|I am going back to the doctor today to report my success in overcoming the temporary sanity that plagued me in December and culminated in a near-death experience at Christmas. I have studiously avoided lucidity for a long time and now I know why. It is something that should be approached with caution.
Manic anxiety has its drawbacks to be sure, but sanity is no piece of cake. Being able to relax resulted in relaxing. This is not a very productive condition. I had a guitar that was about two hours from completion and I didn’t work on it at all. All my other little unsanctioned projects which are scattered about lay scattered about for the whole month. Some of the materials were not suitable for laying about. But, what should I care? I was relaxed. Following that, I was even more relaxed thanks to an IV.
I lost eleven pounds in five days while in the hospital. It was not an easy diet, but it was sure an effective one. I found that I had no appetite at all when I got home. I still don’t. I have lost another fifteen pounds. Losing twenty five pounds in three weeks is evidently not considered healthy. This is interesting information but not very useful. How to cook something that isn't repulsive would be useful.
So, I will have a lot to report. What with my success in attaining that state we so accurately predicted, my epic diet (which I call the “don’t eat” diet), my renewed interest in unsanctioned hobbies, and the return of some truly unpleasant symptoms, it is a veritable garden of psychiatric delight.
If you find yourself in a position of not being sure which side of the line you have fallen on, get up and refer to this useful free advice (the best kind!) that you will find nowhere else. Here are a few of the key differences between sane and somewhat less so:
Sane – Stubs toe, hops on one foot swearing, looks for the offending item to see if it is small enough to throw out into the yard.
Less Sane – Stubs toe, begins hitting furniture with yard stick to see if it moves, chases the offending item out of the house with swordsman-like skill failing to take breakables into account. (See Don’t Do This - Glues, Adhesives, Bonding Agents, and Touch Up Paints).
Sane – Opens mail, sees savings account balance, puts statement in file.
Less Sane – Opens mail, mistakes the statement for a bill and the balance for the balance due, experiences a transcendent rush of hysteria, calls bank for mortgage refinancing options, takes inventory of balms, herbs, salves, tinctures, ointments, and medicinals. Takes one of some, two of most, and drinks everything even remotely alcoholic. See Three Plausible Excuses for Insensateness and Twelve Less So.
Sane – Gets up in the middle of the night, goes back to bed, goes to sleep.
Less Sane – Gets up in the middle of the night, looks for source of annoying whispers, accidentally wakes up spouse while threatening source of whispers, mistakes spouse as source of annoying whispers, makes a rash and very ill advised accusation, listens attentively while faults are recounted in detail, gets yardstick, returns to looking for source of whispers.
It is easy to determine your mental status by applying these factors. If you have become imbalanced, all the dangerous furniture will have been removed to the lawn, you will know your mortgage refinancing options, and you will have a complete inventory of your faults. If you don’t have any of those things, don’t worry. Those annoying whispers are obviously for someone else.