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somewhere that I can blast |
Size: 23 Entries
Created: May 17th, 2008 at 2:34pm
Modified: May 8th, 2010 at 4:25pm
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Somewhere to see just what's on Johanna's mind. So be free to read and comment. Don't be surprised in what you find.
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| I know its been a while since my last entry but some things are more important. Well I have taken this year to grow as a writer and a person. I am starting to believe I can't write anything correctly. I am taking writing classes on line and my grades are terrible. I feel like I should have stayed with just writing in my journal or just putting the pen down for good. I feel so out of place that my new stuff feels incomplete. I just don't know what to do. My heart and mind feels heavy. |
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| I feel a little lost right now. Why is my world so transparent right about now? My writing is going to hell in a hand basket. It seems I just can't bring any thing woeth reading to the surfice. Even things that are good seem not as good as they should be. My words are empty and I don't know what to do about it. My writing is on hold apparently. Things just don't want to flow when it goes on paper. Maybe it is time to put my pen down for a little while and just enjoy the reading. I don't know what to do. I am starting to feel invisible again. |
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| Well I am finally here in Asheboro,NC. I got here March 11 around 7:00. It's okay but I am a bit home sick and it's hell learning my way around but I am getting there. I met a few good folks and I am looking for a job. My crew like their schools and doing great. Got some new pieces wrote and looking into the local poetry mags and journals. Met a few writers here, we are learning from each other. I am having a great time. If there is anyone from Asheboro out there let me know. |
January 15, 2009 at 1:31pm
January 15, 2009 at 1:31pm
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| Well, this week has been so strange. The other day, tuesday, one of the one individaul that I know that works for the local library asked me to join them for the local poetry reading in Feb. It shock me so that I agreed. Now I don't know which piece would be right to read. I never thought that getting a few poems publish would change my life so completely. You talk about a self esteem boost...oh yeah. The funniest thing is I don't know what the hell I am doing. The only thing I know is that I put my feeling on paper to ease my heart and mind. Well I guess I must be doing something right because people like whats there and want to read more. Wow what have I gotten myself into? |
December 15, 2008 at 1:15pm
December 15, 2008 at 1:15pm
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Well things went the way they were suppose to go. The piece came out on the 12 of dec. My mom amd sister flipped when they saw it. My ex boy friend hug me and told me great job. My oldest son told me it was a bit to racy but he was proud of his mom. My nephew- in- law pick on me about it which was okay. The day went pretty good compared to everything else. My next piece was turned in this morning and I am working on my third for the beginning of the year. Well things seem to be okay for now but I was disappointed in the picture that was put in with it really didn't suit the piece but that was okay though. I, Johanna, got her first piece published on Dec.12, 2008 and I am happy with me.   |
December 11, 2008 at 7:45pm
December 11, 2008 at 7:45pm
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| Well I guess I am the only one happy about the things going on in my life. My friends on the real life looked at me like I was crazy when I told them I was going to get one of my poems published. My ex laugh and said you are always starting somehting you can't finish but he just didn't know I have been writing all my life. I took some time off to have my kids and start my own business but I always kept a diary or journal to keep myself busy well my thoughts anyway. Even through the lousy ass relationship with him. So this piece being published means more to me than christmas right now because I doing something I know I am good at. ( to be continued) |
December 5, 2008 at 11:09am
December 5, 2008 at 11:09am
November 5, 2008 at 12:45pm
November 5, 2008 at 12:45pm
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| Life seems unreal with all that has happened in the last twenty four hours. I looked at my children and saw my future but now I look at them and see the world's future. I have seen what many have said will never happen.This brings tears to my eyes with a song in my heart and the knowledge that truly anything can happen with hope. |
November 3, 2008 at 6:46pm
November 3, 2008 at 6:46pm
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| I am going to get my first piece published in a few weeks and I can't believe it. A local newspaper wants to print one of my pieces in their paper. Oh my god I can't believe in a few weeks I will be a published author. |
October 6, 2008 at 1:07pm
October 6, 2008 at 1:07pm
September 18, 2008 at 4:46pm
September 18, 2008 at 4:46pm
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| Well the last few weeks have been kind of strange but good. The things I have come up with is crazy beyond anything I have experienced. Something I thought would never happen did.(a piece will be post later this month once I am through with it.) Some of you may laugh but I just recently watched two of my friends make love by candle light. I never knew something could be so beautiful...... wait let me start from the beginning. The two of them came to me after reading some pieces I had done and ask me to described what I felt watching them make love. Well I needed a erotica piece anyway so I said yes. Well with that they asked if they could set everything up in my bedroom. Hell I said yes but I truly didn't know what I was in for. Sitting through beginning to end was unbelievable. |
September 4, 2008 at 2:40pm
September 4, 2008 at 2:40pm
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 sorry not feeling happy right now. I feel like my world is falling and no one can save me. Everything I do is wrong, everyone I have met is wrong. I feel empty when I should be feeling full and happy. So what's wrong with me? |
August 15, 2008 at 5:14pm
August 15, 2008 at 5:14pm
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| Hello all I am giving notice. I will be doing some construction to my port during the next few weeks. I will be adding new pieces, changing old ones, and editing the pieces I should have months ago. Also with the help of a few friends I will be finally posting my first erotica piece. Which I have been working on for months. By the middle of September I will be looking for reviewers for my entire port, so watch out. Oh, and to someone who has been on me for months now. I will be posting my first chapter of a novel I have started. (Are you happy now? ) |
August 11, 2008 at 5:57pm
August 11, 2008 at 5:57pm
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Well this week hasn't even started good yet and I am neck deep in bullshit. My water bill is due and I am short 5.00 bucks. My ex has come to live with me because someone tried to kill his silly ass. I broke my vow to my boyfreind (no sex until he comes home) and my kids are driving me crazy. (Look for a piece about my ex in a few weeks) The worst part is I can get this stupid editing done so I can finally get this special piece posted because of it all. But I can point out something really great, my best friend(may she rest in peace) daughter, has turned out to be and look just like her mother. We met today after 12 years and she 's a rose.
God has bless you dearly Lisa your baby is just like you a true spitfire. I miss you always my friend. |
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| Well things have went to hell in a hand basket. My boyfriend of six months just headed off to 2 1/2 years in the state penn for defending his daughter. Then I just lost the job I just got plus my oldest child doesn't like my boyfriend. The funniest thing is we are planning on getting married when he comes home. I guess life is just not far right now for me |
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Is it possible for someone to know that another person is dying from a dream? I know it sounds crazy but I truely believe a very good friend of mine is dying and doesn't know it. Well let me start from the beginning. Saturday I happen to stop at a friend's house (former lover). He asked me to spend the night with him. I said yes we enjoyed a good meal and hot sex. I went and took a hot shower came back and laid down in his bed. Next thing I know I was asleep thats when things started. He was still up as he usaully did after a good night. I started dreaming about darkness. Well it kinda went like this, dreamt I was home in my room in bed. Since my five year old doesn't like sleeping by himself I usually I leave the hall light on. So in the dream the light was shining in my room from the crack in the door. Well the other door in my room suddenly opened and the room went completely dark. The room felt like someone else was sitting or standing in it. With that I started screaming at the top of my lungs. My friend touched me or pulled the covers and I got worse. Then all of a sudden I felt arms wrap around me then I woke up. I knew the arms was safety, and peace. I haven't dreamt anything like since my grannie got sick and later passed on.
I don't know what to do. My dreams are never wrong when it comes down to death or sickness.
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| I don't know how I get myself into these situations. How do I end up falling for the one person I don't need in my life but can be happy as a lark. Besides being busy I am about half crazy too. |
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| Well with this subject I thought I would have gotten more of a response but I didn't. So I am just going to scrap it and try something else. To all who left comments I say thank you very much. You helped me deeply and if you ever need my help I am there. |
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Alright ladies and gentleman can you please be honest about this one question because I fore one is having hell with it.
*** Are you willing to be submissive towards the one you love?***
I am putting together a questionaire wiht questions pretaining to this subject and possible a piece. Please help me by answering honestly. |
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May 22
I am stting here on the sid eof the road. Thinking about him, when I just last night slept with another man. Hell, I know I sound sluty but the man said it very clear terms that he didn't want me. So last night I went somewhere to somebody who wanted me and still loves me. Even though we know we are not meant to be.
At that part I laugh at that on his end. He told me he didn't need me then when I popped up last night. He had a boner as soon as I said hello. Him being my ex , I asked him about the things that was told to me. I don't know if he said these things because he knew I was going to have sex with him or what.
He politely told me the man hes issues, but sitting here on a milk crate next to the bus stop thinking abotu this. I really believe I am the one with the issues. Maybe he is right, maybe I am too clingy , too wanting, even too needy. ( There is something I would like to clarify the overnight ex, the one I spent the night with, is the one I wrote the letters to) but anyways back to what I was saying. | |  | Invalid Item 
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During the whole time we were making love last inght. My mind was on him, wanting to hold me. Hell, wanting him to be the one making love to me. Oh , hell I sound like some love sick fool. Now I need that damn shoulder becuase the sting is starting to hurt like a open sore. Could it be that I fell for that fool? That his strong attitude is what I needed. If I needed him he sure the hell didn't need me.
I don't know why I thuoght anything was going to develop between us. I think I neede that shoulder now, I really need that shoulder.
******* Later that same day*****
I hope I have done the right thing by returning his phone call. After what happened yesturday I hope I am not making a fool of myself.
Well ain't this some shit! Apparently bra man told me what he told me to punish me for calling and seeing how his day was. The damn man had a temper tantruim I can't believe any of this. Hell I don't believe this. Stuff like this happens in bad romance novels with the domanating botfriend or husband. I really don't know what the fuck is going on. I wonder if he's scare of me getting close to his heart or in his mind.
What am I to expect with him? This is just a tad more than I can handle, I think. See this is making me confused as hell unsure of my own womanhood. Every man I have been with enjoyed my attention. I think any man would love to have a woman pay him that kind of attention. He wants me towait for his every call, every command?
My mom says he 's haevy handed ( willing to hit a woman) but I don't believe that. Still the same there are doubts. Deep doubts no warning signal yet, but I am on alert.
******** May23 ***********
I don't know what to do. I am confused beyond anything right now, and my head is still ponuding. If he cares for me the way he says he does, why is he acting like this? He doesn't even want to talk to me. My mom and my sisters say I need a man who is stern and has a very strong personality. I don't think I'm spoiled( they say that I am).
I don't think a man has to show his strength to subdue a woman. The only thing he needs to do is how his heart, that's all it takes.
Am I crazy why am I sitting here waiting on his call? Have I really fell under his ' do as I say' spell of his? A ray of light just shine into my darkness. I am not going to figure all this stuff out. Sometimes explaintiona show themselves (something my mom once said) so I am going to take that advice and enjoy the ride. ( Overnight ex is going to be right there if I need him.....lol. I never thought that's where he would be. I wonder if he will feel the same way I did.A little lost and alone, I never thought the shoe would be on the other foot.
******* May 24******
As silly as this sounds but last night I realized I care deeply for this man. Even though he's a jerk, I really don't know what my problem is. After what happen three nights ago Ishuold be ready to run for the hills but for some very stupid reason (which I don't know). This man has spun a spellon me I can't break. Maybe my mom and sisters are right and I do need someone in my life like him. |
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