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 |  Little scraps of my life... my blog. |
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| I was reading back through my old entries and realised I have written about boys way more than I would like to admit. Why do they get in your head so badly sometimes? And I'm about to add to the tally.  I met this guy about a year ago and I've only seen him once since then, but after our first meeting he added me on Facebook straight away. It's always a bit weird when that happens, especially considering we'd only chatted for a bit, but we had a mutual friend... it generally means they're curious about you and Facebook is a way to find out more without actually going to the effort of finding out more. Oh, youth. Anyway. I was curious too so it was all a-ok with me! We haven't really spoken all year except for the one event a few months back - but about a week ago he messaged me asking about my trip to the US because he's got plans himself. So since then, we've been messaging back and forth all week. Sometimes, you just instantly get along with people and he's one of them. And I'm fairly sure he's interested, at least on some level. The messaging started to get a bit ridiculous because every time I hinted the conversation was coming to an end (after a couple days, the US topic had disappeared and we were just talking about nothing), he would reply again even though there was nothing really new to add. So on Friday, I decided to just stop and didn't reply... You know, I can't look like I'm available all the time (might give the wrong message - more about that in a moment!) but then this morning, he randomly sent me this photo asking for my critique. HAHA. Oh, it made me laugh. I sort of knew he wasn't going to give up the conversation that easily. So why exactly do I have to be careful about not giving the wrong message? Because he's not a Christian. That will be hard for non-Christians to understand, but to my fellow believers, you know what I mean. Dating non-Christians is a BAD idea. I've been there and I said I'd never go there again. You will never be on the same page about so many things, and in the end it just becomes one huge battle. Unfortunately, I've only ever been asked out by non-Christians which is a bit disappointing. I have a feeling it might be about to happen again, though this time I am so very, very tempted. I could be wrong, he might not ask. I mean, it's been a year? But if he does, it's going to take some extreme self-control. He might not even realise I'm a Christian, though I would think he might have worked it out by now. All the events we've seen each other has been church based stuff because our mutual friend is my close friend's boyfriend - and he certainly knows they're Christians. I've been praying for him but I can't help but do it with a seed of doubt. I truly do believe that Christ can do His work in ANYONE's heart. But I just... I don't know... it seems to far out of reach. A bit of background - I'm not sure how long he's lived in Australia, quite awhile gauging from his accent (he might have been born here, but not too sure) but he, or his family, is from Iran. Now, not being racist or anything, but we all know 90% or more of the Iranian and Middle Eastern population are Muslims. So I suspect if he's had anything to do with religion, it would be Islam. But then, I'm just making an assumption. That's never the best thing to do. I want to just ask but it's not really the sort of thing that just comes up in conversation. If he does ask me out, what would I say? No I can't date you because you're not a Christian? I know how that comes across. I guess I'd just try to explain it more tactfully and gently. You can't expect a guy to become a Christian for you. I had that happen once, but surprise, it didn't work out. They just say that so they can date you. I think you need to make them aware of it and then they need to look into themselves and decide for themselves, on their own, if it's something they really do believe in. Of course you're around for questions, and I know he has that one mutual friend of ours who is a man of strong faith - it would be better for him to talk to another man than to the girl he's attracted to. So I guess watch this space! Who knows. Part of me highly doubts he'd ask, another part expects it and the other just wants him to find faith and be saved - regardless of what happens with us. |
| You know what? I dislike birthdays. My birthdays, to be specific. They're like New Year's Eve, always a letdown to your stupid high expectations. I try to lower my expectations, I really do but it's hard. My birthday is coming around again in about a month and I've been trying to organise a party. I'm turning 29 so it will be the last year of my 20s (which is a bit scary, in and of itself). But the party is now not happening, mostly 95% due to one of my closest friends. It's hard and probably a bit lengthy to explain, but let me try. Basically, I'd want her there and it wouldn't be much of a party without her. Unfortunately, she has a very serious relationship now with this great guy - and nothing against him, he's great, they're perfect for each other, they'll get married etc etc - but she has pretty much said she can't come because he is her priority. She says she's booked out with other things every Friday and Saturday night until Christmas. And half of those Fridays & Saturdays are set aside for her boyfriend. He's studying to be a doctor and his final exams are coming up, and she feels like she needs to be there for support and that Fridays are "their" time to spend together. That's all lovely and sweet, but I just DON'T understand why she cannot give up one Friday or Saturday of the entire year to spend with me on my birthday? Just one. Her boyfriend is invited to! She says I couldn't possibly understand, and she's right, I don't. It's just....... I can't even think of the appropriate adjective. Really hurtful and selfish? Yet for her birthday in a few weeks, she wants me to come to her dinner party plus also go to a separate dinner with just me, her and our other close friend. Now to the reason why this means the party is pretty much off. Because I don't have a giant circle of friends, my sister and I thought we'd have a joint party, pool our friends and make it bigger thing. However, now that my friend and her boyfriend aren't coming, this also cancels out at least 3 other people in the process. Namely, her brother & fiance and one of her boyfriend's friends. I do know these people, but they are the sort of people you wouldn't invite unless there are 'connecting' people also coming. Kind of like you wouldn't invite your girl friend's husband to a dinner without inviting the girl friend too. So that's 5 people knocked off my list, which makes the whole thing too uneven to be a joint party anymore. And frankly, I'm a bit pissed off about it. I'm annoyed at my friend for making her whole life revolve around her boyfriend, regardless of whether they'll be married soon or not. I wish I could say it to her, but hate to break it but once she's married she'll quickly discover she's pushed away all her friends and all she has left is her husband. And he's gonna want some time to himself occasionally. There's no point saying that though... this haze of new love they have seems to be lasting forever and she will never see my point of view. So it seems once again my birthday will just be a family thing. Which isn't a bad thing - I love my family, they're the best and most loyal friends I'll ever have. But sometimes, you just want a big celebration, you know? Between now and then, I will need to learn to have a greater appreciation of my family. |
| Lately I've found myself becoming more and more jealous and envious of my friend's successes and happiness. I know, right, that sounds horrible of me. It IS horrible of me. But that doesn't make it go away. It's a battle for me because I find now I'm on this photography path, it's a very dark path with no street lights. And I struggle with that lack of direction. So to go on Facebook and see two of my closest friends constantly celebrating their lives and not to mention, their friendship with each other (that's another jealousy and problem altogether... although connected) is difficult for me. It's great for THEM! Somewhere deep inside I really am happy for them. That one has a great relationship with her future husband (probably) and the other seems to make endlessly happy posts about everything. Why does it annoy me so when people only post about how great their life is on Facebook? Do they not have real emotions like everyone else? One close friend recently posted how she can't get to sleep because she can't stop thinking about how amazing her life is and how soon she'll have her dream career. Which is great. For her. Of course I'm pleased she is so mind-numbingly happy. And I really do want to celebrate with her but I find it so hard. It just seems to remind me of my current situation. But all this aside, something happened and I realised (been a long time coming) that I do not need to compare myself to others. I do not need constant successes to make me happy. I do not even need OTHERS to make me happy. I can't quite remember how I finally realised it, but I realised it is only God who satisfies me. I am lost but found in God and this is where my peace exists. I trust I am where I am meant to be in life and although it does not make sense right now, I have faith that it will someday. My peace comes from that trust, and through that I am satisfied. I do not need to worry about others having what I want. I have put my trust in God and He knows all my worries and desires and takes them as His own burdens. So knowing this, how else can I live my life but happy and peaceful? |
| I feel just like a sailboat I don’t know where I’m headed I’m out in the waves I’m hoping and praying Please let this wind blow me home But I’m not giving up I’m gonna move on forward I’m gonna raise my sail God knows what I’m headed towards Ben Rector - 'Sailboat' |
| So my course is going well. I'm enjoying my time there and I've met some great new friends. At times, it is stressful and frustrating but that is to be expected with any new experience especially one involving school. At times, I feel like I could put more effort in and other times, I feel like I'm trying SO hard. I always try really hard with the assignments and I doubt myself almost every time. Just this week, I took a photo in studio class which I wanted to use for an assignment... I asked my teacher if he thought the photo fit the brief. He said it did, but then added it was just a bit boring. I took the criticism well at the time. He offered a different suggestion how to take the photo differently but still fit the brief, and I thanked him for his advice but honestly, I thought his idea was a bit crap. Not because I thought my idea was better, his idea just wasn't a photo I could see myself taking. A bit of further information: my photo is a picture of key resting inside a book, the focus pinpointed on the key. Sure, it's been done before and true, it wasn't a truly creative, stunning photo. But I liked it. The sort of photo is my thing, it sits well with me. His idea was to take the key and tape it to the table standing upright and take the photo looking directly on it with the background blurred out. It's probably because he's seen my photo hundreds of times, his idea is something different. Anyway. I got more and more annoyed as the class went on, so I told my friend about it and what she said was insightful! She said the teacher of the next class hadn't seen it and she might love it. I like it, my friend liked it... it's just one person's opinion. So the next day, I used it for my assignment. We have to submit our photos and then as a class we show everyone's photos on the projector and we comment. And you know what? My teacher loved it! She said it was one of the warm and fuzzy photos. The shallow depth of field and the warm tones attracted her to it, and she said it was executed well. SO THERE! My friend and I exchanged a little smile and I was pretty happy after that. I worry too much! But speaking of annoying things - something else got to me today. I've started working from home as my boss decided a way to keep me working is to do data entry, which is something I can in my pyjamas at home. It's great in theory but even listening to music and sitting in comfy pants and socks.... it's still really boring. But that's not the annoying thing. My boss likes to text. Outside of work hours, on weekends and today on GOOD FRIDAY. He has texted me three times today with random ideas and suggestions and seriously, I don't know if I'm overreacting but it's crossing a boundary. I only work Mondays and Tuesdays and not on public holidays (especially not without being paid a lot more!) So while I'm chilling out, enjoying some well-deserved time off, my phone bleeps and it's my boss with some random comment about data entry at 9am on Good Friday morning. It's TOO MUCH! I wasn't going to say anything after that message but then I got another at about 11am and then when the last one came through at almost 5pm on the dot, I snapped. Leave me alone! Did he expect me to respond? Did he expect me to be working today? So I texted him back in what I think was polite but blunt. I thanked him for the information and asked him to please email me on the days when I am not working. Then wished him a good Easter. He told me that was a "good idea. cheers" I probably pissed him off but I don't really care much. There are boundaries. And you would think that texting your employee on Good Friday about work stuff is generally not the done thing... |
Much has happened since I last wrote! HEAPS actually.  In October and November, I visited the great United States of America! Took a little trip overseas. I find this a bit fascinating because in my blog entry of October 2010, I stated I would plan to go the US in 2012. I never actually planned it until a few weeks before I left. It had been on my mind that I'd written this but at the start of 2012, it wasn't going to happen. With full time work, it would be a short, rushed trip and I wanted to take my time. Then my work made everyone casual employees. I was forced to sign a contract which removed me from a full-time status with paid annual leave, sick leave etc, and made me a casual employee where I could be 'let go' at any time they liked. I had a strong aversion to signing it but I did because I needed my job. I sat through 2012 at my desk hating my job just living every day and not much else. In about late August/early September, it occurred to me that as a casual employee it also gave ME a benefit of not being tied to work. If I took time off, I didn't get paid but there were no constraints of how much time I could take. Sure, they wouldn't like it but they couldn't stop me. They could fire me, but who cares, I hated my job anyway. So I looked into a few organised tour options and found one for later in the year. It's still 2012! I'd be going to the US in 2012 just like I said! I had to move quickly because I wanted to go before the snow hit, which meant about October. I quickly did some calculations and after working all year doing not much else, I'd saved plenty. I asked work if I could have 7 weeks off. They nearly fell off their chairs. But, nevertheless, agreed. And even gave me a $600 bonus. So I went to the US of A and LOVED it! I had the best trip of my life. I had an amazing group of people to travel with; we all clicked quickly which was a prayer answered. I met my "pen-pal" which I've been writing to since I was 11. We've been writing to each other all the time after our schools did a penpal swap. We've lost contact a few times over the years, the means of writing has changed formats from letters to emails but we've managed to stay in contact. And then we finally met! It was amazing. I started my trip in West Virginia (after a VERY long journey - non-stop travel for 24 hours and 3 different planes). I went up to Niagara Falls, through Pennsylvania/Maryland/Delaware/New Jersey then across to New York, and from there cross country to Los Angeles. It was fabulous. I saw so much of the country and just chillaxed! The next part of my story started while I was visiting the amazing Monument Valley. That place is phenomenal. While there, I met a photojournalist who joined my group on our Navajo Jeep Tour through the valley at sunset then dinner. From watching him and being in that amazing place, I thought... what is stopping me from pursuing photography? I've always wanted to study photography, so why not? Go home and do it. I made a decision then. So when I returned home, I looked into courses. I've looked into courses before, but none have ever seemed right. Not the right time, too expensive, bad location. But this time, I found one! Close-by, relatively affordable in comparison to other courses and available! An information session was being held in two days time. So I went, pondered and decided I'd like to do it. Part-time three days a week, which meant trying to convince my work that I could do my job two days a week. While still questioning my decision, I asked work about that and they were very negative. My boss told me that photography is a dead-end, that I'll never find a job - basically, that I was making the wrong decision. They have kept me on for two days a week for now, but I only started my course this week. I'm not sure if two days will work out. I'm very concerned about my money situation. I have savings, but they won't last me forever. I feel like I want to do this photography course. I'm not sure where it will take me. I feel a sense that this is where I'm meant to be, but at the same time I question the decision because it's so risky. If there was no risk involved, if I was rich, I'd be totally relaxed and loving my life! Going back to study is difficult. It's a new world. I have to admit, part of the decision to study came from a dislike from sitting in an office all day. Sitting at a desk doing the same thing everyday is MIND NUMBING. I don't like it. I want to get out and enjoy life. And I have done just that! I'm out, learning new things, meeting new people, pushing my life forward. Unfortunately, with my lack of income, I do feel like maybe I'm going backwards. I'm 28 and doing the same thing I was when I was 21. Different, but essentially the same. But I'm going to stick with it. See how this goes. I can find work and learn photography at the same time. I just have to believe this is God's path for me and lean on Him for support. |
| Men are mysterious creatures. I wish sometimes I could read minds or see the future. Just a five second preview would suffice! I don't want to get carried away, but there's this guy in my life at the moment who I feel oddly connected with. We don't know each other really well, just through mutual friends and we see each other occasionally. We get along quite well, and I get a feeling from him that he's interested... I just don't know. He's naturally friendly and a bit flirty, so it's hard to tell. People around me are influencing how I feel. If I spoke to no-one around me and it was just him and me, I'd say he was definitely interested. He says things and does things that just... mess with my head. Either way, he's on my mind a lot and I just wish something would happen. Even if that something is rejection, I'd rather know. He's a pursuer though, so if he's going to, he will. I can't do anything but wait and leave it in God's capable hands. |
So, I am upgraded once again!  I haven't been here in forever to write. I keep saying I would like to keep it up. I still love writing and often I wish I had continued to write daily. Life took me in a different direction... for me! I'm only 27. Speaking of life, plenty has happened since I last wrote. In the last three months, really. I moved out of home in December and now I live closer to the city. I miss the coastal feel of home (I'm not a beachy person, and I rarely went, but strangely... I miss the beach). And my parents, of course! I miss being fed. haha. I was made a casual employee in my job. I was on a full-time contract but suddenly my bosses decided that making everyone casual was best for the business. I tried to fight it with them but in the end decided to just go with it. It's all kind of gone downhill from there with work. Then they fired one of my best friends because she went home with gastro. No - really. She was sent an email saying she was unreliable, blah blah blah, and my boss "didn't want to work with her anymore." So she's suing them. Good. I hope they go a mile. I had my very first car accident. I'm fine - it was just a rather hard slam up the rear. (Go on, make all the crude jokes you like! I think it too. Ha.) It was not the most fun experience, but an experience nevertheless. All paid for with insurance. I've started to truly hate my job. I'm grateful for it, but I hate it. Every day when I leave it feels like a release. I get in my car, turn up the music and I'm back to being myself again. I have to be so fake at work. I got in trouble for being unenthusiastic, so now it has to be smiles all round until I can line up another job. It's stressful but it's so, so hard for me to react in a positive manner without coming across as being sarcastic. So that's where I'm at right now. Happy for the most part but struggling through every day at work. I HAVE to get out of there. It's just awful. I don't want to work there anymore. Everything is crossed that one of these jobs I've applied for comes through. I had a preliminary interview last week, and she was really keen but haven't heard anything yet. That's stressing me too because I had a good feeling about it. But we'll see. There's time yet. |
I have a date!  I'm laughing because it sounds so funny these days, no-one ever says "date" anymore, but I actually do. Technically speaking, I have a "catch up" but was accompanied with a a bunch of compliments like how sweet and cute I am, and that he had a thing for me in the past. Me? Sweet? Ha. He clearly doesn't know me very well. I've mentioned him before actually - back when I had that horrible job in the city. He was the guy I met on that weird surprise blind double date I went on with my (no longer) best friend and her loser boyfriend (who happens to be this guy's friend). Anyway, he'd added me on Facebook (mysteriously so as he didn't know my last name at that point) but then never spoke to me. I saw him again out one night but he was very quiet and barely said two words to me. I had gotten word somehow that he liked me, but he never really made a move. So then that was that. And this was over a year ago now. AND when he messaged me on Facebook it was at 3am in the morning on a Saturday. I was immediately suss about that, so I asked him if being so late at night (and presumably drunk) had brought it on. He admitted it had but "not for the reasons I was probably thinking", haha, oh is that right? lol. And what would those reasons be?  He said he had never asked me out because of the issues my friend and her boyfriend were having... but that's weird. They broke up a couple months after we met that night. Soooo... I can't quite figure out what the problem would be after that. It's not like we'd be having group dates all the time? Confused. But I'm going out anyway. Oh, why the hell not? As long as he makes conversation this time! He'd bloody wanna considering he's the one who's supposedly all interested. Impress me, man. haha. Then - oh, it gets better - I brought up the fact I'm a Christian and simply that I'd "learnt my lesson" about that awhile ago. Which I did, with my ex. Who was non-Christian and it ended very, very badly and I swore I'd only date Christians from now on. For fairly obvious reasons. But that said, I haven't had much luck. So I very hesitantly told him that just so we're on the same page from the get go. It felt a bit weird bringing it up, but I can't see the harm (apart from it going against all "first date" rules). But he seemed to handle it well, saying he already knew and that he was raised Christian and his dad's training to be a pastor. I know that doesn't make him a Christian and he's not, but.......... close enough. haha. So what if he's kinda cute? I remember I had a thing for him too but it faded pretty quick after he never spoke to me on Facebook and after that second time out, I never saw him again. I'm a bit wary of the 3am message time-stamp and what the motives are, but he seems kinda sweet. He's a primary school teacher and that just makes him so endearing and just a bit adorable. So, now he's asked me when and where I'd like to catch up (which I do think is the wrong way around, but at least it gives me the chance to suggest something other than drinks in a club). I was thinking coffee - it's easy, cheap (he should be able to pay without any awkwardness - I HATE that part on a date. It's so uncomfortable), and it can end quickly if it doesn't go well. The only problem is it might end too quickly... Any suggestions for what to do on a "catch up but technically a date"? |
| I am here to write a proper entry - quite a bit later than I thought! To be honest, some of things I was going to write about before seem so in the past now. But I will make a point of writing them so they're down in history. The main thing that's happened with the last six months is the loss of the friendship with my best friend. Honestly, it's been a long time coming between us. I've been losing respect for her for awhile now and we live totally different lifestyles. We're simply different people than we were in highschool. This whole mess started when we decided to go on a holiday to Sydney together over the Easter break. There didn't seem any problem with it being just the two of us, per se, but I think we had different ideas of how the holiday was going to play out. I'm a sightseeing girl. I see the sights during the day, I sleep at night. She is a partying girl. She sees a few main attractions and parties the rest of the time. To get to the point quickly, the downfall came on Easter Sunday night. She wanted to go out to a club all night, I didn't, so she left and flew home early leaving me there alone. Seriously, who does that? Saying it was an overreaction is an understatement. It's not like we hadn't gone out at all. We'd gone out the Saturday night, but when we came back around midnight it was too early for her and she kicked up a fuss about how I never want to go out. She put a pillow over her head and ignored me. But you know, whatever, we'd climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge that day. I was kinda tired. The next night she desperately wanted to go out. She'd said so all day. And I'd said how I didn't really want to. I tried to compromise. I said maybe we could just go out for dinner, get a few drinks and be back by about 11pm-midnight. We'd been out all day and I was tired and we were both feeling a bit sick. But she wanted to go. She refused dinner and drinks saying that wasn't "a good night out". Apparently, you have to be back at all hours of the morning for it to be classified as a good night. The other point of contention was that it was Easter Sunday night. Now, I'm a committed Christian and while I don't mind going out for drinks occasionally, going out to a club until 2am on Easter Sunday night was going too far. I knew it wasn't right and I wasn't about to give in. I stand up for what I believe in and I knew in my heart of hearts that going out like that just isn't right. So - surprise, surprise - I get called boring and religious. I never said it in a "holier than thou" sort of way. I just said calmly that I didn't feel comfortable going out on that particular night and I would prefer if we just had a relaxing dinner and maybe some wine. I never once got overly agitated or angry, or raised my voice. I was trying to be as calm as possible because I could see she was wired up. She wasn't getting her way and she couldn't handle it. I got accused of all sorts of things. Never wanting to have fun, over-religious, boring, controlling. She states she never got to do anything she wanted to do on the trip, that I decided everything. It went on and on and on. I finally prayed that God find me some solution as to how to get out of it. I just wanted the tension to be over (it's a small hotel room after all). And then about 30 seconds after my prayer, she came out from under her blankets and said (very calmly) that she was going home. That she just wanted to get out of this "hell-hole." She went to her luggage, got the printed flight information, got on her iPhone internet and started to re-book her flights. I was just in utter shock. Seriously, I had no words. I thought she couldn't possibly be for real. But she was. She'd made up her mind that she was leaving, and no-one can change this girl's mind. I just stared for ages, and then suddenly burst into tears. I literally cried for probably the next hour and she couldn't have cared less. I think she's seen me cry maybe once in the 14 years we've been friends, and suddenly I was sobbing and all it was was noise to her. I'm not sure what came over me, I just couldn't believe it was happening. I think the stress of trying to stay calm and then the shock eventually overwhelmed me. For awhile, it seemed like she wasn't going to be allowed to change her flights due to the ticket rules, but then she went out for a walk (at like 10pm) and then came back after maybe 30 minutes. There was no rationalising with her. I tried but she just blocked me out. She either ignored me or came back with some snide remark. She even tried to change rooms, but that never happened. Not sure if the hotel refused, or why, but she slept in our room that night. The next morning, I heard her up and about before me and on the phone rebooking. I pretended to be asleep, and heard her give her credit card details, confirm the booking number and give some lie about a close friend dying so she had to leave early (complete with tears). So I knew it could no longer possibly be a joke. She was definitely leaving. We only had one day and night left (I was still due to leave the next day). Oh, she even had the cheek to ask me if I wanted to come back early as well. For real?! Of course not! I was bloody well going to enjoy my last day in Sydney, and I certainly wasn't forfeiting that night's prepaid accommodation. So, she left and I stayed in Sydney on my own. I wasn't upset that I was in another state all by myself. That I can handle. That I almost liked. It was that she'd left. I wasn't necessarily upset, I was just confused. To her, it seemed like a perfectly normal reaction. To me, it seemed like she'd gone mad. It is NOT a normal reaction. While a part of me wondered about her safety in her mental state, another and stronger part of me took over and I was in 'independent' mode. I was by myself, so I would look after myself and get on with it. I'm comfortable on my own. I went around London alone; I can handle Sydney. We haven't really been on speaking terms since. She tried to reach out to me, but very strangely. First, she texted me when she landed home saying she'd gotten there safely and hopes I get home okay as well. I didn't respond. What on earth would I say?? You just left me here!! Then about a week or two later, she texts me again saying "I know we're fighting, but a friend of a friend knows a guy who's looking for a nice, single Christian girl. Would you be interested?" I couldn't even speak. That....just.... I still can't. It's like, what?! Besides, as far as I was concerned - we're not fighting. She left. She made her own decision to go. We never fought about really because she wouldn't even have a proper conversation with me. It was all her doing. And I'm not saying that to be spiteful or anything because I didn't provoke her. All I did was stand up for what I believe in and she didn't agree. I eventually messaged her because we went halvies on some photos in Sydney of us with koalas, but she had the copies. So I wanted my share. Turns out, I had some dvds of hers and she wanted those back. So she started with the petty "you're not getting your photos and I get my dvds" crap. We ended up having a discussion (via text, mind you) and she thinks it is all my fault. She won't apologise. She says I should apologise for not letting her do what she wanted. So we're at a stalemate. I don't know what page she is on, but as far as I'm concerned there is no friendship. If you've been reading my blog for years, then you might remember lots of things she's done in the past similar to this. She never apologises, she just expects me to forgive and forget like the good little Christian girl I am. She expects me to just move on like all the other times. Well, not this time. It's just too much. I can't handle the drama anymore, it's not healthy. She's messed up, and I'm not the one to help her anymore. I'm more than happy to forgive, and we can be casual acquaintances, but I just can't see us ever being as close as we were. It just isn't possible. My comfort during this, and still is now, is that I prayed before and this is the answer I received. She's changed since highschool and all she wants to do is party. Her idea of good time is to get drink. We're not even close to being on the same page. She's been a bad influence on me ever since she started this, and I don't want to get involved anymore. Clearly, neither does God. I really don't think it was a coincidence that she decided to leave at that very moment. It didn't feel like it at the time, it felt like an answer. God has worked that fast in my life before, and I completely trust Him that it was meant to happen. Everything happens for a reason and there will be a reason for this. |
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