after dark. Since G's still asleep, I can slack around for maybe a few minutes before we have to put on our paint clothes and go into battle. I have a few more minutes to myself before the drill sargeant gets up. He's probably dreaming of the new floor he wants in the bedroom! |
| Sunday the kids came home from their dad's and as soon as I saw Sean, I knew something was wrong. Dark circles under his eyes, no color, and headed straight for the sofa to cover up with a blanket. Took his temp-101.5. He said he had a bad headache so I gave him some Advil. He went to bed without eating dinner, and didn't want his special carrot cake cupcake I'd made without pecans (he doesn't like nuts.) I was hoping he'd be okay but, sure enough, around 1AM he woke up vomiting, and running a high fever - 102.7. I gave him some more Advil, and luckily he didn't barf it up. Obviously, no way he was going to school. With this new job, I can't afford to miss a meeting, and I had one at 9AM and another at 3:30PM. So there was no way I could work from home. G had a doctor's appointment to go over the results of the CT scan on his sinuses - I'll go over that in a minute. Since Sean wasn't vomiting anymore, I gave him a dose of Advil to last 4 -6 hours, and left for work. G went to work, then his doctor's appointment, and came home around noon, to work from home the rest of the day. By the time he got home, Sean's fever was back up to 101.5, but he'd been sleeping and watching TV all morning, and had Laddie, the world's best dog, to keep him company. By the time I got home, which was almost 7PM because of all kinds of nonsense at work, Sean was fine. Hungry, bouncing off the walls and fever free. I checked his temp at bedtime - 98.1. He woke up this morning 97.8, hungry for breakfast, and eager to go to school. The nurse called me from school at 10 to tell me he had a fever and a bad headache. I had one meeting this morning, and as soon as it was over I picked him up and took him straight to the doctor. No strep, no flu, no diagnosis. Probably a virus. He seems fine to me, but still running a fever whenever the Advil wears off. G, on the other hand, according to his CT scan, has a deviated septum, and massive fluid build up in the sinuses on the right side of his face, which explains why he's had so much pain and why he's always breathed through his mouth, which also explains his snoring. So now we're planning another surgery. He's going to be the six-million dollar man before long. And in the midst of all this, I am also sick. I have a terrible headcold, sinus pain, and a miserable headache. Once I got Sean home from the doctor, we laid down together and watched court tv shows. I guess people at work cut you more slack when your kids are sick than when you're sick. You can come to work sick, but when your kids are sick you have to stay home. So thanks to Sean running a fever, I got most of a sick day. Still feel like crap, but got some rest. I feel bad for bitching. Just needed to get it out. Mom's get sick, but still have to do everything anyway. I want someone to take care of me once in a while. Make me a cup of tea and get me a blanket and box of tissues. Or just leave me alone and don't ask me to do stuff. I should take this comedy act on the road! |
| Today is G's 48th birthday. He's finally as old as me. I picked up some of the sticky buns he loves from our favorite bakery yesterday, and made his eggs over easy this morning. We also have an incredible chocolate shop that makes all their chocolate on-site, and I got him some assorted dark chocolate bonbons. Maybe he'll share a bite or two... He's finally feeling better. He's suffered with his sinuses before, but never this bad. Still not 100%, but more like himself. We're going for a late lunch with his daughter LeeAnn and her boyfriend Jimmy to Bonefish Grill. Great seafood, salads and pasta. His favorite cake is carrot cake, so I baked a three layer cake yesterday that took two batches of cream cheese icing to frost. I think a dog turd would probably taste good with cream cheese icing! Luckily we have cake instead =] The kids are with their dad (cough, cough) this weekend and come home around 6PM, so we'll have the cake then, complete with candles. Not 48 candles, though. That would be a fire hazard. My mother thought that would be really funny, when I turned 40, and lit 40 candles on my cake. The heat completely melted the icing. Ha ha. Funny. Two weeks in, I still hate my new job, but am making some progress pulling our team together and getting us on the same page. They'd been spinning their wheels, going down rabbit holes, and I just asked some questions like, 'why are we chasing this idea? Where is this data supposed to come from? How are we going to report something if the data isn't being gathered yet? How are they doing this now?" Once we worked together to set some expectations, I think we're all feeling better. Time will tell. I hope things are picking up for us. G's knee, his sinus problems, Ryan's stomach virus, and my job horrors. Maybe celebrating a birthday, the ultimate feel-good event, will get us back on track. When you sit back and think about it, nothing matters more than us being together and enjoying each other, expressing gratitude for what we have, especially those we love. Happy Birthday, Big Daddy G! Love you! |
| There's just not much worse than seeing one of your kids barfing their guts out. One of my ten year old twins, Ryan, woke up this morning feeling green around the gills. I hoped for the best but expected the worst. Sure enough, as soon as he got up and started moving around, he tossed the little bit of water he drank. That started the week off with a real bang. I had to go to work this morning, and had to take him with me while I checked emails and picked up some work to do at home. Ryan stayed in the car while I went up to my office because he was still barfing every few minutes. Thankfully, by ten thirty he was finished throwing up. He just wanted to be with me because when you're ten and feel like crap, you just feel better when you're with your mom. As bad as he felt, he wanted to talk to me, tell me stuff about school, and the games he likes, and the book he's reading. It made me realize that I just don't spend enough time with him. Just him. It's always Ryan and Sean. Or all three. How do people do it with five or six kids? How do they give any of them individual attention? With just three, I still can't do it. I also realized that I haven't said much about Ryan in this blog. Molly gets plenty of press, usually because of her antics. But Ryan doesn't get much at all. He's truly the most grateful child I've ever known. He thanks me for making his dinner. He thanks me for buying him Juicy Fruit gum. And he thanks me for taking care of him when he's sick. The child doesn't realize how much I love him, and that I would do anything for him. Taking care of him is what I'm supposed to do, but it's sure great to know that he appreciates what I do for him, and that he just enjoys being with me. Thank you, dear Lord, for my sweet Ryan, and please help him get over this bug. And help me show him every day how much a blessing he is to me. Amen. |
| G's been sick since Thursday with what we thought was a sinus infection, but according to the doctor is just serious allergies and sinus pain - no infection. They took an x-ray and didn't see anything serious. He's been seeing an allergist for three years, and is on allergy shots, but this instance is worse than anything I've seen him go through. There was a serious change in barometric pressure that seems to have aggravated the condition. The bottom line is that he is completely miserable and in more pain than he had from knee surgery. He can't get any relief except from pain meds he got after the knee surgery which he didn't even need then. Thank God he has them. So the long awaited Super Bowl party has been called off. Neither of us have any desire to have a house full of college kids (LeeAnn's friends) and have to prepare food and try to entertain them. G just wants to stay in bed with a pillow over his head. And I had such an amazingly crappy week at work, all I want to do is sit around feeling sorry for myself and bitch about how unfair it is that I get dropped into another project that's floundering and I have to try to get things on track, while training someone who was hired with no input from me (and I wouldn't have hired) to take over my old duties. I hate this. I hate everything about it. I want to run away. Anyway, now that I got that out, I need to get some perspective. I need to remind myself that a crappy job is better than no job, when you have three kids to support. This job allows us to live in a good neighborhood, in a safe town with great schools, plenty of firetrucks and cops, and we really spend very little time worrying about crime or disasters. What I guess bothers me is that I have even less time or remaining mental capacity to write. My head is so full of worry and confused thoughts about work when I finally get home that I don't have one ounce of creativity left. I got home at 8PM on Friday night because there were so many things I had to finish up by the end of the week, I just had to stay to get it done. And no one cares how this new job affects my life. I get no more money for doing twice the work. Sorry...that was bitching again. Maybe that's the landscape of corporate America these days. Squeeze every ounce from your workers, with no regard for their private or personal lives, 'work-life balance,' and just kick them to the curb when they wear out, like an old refrigerator. They can find a new refrigerator anytime. |
| Funny when you read someone's blog, day after day, you feel like you know them. Maybe that's because we open ourselves up so much in these anonymous journals, bare our souls, sometimes more than we do with our friends and families. These people become our friends, and we care about them so that when something goes wrong for them, we worry and fret, and feel all out of sorts. So today is good. One of my 'blog buddies' Deelyte is back blogging after all sorts of troubles, and I'm relieved that things are turning around. Still problems, but she's handling them in her usual way, with good humor. I've never met her, but I feel like I know her, and I worry about her and wish her the very best. Another 'blog buddy,' Dave Gordon, is having some really painful problems with his shoulder and not able (or allowed) to get into all the mischief he'd like to now, but is feeling better today. I read his blog every day - wouldn't miss it - because he's wickedly funny and incredibly intelligent and highly entertaining. I await Dave's blog like a kid looks forward to the funny papers on Sunday morning. Another that has completely hooked me is Shanelle. Her sweet but tough spirit has really touched my heart, and I have such high hopes for her. She's got so much going for her, and has a crazy life with tons of drama and humor. Blogging is an interesting psychological phenomenon. It would be interesting to see how it affects our mental health. I think it's a great way to relieve stress and make new friends! |
| I received my second rejection of 2008, so I don't feel like I'm getting off to a great start. Last year was a pretty good year. I had two stories selected for anthologies. One was arguably less prestigious than the other. I realized that when I received my complimentary copy in the mail, and there were several typographical 'inconsistencies,' thankfully not in my story but in several others. Kind of took the wind out of my sails. The other one, through Scribes Valley Publishing, seems to be more professional. My copy of the book shipped on January 25th, so I'm hoping it looks nicer. Anyway, I've been writing quite a bit, and have stretched pretty significantly, trying other styles, and pushing to break out of the 'little Mary Sunshine' mold I've fallen into. Not all happy endings, and familiar characters. I'm pretty proud of the work, but sending it out and hoping it gets picked up is opening myself to formal rejection. Not just the kind you get here when someone rates your story low because they didn't like the theme or the ending. I always feel better after that happens when I read something in their port and think, 'Oh, well that explains it.' It's a much different animal when you've read a publication and are in awe of the wonderful work there, and they give you a thumbs down on a story you poured your heart into, and edited again and again. It's deflating. So today I'm not feeling bubbly or inspired. I'm down, but certainly not out. Trying to get fired up to write something. Maybe about a writer who has enough rejection letters to wallpaper their bedroom, who finally gets recognized and gets a short story collection published. Hmmm. |
| Even though we're just south of Kentucky, we very, very rarely get snow. Just to the north, and just to the east, they get snow all the time. But we usually get nothing but the faint possibility. Just enough of a faint hope that the kids get all excited at the prospect of getting a day off school, just to be disappointed. Tonight on my way home from work, it started snowing and it's still going. It's beautiful - fluffy, huge flakes of crystal white. The ground is covered, and it's collecting on the streets. Schools haven't been called off for tomorrow, but I've seen the school board close schools for no more than the possibility. So there's a distinct chance the kids will be home tomorrow. On the flip side, I won't get a snow day. Instead, I'll get a mammogram. Oh, joy. Nothing like flopping your boob on a cold, plastic shelf, while a scary, mechanical contraption smashes your boob and twists it until you cry 'uncle.' Even though I have no reason to think this year everything will not be fine, I still have this cloak of dread over me when it's time to do this. I have no fibrocystic disease, and no family history. But until I get the results back, I'll be out of sorts, uncomfortable, just not myself. I work with a woman who's going through chemo for the third time. Her hair has just grown back from the second time. This time, her chances aren't good, so the chemo is more agressive, more experimental, because there won't be a next time. So I'm not complaining. |
| G had his knee surgery yesterday. It was considered minor, torn meniscus, but he still had to be put to sleep so, of course, I worried. We got to the hospital at 6:30, and were home by noon. He should have spent the afternoon sleeping but the pain meds affected him differently, making him more hyper and not letting him relax. They did relieve the pain, thankfully. Today, he's really sore, but stir crazy, and can't stand to be in bed anymore. So he's watching football and trying to keep the dog from jumping on him. It's been pretty crazy since the holidays, and I haven't had much time to write, or even blog. Things at work have been very hectic, and we've all been trying to make up for the time taken off for Christmas. Making good progress, and I've gotten really excited about the work we're doing, very interested in the changes to the system that are in the works for 2008. That's what made the fact that I'm being transferred to another system very painful for me. I got a call from the VP of IT Development on Monday, who asked me to come see him. I used to work directly for him a few years ago and we have a great working relationship. So when I got to his office, he said he had another project for me that was right up my alley. He said he needed me for this project, it was very high profile, and it needed someone with great analytical and people skills. When he asked if I would be interested, I just wanted to cry. I had asked him years ago what I had to do to move up to the next level in my career, and he said, "Do a good job, make good relationships, and make yourself visible." So I've done that, and now it's paying off. But I like where I am. I love the people I work with, and I have a real passion for the objective of the project I'm on. I fully understand how many people benefit every day from what our team does, and how it affects our company. But I didn't feel like I had a choice to accept or turn down the offer. I felt like if I didn't express an interest, I may never get another opportunity like this. By saying "No thanks," I would be saying I'm not willing to work hard, or take on more responsibility, or go out on a limb to learn something new. And that is not true, at all. I guess I have to accept that I don't have the luxury of choosing my assignments. My superiors have the responsibility of evaluating the slate of work and choosing the best person for the job, without considering the feelings of the parties involved. Maybe that's why I will never be in that position. To me, people do matter. Their feelings matter. That's probably a short sighted approach. This time last year when I was being dragged, kicking and screaming, from my comfort zone, from where I could do my job with my eyes closed, to a job where I didn't know my ass from my elbow, I could never have foreseen the job satisfaction I have now. At that point, someone knew I could do that job, but I didn't. I was scared to death. So, here we go again. New people, new systems, new responsibilities. It's a new year, and a good time for change. After looking at the prospectus on the new project, I have to admit, it's exciting. And bigger than anything I've ever done. Next Tuesday I have my first meeting with some of the team. Another unexpected change is that I have to wear glasses again. Crap! I've gone eight years after lasik surgery with no glasses or contacts, and now I have to wear bifocals. I think there's just something not fair about being old enough to wear bifocals but too young to stop having a period (Sorry! to any men who may be reading this.) By the time I have to wear bifocals, I should also be ready to wear a housedress and an Eva Gabor wig, right?! At least I was relieved to see all the new frames they had, and that there were styles that looked okay on my face, and that you can't see the lines in the bifocals anymore. So maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe I can stop having a headache every day. That was getting very old. So, that's it for today. G's new knee, my new job, and new glasses. Nothing sexy or glamorous, just different. |
| Having recapped 2007, maybe it's time to think ahead, for the new year, and set some goals. At least try to avoid some of the old mistakes. I'm no good at this, but I guess it's worth the effort. 1. Not take things for granted. We're all guilty of it but I think I've allowed myself to get into a pattern of ignoring what's good and bitching about what's bad. Of course everything's not great all the time, but if I focus on what's bad, it will only take on more significance unless I remind myself of everything wonderful I'm blessed with every day. Then it's in perspective. I could go on and on about what God has blessed me with. The good outweighs the bad by a million fold. 2. Quit bitching. See number 1. 3. Love my kids more. I really mean, express my love more. Give them more praise. Tell them every day how important they are so that even when I have to deliver some punishment or reprimand they know it is in the spirit of love and not just 'Mom's in a bad mood.' My mom was always in a bad mood, and we always felt she didn't want us around. I don't ever want my kids to think that about me. 4. Listen more, and completely. I am so guilty of listening with one ear, especially when G is trying to tell me something I'm not interested in. But that is so rude. I wouldn't do that to a perfect stranger, so why am I half listening to him? Yikes, it's even worse seeing it written down. I owe him better than that. We are partners and I would hate it if he did that to me. 5. Visit my parents more. This is a tough one. They aren't getting any younger, but they're not getting any more pleasant, either. But I won't always have them. Many people I know are losing their parents, and I see what they're going through. I don't want that specter of guilt hanging over my head because I didn't spend time with them when I had the chance. 6. Be more involved in church. Sure, we go. But I'm not exactly contributing anything. I'm taking but I'm not giving back, beyond my check in the collection plate. A church requires everyone doing their part, offering their talents, meager though they may be, to operate as it's intended. I have no excuse. 7. Edit my book, seriously this time, and actively pursue an agent. The longer I put this off, the harder it gets. Must..edit..proofread.. must...keep..trying... Anyway, I could go on and on, but I'll be lucky to make progress on half of these. Sometimes making a list is like drawing a line in the sand. This is what I've said is important and, having said it has made it more important. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck! |
| Just looking back on 2007, it is amazing to me all that has happened in one short year. It's all such a blur, since taking care of business day to day seems to distort and overshadow the individual events and accomplishments. I've never been much into 'brag letters' that people send out at Christmas time, with a smiling picture of their family and pets, all in matching shirts, all looking their best. It just seems to me like bragging, and you know their year hasn't all been fun and games. They never tell you the bad stuff. But if I'm going to recap the year, it's going to be 'warts and all.' No sugar coating. I think it will still come out with the good stuff outweighing the bad. So here goes... January led off with us starting the year without our intrepid Border Collie, Jesse. He was a wonderful fixture in our home, with his intense gaze, always the silent sentry. You didn't always realize how 'on guard' he was, but whenever you looked at him, he was already looking at you. He was everything good about Border Collies. Fiercely loyal, protective, intelligent, and pure love. I miss him so. Saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it was an act of love to release him from his pain. We allowed him three good years in a life filled with abuse, neglect and loneliness, so there are no regrets, but a year later, I still see him out of the corner of my eye. We decided in February to put our gigantic house on the market. Five thousand square feet, including the finished basement space. Five bedrooms, four and a half baths, three rec rooms, and a family room that was two stories - open all the way to the roof. I don't know what we were thinking when we built this house, but in the five years we lived there, it got the best of me. I couldn't keep it clean, there were rooms we never used, and we realized the kids wanted to be with us, in the kitchen, and never really used all those rec rooms we thought they needed. So we listed the house, then had to paint several rooms on the advice of our realtors. We sold it just as the housing bubble was about to burst, and made a nice profit on it. Then we had to find another house, not so big, but not too small for our five full-time and one part-time residents. We ended up with a 2700 square foot house, with four bedrooms, three full baths, one bonus room and no basement. It was a bit overpriced, but in the neighborhood we wanted, and was big enough. It needed some work, so we had to paint again, and replace some hardware, but all in all a good move. Now we just have to address the water problem in the crawl space. I may be blogging on that this time next year at the rate we're going... Also I changed jobs this year. Same company, but a different project dealing with different systems which I knew NOTHING about. AT ALL. I'd been on the same project for six years, so I knew that stuff like the back of my hand. So switching projects, learning new systems, getting a new boss, all that stuff was very stressful. I guess I handled it well. The new system is fully deployed now, the old system it replaced has been completely retired, and we're gearing up for major enhancements in 2008. We're incorporating the functionality from another system into ours which will allow that system to be retired also. That will be challenging, exciting, and fun for me, a major nerd. Grant spent his first full year in the last 25 years out of the retail business. He was home for Easter, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and the day after, and had a week off for Christmas. That probably doesn't sound unusual for most, but these are days we never saw him before. Retail managers work all the time, and have to deal with bitchy customers, lazy employees, and district managers who don't care what it takes to get the work done. Sixty-five hours a week was nothing unusual for him to work, with no overtime. He couldn't pay the employees overtime, so he'd have to send them home and stay and do the work. This year, he worked forty hours a week. If he did have to work overtime, he got paid time and a half. He gets vacation, benefits, and continuing education. But he worked so hard to get here. Finished college while working those retail hours. We barely saw him during that time, but he's here now, and it was worth it. This was also the year that Molly discovered makeup. And fashion. And music I cannot stand. And developed a smart mouth. And got an in-school suspension. And started taking Algebra. The teen years are here. Good fun! The boys have adjusted well to our new home, and new neighborhood, and fourth grade. They are doing well in school, still love soccer, and also love their video games. I think they're pretty well rounded. They are reasonably well-mannered, and fairly pleasant, most of the time. I know those teen years will come, but I'm enjoying this phase while it lasts. In August, I discovered Writing.com, as an outlet for a very unfortunate incident with my ex-husband. It was chronicaled in my first blog on this site. Since then, I've met loads of great people who've sympathized, encouraged, and challenged me to write, write, write. As a result, I've had two stories published in anthologies, and have four more scheduled for publication next summer. I've come to rely on the feedback and sometimes harsh but honest criticism I've received here to improve my writing, and give me perspective. The ex-husband, well, I won't go into much there, except that he's still a schmuck, and is expecting another child (for a total of five), so he'll be taking me back to court to reduce his child support again. Maybe he'll ask me to pay him this time instead. It's been an exciting, hectic, tumultous year, but we've been blessed in so many ways. We're healthy, happy, well-fed, and safe. There are so many in our nation and our world who can't make the same claims and have no hope of that reality. Thanks to everyone here who's touched my life this year. You know who you are! Have a wonderful, safe, happy, healthy, glorious and blessed New Year! |
| ...and I've barely seen them! Sean is already addicted to Guitar Hero III, and I had to make him come downstairs for dinner and I thought he'd choke from eating so fast. Ryan is glued to his new Lord of the Rings online game, and only came down when I told him there was shrimp for dinner. Molly got an iPod shuffle, and spent the evening downloading music from iTunes with gift cards she received. She's twelve and figured it out in five minutes. The first time I downloaded a song from iTunes, I had to call tech support. I feel so old. G and I ventured out this morning with the throngs of post-holiday shoppers to hit the sales or return items, and luckily got started early enough to miss the big crowds. I managed to find Molly some 'skinny' jeans she had asked for at Old Navy. I found jeans in the kids department for her in a size 14, which were identical to a size 0 in juniors but HALF the price. Go figure! The exact same jeans, but in the kids department. I compared them - same size, same length, but half the price. Anyway, by the time we finished shopping the lines were getting long, so we called it a day and came home. G and I watched two TV specials tonight - Most Outrageous TV Moments and Funniest Commercials. Both were terribly silly, inane, pure entertainment. Not trying to change the world, just offering innocent distraction. I laughed so hard my face hurt. Sat on the couch with a cat on the ottoman by my feet and a dog on the floor right in front of me. Laddie was exhausted from playing with the stuffed squirrel he got for Christmas. He hasn't gotten too far from the squirrel since he got it. Seems to have a love/hate relationship with it. Keeps it between his feet when he's resting then, for no reason known to us, he grabs it, shakes it and tosses it in the air, then chomps it in the middle causing the squeaker to squeak, squeak, squeak, over and over. Annoying but very cute. I have one more day off from work, then back to the grind on Friday. Not sure what we're doing tomorrow, but I'm hoping I can finish a short story I started but can't seem to wrap up. Maybe something will come to me. All that squeaking isn't helping... |
| It happened so quickly, it was just a blur. Paper, bows, boxes, plastic packaging, just a manic, whirlwind blur and then it was over. Months of research, shopping, hiding and wrapping, all over in ten minutes. But, yes, it was worth it. The kids are all happy with their gifts, and appreciative. Maybe that's the most important thing. They've grown up a bit, and have learned to show their gratitude. No more complaining about the boxes with clothes, or the fact that someone gave them money instead of toys. They certainly understand the value of money now, and know that they can go buy what they really want, and probably on sale, after Christmas. Ryan loved his video camera, and spent the morning following all the pets around, and filming everyone in the house in various candid situations. I told him absolutely no shots of my butt. Sean loved his Guitar Hero game and had to be practically dragged downstairs to eat brunch. Molly spent the morning trying on all her new clothes, and modeling them for us. "Mom, I love this shirt! Oh, look how good this goes with my shoes! My purse matches all these clothes!" She is such a pre-teen. They left for their Dad's house at around 2:30 today, and G and I spent the rest of the day together, just relaxing. We watched Christmas movies on TV - Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story, and the end of Bad Santa. I don't recommend that one, especially for kids. Wrong on several levels. Then we went to see National Treasure - the sequel. Very good movie, great entertainment. I would definitely recommend that one for kids. Molly gave me a beautiful bamboo plant, and I've had to lock it up to protect it from one of our cats. This cat even eats fake plants, so the bamboo will not stand a chance around her. It will go to my office when I go back to work. The twins gave me new sudoku books - they appreciate my addiction. I've read that puzzles are very good for your brain, and I'm working already to postpone any decline in mental capacity. It may be a losing battle. G gave me some new clothes, and a handbag, and a new toaster. The toaster is so cool - it can handle 4 slices of bread at once, and even has a setting for frozen bagels. I know this doesn't sound like a very romantic gift, but I just love kitchen gadgets. The toaster we had was G's mother's, and looked twenty years old. Everything else in our kitchen was new because when we moved in June, we had to get a new refrigerator, and replaced the wall oven/microwave combo with a double oven, and a countertop microwave. This old toaster was white, while all the appliances in the kitchen were black. So my new toaster just looks wonderful. Okay, I'm a nerd. Anyway, the day is winding to an close, and I'm thankful the chaos is over, and we can start getting back to normal. I love this time of year, and am grateful to have some time off to spend with my family. The kids will be back tomorrow and we can enjoy each other. And maybe make some toast! |
| Every year my stepdaughter and I have a tradition, at least for the last five years, of decorating Christmas cookies together. We bake the traditional sugar cookies, made with butter, rolled out thinly, and cut out with the usual cookie cutters - stars, trees, angels, bells, snowflakes, and snowmen. Then we decorate them very elaborately, with a variety of icing colors, creating in each one a unique work of art. It's something I've looked forward to every year since it's something that she and I do together, and something I know she's never done with her 'real mom,' since her mom's just not into that kind of thing. LeeAnn even made a special 'Cookie' plate for me in a pottery class and gave it to me for Christmas three years ago. It's beautiful, and I almost hate covering up the plate with the cookies. But it's what we do - bake cookies, decorate cookies, position the cookies on the plate, then take a picture of them before we eat them. So where am I going with this? Oh, yeah. Yesterday we were going to decorate the cookies, but she was going bowling with her boyfriend to celebrate his birthday. So I told her I would go ahead and bake everything and they'd be cool and ready to decorate when she got home. So I baked them all, then cooked dinner, then cleaned up, and she was still not home. I mixed up the icing, and starting icing some of the cookies with just white, so we could do the real decorating when she got home. By 9PM, I'd gotten the kids down to bed, but still no LeeAnn. I didn't want the icing to be ruined, so I started decorating. At around midnight, she came home. I could tell she felt bad that she wasn't home for our usual tradition, but she'd been with her boyfriend's family, playing Cranium, and didn't have her car, and didn't want to make him leave the fun to bring her home, so she stayed. That was actually a very mature decision; one I would have made if in her shoes. But I missed her being with me doing OUR thing together. She's so grown up now, and this is the first year we've had to compete with a boyfriend or a boyfriend's family for her time. She's not my daughter, but for just this short period of time during this time of year, we do this simple, sweet little mother-daughter thing. My daughter, Molly, has no interest in cooking or baking or cookie decorating. But she and LeeAnn have one big thing in common - they're both growing up much too fast. The disappointment I felt last night is just the beginning for me. My kids are all changing and maturing so quickly before my eyes, and I feel like they already have one foot out the door. I can only hope that the memories we've made and are making will create fond memories for them, and make them want the same thing for their children. Anyway, we still have plenty of plain cookies left to decorate. And also gingerbread men. That's a first this year. So maybe tonight we'll get to finish them together. And then the kids will pick the best ones to leave for Santa (yeah, right!) on Christmas Eve. You've got to believe! |
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The kicker is they have seen my pic on my blog...but I have no idea how they look. 
I've missed you!
