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I believe the title says it all. |
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I curse and drink with the best of them. I'm blunt and honest and if you think that might offend you, too bad; don't read my entry. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For those of you who are brave enough to continue: Thanks for stopping! Molly Jean   |
| 6 days, I'm slipping. Not much has been going on though. Therapy went well, I'm going back on Thursday, he wants to talk about my family. I copied a ton of hard drives to send to our Florida stores to lock out the reps from making changes on our computers, and to keep them from surfing porn, mainly. Installing all those today with the help of my IT elf in Florida. Little Mike is the best. Still feel like doing nothing, my room is a disaster area and I don't have any clean clothes. It's a pretty fantastic existence. Oh! I got an unsolicited text from Rolla on Thursday night. Just out of the blue. I was blown away. Friday was Lori's divorce, it went well, went quick and for a day that took 5 years to get to, it was very anticlimactic. After we went to the Minute Bar and ate some pizza drank a few beers and talked about everything. After we went and got stuff to celebrate, there were boas, Lori insisted on having a tiara and we had to have balloons. Tough part was that they don't really make balloons for divorce parties, so we made one. I thought it was effing brilliant to be honest.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** All of our friends showed up and we really had a fantastic night. We started with beers and some Jameson at Doolin's then headed to another pub. The rule was that Lori had to dance at every bar we stopped at, and we danced. We danced our asses off. A few of us got a little too drunk (ahem, not me, I was a good DD). It really was just a fun night, we all needed it. I'm sure there are YouTube videos of us dancing and flipping some random guy off because he was video tapping it. Welcome to the wonderful world of technology. Saturday I took Emily and Alex fishing. We spent 4 hours at the pond. They did great. Emily is taking the fish off the hook, she's still not great at baiting but that will come. Then we all came back and made pie iron grilled cheeses and s'mores. We rented Rise of the Guardians and then bed. Seriously, the movie was pretty cool. Santa and the Easter Bunny are hard core ass kicking mercenary types. Yeah, really. I loved it. Watched it again the next day while I waited on Rolla to get his shit together. Sunday we went to a Mud Run, or a Mud Bog depending on what your knowledge of athletic events are. Mud Runs are that, runs apparently, and Mud Bogs are trucks. We had a great day. Got a late start because he was at a bachelor party until about 5am. He told me the night before that he would call me in the morning, I got a text from him after 12 and I responded with "morning". We still had a good day. Connor was great, the trucks were fun. I met some more of his friends, they hardly talked to me, but then again I was pretty much the only girl that was there, and I was the new "guy" so...I kind of expected that. I'm not exactly a big talker when I don't know people either so...whatever... We made plans for me to make him dinner this week, and he was the first one to tell me he had a good time. Progress. Lori and I had a concert to go to that night and neither of us were really feeling it. We went, saw Frank Turner. LOVED HIM! Then Dropkick Murphy's, there were good too, but we were just kind of over the heat, over the people and over the whole thing. Normally we love concerts and love being there, this time we were just done. We left after about 5 songs and bought a gyro off a cart. Made it home by midnight. Aren't we just the wild and crazy girls that were dancing their asses off just two days before. Tonight we might have a pizza date with my aunt and uncle. They have 1/2 price pizza on Monday nights at Grapevine and we get a pitcher of beer. I think I'm going to go get some brown rice sushi and maybe juice my lunch tomorrow. I don't feel like cleaning that thing out today. |
| Sunday went well, as far as I can tell. Rolla eventually got around to me around 11, said he was on his way to pick up Connor and we'd head out, spent an hour on the phone just talking before we finally agreed we needed to get moving. Took him forever to get there, turns out Connor had a birthday party that no one told Rolla about, but we made it to the canoe livery in time to still get on a trip. And it was a great day. We spent 3 or 4 hours on the river fishing and floating and just having a good time. Stopped to have some sandwiches and let the dog swim. She was great on the water, just kinda chilled in the boat. I have a great picture of the boys fishing and her just laying there with her head on the rail. I'm going to print them out and give one each to them. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** After, we went to dinner and had a good time there. Took Connor home and Rolla took me back and showed me the work that he got done on the apartment. It's really close and I know he's ready to get moved in. I kinda brought up the whole not hearing from him thing as we were saying good night. I hated to ruin such a great day by having some serious conversation about a relationship that I'm not sure is even a relationship, so I just smiled nice and said, "It would be nice to hear from you in an unsolicited manner occasionally." Maybe add a cute little giggle in there to keep it light. He said, "I know, I'm getting there." I think he's just swamped with trying to get things done and work. I don't know. He always talks to me when I call, we have such a great time together. Fuck, if I knew all the answers though, I wouldn't be sitting in contemplating everything here. Not to mention abusing my ass with this effing chair that has zero padding. This is day #2 that I've been sitting here on my butt bones. I may need to invest in reupholstering this chair or getting a new one. Not much happened yesterday, I stayed home from work and did stuff. Didn't run because of all the exercise I got Sunday kayaking and pretty much felt weird all day. I have another therapy appointment tomorrow, my nephew is getting an attendance award, and then I have to go to the office. Wes and I are going to be running today for sure, we have firmware updates to do on routers, and keyboard to deliver. I have to get ready and get moving, I have a free smoothie waiting on my at Smoothie King. YAY! Free smoothie day! |
| I don't really have a whole lot today. Took Kait (my 2nd oldest niece) fishing yesterday. She did great, baits her own hook, takes the fish off by herself. It was pretty stellar. Visited with my aunt and uncle when they came over. Went out with my friend Nick to Dave and Busters. He's a big Dance Dance Revolution player, so I stood there and watched, even gave it a shot. We ended up playing a few games that spit out tickets and managed enough for all of us to get crazy color Mohawk wigs, wore those for the rest of the night. Took pictures of the dog in it this morning, quite possibly the best money ever spent on games, ever. Yes, ever. EVER. {e:periodendofdiscussion} Actually kinda stood up Rolla last night as he was kinda standing me up. I got tired of waiting around which is why I ended up heading out with Nick. He called while I was on my way out and we made plans today, possibly canoeing/kayaking or a movie. He's got his son today, I'm waiting on a call, so I'm kinda making other plans also. Kills me how inconsiderate he can be, part of me just thinks he doesn't realize it, the other thinks my therapist is right and he's just establishing a control aura over all this. Who knows. My therapist said I should bring it up, so today may be painful. We'll see how it goes. |
| Had a great time last night. Jackie and I had a fantastic dinner then headed over to Heritage to catch a buddy's band. I was a bit worried about seeing him because, well, I was kind of an asshole on his FB page...turns out he thought it was funny and only deleted it because the girl he's "pitty dating" would get pissed off. Seriously, that's what he said, pitty dating. Jordy's such a great kid, I love him, he just needs to know it's okay to be an asshole occasionally. There's all kinds of weird drama there and I don't have the time or the patience to fill you all in. However, I've made it really clear that he can consider me Aunt Molly. He's got a really cute little crush on me, it's adorable, but he's 21...not going to happen. Ended up dancing most of the night, talking to Jordy's mom and uncle. Drank some vodka tonics, on top of my wine flight and glass of Tawny Port at dinner...so much for my making camp on the wagon. Won't be drinking tonight. Supposed to have plans with Rolla. We'll see. Was also supposed to go kayaking this morning, but there's a ton of weather in the area so I'm taking Kait fishing instead. And speaking of that, I need to get ready and head out, I said I'd pick her up around 10. |
| I can't for the fucking life of me remember how to change my damn costumicon! {e:scream} There isn't one for that, they need to make it. Therapy went well I think...who knows, I cry all the time now. He said the issue with Rolla is a control thing. He's got complete control of the relationship and I have to decide if I'm okay with it or if I want to change it. It's my homework. I have another appointment next week. We'll see how it goes. It's a christian place I think, his card has Jesus fish all over it and crosses and stuff. He asked me what my religious beliefs were and there was the whole, "my entire family are bible beaters" followed by the "I believe the right term is agnostic? I think there's something out there, just haven't pinned it down yet." probably went over well. I'm worried me doing these sessions are going to cramp my blog, because I don't necessarily want to write about everything that happened in there, but then again fuck it. I'm going to start using the writingML tags like fucking hashtags. If it doesn't exist then {e:fuckit} This will be my new hobby and I will LOVE IT! {e:mockexcitement} {e:fuckyeah} Ran a mile today, it kicked my ass. {e:ihatethetreadmill} Rode my bike back out to the Newark store, forgot to take the liner out, it was like pealing off my skin trying to get out of it. Holy shit, won't be making that mistake again. Have to pay bills today {e:FML} Meeting Jackie for dinner at 7, going to dress up. This means I have to shave my legs....{e:maybeI'llwearpants} |
Took my aunt and uncle some dinner last night. They have been on the road since September of last year. They are both retired now and are living the life.  They are home for the summer and last night was the first night back in the house, and with out Maxx at home. They were unloading and putting things away and I figured they wouldn't have much time to make themselves a good dinner.Went and got a beer with Lori after that. She had a shit day at work on Monday, her boss is taking her for granted and she's just had it with where she is. I helped her with her resume and she put a few out there yesterday. We talked for a bit after I waited for effing ever for her to show up. Good thing I'm comfortable with being alone places. I was actually perfectly content to sit there and listen to the guy they had there playing guitar and drink my beer, alone. It wasn't that I was disappointed when she finally showed up but rather indifferent. More of me being miserable and she asked if I had thought about talking to someone. I have, that resulted in me displaying my amazing ability to not cry in public and the heart wrenching admission that I need help. Good news is that my insurance is pretty stellar. They cover everything, and as much as I dislike the guy that owns the company he does take very good care of us. It's not that I dislike him, it's just that he seems insincere a lot...I guess, that's my beef. So last night I started looking through psychologists in the area that are covered under my plan and have sent out my information to one of them. Told my mother about it, cried since I was at home and miserable with the email servers. Didn't run this weekend at all. On my way to do that now. Email server is updated, ready to go...hopefully I won't get inundated with emails telling me they can't log in. Agenda for today: Shower (at some point, another reason I think I should seek help, this has moved further and further down my priority list) Laundry (always on the list) Run fish? Spend another night wondering why I haven't heard from Rolla... "Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?" - Henry Ward Beecher ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Visit my portfolio http://mjtruex.Writing.Com/ |
| More hormonal, emotional BS today and yesterday. I'm kind of not wanting to be around anyone. Haven't heard from Rolla since...Saturday?... I don't know. I was in a mood the other day so I deleted the text thread from my phone so I'd quit rereading things and over analyzing everything. I guess it's probably the best I haven't heard from him because I'm being really boring. I've been rather emotionally dead over the past year. Not only did I go through my divorce, I was the emotional support for Grant's, and it's drained me. Then to be cut loose and used the way I was just killed any compassion and understanding I've ever had. I'm taking a month off my BC to let my body reset and hopefully get rid of this hopeless feeling that's seemed to over take everything I do. New email servers up this weekend. Adding the last of everyone today. Super excited. I get to sit at my desk for hours entering names and passwords, and people wonder why I drink sometimes. |
| I won my poker game last night. Broke even first game and took the 2nd one. Got home at 2:30 and my alarm went of at 7:30 for me to clock in and make sure I get paid for my holiday. We're grilling today. Thank you to any of you reading this that have served our country and I'm grateful to all that died to protect my right to play poker until 2am and grill today. I'm exhausted, that is all. Oh, and I love my dog. She's my snuggle bug. |
| Headbangers Hangover was great, always is. They play fantastic old school metal, and we always have a good time. Our buddy Nick stopped by and drove me home since Lori had to be in WV early the next morning for a Chad date. Drank too many beers, always do, and didn't get out of bed until past noon the next day. Managed to get a run in, did a mile and 1/2 instead of just a mile. I realize that running on a treadmill and running outside are two COMPLETELY different things. I was reminded of this later in the night when I raced Danny to the truck and my ankles didn't seem too keen on it. Because the treadmill does the propulsion it tends to weaken the muscles around your ankles and can make you prone to injury. I'm going to try and start running more on the road, probably better for me anyway. I did notice that after that little sprint through the shopping center and parking lot that I wasn't that winded. So progress is progress. Did 100 crunched and 50 squats too.Taking Danny fishing again today. Hoping for better luck, yesterday I managed to snag a blue gill through it's gill, that was it. Danny is mastering the art of jig fishing and just catching as many fish as he can, I really love bass fishing and have had shit luck lately. Maybe I'll head out with some crank baits and see where that gets me. Cook out today at my brother Nate's. Always a good time over there. We were there for a bonfire last night and had a great time. Friend's of mine are having a poker tournament tonight along with a cookout so I might head over there. ALSO!!! The new season of Arrested Development is out on Netflix! If it wasn't so nice out I'd be wrapped up on a blanket adrift in running jokes and Tobias' double entendres. Instead I'm being productive and a good aunt and fishing. Also moving mom's patio furniture around, being the muscle too. Hoping to get a run in, we'll see, I'll edit later if that happens. Also, I have a lazy dog. She's seriously stretched out on the floor giving zero fucks and staring at me in fear that I might make her actually move. |
| I just can't wake up today. Rolla date went well (well is generally the only word that I can apply to our dates because he's so fucking hard to read). We went to Lewis Center and picked up some insulation for his apartment. He's really ready to have it done and start moving in. He ate two big pieces of lasagna and then we talked for a while. I'm trying very hard to open up emotionally, it's slow going though. We came back and watched some TV then fell asleep. He's a slow riser and this morning I was too, so it kind of worked out that we really didn't do any talking until after 9:30. The coffee didn't help hardly at all. I'm still 1/2 asleep. Put in a good hour messing around on my guitar. Getting better. Strumming rhythms kick my butt every time and I'm finally starting to get the hang of it. Took the motorcycle to Pataskala to put a new scanner in the store only to find out when I got there, it was working again. Took a frigid ride for nada. Headbanger's Hangover is playing at Heritage tonight and Lori actually got off early enough that we won't be leaving the house at 10. I'm super excited about it. No running today, just too tired. Tomorrow definitely, because I'm not drinking a ton like I have for the past few weekends. |
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We just ate dinner and now we're relaxing watching Whodunit? on TV. It's the only reality show I can tolerate. They get killed off one by one so it makes it extra fun 
