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 |  Little scraps of my life... my blog. |
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| Your blog was last updated 15 days ago 15 Hours 38 Minutes ago. That can't be right. Wasn't it just yesterday? I should be comforted by the saying "time flies when you're having fun", but I don't know about that! I know what I'm meant to be writing about, but I don't have the energy right now. This past week I've had a bad case of the winter blues. It's cold, it's miserable and... well, it's just cold. I've decided though that I'm not actually depressed, I'm just lacking in vitamin D and it's messing with my happy brain cells. It's making them think they're sad ones but they're not really. They just having a temporary identity crisis. My other reason -and a good one- is that my left eye has been twitching since last Tuesday. Being in front of screens of any sort made it worse, so I was trying to avoid it away from work as much as possible. It has subsided now a little, which I'm very thankful for. It has to be one of the most irritating, annoying and frustrating problems! Someday very soon I will get off my chest what I've been meaning to. If you're curious, I went on a holiday interstate with my best friend and I was left there when she decided the friendship was over, and flew home early. Oh, happy times. |
| Someone remind me to write here. I feel like I need some therapy via blogging, but I need sleep more right now. I'll come back soon and write all about my latest stresses and adventures. |
It was my SEVEN YEAR anniversary on March 1! How crazy. I got my little gift in the mail today and it's always so exciting (and surprising, because I always forget  )But wow - 7 whole years. It makes me feel like I was so young back then, but honestly, I feel pretty much exactly the same. Of course things have changed and I'm probably a bit more grown up with some lessons under my belt... but pretty much the same. I was looking through my merit badges and it's sad to see most of the people who gifted them to me are either a 'non-existent member' or reduced to basic membership. Although, if I think about it, a lot were 5 years ago. Who really stays that long on a website? Me, apparently.  |
Wow, I didn't even mention my new baby niece.  Her name's Charlotte and she was born on January 1. And she is the single most adorable thing I've ever seen. |
| I just paid for my yearly membership once again! I know I don't come on all that much anymore, but I still enjoy it when I do. I don't really know how to leave actually. They have me completely sucked in. The time it would take to get all my work off here is just... I don't even want to think about it. I don't have a lot of my work anywhere else (so I REALLY hope their servers or backups never go down). I lost most of my writing when my old computer's hard drive was fried in a power surge, so this is all I have of it. Literally. So, in other news, work's good. It's nice actually waking up and not minding going to work. Well, you know, I never want to get out of bed and that's not going to change any time soon. But once I'm up and awake and feeling a bit more alive, I don't mind going to work. It gives me something to do during the day! I found out the guy I kind of like, is actually married. Wait. Before we get to that. I don't like like him. I don't really know him. He's just curiously interesting. And funny. And kinda cute. But you know... back to him being married. Eh, what?!  I knew he'd had some sort of difficulties in the past but he always spoke about it mysteriously with no real details. I'd listed off alcohol, drugs, family issues, abuse as a child..... but somehow a soon-to-be-ex wife hadn't made the list. Yeah, apparently he's almost divorced. It's a real pity actually. Not that I'm going to judge him, because I'm not. I don't know what happened there. It's just like... WHOA. RED FLAGS. BRAKES. I just can't even go there. Not that I was actually planning on hitting on him anyway. Just sayin'.  (P.S: Did you know putting sticky-tape over insect bites helps keep the itch away and reduces swelling? I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. STICKYTAPE. RIGHT. NOW. I was bitten by a fire ant and this is my only relief. It really really really hurts otherwise.) (P.P.S: Please find below my favourite lyrics for this week. After I found out about the married-soon-to-be-divorced-man, these lyrics were going round and round and round in my head. Interesting.) Love it will not betray you Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free Be more like the man you were made to be There is a design, an alignment, a cry Of my heart to see The beauty of love as it was made to be Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More |
| Well. Can you believe 2010 is almost over already? That's just a little bit crazy. I mean, honestly. Who made time go so fast? The other night at 2pm when I couldn't sleep I was thinking about the year that was 2010. It's been a very interesting year, but on the other hand, not a great deal happened. It was mostly about work. In January, I "was released" from my temp job (read: quit). Then in March, I got another job in the city. I instantly hated it. I tried to make working in the city sound like a quasi-romantic adventure where I could meet all sorts of lovely people just by sitting alone in coffee shops. Not so much. I ended up really exhausted, fed-up and spending a big chunk of my daily life on disgusting public transport without mobile internet. Not to self: life is not a movie. However, it was a memorable seven weeks. I applied for another job, quit and got another job all in the space of a week. And now I'm happily working doing real graphic design, not faux graphic design masquerading under the name of advertising. It's good to know that while I'm on holidays right now, I'm not dreading going back to work. Well, I am in a sense, but not because of the work or environment. I'm dreading going back because I fear I'll have no life except for work for the entirety of 2011. I'm praying that life will somehow find a way to squeeze itself into existence between all the working hours I'll do. Back to working in the city for a moment... I do wish living and working in the city was for me. I always thought it was and that I loved the city. Turns out I just like visiting. I do love the city, but in moderation. I love the busyness and all the people to watch. I love being alone in a sea of faces. But at the end of the day, it's not me at all. It's funny how I thought it was, then suddenly you discover you were fooling yourself. I come from a big house not an apartment, with lots of room, grass and birds. And real birds, not pigeons. I love looking out to the horizon and seeing tops of trees, not tops of buildings. My whole teenage life I had a romantic notion to live and work in the city. It only took one week to realise that's not me. I'm 26 and I'm just starting to figure out who I am. I think this must be why people in their late 20s start to blossom into their own, get better looking, get better fashion sense... because they're finally starting to feel comfortable within themselves. Also. I'll leave you with some links. Follow me around the internet if you like. I have all sorts of pages, blogs and tweeting spaces these days. (Tumblr is new as of today, so there's not much there yet.) http://twitter.com/likearainstorm http://www.flickr.com/photos/merri-b http://like-a-rainstorm.tumblr.com |
| I want to go to America. Yes, I think my next trip will be to the US. I've always kind of had a slight aversion to the US, but I think I'm warming up a bit. Besides, think of all the things I can do there that I can't do aaaallll the way down in Australia. For starters, I can see bands in concert that have very little chance of coming here in the next 5 years. I also have two good friends, one in Kansas and one in West Virginia, who I know would love me to visit. I've double checked and the whole "come to the US and you can come stay with me!!" isn't all talk. They actually mean I can come and stay. Which is awesome. Free accommodation. No, of course not, I would pay or do something in return for my stay. I don't usually plan my trips this far in advance though, so who knows if it will even happen. There are lots of things in my way. I have the main problem of full-time work, for one. And even if I went in 2012, which seems the first possible date right now, I would still never have accrued enough leave to go for the length of time I have in my head. We only accrue 2 weeks of leave a year, so if I went in 2012 I would have only 4 weeks saved. Tours themselves would take probably 3 of those and can't visit both my friends in just one week! I say 2012 because obviously it won't be this year... and 2011 will only be my second year of full-time work, plus my sister will have her newborn and my parents are travelling. 2011 is actually shaping up to be rather predictable, which is a new feeling for me! Most years since I've started this blog I've had very little idea what's in store for each year. That's not to say something unpredictable won't happen. But it's looking unlikely! I suppose I don't mind. I really do mind actually, but I also realise that full-time work is important and I need to do it. And it's not so bad really. It's just feels very plateaued. I don't think I'll ever get over the "my life is so boring" full-time work provides. Hmmm. Anywho. I was talking about visiting the US? Sweet. Here I come! Slowly...  |
| So I haven't written in awhile... and I really have to stop opening every other entry with that! Life is good. I've been at my work almost 5 months now, and I'm pretty sure they consider me part of the furniture now. I've done some really big projects lately which have earned a bunch of money, so they're happy with my progress. Unfortunately, I don't get anything out of the big projects personally apart from kudos. It would be nice to have a monetary bonus, but they don't work like that. But at least I am enjoying this job. My only problem is restlessness. As soon as my world starts to settle, I get restless. I never feel like I'm getting as much out of life as I could. I'm happy to have steady income and a steady job - but it's just so... steady. Full-time work - it's like the never-ending circle of days broken up by weekends. I'm not sure why I feel like this. It's almost like I prefer the restlessness of unemployment simply because there's some mystery. I'm not saying I don't enjoy the job. I really do. It's good work and I'm good at it. But you know, it's life in general. I'm turning 26 in a couple months and I just want something big to happen. My whole life thus far has been work and study. But it's all the in-between bits that stick out as the best parts. You would think that the big chunks that take up your life would at least make it into the top 5. But full-time work. Wow. It's so full-time. Insightful, I know. Though, it does make you savour the little things more. I think once I get through the next few months and Christmas starts to appear on the horizon, things might look up. My sister will be having her baby, a new year will begin, life will change as it always does. It just feels like life is at a standstill right now. Sometimes you feel like the world is spinning out of control, and then it just slows down to a Sunday drive around the block. I know things will happen. I should probably enjoy the calm while it lasts. I just don't want it to last too long. I know God has lots in store for me, but I'm just waiting. Probably not as patiently as He would like, but waiting nevertheless. |
| Just checking in! Things are going alright for me. Just cruising along. I'm still at my job, and it still amazes me that it's all worked out this way. After working in the city and hating it, and seamlessly moving into this job that is so much better. God really listens - it's given me a stronger faith for sure. Maybe that was the reason I was brought to the job in the city? It confuses me that I felt led to be there, then found it wasn't the job for me. Maybe the whole thing was just to force me to give in to God and let him lead. And it's worked so far!  It has been a little hard getting into the routine of day to day work, and getting back into the swing of doing that. Mondays are generally the worst! Last Monday I had three coffees before 11am. But I read that if you get all your coffees out the way before about 10 or 11am, it will stay in your system all afternoon and by the time you get to bed you'll fall asleep without trouble. Most days, I have a coffee with my breakfast before work and then I have another when I get there and that's it for the day. I think that's okay. Except that coffee goes straight through me and by 9:30am I'm busting to pee! Of course I live for weekends now, like every other full-time working person. I go out most Fridays - either to a movie or a club/bar or just dinner. Some Saturdays I go out. I like staying home on the weekends because I'm tired... but I have to admit, I feel better and more revived if I go out and do something. Though I think next week I might take a break, go to the video store, borrow out some movies I've been wanting to watch for ages and just watch movies all weekend. I have also developed a bit of a pet peeve from working full-time. Stores shut too early! When I was out Friday night, I moved some guys beer because it was about to fall off the table, it accidentally slipped from my hand and I split half of it over my jacket which was lying on the chair. Ugh. It says dry-cleaning only on the tag, so Saturday I went to take it in and they're closed all weekend and I presume shut at 5pm-ish. I'm hoping they're open 'til 6pm at least, but I'll check tomorrow after work. So anyway - my life obviously consists of fairly trivial things right now. But that's okay, it's nice for now. Oh, and my sister is pregnant! I'm going to be an Auntie for the first time!! She's 14 weeks at the moment, so a little while to go but it's going to be exciting. Once they find out if it's a boy or a girl, I can start buying little presents... |
| Where to start? Well, things on the job front are going well. I did the 10 day trial, and moved seamlessly into the 90 day probationary period and so far, they seem to like me and how I roll. I'm enjoying it much more than my last stint in advertising, and the people are nicer to work with. So yay! Just cruising along from week to week, mostly living for weekends as most people with jobs do. Speaking of weekends, last night was an interesting one! My last entry I was also going out... and I ended up going but it ended up being quiet and just the two of us. We never bumped into her bf and his mates. They were there but weren't allowed into the bar or something so they left. I went again the next week and finally saw that guy I liked again. It was alright. He was designated driver that night so wasn't really drinking and was pretty quiet. Had a hell of a lot of nervous energy though... lol. But last night. Last night was rather eventful. I went out, hoping to see him again and stayed at my friend's so I could drink more than one... but then he didn't turn up. *sigh* So all my daydreams through the week got a bit foggy. So it was just me, my friend, her bf and two of his mates. One I'd met before the other week, and the other guy was new to me. They're nice guys, but at dinner they all ordered one of those massive fishbowl drinks. One each! So obviously, they were all rather smashed rather quickly. Funny, but seriously... that's a lot of alcohol. After dinner, we moved on to the first bar where they had some crap karaoke thing happening... it was okay but all the guys did was stand around and watch the footy and yell. I started on my drinking which was bacardi & coke for the rest of the night... the awesome thing about going out with guys is that they buy you drinks. They shout rounds each, but for some reason us girls are never really allowed to shout. You offer and it's laughed off. No complaining here! I noticed at this bar that one of the guys was showing a little body language interest, but I didn't really think anything of it. I was handed another drink without asking, I think it was from my friend's bf. I was standing at the bar though laughing about some of the karaoke choices, and I didn't notice anyone asking. Anyway, finally we move on to the next bar which is a bit busier and louder and more drunk. Somehow my fee to get in was paid for but I don't really know how that happened. She just stamped my wrist and said I'm good to go. I get a normal coke here and sit down! My friend appears at my side, followed shortly by this guy. Her bf and the other guy have disappeared... We start chatting, and soon it's fairly obvious he has a thing for me. He's begging me to dance (I've not had nearly enough drinks to dance!) and comparing hand sizes... he was a tradie and quite broad with big hands so they always marvel at how small and feminine my hands are. The other guys reappear and after a little while of talking and another bacardi & coke appearing, suddenly someone decides that the table should have tequila shots. Oh nooo, no, no! Seriously. No. For starters, my dinner sucked so I barely ate anything and I'd already had 2 bacardi & cokes with another waiting for me. I was in no frame of mind to be doing shots. Besides, I've never had one and unfortunately, I didn't think now was a good time to start considering the food factor and I was already feeling heady on just two drinks. So much to the disgust of the table, I chickened out and did like 1/16th of a shot. One of the guys grabbed my hand and made me lick it, put salt on it and then I had to drink. And really, it was never going to happen. I sipped a bit, licked the lime and gave up. I knew I was never going to drink it, so I tried to satisfy them by at least trying. All I got was a round of verbal abuse! Pffft. I know it was just to loosen me up, but I was pretty sure all it would do is make me vomit. In the end, my friend drank hers AND mine. She was pretty gone. One by one, they all went to the toilet and came back looking a little grey.After that, we went upstairs to the dancing. Nooooo! I'm like, dying already and not wanting to dance at all. I could already feel a hand on my back and as soon as we got upstairs, I'm being dragged onto the floor. I tried a little. But still much to inhibited. I soon gave up and found a wall. Of course, soon after that, the guy who's into me found the wall too. Somehow I ended up sitting on his lap (the seating was weird) with my arm around him (oops for giving wrong signals but it was only to stabilize myself... really) and he's going in for a kiss. No, no, no, no... Call me whatever you like, but I couldn't give in. Besides, I haven't kissed in years. I, maybe not so tactfully, just veered away and made a 'sorry' face. Lots of touching and compliments and tries again, but no. The other thing is that I know he just got out of a 4-year relationship a month ago because he wasn't ready for the commitment. I'm not about to get involved with that sort of baggage. I yell in his ear about rebound and such, and he assures me he's so over it etc etc. Uh-huh. Eventually I get up and subtly move away, find my friend and her bf dancing and try to join them. Not to dance but to escape! I see this guy talking to his friend, glancing my way. Geez, boys are such gossipers. Eventually, dancing gets pretty painful and when I can't see him around anymore, I find my wall again. Literally like, two seconds later, he's back. He yells something about getting me a drink, so I think what the hell why not. I thought I heard him say something about rum, so I assume he's getting me a bacardi & coke as per usual. But he's not. He bought me some tiny shot that looks black. It doesn't look good! I'm like... what's this? Clearly you're trying to get me smashed. He assures me he's not! lol, does he think I'm stupid? After some coaxing, I go to taste a little to see if I can get it down.... it is seriously the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. The first taste was bad, the after-taste was ten times worse. I apologize, but couldn't possibly drink it. He looks a little shattered, then puts a positive spin on it saying he's impressed I rejected it. Strong-willed or something. lol. So anyway, the night keeps going on. And on and on. I find the other guy randomly standing around by himself and say hi. I mention I think I offended his friend, and he's like 'nooo, he's so into you, he really likes you.' There's more dancing downstairs, and I try again but still too awkward. I find an decent seat, and then of course, I'm found again. haha. Later on, my friend's bf was saying they kept wondering where he was. Found me first and then promptly found him too. He asks for my number, and I give type it in his phone.. and then ask him to type in my name. Earlier at dinner when he first sat down, he couldn't remember my name from last time. He thought it was something else entirely, and then when someone told him my real name, he remembered it for a bit but then reverted back to this other name. So all night at dinner he was calling me this, and I corrected him and he knew he kept getting it wrong but not on purpose. So anyway, I'm asking him to type in my name and he types in the wrong one! He's so drunk by now and adamant it's my name. He can't remember my real name and I'm not telling him! I'm playing really hard to get and he's all 'oh I like a woman in control' lol. Eventually, I grab his phone and delete my number, and again he's shattered. I'm getting a bit over it by this point. I'm sure he's a lovely guy and all, but he's totally smashed and just won't give up hitting on me. He tries for about 2 more kisses, but I'm not easy to get. I'm a bit mean I suppose, but you know, he's on the rebound and can't even remember my name. I think those are two very good reasons to put my walls up. I suppose if I was drunker I would've had some fun with it. I said maybe we can go out when he's sober.  Finally, after a painful last hour or so of avoiding we get to go home. Don't get me wrong, it was fun! Definitely surprising. And rather flattering actually. I lost count how many times he told me (okay, drunkenly slurred) be liked me, how cute I am, etc etc. I thought a night like that might happen, but it was the wrong guy! Actually, I think maybe they all talk a lot because when he bought me that shot and I wouldn't drink it, he makes a sad face and said 'is it -insert name here-?' As if, is it because of him you won't do anything with me? It was really random. So we have to walk home after this. My friend lives not far away so I'm staying with her and so is her bf. This other guy lives just around the corner. So we start walking, and by now, all three guys are completely gone. None of them can walk straight and they keep drifting onto the road. Dangerous, much? We got home eventually, he shouts goodbye to me using the wrong name of course (even after I gave him earlier and told him my real name. Which he promptly forgot). It was a fun night, but I think I'll hold off doing it again for awhile! He rang his mate this morning and said to pass on an apology to -wrong name-. LOL. |
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