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 My blog was filled up. I'm too lazy to clean it out. So I started a new one. |
| I refuse to make another resolution only to disappoint myself. Weekly goals are as far as I care to reach. AARP tells us not to resolve things about achievement. Instead, we are told to think of single words that we want to describe ourselves at the end of 2023, They don't give examples. I thought of thinner or lighter. Richer would be a good one. Stronger, healthier. More grateful. Loving. Etc. You can can come up with better ones. No one is going to describe himself as angry or mean or short-tempered, so it's doubtful that anyone would think of "pleasant" or "patient" or other forms of kindness. We're advised to think of words that help us develop who we want to become, rather than what we want to achieve. So I'm setting no goals. I'm going to work on personal development to become a more secure, calm, peaceful, fulfilled person. We have a year to see how that works out. |
| I had finished my Christmas shopping when I discovered I would have two extra children for Christmas Day. It's not just a meal, I can always feed extras on holidays. But they would be there for family gift exchanging which already included 7 children. I was busy. I had to put candles out on the street, sing in the choir Christmas Day and had much cooking to do. So I would not do any last minute shopping. Needless to say, I am ashamed I had no gifts for a 7 year old and an eleven year old. Fortunately, my brother, who lives in another town, has a ten year old son who thought of it, and who made his parents buy something for him to give them. At least they had a little something to open. Then my 5 year old great nephew was tired and went berserk when they arrived at 3. He wanted to open every present he saw and threw a screaming tantrum. His mother held him to stop the crying much much later. He went to sleep in her arms, so he missed the rest of the family doing gifts in the family room. When he woke, it was almost as bad, just not loud crying. We had finished dinner by then. One family hadn't shown up, so their gifts were still downstairs. He got into them. We caught him before he got far. But he would not come back down to open his gifts. He wanted them upstairs. Now you can't discipline someone else's child. But we will not repeat this next year! My mother would have spanked us until we had the fear of God. This mother is not that stern, and "negotiates", instead of punishing. Nothing went as I had planned. All that housework and furniture arranging to accommodate everyone at once. Trying to have the food warm all at once, etc. What a waste. The kids played outdoors, which is good in that they were tearing up the yard instead of my house! They even played in the dark, when it was in the low 20's. I ended up with my wheelbarrow near the front door. My brother, who is 12 years younger than I, braved the cold yesterday to straighten what he could. One of the non-related children had pulled out some heavy wire (coat hanger thickness) and I got it tangled up in the wheels of the trash can Sunday night. Maybe next year, is I'm not broke by then, I can go on vacation for Christmas! |
| I had to look it up. I read a short story about some gangsters drinking hot Tom and Jerry's in a speakeasy during prohibition. Well, I learned a new drink recipe. It started in the 1820's in England, named for some play characters of the time. It was mostly a holiday drink, but has now fallen out of fashion. Maybe, it's the calories or the extra trouble to make one. When making a batch, which would have been normal, you separate a dozen eggs. Beat the yokes until liquid. Set aside. Beat the whites with enough sugar to make them very stiff. I found one modern version that suggests a pinch of cream of tartar to keep the sugar from sinking to the bottom of your mug. Carefully, blend the stiff whites and the runny eggs together with cloves, cinnamon, and nutmeg, all ground, of course. Heat some whole milk. Add a wine glass of dark rum, and a pony glass (approx. 3 oz.) of cognac or brandy to your "batter", or egg mixture. Pour slowly while stirring to avoid coking the yolks. Dip some into a mug of hot milk, although some claim it's just as good cold, but not as comforting in winter. You may sprinkle a dash of nutmeg if you like, or add a spoon of rum. It's the sugar and whole milk that adds extra calories, but 2 or 3 may not be any worse than a McFlurry or a frothy coffee with chocolate mini chips. In the story I read, the gangsters were hilarious after about 5 of these. Talk about a crime gone awry! I really want to try a batch for a gathering. |
| Today I had an unexpected text asking me to have lunch with my four year old great nephew at his school for Turkey day. I jumped into the shower and took my medicine before answering. I showed up at the school, but they weren't doing anything for parents or grands this week. I called my niece to discover she had mentioned the wrong child. I was at the wrong school. I had to drive miles away to get to his school, but they have a long lunch time, so I made it. He played with another boy, did not eat, and basically ignored me. He did tell the teacher I was his grandma. On the way home, I stopped near the horse farm where I fell on the gravel road back in August. I had blacked out, and still haven't recalled falling or what happened to me. I am still healing from my numerous injuries. Nothing rang a bell. No sparks of light came back to me. I was running beside the moving car, and came to on the ground with grass in my face. I tried to determine where I fell, which tree stopped the car, where the boys were standing when I came to. Nothing. There are piles of dry leaves covering the ground. The skid marks in the gravel, where I pulled out of the woods, are gone. Oh, well, my memory is gone with it. Only some pain and the scars remain. Then as I got closer to town, I decided to stop at the cemetery. I visited the family plot and talked to my mother, my two brothers, and my father, the last to go. It was hard. I told them I missed them and thanked them for all their love, even the spats or disagreements. If they were here, we'd have a less than ideal Thanksgiving, but we'd be together. They could spoil all those little ones. My mother never met any of them. One bother, who lavished gifts on kids he knew, only met one of the kids. The other brother was the grandfather of six, including the baby I met at school today. He also knew and loved the 7th child, the only son of my baby brother who will celebrate with me this week. Then I drove further into the cemetery to visit my mother's parents, who passed in the 1980's. I thanked them for all the memories and for giving me my wonderful mother. I knew they weren't perfect, but they loved me and I loved them. So totally without planning, I spent at least half the day honoring 5 generations of my family. I have so much to do this week, but this was time well spent. I spent time outdoors, gave thanks and paid my respects to people who have meant a lot to me and still mean a lot. t |
| I heard a sermon last Sunday about Moses being so close to the Promised Land, yet being denied the fulfillment of his dream. He was never to enter that land. The message for us was that, perhaps, we, too, have dreams which we need to release. I spoke with several others later, who felt as I did, that he was preaching to us individually. I didn't realize this was a universal theme. I feel a need to have my own ceremony: to get out the shovel and dig a hole in the flower bed, or several. Then I should symbolically bury a couple of old dreams. We all have different dreams, but life gets in the way. At some point we realize we might have the ambition, but not the talent to be a rock star. Personally, I will never be a self-made millionaire. I will never live in a large home which I decorated myself, with lovely landscaping. I will not be a world traveler. I will not have children or grandchildren. For that matter, It is highly unlikely I will ever find true romantic love. I will never have an enviable, successful career. Those are all dreams I need to let go. Yes, there are motivational speakers who tell us we don't dream big enough. We are encouraged to make Vision Boards. I decided retiring should be re-firing, as Kathy Lee Gifford says. So, I made a Vision Board almost two years ago. The vision included travel, decluttering my life, falling in love (more important, having someone one good fall in love with me), a well-maintained yard, being a productive writer, reading prolifically, being physically fit for someone my age and with my medical problems, overhauling and replacing my wardrobe, and losing weight. I actually bought the poster board and glued pictures, etc. I still look at it occasionally, and think I'm making no progress. After all that work, the speaker told us to narrow the list down. So, I combined weight and exercise together, combined house and yard and car under decluttering/organizing, I eliminated wardrobe, except on an as needed basis, and travel due to a more realistic financial outlook. And now I realize that we do sometimes hang onto dreams too long. I am going to give up perusing cruise catalogs. I am going to stop being envious of friends who go to exotic places with their families. I confess that I gave up the notion of my own family due to biology, but that at various times in my life, usually stressful times, I imagined what it would be like to have my kids; Maybe I pictured teenagers, a few years later, I pictured college students or beyond. Then I hit the grandma phase. If I had started young enough, I'd have great grandkids by now, maybe even teenage great grandkids. I need to bury the fantasies, along with the desire. I have held onto dreams, despite circumstances, because I always believed and hoped some miracle "out there" would happen and make it possible to open my own business, or an older Prince Charming would come along and make every day life seem more exciting. But those dreams might be keeping me from making the most of where I am right now. If I have my little ceremony, it doesn't mean I'm giving up on life or becoming a sedentary has been. I just need to be in the here and now, and not a dream from decades ago. I need to put my emotional and mental energy to realistic dreams for today, using my talents and creativity available now. I can't sing like I used to. So what? My memory takes a second or two longer. I have so much to remember. If I let go of what wasn't meant to be, maybe I'll find satisfaction. |
| I took a 2 hour vegan class today at the hospital outpatient center. There were useful tips. We got a free lunch for our free class. It was just samples of her salads. It was kind of fun, if you have low requirements for fun. I learned that the healthiest foods have three criteria: no animal product, no (or low) saturated fats, has fiber. I don't mind cutting back on meat products, but dairy products are my addiction. I can't make it without eggs and cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt, ice cream, and milk in baked goods, etc. Chicken is no better than beef or pork. Meat is meat. Fat is fat. Period. Olive oil, EVO, coconut oil are no lower in calories than bacon fat or corn oil. Physicians tells us that now we no longer count carbs if you're diabetic or trying to lose weight. Concentrate on plants to be healthier. This group claims the way to reduce arthritis, maintain (or possibly reverse) diabetes, prevent cancer, and live with heart disease is to eat a plant based diet. And physical movement, of course. I have already reduced my meat consumption, due to inflation, but now I will make a conscientious choice to do veggies and fruit. I take fiber supplements and occasionally eat oatmeal, so now more veggies will increase that. I'll see how it turns out. We did not see any cooking in this class, only mixing and a lecture. |
| Prompt: Cultural - Culinary Arts: Do you like to cook? Do you search for restaurants that server something special you have never tasted before or for those restaurants that serve your favorite foods made with slightly different recipes? If your answer to any of these questions are yes, you are interested in the culinary arts. What Are the Culinary Arts? defines the culinary arts and gives some detail about everything it involves. What do you think? I looked at the website and became immediately convinced I know nothing of the culinary arts. In the definition, it clearly states desserts and baking bread don't count. It specifies look, color, pleasing to the eye, etc. At my house, if you can't stand the look of a little char, don't plan on eating. I do like experimenting with herbs and spices. I even discovered recently, you don't want to saute onions in coconut oil, unless you like the taste of coconut with onion. I also discovered that lean ground meat does not make good hamburgers. You must have the fat for moisture and tenderness, unless you mix in something else like veggies or other meat. Lean ground meat is okay for meatballs or stroganoff, or pizza topping, but it makes very chewy, almost leathery burgers. My favorite TV cook is Alton Brown. I learn a lot from him. Yet I still have not become the chef that anyone wants to visit. Good cooking may be an art form, but I am not an artist. |
| "Pet peeves" aren't popular any more. No one ever lists them, but I still have a few. One of them is using "stalk" instead of rib when talking about celery. I don't believe a human can eat a whole stalk of celery, but a rib or two is very healthy and tasty. The stalk is a whole bundle of ribs. In fact in the grocery store these days, a bundle is usually several stalks. The rough outer ribs are cut up for other things. The heart is the tenderest, center piece(s). I'd like to point out there is no vanilla in vanilla wafers. Not even artificial vanilla flavoring. If you want a real vanilla wafer, you have to make your own. Alton Brown has a good recipe for them. He recommends that you always make your own wafers when making banana pudding. I'm really peeved to know that it's almost impossible to buy real ice cream. You can buy a frozen dairy dessert. I want to find an affordable home ice cream churn and make my own. That's enough peeves for a Monday. |
| After 8 days in the hospital, I am now at home, limping, and hurting, trying to care for myself. I certainly have learned to appreciate the menial work they have to do. Catching up on e-mail, snail mail, bill paying , etc., is time consuming. As if taking a tumble downhill on a gravel road wasn't bad enough, the hospital discovered I was COVID-positive. I was asymptomatic. I discovered my measuring tools for COVID were out of date. The new strains do not affect smell or taste. I never had a fever or felt nauseous. This affects your hospital stay. Housekeeping will not come in your room. You have to clean your own toilet, and overlook the trash on the floors. No one will refill the soap pump in the bathroom. The nurse has to take care of all trash, which overloads quickly, because of the gowns for all personnel. remove before going though the door. It also limits my leaving the room for therapy and exercise. Food service is not allowed in. They use disposable trays or boxes. All food containers are trash. They throw on too many sugars, salts, ketchups, so that no on has to come back into the room. Some employees feel they've already taken so many chances, what's one more? The same is true for all of us. Unless you work from home and have all your groceries and meds delivered, you're going to be taking some chances. I tried going outside for a while, but got a bunch of mosquito bites. I have too many bandages and bruises to add a layer of mosquito repellent. Meanwhile, I suggest you keep the mask to protect yourself, washing your hands more frequently, don't sit to close to people outside you family, like at churches and theaters, wash all your produce carefully as soon as you get home, My doctor told me to turn off the AC, open the windows and doors, set up the fans to draw out the germs (my germs). I was already cleaning a lot. I wash my sinks and toilets every day. Then be prepared. Bottom line, my injuries were far worse than my COVID. I am an invalid now, but not because of the pandemic. Once the skin heals on my foot and ankle, the bruising subsides, and the muscles go back to normal, and they drain the hematoma on my elbow, I won't remember the COVID. But for the hospital,that was more important than the fracture in my toe or my other injuries. |
| The car was in the shop for over a week. I did not get a loaner or a rental. I stayed at home. Trying to save money, and I did not need a ride to or from work. I did get my niece's car from Friday night until Sunday night. It came with her 3 kids. I gave up the car and the kids when she came back to town! I can now sympathize with those who because of eyesight, disability, or age-related problems have to give up the car keys. The sense of independence is gone. I had nowhere to go, but felt imprisoned, knowing I couldn't go. I felt like a child, completely dependent on taxis or others. It gave me a glimpse of what a long-term stint will be as I age further. (I am not going to be one of those still going strong in my 90's.) Driving gives you that sense of independence when you're 16. It stays with you, but you take it for granted until you lose it. Giving up driving is difficult for seniors. Many don't give it up soon enough. I've had enough of that for a while. |
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