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I try my best to read everything on Writing.com with great care. My reviews always include a first impression, my feelings about theme and structure and where appropriate, some thoughts about possible revisions.*Mugr*
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I give my best reviews on stories, poems and articles that hold my interest and stir up my emotions.~~ *Smile*
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Short Stories, Poems, Articles and Essays. ~~
Least Favorite Item Types
lessons and puzzles. ^^*Mugr*
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Will not review anything with a rating over 18; no horror or erotica.^^*Mugr*
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Boat2*    Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.*Boat2*


Greetings Naomi Author IconMail Icon,  Welcome to Writing.com! I was pleased to read  "Trip To Pescador Island" Open in new Window. from your portfolio and it is my pleasure to give your writing a review.

*Snow1*  *Snow4*  *Snow2*This review too is being offered as part of the first WDC Superpower Reviewers Portfolio Raid Review of 2023!*Snow1*  *Snow4*  *Snow2*
Click on the fancy snow image to join us in reviewing the WdC Community

January 7, 2023

*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
With an incredibly enchanting back drop of the great Pacific Ocean, and tropical isles and a tone of love and respect, the story of Naomi and her brother's big adventure with Papa is a tale of heritage, legacy and the power of parenting with wisdom and foresight. In the 21st century with so much disconnect in the modern family, how one instills courage, boldness and trust in children is beautifully laid out in a story that is languid in its pace but stunning in its impact.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Blessed are those who learn to trust. Doubly blessed are those who learn to walk through this life with the greatest wisdom possible, to know who, what and how much to trust, and without fear. In one brilliant moment a story carries the reader into a defining moment of staying calm, focused and fearless in the storm. There is a lesson within a lesson as the patriarch of the family navigates with simple skill a treacherous moment on a troubled sea.

*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told in the first person, past tense, with a good balance of "showing" the action and narrative. The dialogue is quick, enlightening and fun to read.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was my favorite moment:

“We all started paddling the boat. The boat was running fast to our destination. The wide blue ocean, the vast high skies with white clouds, the very pleasant morning when the sun was about to shine, the calmness of the sea, the kingfisher taking a quick splash catching her food, it was our very own paradise. Since childhood I always stated that nothing compares [with] the beauty of the sea .”

In a few words the trip to the island takes on a flash of color, contrast and the work of nature. There is something about giant bodies of water that draw the souls of mankind to wonder who we are in all of this vastness. But only those who have a firm trust in God and those who affirm us in that trust, enjoy the full scope of what is being communicated to us through all of creation.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
If you were to do a rewrite of this story, there are just a few edits that are needed in punctuation and sentence structure to make your piece perfect.

For instance:
"We said goodbye to Mama .She placed her right hand in on our foreheads [ , ] as a blessing.

I would suggest changing the word "in" with the word "on," in the above sentence. Also, I believe there should be a comma between the words "foreheads" and "as."


Other than a few other edits like the one above, I would not suggest any changes to your charming story.


*Coffeer**Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY*Coffeer**Coffeer*
 
"Trip To Pescador Island" Open in new Window. is a heart warming lesson in how trust, courage, joy of living and casting your cares on Jesus are imparted to our children. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

*Music2*~Kenword~*Music2* *Mugr**MugR*
 

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon






(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(01.07.23)
(Recognition 300 11.29.22)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
27
27
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Greetings LeJenD' Author IconMail Icon, Happy Anniversary! I was pleased to read  "Without You: A Love Poem" Open in new Window. from your portfolio and delighted to give your writing a review, as my way of saying, “Congratulations On Your Anniversary On Writing.com!”

December 5, 2022
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Speculation of what life would be without the one who is dearest to us is building a road with tear stained gravel, and fear based oils. The height of sorrow is to meet life where it will end, if it ends with no hope of a distant reunion. Already, my emotion embraces anger though the face of the one I cherish is still very much next to mine. Her laughter quells the torrent of “what ifs” that flood my mind...but in the deeper parts of my soul I remember the “hell” I lived when there was no love in my life.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
The end of love is near, as it is invested in one true and eternal love. Except, eternity ends when the last breath is taken by the “dear beloved.”
 
*Coffeer*  SPECIAL QUALITIES
 
The images of what it means to have a perfect friendship are excellent. The emotional ties are well defined. The heart, as it considers what will be after losing the most dear person on earth, is allowed to express question after question even though there seems to be only the unwanted single answer. The present beauty of a life lived together, is expressed beautifully in the questions of what will life be like without the “dear beloved.”
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was one of my favorite moments:

“Without you, I am nothing,
full of anger and despair.
A darkened soul without its light
in the absence of your care."
 
My “dear beloved,” was in the cardiac unit, (thankfully before COVID) holding her hand I could only wonder. What if the tests are declaring the end of our life together. I could not stop my mind from going into the darkest regions of despair. Even my faith in heaven and our life together on the other side of this were challenged. What if I had twenty more years without her precious laugh, and the love she has for me in her beautiful mirth-filled eyes.

I praise God that I was spared that journey and her health has never been better. But we live in a world of beautiful people who live in the grief and trauma of losing their most dearest loves. Now, in my 7th decade, many of my friends walk the lonely road without the one they dearly loved so much. Your words remind me of what the final walk out of this life will look like for those departing and those who must remain.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Everything about your poem was beautiful. Your words, I believe, are an encouragement to those who must ponder what life will be without their special friend. There would be nothing I would suggest changing in your poem.

*Coffeer**Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY*Coffeer**Coffeer*
 
"Without You: A Love Poem" Open in new Window. requires a deep consideration of what life is like now in the beauty of love and tenderness compared to where life will be when our dearest loved ones depart this world.
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

*Music2*~Kenword~*Music2* *Mugr**MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon





(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(12.05.22)
(Recognition 300 11.29.22)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
28
28
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Greetings Earthenware_Haven Author IconMail Icon, Happy Anniversary! I was pleased to read  "NOLA, a wishing well and christmas" Open in new Window. from your portfolio and delighted to give your writing a review, as my way of saying, “Congratulations On Your Anniversary On Writing.com!”

November 19, 2022


*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
I’m so glad to read an “Angel Tree” story. I’ve been blessed to participate in this annual tradition at various churches around the country and the tie between wishes, expectation and actual manifestation of the gifts was a lift to my heart. All in all, though some may be skeptical about wishes and wishing wells, I am not a skeptic. Wishing leads to hope, hope leads to faith, faith is sincere prayer. Faith is the code to override circumstances which move the angels assigned to a child; angels who are always present in the court of a loving God, to answer those prayers. One of my most precious Christmas’ for my daughter came completely through a wish, a prayer, faith and some dear saints.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A wishing well reminds even the most heartless Scrooge among us that some of the best gifts in this life come through supernatural means. When all else seems hopeless, make a wish. And maybe go a step further and pray. Those who feel you have to earn everything in life sometimes miss the true mystery in being God’s child.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
Told from a third person perspective the narrative is compact with images of what it means to live life from one or two paychecks to the next; to work extra hours if you want just a bit more. The tempo is quick, cute, deliberate while sparing the reader the tragic facts that might contend against the cheeriness of the story’s hopeful coloring.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was my favorite moment:

"Girls, be careful what you wish for, whatever we wish for, will come true." They knew it was true.

What convinces a person that the wisdom and understanding of one person can be true for another? I’m not sure, but it is essential for growing faith and sustaining hope. Here your story brings to the forefront the place and perspective where inspirational fiction is birthed. The characters are enchanting and the story line is fun and imaginative, but it is the message that transcends the constraints of phrases and logic and genre...etc; there is a call in our hearts to look for hope.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I enjoyed everything about this story. I could only suggest one thing and that would be to expand it some day. The characters are filled with a charm that makes me want to know more about their life together. What are their deeper hopes? Where does a life lived in hope take them?

*Coffeer**Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY*Coffeer**Coffeer*
 
"NOLA, a wishing well and christmas" Open in new Window.reminds me that when life is being lived on a thin thread of a budget, there are many other things that are as important as food, shelter and clothes. An adventure to find a place to meet the supernatural is a good break from the ordinary. It is possible to go to that place everyday, once you have explored a few of its many paths! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

*Music2*~Kenword~*Music2* *Mugr**MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon






(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(11.19.22)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
29
29
Review of Hope Defiant  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Greetings Angels in my Ear Author IconMail Icon, Happy Anniversary! I was pleased to read  "Hope Defiant" Open in new Window. from your portfolio and delighted to give your writing a review, as my way of saying, “Congratulations On Your Anniversary On Writing.com.”
November 19, 2022


*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
One of the hardships of having gone to war is that the starkness of life becomes appealing. Appealing in the sense of being drawn to the contrasts between dark and light, storm and peace, lost and forsaken, found and comforted. The words may mean something else through the lens of societal challenges, or relational breakdowns, but for the old warrior, its hard to get past the night you got left behind to defend a shallow gully of sand, in freezing cold with a company of infantrymen who know you’re scared and inexperienced. The lightning doesn’t stop and the ground shakes to the rumble of thunder; and somewhere in the dark is an enemy that wants to literally take away the gully you’re bedded down in.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
There is hope. There is always hope. It is not often leaping about on the high ground waving flags to the hopeless saying, “here I am! Here I am!” But hope stands strong. Hope stands against despair. Hope, on most days, is what we must rely on. Hope is like a person who lifts the spirits of fallen men.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
There is a gentle rhythm in the rhyming scheme of this passionate song. The images are strong. The words convey hopelessness while giving some assurance that what is sought after isn’t as illusive as the dark night of shadows might be expressing. If violent nature has its way then all hope is lost. But hope has many faces.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was my favorite moment:

Hope is never really fleeting
It stands forever strong
Defiant and loud it proudly says
Stand fast, keep holding on.


Out of life’s endless chaos, where every kind of belief system can challenge the dream of brotherhood and peace, one central hero stands above it all: “Hope.”
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I enjoyed everything about your poem. It is well written and a pleasure to meditate on just the way you have created it.

*Coffeer**Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY*Coffeer**Coffeer*
 
"Hope Defiant" Open in new Window. Reminded me of a moment in time when I had no hope. I had left my God on the American shore and spent a night in enemy territory fearing that I was breathing my last breaths on earth. With the dawn came a revelation that I would finish college. I would go to school and be something more than a warrior. As the night’s wailing storm was defeated by the rising sun, I suddenly had hope rising even as the gunships moved in to take us out of harm’s way. I still live that hope. Your piece was a sweet reminder of that hope, and why yet I am still drawn to the vicious storms of life. Even hardships can make an old warrior smile. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

*Music2*~Kenword~*Music2* *Mugr**MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon






(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(11.19.22)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
30
30
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
November 9, 2022

Dear Soldier_Mike Author IconMail Icon – I enjoyed reading "Caffeinated smiles" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few of my highly caffeinated thoughts by way of the WDC November Power Reviewers Raid.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
I love inspiration in a story. Give me as big a dose as you like I am ready.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A day that was almost good turned bad. Then it got worse. People, drama, unmet expectations! What can possibly deliver a person out of the grind? Ahhhh...a cup of coffee. Even the clash of the car jockey’s seems better. Just a nice sip. But will it be the coffee that makes the difference to the day?
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
Seen from the third person point of view the setting stays familiar through out the story with business confines, meetings, employee engagement, traffic, and a small family at a coffee shop. The dialogue at the coffee shop is unique and gives a good elevation to the story. It naturally works itself away from the tedious day to a sudden ray of hope.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was my favorite moment:

"Sorry to bother you, ma'am, but I've made a little bet with myself and I need your help."

Is human contact really the answer to one’s declining mental health, when people have been the challenge all day? Yes, I think it is. The tapping of a shoulder. A simple inquiry. A bit of play perhaps...good stuff!
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
The story is good, and clearly set up with enough of a surprise to be worthy of further exploration and development. I am always looking for the basis of good inspirational fiction and you have definitely found it here.

My one suggestion is to shorten up your longer sentences. My preference would be to take them all apart and keep the action going as much as possible. But then again, the longer sentences add to the “ponderous feeling” at the beginning of the story, but the balance wasn’t quite there for my taste.

A good way to address the long sentences might be to put some of the meeting thoughts and feelings into actual words from the co-workers. For instance, “I’ve got some great ideas for our workflow,” said… add some internal mental reaction, and a read of facial and body reaction. It conveys the emotions you are describing, and breaks up some of the narrative.


*Coffeer**Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY*Coffeer**Coffeer*
 
"Caffeinated smiles" Open in new Window. Is a wonderful story of transition from dead doldrums to recreated outlook. The extension of oneself into the lives of others is a lifter nearly all the time. Great story. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

*Music2*~Kenword~*Music2* *Mugr**MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(11.09.22)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
31
31
Review of The Mental Melee  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*





Dear Matthew Frederick Author IconMail Icon – I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading your Poem  "The Mental Melee" Open in new Window.  and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
It starts when he misses the mark. I get a little angry. Then there is the inevitable defense which begins the argument, until we both have our fist raised to inflict harm and pain. The words sting and I am no match for his wit and venom, but he's in me, with me, a river of soulish delight within me. We don't make up necessarily. We go to our individual corners and listen more to those we love than we do to each other. But with new resolve we'll take up this war tomorrow and the day after that.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
My greatest enemy can be the one I see in the mirror each day. I have contended with my demons and have triumphed over many now. Mostly I find myself smiling in the mirror, but there was a time when the encounter was vicious and deadly.
 

*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Everything in the images and sounds of this work rings true and this was my favorite, moment:

Animal instincts arrive, teeth are visible.
He does the same as if he can read my thoughts.
Blows are exchanged, one after another. I fight until I have nothing left.

 
How else can we possibly come to the end of ourselves. And maybe in the end, we are better for the battle for at long last we may step outside and confront the real enemy and die a hero's death.
 


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"The Mental Melee" Open in new Window.seems bleak and hopeless at first, but there is something about the battle that is so familiar, I am able to let the images carry me over the ground I have gained but at a bloody price. It's like watching a blow by blow documentary of World War II, only I'm the center of the violence. Well done! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


Click here to join the WdC Power Reviewers Group!



(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(07.25.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
32
32
Review of Shadow Kiss  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*





Dear sadorose Author IconMail Icon – I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading your Poem  "Shadow Kiss" Open in new Window.  and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Passions bring me through the moments of the day where light engages objects, lingers and then fades away. To have a love who inner mixes with the intensity of the light and remains as the light forgets to linger is an intense mystery of this life that deserves a touch of the lips when the soul expresses its greatest desire. Here I am about to find a union with the one who completes me.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Love does not stand alone forever. Even in the dance between darkness and light there is a surrender to the one who completes us; fulfills our hopes and dreams with a whisper and an embrace.
 

*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
I love the title of this poem. It challenges my mind to embrace the loving dance of light and dark and this was my favorite, moment:

The gentle caress of growing shadow
As a gentle kiss upon my lips
As the shadow becomes one with the light
 
Feed the kids, pay the bills, listen to the day's events, wonder about the emotion, the lack of emotion, each day could be mundane if left to the engine of survival. But experiencing the natural movements of how light and dark work together, inspire a joy to live at another level. How sweet to live out this revelatory vision.
 


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Shadow Kiss" Open in new Window.Opens my heart and soul to the wonder of living in a world of extreme contrasts that if observed carefully begin to speak of a higher love. When I cease to be. When I am lost in the smile of the one who is ever devoted to me. I witness a miracle and I know something about love I could never have imagined. What started out unyielding and small has opened to a wondrous life of endless possibilities when the shadows of this life kissed me. Thanks for writing with imagination and inspiration! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(07.18.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
33
33
Review of Thorn Tower  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*





Dear Early Author IconMail Icon – I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading your story  "Thorn Tower" Open in new Window.  and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
The classic quest to seek the sweet woman of the young man's dreams, turns a bit dark as the forces that draw him to undying love are nothing compared to the immense cruelty that would compel him to stay.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A bit of a fairy tale with great detail and development provoke the reader to rethink, not just Repunzel's wonderous story, but maybe all of the other wonderful tales we are told as children as well.
 

*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The combination of verse and narrative are a delight. The power of the narrative is in the language used by the author. The plot is central and moves with an amazing cadence and this moment stands out completely:

Theodorick crashed to his knees and wept. He had failed her. When his brothers came they would see what a fool he was. No doubt they would have brought along something useful instead of rushing off like a madman. They would rescue her and win her heart.
 
The point of crisis is defined so wonderfully and sets up the shocking conclusion to the story perfectly. The irony is that he is destined to be the rescuer. There is no other. And one cannot always escape one's destiny, especially if destiny is more relentless than the one on the quest to find it.
 


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Thorn Tower" Open in new Window. is a marevlous tale, wonderfully told with vivid details, action and dialogue. I enjoyed the verse integrated in the story, that brings a feeling of the old oral tradition from which most fairy tales emerged. Stew is off my diet for a while though.*Wink* Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


Click here to join the WdC Power Reviewers Group!



(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(07.18.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
34
34
Review of Ode to us  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*





Dear Xiea Author IconMail Icon – I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading your Poem  "Ode to us" Open in new Window.  and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
All around the rules are the feelings charged with the reality of how powerless we are to please other people, do the “right” thing and keep the masses from turning on us. In a world that is constantly at war, making more rules, changing the rules to fit a few who are chosen and exclude those who are not – I am under a cloud of constant apprehension.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
If one could only know how the rest of the world wants one to be, maybe there would be an everlasting peace and contentment. But rules evolve. Some ignored others enforced. Even I confuse me – cookies good this week – but they were so bad last week. Don't eat the cookies.
 

*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The poem leads the reader to embrace the anxiety of a a world where rules are the bubbles we live in and this was my favorite, moment:

Set me up; what's ethically right?
Set me up, I'm not looking for a fight,
Set me up for the screwed up world,
Make me numb like the rest of us.
 
When my rules collide with the rules of the rest of the world, there is going to be a fight. Some Serbian in 1914 takes the life of an Austrian duke and some peasant from Minsk is wondering how in the world it is suddenly his fight – but suddenly the whole world is at war, because one man broke a rule – do no murder.
 


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Ode to us" Open in new Window. gives me a moment to linger over the internal struggle to do what is right. But it can't just be about what I think is right. Conceptually laws say that I have free speech, but on the other hand I had better watch what I say. Nicely said and beautifully written! Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 

GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


Click here to join the WdC Power Reviewers Group!





(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(07.18.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
35
35
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*



Hi  Kåre เลียม Enga Author IconMail Icon, 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I enjoyed reading your Poem  "You dreamed this path" Open in new Window.  and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
There is sadness in the world where humanity seems to be spent for so little coin. And then there is my melancholy where it may seem sad to the rest of the world but I am only locked into a memory that casts a shadow on my usual joy.

There is no tragedy, only a dream of a moment when nature reminded me of my state of unfullfillment. I'm not the rose, or the hydrangea, or even the sunny pansy. I'm something sprung up that while chipper and willowy, doesn't belong with the prized Peonies and Dahlias. The weed I even now experience reminds me that while not extracted from the beautiful, my choices have planted me with the ignored, under-priviledged and disenfranchised who are more my people some days than I care to admit.

*Coffeer*  THEME
 
In just a moment the lover and keeper of a beautiful garden looks away and a weed grows within the well tended boundaries and a relationship is broken by the very choice that should have kept the garden beautiful.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
With an amazingly vibrant and easy flow the poem is written in a free form that begs the audience to go casually along with each image and take a breath. Nice.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The poem is rich with images and one of my favorites was:

“It looked a bit like me,
neglected, sad
among that overwhelming beauty,”

I'm not exactly clear when or why the love stopped. Why had we not perceived that we would each give the other a choice to be bound to something else this life had to offer? While she chose the roses whose petals I had bathed with hope and song, I longed for the thorny briers across the way and was gone.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Only more time to enjoy the pathos arising in my soul over the wonder in these words...but then that is a suggestion for me. Everything in “You Dreamed This Path,” is perfect for me. Thank You.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"You dreamed this path" Open in new Window. opened a different way for me to think of an affair that should not have happened but could not have been avoided because of what we always chose. She and I were meant to be, but I was drawn to the one weed that would separate us forever. Thank you for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 


Reviewer For Paper Doll Gang


Merit Badge in Inspirational W G [Click For More Info] Congratulations on your new "Inspirational ~W~G~" merit badge for your group, [Link To Item #1990737] ! Thank you for supporting the Writing.Com community with your inspirations, participation and activities. We appreciate it! -SMs


(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(06.16.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
36
36
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Strawberry*I am a Strawberry Shortcake Power Raider, here to taste your fare for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!*Delight*


Dear Ruth Draves Author IconMail Icon I am delighted to offer a review of your work for the June 2020 Power Reviewer Raiders weekend review raid. I enjoyed "Peachy Cheesy Cake" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few thoughts I had while reading your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
In the ever present memories of our past the conscious self can't quite slip the overshadowing influence of a parent or a teacher or a friend. The feelings and emotions that can arise from the simple actions of creating a dessert from the days when mom's ways of doing things may have made for kitchen magic have now been eclipsed by swift, efficient technology and more advanced ways of making tasty magic.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Two sisters remember their mother's Peachy Cheesy cake and attempt to recreate the wonder of that special dessert. Along the way, memories of mom gain a place in the process of putting the ingredients together.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is written in the first person past tense from the perspective of the main character.
It is a well balanced story with a fine mixture of dialogue, scene setting and plot development.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The story builds with a lot of fine nuances about mom and grandma's habits and character and this was one of my favorite moments:

“Wait, didn’t we just do that?” Marie asked.

I double-checked the card. “Yes, but these are the directions for the filling now,” I said. “Grandma must have had a thing for beating things for two minutes.”

“At medium speed,” Marie snorted.



Some of the amusements of life is to see instructions given from ages gone by on everything from polishing one's shoes to using an appliance. If the moments are right one can find some serious comic relief in some of the most mundane activities. Why are some things like brushing one's teeth up and down so critical, when instructions to lighting a gas stove (which can blow up) seem boringly simple with so little attention paid to the finer details? Who the author of these great revelations of how to do things is more important than we can ever imagine.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 

I enjoyed the story just the way it is written. Very nicely done.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Peachy Cheesy Cake" Open in new Window. reveals the attitude of sisters towards their mother and grandmother who have past down to them a recipe for one of their favorite desserts. Memories help to bring a cheese cake to life and the bonding of two siblings continues despite an order to remain in isolation. I really enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 

WdC Superpower Strawberry Shortcake Review Raid



 
BOOK
Joy Journey Journal Open in new Window. (ASR)
Walking In The Love Of The Lord; Casting All My Cares On Him!
#2179217 by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon


(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(06.14.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
37
37
Review of Cookies  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Strawberry*I am a Strawberry Shortcake Power Raider, here to taste your fare for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!*Delight*


Dear Ashes Author IconMail Icon I am delighted to offer a review of your work for the June 2020 Power Reviewer Raiders weekend review raid. I enjoyed "Cookies" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few thoughts I had while reading your poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
I had a saying when I worked for a travel firm in Seattle, “I'll do anything for a cookie.” It always got a small chuckle from my coworkers, but after awhile I would arrive at my cubicle some mornings and find a cookie waiting for me. Those were amazing days. I'm much larger now, and many cookies later enjoy other people's tales of how temptation works in their life. The image of one being drawn to an actual cookie jar is priceless to one who prefers for his wife to bake only once a month unless she is giving the tempting treats to someone else.

 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
It is important to not only walk away from temptation but to some times actually close the lid on it. But what if someone (not you of course) has hid the lid? And you can't find your glasses? And there at the bottom of an innocent looking jar are two cute plate sized cookies with mint chip eyes beckoning you: “eat me!” As the poet says: “Consume one.” Could one actually let the chips fall where they may?
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written with a wonderful flow in free form style. Its short sentences offer a quick rhythm that takes the reader along a wonderful journey to the cookie jar.

 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
I like the build up of images that speak to my own journeys down temptation's road and this was one of my favorites:

Through framed eyes,
You peer,
Trying to process
Trying to cope.


I sense that the eye gates in this scene are trying themselves to confuse the brain. Why are they just “peering” at the situation? Shouldn't they help in the resistance? At least signal some false information: “They're old cookies, stale, minty (eeeewwwwe!) they've got to be gross by now.” But no, the brain is not getting any help, it only remembers cookies in generic form, sweet, tasty, fulfilling.” And then there is nothing left but to do what one has trained the will-power to do: “give in!”
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I enjoyed the form and the way the poem flows is perfect for my senses until one particular couplet that seemed to close off the rhythm a bit. This is my own preference in writing and reading poetry of course, but I felt that the lines

“For your glasses,
Knocking over a glass.”

put the brakes on the flow.

Up to this point the syllable count for each line of the poem was generally three to four. I think the six syllable line draws everything to a close. I'm not exactly sure how to keep the flow open other than to go a different direction with the couplet. Maybe: “smudging your lenses,” for instance. The line would still be a bit long, but the sound of the last syllable of that line would have a softer sound to complement the soft syllable sound of “glasses.” Any way something to consider. Thanks for letting me play with your words a bit.

In every other way the flow and images of the poem, for me, are spot on.


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Cookies" Open in new Window.exposes the passions of the hungry heart to have something succulent, sweet and tempting to bring one's life a generous dose of joy. The problem of course is guilt and calories. If only my devotion to snacks, treats and sweet confections wouldn't show up on my sleek athletic frame! Thank you for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 

WdC Superpower Strawberry Shortcake Review Raid



 
BOOK
Joy Journey Journal Open in new Window. (ASR)
Walking In The Love Of The Lord; Casting All My Cares On Him!
#2179217 by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon


(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(06.14.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
38
38
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Strawberry*I am a Strawberry Shortcake Power Raider, here to taste your fare for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!*Delight*


Dear fat_hiker Author IconMail Icon I am delighted to offer a review of your work for the June 2020 Power Reviewer Raiders weekend review raid. I enjoyed "Gigantia, Part One" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few thoughts I had while reading your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Somewhere between parody, satire and out-right fantasy debunking an archaic notion that food is only fuel, the story of Gigantia is almost like a cross between an article for National Geographic and a satirical expose' by Mad Magazine. The premise of the story is so preposterous that I laughed immediately at the concept of such an outlandish historical piece of fiction. Then suddenly it hit me...my own history. Married at the age of 29 I was a sleek 5' 5” 119 pound otterish sort of fellow. Within five years of marriage, and truck loads of lasagna, cookies, cakes, pies, tamales, chips, beer and pasta I weighed in at 145 pounds. By the time I was sixty I had eclipsed 175 pounds and now many years later I'm close to 200. My wife has never adored me more. Hmmmm? I began to read the story again and suddenly the weighty world of Gigantia seemed to take on an ethereal reality. And way to plausible! All hail to the Fat Boys!

 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Food plus a good appetite and a low impact work regime equals: beauty, sexiness, maximum attraction, subservience, and Kingly, studly positions of reverence and one might say, “the ultimate ideal male.” The theme of the piece proclaims the wonders of a nation literally built on having a good appetite and a pride in fat male bodies. I'm sorry. I just looked down at my belly and I can't stop laughing. I'm going to take a muffin break!
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is written in a narrative, historical style, presenting in article form a fictional world replete with some nice personal accounts.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
As the history of Gigantia unfolds the absurdity of a matriarchal society obsessed with the largeness of its male population suddenly becomes incredibly believable and my favorite moment was:

This trend to having a really fat man in a family as a sign of status and wealth slowly spread to other well-off city dwellers - professional artisans, administrators, religious officials - and gradually out into the richer areas of the countryside. Richer farmers, eager to prove their wealth by city standards, also started to spare a favoured son or husband from heavier physical labour, and feed them more, encouraging them to fatten up as a status symbol. Having a very fat husband or son - one too fat for general farm labour - became a proof of the wealth and success of the farm. The fatter this special man, the more successful the farm would be seen to be. Whenever the farmer would travel into the city, she would take her ‘fattened man' along, as tangible proof of her farm's wealth and stability.

This is a stunning moment in the narrative that explains the metamorphosis of an agricultural society with a medium amount of wealth into a rich, consumer and status driven multi dimensional economy where food is as central to the plan of material development as mineral and oil.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I enjoyed the premise, narrative and creative thought that went into this story. It mimics well the historical studies provided in text books and geographical periodicals. Well done.


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Gigantia, Part One" Open in new Window. is a serious work of tongue-in-cheek historical fantasy fiction that pokes a good dose of re-thinking into the America “be-skinny-is-best” model of body beauty. Nicely done and well written. Thank you for sharing your gift. *Smile*
 
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 

WdC Superpower Strawberry Shortcake Review Raid



 
BOOK
Joy Journey Journal Open in new Window. (ASR)
Walking In The Love Of The Lord; Casting All My Cares On Him!
#2179217 by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon


(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(06.13.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
39
39
Review of In His Presence  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*



Hi  Sum1 Author IconMail Icon, 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I was enjoyed reading your Poem  "In His Presence" Open in new Window.  and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Today the world nations are shaming America because one policeman, who may be a racist, (seems he had a reputation for violence without regard to race) kills a person, I mean seriously accusing America of human rights violations, I mean we probably do have a ton to our record…but China? Seriously? Anyway it was great getting lost in the words and images of your poem. A solace and a sanctuary away from the evils of this world. Nicely done.

*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Being one with God by feeling, hearing and seeing His presence is the theme of this evocative poem. Learning more about his touch and the tone of His expressions can bring one to the end of self. To be enveloped by His loving spirit is a joy nearly incomprehensible. I am able through the images of this poem able to embrace fully the experience of being near the Creator.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem follows a traditional couplet rhyming scheme. The lines are written in free form with a nice easy flow in rhythm and tone.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
There is a story within the images of this poem and my favorite moment was:

“I saw the world around me as never before,
This place we take for granted, but nevermore.
Everything near, so surreal, so serene,
I could feel the love that covered this scene."

There is love in the creation that rises up around us, from the icy moon ascending over a snow covered glade, or the robin bouncing across a Kelly green fairway pulling at the turf. Plans, tasks, labors and play can mask the wonder of God’s touch, but not if I stop, observe, listen and replay in my mind the wonders I have experienced today.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I enjoyed everything about this poem and have no suggestions for improvement.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"In His Presence" Open in new Window. awakens a song in my heart that draws me nearer to the One who has created everything. I am reminded to linger with views of creation that I often overlook or take for granted. Truly an inspirational read. Well done! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 


Reviewer For Paper Doll Gang


Merit Badge in Inspirational W G [Click For More Info] Congratulations on your new "Inspirational ~W~G~" merit badge for your group, [Link To Item #1990737] ! Thank you for supporting the Writing.Com community with your inspirations, participation and activities. We appreciate it! -SMs


(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(06.06.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
40
40
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*



Hi  Lou-Here By His Grace Author IconMail Icon, 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I was enjoyed reading your poem  "If I Were The Autumn Leaves" Open in new Window.  and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
I love the images that inspire my heart and mind to wander down past lanes where the leaves are at play under the full force of autumn winds. I might have a kite in one hand and the hand of my grandson in the other, but we are rushing to add our own color to the kaleidoscopic art opening up before us. The wonder of the season where transition and transformation are at full throttle seems to have its delicate moment too, where a girl and a grandma sing and wonder at the leaves tangled in their hair.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Nature takes a moment to reflect on the way it engages with us mortals. Nothing is static as nature knows all too well, but it can slow a moment down so that every ounce of joy can be gathered up and savored with song and whimsy.  

*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written in free form with a beautiful flow that helps one appreciate the images being captured. The words capture the essence of a real scene both pastoral and nostalgic.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The poem expresses well the view autumn leaves might have of their last standing mission and this was my favorite moment:

“If I were the autumn leaves
I would clap and dance
at the chance to be
tangled in hair and serenaded
by a sweet child"

I live where the autumn leaves take flight for weeks. Every tree holds back a few no matter how blustery the pacific winds become. As they tumble from their summer home to their last resting place I will find these words of the poet to be an inspiration to wonder at the last expression the leaves will have to amuse me, speak to me and dance with me.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I appreciate every word and image of this poem and love it just as it has been created.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"If I Were The Autumn Leaves" Open in new Window. is a delight to read and meditate on. There is a story within the images of this poem that illuminate what humanity might well be if it understood more clearly the wonder leaves might experience when engaged with us. Maybe their last acts of love are to adorn the earth at our feet as we contemplate a life well lived. Thank you for sharing your gift! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 


Reviewer For Paper Doll Gang


Merit Badge in Inspirational W G [Click For More Info] Congratulations on your new "Inspirational ~W~G~" merit badge for your group, [Link To Item #1990737] ! Thank you for supporting the Writing.Com community with your inspirations, participation and activities. We appreciate it! -SMs


(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(05.31.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
41
41
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*



Hi  Beholden Author IconMail Icon, 
 
I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month.
I was enjoyed reading your story  "Mordecai's Problem" Open in new Window.  and would like to share a few of my thoughts.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
The simple life of a farmer. Friends with nature and horse with compassion for the needs of his wife, Mordecai’s life seems to sit in a crease where what is "now" may not be a reality for many decades or perhaps in a whole century to come. What? The result is a great infusion of joyous fun and a good hearty laugh. Thank you.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A farmer comes in from a day of ploughing the fields. His life is serene and unspoiled by the trappings of a harried society. His hard work done for the day, only one challenge faces him before supper and a nice rest by the fire.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is written in the third person from the viewpoint of Mordecai. The scene setting and narrative are excellent and the flow of the story makes reading a pleasure.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
My favorite scene in the story is the opening where tone and texture are set in place:

“Old Mordecai stood up slowly, brushing the dirt from his hands. The westering sun had brushed the tops of the trees forming Aldeburgh Wood and the light was beginning to fade towards dusk. It had been a hard day’s work and now it was time for the farmer to return to his tied cottage and the rest from his labours it promised."

The language used to set up the story is succinct, pleasant to the ear and gives me a blissful image to meditate on, as though I had been to Mordecai’s place a hundred times. Hmmmm…maybe I have.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I enjoyed everything about your story and was glad to be able read it through several times.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Mordecai's Problem" Open in new Window. contrasts the pastoral life with the life to come using a brilliant twist of the wit that takes a quick sharp poke at the nature of humanity. We sometimes do spend an inordinate amount of time mourning and grieving for the things that are broken that have not even been invented yet. I know I do! Well done! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 


Reviewer For Paper Doll Gang


Merit Badge in Inspirational W G [Click For More Info] Congratulations on your new "Inspirational ~W~G~" merit badge for your group, [Link To Item #1990737] ! Thank you for supporting the Writing.Com community with your inspirations, participation and activities. We appreciate it! -SMs


(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313)(05.30.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
42
42
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. *LeafO*


Dear Neil Clair Author IconMail Icon– Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "This Is Hope (Chapter One)" Open in new Window. and as you have requested it is my pleasure to give your story a bit of a review.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
A child is born and her life is linked to the life of the Great Magician Harry Houdini because she was born on the day the famous artist of mystery died. The story of Harrly is quick and smart in its own illusions and mysteries. Harrly misses her mother but is content to honor her father and build a life together with the wonderful man God has given her. Her hopes for giving a great surprise to her father are crushed when she is accused of staying beyond school hours with boys. She is grounded, and is hurt more than she can imagine until the big hurt drives up in a Mercedes. As her father’s esteem diminishes in her eyes she turns the pages of a book that may open the dark channels of her Houdini legacy.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Harrly Houdini Hope’s life is altered by tragic circumstances that leave her abandoned ironically, to the one hope that is her dark legacy: magic.

*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told in the third person past tense, from the viewpoint of the main character Harrly Hope. There is an excellent blend of narrative, action and dialogue that gives the story an excellent flow and a tantalizing flavor. The scenes are vivid and clearly express the violent swings of Harrly’s mental and emotional state.

*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Each character, and scene sequence truly kept my interest and this was one of my favorite moments:

"Go ahead and help yourself with some leftover Mac n' Cheese. Just put it on the stove for two minutes. That's if you know how to even use a stove. Pans are in the cupboards. By the way, I would choke you for your coat. Literally. I hate it. Does that lipstick rub off? Is that a wig? It's way too bright for your skin. I'm gonna put your stuff away now. They stink. Have fun...doing..stuff..with my dad," I jabbered with sarcasm.
 
Harrly’s rant punches into a ludicrous moment some exquisite humor when an innocent child accused of immoral actions, finds her father to be extremely flawed, probably with the same immorality of which he has accused his daughter. The scene is great too in that it reveals beautifully Harrly’s age and temperament and how this point in time could be the defining moment for a future magician.
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
There are quite a few minor word choice and syntax errors in the piece such as

My mother's final words stuck with me for the rest of my growing life and I couldn't figure out what she meant. I didn't bother to ask my dad about it because he was already going through a lot. On top of that, couple months after the funeral, my dad and I had a fall out. It all started when I came home late after school. My dad accused me of being with a boy and he forbade me to never come home after four again. He told me to go to my room for two days and think about what I had done.

Some of the re-writes I would suggest would be to eliminate the word growing . In context of that sentence “growing” seems redundant. I would suggest a re-write to the the third sentence to read: On top of that, [a] couple of months after the funeral, my dad and I had a fall[ing] out.

In the fifth sentence re-write, I would suggest this change: My dad accused me of being with a boy and he forbade me to never come ever be home after four again.

During your next draft of the story I’m sure you will be able to make the edits necessary to polish up this marvelous beginning to your novel.


*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"This Is Hope (Chapter One)" Open in new Window. is a dramatic first chapter to a story that is told through the eyes of a wonderful main character. Her view of life and her journey into the world of magic make her a beautiful child to get to know. I will look forward to reading more about Harrly’s life. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 


Reviewer For Paper Doll Gang




(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
 (YCM_@122313) 05/30/2020


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*



Dear Whiskerface Author IconMail Icon I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading "Questions from Charlie" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few thoughts I had while reading your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Great “Cramp” entry. It suits the challenge to come at the contest with a pure dialogue simple scene that enlightens the reader to a few elements of human nature and concludes with a humorous and because the reader is kept in the dark about Charlie’s marital status, quite the surprise ending.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Two friends share a moment of frivolity deciphering the deeper meaning behind a list of odd questions.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story consist of a dialogue between two characters written in a first person narrative style from the point of view of Clare. The narrative style gives the reader an occasional glimpse of Charlie, and some of the scenery around them. The narration also reveals the importance of Charlie in Clare's life.  
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The dialogue develops nicely between the two friends and this was my favorite moment:

“ Well, not exactly. I’ve always wanted to know things, and now I have the chance to investigate my questions. Some of what I’m curious about doesn’t appear to have answers. So, I started this list. I’m up to page fifty-three, single spaced.” He radiated pride in this accomplishment.

I love getting to the motivation of a story. It is shortly revealed in narration the kind of neighbor Charlie is. But what would send him on a futile search for questions that can’t be answered? When one retires, maybe there are more questions than answers, but there is time now to ponder and develop the great philosophy that will shape his life. Or…keep him away from the house for a few hours each day. I think I’ve had coffee with this guy at least once.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Your story fits perfectly the style and parameters of the “Writers Cramp” contest. But I think it is a good core for a more expansive story. Those who ask good, amusing, ridiculous and probing questions make good detectives. Maybe the retired goes investigator. It might be worthwhile to fill in some of the scenes with more description and sensory stuff and see where it goes. Just a thought. Well done.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Questions from Charlie" Open in new Window. is a story that probes some of the least important questions pending investigation. Some of the engagement requires patience and tolerance from the other, but it demonstrates the power of friendship in a vibrant creative way. A nice story for such a lovely afternoon in the garden. Thanks for sharing your gift. Write on! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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 (YCM_@122313)(04.28.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
44
44
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*



Dear ShiShad Author IconMail Icon I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading "The Legend Of The Phantom Of The Hallows" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few thoughts I had while reading your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
We got ourselves a wee bit of lore here and I like it. Villains of the worst sort are identified and nearly convicted of assault, rape and who knows what all, except for their earnest charges against their Baron. How can this be? Except we are in this writing experiencing an age when all manner of mayhem went unpunished according to true justice because of bribery, extortion, blackmail and fake reports. Thank goodness we don’t live in that age now. Imagine the dark curses that would be at work in the courts of America.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Two rapists testify in a court of medieval law against their Baron accusing him of the assaults they have committed. The Baron is found guilty in the dark court and hanged for “his crimes.” He is executed according to the law of the land at the time, but not before pronouncing a curse on the false witnesses.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told in a narrative style in the past tense from the view point of the narrator.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The dark story has an Edwardian undercurrent in its power to illicit mixed emotions and this was my favorite moment:

When the council got news of these rapes, the men turned on Jack, and convinced the court it was he the Baron, or tenant in chief, as he was called who committed the crimes against the King. Both men proclaiming:

“Spare us, it is Jack’s duty to hold power over his clansmen, he is the legal head of the Barony!” they shouted out at the council.

What audacious acting. What amazing talent to lie so convincingly with no remorse for their works of evil, that the council is persuaded of their innocence? A whole tribe of future nobility persuaded to execute judgement on an innocent man. Is there a curse appropriate? Surely it had to have fallen on the deceived as well as the deceivers and bring down the whole community in a touch of hell on earth. Good Golly!  
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
The story is a good one. It has all the elements of a truly fine Gothic tale. I would suggest that the story needs more actual action at the front end with vivid scenes to set the tale in motion. I think I would have begun the story with the curse scene and worked back to the point of when the Baron is falsely accused of the crime. It is a powerful opening scene that would really grab the reader. It would also do the story good to showcase some of the more minor actions of Jamie and Nathan to show their evil disregard for their neighbors and then build a scene where they brutally attack an innocent. Their false testimony is obviously treacherous, but to me they could be shown to be murderous as well so that sending a man to the gallows would be absolutely expected of them. Just some thoughts.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"The Legend Of The Phantom Of The Hallows" Open in new Window. is a fine tale of injustice in medieval Scotland that provokes a curse to be pronounced on two lads of questionable moral fiber. Then the hanging, brutal and mysterious still haunts the land, even as the curse continues to do its work. One dark soul chasing two others until…well who knows when. Thanks for sharing your gift for story telling. Write on! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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 (YCM_@122313)(04.24.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
45
45
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*



Dear Sarah Rae Author IconMail Icon I am delighted to offer my review in honor of your Writing.com account anniversary this month. I enjoyed reading "I must write, I must write!" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few thoughts I had while reading your poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
I love the form of this poem. The meter and tone are absolutely wonderful and the form offers a framework that includes enough repetition of thought and words to explore microscopically one’s compulsion to write. Or as we say in my household: My obsession.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Writing as an obsession. There is no reason for it…love of words? Love for the images words can create? What is it? There is no reason, but bless those who give into their deepest desires to give us something beautiful to meditate on. Oh yes, bless them.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The form of the poem is a pantoum. Thank you for the link. I did not know the form you used was a thing. But I love it. The liberty you take with the form to make the craft of writing action packed instead of the studious labor often associated with this most private process. Wonderful.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Everything about your writing rings absolutely true and this was my favorite moment:

A lullaby to soothe the muse's demands
lest she leech from me the last of my strength.
I must write, I must write,

The frenetic activity that writing demands at the beginning of the day, whether it is 3, 4, 5, or 6 in the morning. It doesn’t matter. The demand to get the words out strains the heart, constricts the veins in the brain until on the verge of a stroke the fingers work to keep from exploding. But then, a humanitarian effort is made with the inner voice until at last it is a fervent command “Just Shut-Up!” Please let us rest until tomorrow. Because we know if there is a tomorrow, we will be overwhelmed by the whole process again. Good Golly!  
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I love the poem as written. You followed the form perfectly . And you said a ton! Thank you.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"I must write, I must write!" Open in new Window. describes the urge to write in terms so volatile that it begs the question: why aren’t all writers consumed with over-medication? But even with a stout dose of adult beverage from midnight to dawn, wouldn’t we still have to get a pen? Even if it was to scribble something profound on our cocktail napkin? Oh Yes. Yes we would. Write on! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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 (YCM_@122313)(04.23.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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46
Review of THE EMPTY CHAIR  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. *LeafO*


Dear Indrani Author IconMail Icon – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "THE EMPTY CHAIR" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few of the thoughts I had while reading your poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Between the time when parents, school, peers, scholars and friends tell us what “it is all about,” and the time we, leaning on our walking frames and gulping down 11 life sustaining medications, know more about what life has been about, there is a wonder. It brings on to many a depression, anxiety and fear that won’t allow one to actually explore with gusto the boundaries of life. Life becomes an endless wave of stuff that happens to us. But there is more and not a bore, isn’t there?

 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
Life seems to slip by with moments of thrill followed by endless days of seeming nothingness. What is the way? What is the meaning? Is there a book from which I can receive knowledge of the way? Within me I know my answer…now. But there were times. Dark times.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem has four stanzas written in free form. The images center around an empty chair, where we are to imagine what is significant about the one who will not return.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The poem, with its lonely feel opens the mind to a mystery and this was my favorite moment:

The chair will not be filling up
But the presence will linger
And the memories will guide me further.

The end of the poem speaks of why we have lingered so long before the chair wondering about its emptiness. Whoever is missing from the scene will be remembered and those memories may be what will guide us into all truth and wisdom. A time of meditation.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
Your poem is written well enough to convey the message you wish your readers to entertain and I is well written that way you have created it.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"THE EMPTY CHAIR" Open in new Window. sets before us a wonder about how we gain true wisdom. We can meditate on the past, consider our future and align our thoughts with those who have walked the path thousands of times before us. It is there we choose to believe what is, not by what we experience or what others have said, but by our own faith. I have chosen to believe the Bible as the one true resource for discerning what is. And in the end, my righteous Companion is coming back. Thanks for sharing your gift. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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 (YCM_@122313)(04.23.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
47
47
Review of Our New World  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. *LeafO*


Dear ellenraes Author IconMail Icon – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Our New World" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few of the thoughts I had while reading your poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
The prose suggests setting one’s mind on the Savior and not the cause. The eternal message of God it seems is not who is responsible; from the time of the Garden we know all too well who and what is responsible for sin and death, but beyond our own responsibility every day, who will we look to as the one and only one who can save? Maybe there is more to our new world than we can imagine. What we have taken for granted in the past is a good place to begin our prayers of today for repentance before the Almighty.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
There is a raging disease unleashed on a lost and dying world that shines the light on just how lost and dying the world indeed is. The light in the midst of what many people see as their darkest hour is Jesus. Every child in my Good News Club knows the answer to every question: Jesus!
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written in free form narrative prose style that focuses most of its energy in the flow of thought as though in prayer and intercession with God imparting the big answers to the most mortal of questions: What will be “Our New World.”
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The poem builds with superb narrative of concern that there may be a solution to an epidemic and this was my favorite moment:

Why the protests, the anger, the fear of life, blaming whom ever and whatever we please for this pandemic.

We should be on our knees and praying to the true God, the Lord Jesus Christ, to help us now and to find
us and antibiotic.

Oddly I’ve not thought to pray for an actual antibiotic, but I think this prayer is being answered as an old method of inoculation used for small pox is being introduced into the US and many other countries. Prayers for those who are giving their bodies and strength to care for the sick and dying are upper most in my prayers right now, but I will take your admonition to heart. I will also pray for the peace of “Our New World” to come.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
As a prose piece that has the singular purpose of challenging and encouraging a specific alliance with God, I believe you hit the mark straight on. My one suggestion would be introduce some imagery either Biblically or naturally to draw in more of a reader’s senses. Jesus approached many of the untouchable lepers and those with various other diseases to show the nature of His Father a thousand different ways and in the end preached a Kingdom of love that transformed so many corrupted lives. Anyway. Just a thought.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"Our New World" Open in new Window. takes the way of one’s thinking about the current pandemic of COVID 19 to give readers an admonition to seek the one true God for deliverance. The power is in the words of life. No word spoken or written in this hour will lose its power to resonate when the one true “New World” is revealed and many are left behind. Jesus is the answer. Thanks for sharing your gift. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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 (YCM_@122313)(04.21.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
48
48
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. *LeafO*


Dear mxnasi Author IconMail Icon – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "The night it rained" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few of the thoughts I had while reading your story.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
The casual pace and detail heavy sentences remind me of the great mystery writers of long ago like Raymond Chandler or Ross MacDonald. But instead of a hardened private eye, the central character is a girl just on the edge of realizing how imbalanced her mother is. And where is dad anyway…? Beautifully set up.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
A girl realizes her father is missing and her mother has ventured way too far out of her usual routine. There are two mysteries at work from scene to scene. Where is father? And why is mother not angry and demanding?
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The story is written in the first person past tense from the perspective of the protagonist. There is a lot of imagery at work from scene to scene with enough repetition of key facts that build up the suspense in the story.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
The story’s suspense builds with just enough tension and this was my favorite moment:

But I tried to behave like nothing was wrong. Other than the fact that she strayed from her usual routine, everything seemed normal, and so I calmed down. I decided to ignore the niggling voice in my head.

The suspense in the story is built on the mother’s routine. You do a masterful job of repeating, but in interesting ways, how important the mother’s routine is to the plot. While we are beginning to suspect something is wrong, it holds the reader's attention away from what might be an obvious assessment of where the story is going. I felt as I read that I thought I might know what is up, but then I thought: “lets wait and see with the girl what is really happening.”
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
 
I like the tone and pace of the story. The syntax and sentence structures all work well for me and the story was exceptionally clear through out. There was just this one issue in the fourth paragraph:

It was a Saturday morning. I woke up at 8:30 AM. I kept checking my phone until it was nine, but since the wake-up call never came, I fall back asleep.

Since the story is written in the past tense, I believe the sentence would best read:

It was a Saturday morning. I woke up at 8:30 AM. I kept checking my phone until it was nine, but since the wake-up call never came, I fell back asleep.

Everything else in the story was great.

*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"The night it rained" Open in new Window. tells a chilling tale of a girl who discovers two tragedies on a rainy afternoon. Both would alter her life forever. The girl’s approach to the future seems stoic and matter of fact, not unlike the characters of Ross McDonald and Raymond Chandler. Life is what life is. Nicely done. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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 (YCM_@122313)(04.21.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
49
49
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. *LeafO*


Dear MatildaRose Author IconMail Icon – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "The past is not so far away." Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few of the thoughts I had while reading your poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
What to do on a rainy afternoon? Think of the past. That’s a good thing. Many wonderful memories in our past. But wait! How far back does our memory go? Why does our memory include such mystifying events which we did not live? Well maybe its true - those moments are not that far away.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
It is a fortunate moment that can find beauty and charm in an age gone by. When the age gone by is still represented in the old farm houses, and cobble stoned walk ways how much more glorious is the journey into what once was.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written with a mixed meter rhyming the second and fourth lines of each stanza. There is a general rhyming scheme and each line has an open mixed beat sequence. The structure of each verse is unique and appealing in tone and texture.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
There is much to reflect on in your writing and my favorite moment was:

We should not ignore the cobbles as we walk
Stained with rain from a hundred years prior
And cracks from the pressure of chimney sweepers plunder
And factory workers step, grass lands besides, houseless from fire

Almost like being on a tour, the imagination is asked to hold onto specific images that help the soul to feel the historical significance of what is experienced right now. I love stepping into those scenes where I can look past what the artist thought was important to see what actually was happening for every strata of society. A lot of historical readings were brought to mind by this scene. A bit of Middlemarch maybe.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS

All in all I enjoyed what you have created. There was one tough line for me though:
Love and lust behind strategic advancements in Tudor Britain First I would have to pronounce Britain as Bri - Tane - for it to rhyme with the word vain. While this could work as an “eye-rhyme” I think some of the words in the line need to be softened or shortened just so that Tudor Britain doesn’t seem so isolated at the end of the sentence. For me Tudor Britain is such a huge image it almost has to begin or end the verse rather than punctuate a line. Just a thought.
 
*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY

"The past is not so far away." Open in new Window. gives our memory something to do on a rainy afternoon, while the author writes, our heart mind and soul are offered some moments of historical wandering. It is a wonderful journey that is just for the joy of the journey. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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 (YCM_@122313)(04.17.20)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
50
50
Review of No one's There  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. *LeafO*


Dear Em<3 Author IconMail Icon – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "No one's There" Open in new Window. and I am glad to offer a few of the thoughts I had while reading your poem.
 
*Coffeer*  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
‘Nam 1968, a few days after thanksgiving. Heat on the Ben Hoa airstrip sitting at a thousand degrees, bolts of lightning hitting so much stuff on the ground, my 707 “Freedom Bird” won’t land to take me home. One girl friend out of three is left after 18 months at war and she is holding a two hundred dollar check for me in San Francisco; unfortunately she’s only that check to me now as she’s found girls to be a better love. And sadly as I press my head between my knees suddenly more afraid of nature than any other enemy, I don’t blame her… Just a dozen such memories that sprung up as I read your tribute to extreme hopelessness.
 
*Coffeer*  THEME
 
In the lonely times of life it is grounding to think about someone who will take us out of our most desperately hopeless state. Millions of communications a day convince us that there is someone out there - a hero, heroine, savior, a love that will complete us, make us whole and free from the dark thoughts of enduring life without someone to adore, hold and cherish.
 
*Coffeer*  STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written in free form with a variety of tones and rhythms. The images are based on a narrative form that clearly focus on what the author is feeling and experiencing both externally and internally. The effect works to make me feel the haunting ache that comes from my loneliest, most desperately solitary times.
 
*Coffeer**Coffeer*  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
While hoping for hope the words dig into my soul to find reflection and my favorite moment was:

But, it would be nice if someone noticed.
If they saw that I was hurting and they tried to stop it.
Then (I) my only comfort wouldn't be my own words.
Feeling at home in someone's warm embrace would be the greatest thing to ever occur./c}

Would it be okay to say this happened for me. After some tragic attempts. It turned out okay. And this central vision of your poem is the truth. When experienced in the fullness of what you describe everything else pales in comparison.
 
 
*Coffeer*  SUGGESTIONS
I experienced a lot of cathartic release from reading your words. The tone and reflective power in what you have created is great and I am not sure of a way to improve on it. Well done.

 
*Coffeer*  IN SUMMARY
 
"No one's There" Open in new Window. opens up a moment in time for me, a moment that unfortunately was repeated many many times until,.. well that is another story for another time. Be well, be safe! Thank you for sharing your gift. Write On! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon *MugR*
 
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 (YCM_@122313)(04.14.20)


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