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341 Public Reviews Given
365 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am pretty easy going. I don't want to bash your poem. I look for rhythm, color, formatting, form, meter, style, imagery. I look, I listen. I appreciate. For more go to my Poetry Review Forum #1399834 or find it in the Review Forum List.
I'm good at...
Encouragement, helping you when you need it. Suggesting better words or lines, and challenging you to do better and not settle for boring words, lines or writing crap.
Favorite Genres
Poetry - all types but especially free verse.
Public Reviews
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Review of Under Oak  Open in new Window.
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A marvelously good poem. This has beautiful imagery, a passion that whispers to the reader as we are wrapped in words of nature and limbs. We want to keep reading, keep experiencing the kindly flow of the sounds.

This is wonderful:

The press

of earth's year weighed out in beauty,
there is color everywhere, and kneeling,
and the scent of you, longing in dusk;
we lie coupled beneath, canopy reeling.


Excellent writing!

GOOD JOB!
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127
Review of Crystal Drops  Open in new Window.
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome newbie!

Very nice poem! This has wonderful imagery, a nice Robert Frost feel, a smoothing romanticism in it.

Lines I like:

Deep in the lonely woods of despair,
Empty trees stand forlorn....

I looked up at the starless heavens,
Save the pale and ashen moon...

I will last the night.
I will wait it through.

There may be objections to the way the stanzas are formatted, but I'm not going to squabble about that. I think your use of language to create images is perfect, and you have a nice feel for patterns of lines, and the brevity of words.

Altogether, a wonderful read!

GOOD JOB! KEEP WRITING!

Recommended: For imagery and mood.
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128
Review of When I'm Gone  Open in new Window.
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome newbie!

Very nice poem. I like the play of the end line of each stanza, how you wrap it around, and connect it to the whole. It makes the piece tight, and wraps the reader into more understanding of the idea expressed.

An interesting subject.

One error: no = now.

But, altogether a nice job!

KEEP WRITING!
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129
Review of Looking skyward  Open in new Window.
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome newbie.

Very nice poem! Good imagery, contrast.

A fine piece of writing! It is brief, but there is not a wasted word!

Good job! KEEP WRITING!

And, welcome to writing.com. I hope to be able to review some of your other work in the future!
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130
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Holy Moly, do I agree with this!

There are so many things I don't read or review because of many of the things you have brought up.

The Description Box is a big road block! I scroll down pages, and pages of items, and the brief descriptions just keep me scrolling. Sometimes the author tells me how great it is, and I better read it!....(yeah, right, I'll get right on it).... or they tell me they are not getting enough reviews.....(I wonder why).....or they tell me EVERYTHING about what I'm going to read (which takes the mystery out of even reading it).

Spelling mistakes make me hit the BACK button right away. I'm not talking about complicated words, I'm talking about SIMPLE words. It's not that difficult to have a dictionary near the computer, folks! Proof-reading is not that time-consuming. If a word LOOKS backward, then it's probably backward.

And long chunks of text make me weary before I even begin reading. My eyes start glazing over.

Anyway, this was an excellent piece, and offers superb suggestions for everyone. I've taken notes for my own monitoring, so I can avoid the "literary police"!

Thanks for writing this!

(...now where's my Spell-Checker...)
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131
Review of Item Statistics  Open in new Window.
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! This was interesting. I am overwhelmed with information. I hadn't a clue that you could use item/viewing statistics to expand into demographic breakdowns, including age and gender. Being somewhat lacking in understanding statistics, I'm glad I had a writer who could show me the way. You've done an exhaustive job of covering everything that would be helpful for a writer. I admit, I'll have to re-read this a few times, because it is alot of information. But, it is very enlightening to me, and very useful.

Thank you for taking this bull by the horns, researching the various components, and presenting the information in a way that my feeble brain can understand it.

Outstanding!

Great Job!
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132
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found this in my Review Forum.

Very Nice! There is sweet imagery here, and a bright emotion, that reminds of feelings I have when it begins to snow. I am surrounded by that same sense of girlish excitement. I love the first four lines; but, in fact, I love most of it.

There are a few ordinary rhymes, which might be better served with more creative words. There is some choppiness in some lines. And, cutting some excess words would help this.

Example:

Hold my heart in a voice of lullaby
Moments without you bring these tears I cry

These lines don't flow with the first four.....and the last line of the poem is quite forced.

But, I think, this is all fixable.

I think if you read this out loud ten times, you'll hear where the flow is off....due to long lines.....and you'll be able to chop some excess words, that aren't needed.

Keep working on this. And, KEEP WRITING!

GOOD JOB!
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133
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very cute......I liked it! Sweet...

Actually the words are pretty good.....I just see the choppiness in how you have the lines formatted (and you need to cut some of the excess words).

I love that line......"To the moon and back"...

I can see why your girlfriend wants us to read this.....it's very sweet.

Polish it up some more.......GOOD JOB!
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134
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is good.

You have alot of slicing emotional content here. I can feel it! Pain.....bitterness seeping like blood from an untreated wound......anger that shreds and scatters like a nail piercing wood.

A couple of suggestions:

"I was ambushed in the dark by those
Because of whom I thought, I was protected!"

This sounds awkward....."because of whom I thought".....you need to change that...

Better:

"With whom I thought I was protected"....."By whom I felt protected".....something like that.

"Wounded, we find solace".......change this to: "Wounded, I find solace" (Back to the "I" voice).

"I embraced someone when I came out from the dark
But he drove a dagger straight through my heart!"

Change this.....you're suddenly talking about "someone" and "he"....before you were talking about "them"....."friends" (plural).

Better:

"I embraced THEM when I came out from the dark,
But THEY drove a dagger straight through my heart!"


"Imagine the pain of a thousand needles poked
When you are unable to move, completely choked!"

Take out the word "choked".......you've suddenly got a rhyme going...and it sounds funny in the middle of a non-rhyming poem. Replace it with a different word.



Lines I loved:

"I narrate my own death
At the hands of my own friends"


"I burn in the flames of a fire
That is colder than the snow itself"



Very good job! Strong emotion.

GOOD JOB! KEEP WRITING!

Remember: KEEP THE BEST - REVISE THE REST!
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135
Review of The Unspoken  Open in new Window.
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Well, I didn't really understand this...so I'm sure you can expand on it.

Problems:

"The unspoken, was once awoken".
I haven't a clue what this means. You are talking about "the unspoken".

Then...you are talking about "he"
"he did not have much to say....he spoke in a whisper, almost a choke". Sounds like you're trying to rhyme "choke" with "awoke". It doesn't work.

"Fire fuels freedom, heavenly is hell"
I don't get this either...."heavenly is hell?"

The next line, I don't understand either.

Then you switch to the "I" mode.
Then you say "By divine revelation I knew...what had been true"......sounds like you're trying to rhyme "knew" and "true"......and just kind of found those words.
"Everything was ok...the day was saved...God died today"...again looking for words that would rhyme.

"By divine revelation...I knew....God died today..."

How can you have divine revelation if God is dead?

Basically, what I'm saying is...you've switched from "the unspoken"....to "he"......to "I" within 6 lines.

You're a good writer, but, you must be clear about your topic, your emotion, what you're trying to say.
Words are not just words to be put in a line of verse.

They must complete a thought....reflect an emotion....describe a mood.......and make sense.

Always help your reader understand!

I think you should ponder what, exactly, you want to say with this poem.....and work on it...re-vise it....re-vise it again......read it OUT LOUD twenty times......and then re-vise each line again.

And then come back here and post it for review again.

I'll be very interested in reading it again.

KEEP WRITING! NEVER STOP!

Remember: KEEP THE BEST - REVISE THE REST!
136
136
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another wonderful poem.

"Gossamer strands.....half in shadows...eye-lashes curl lazily...".

Nice, sweet poem...nice lines...good imagery.....I wondered if it was about a spouse or a sleeping child.....I got wrapped up in the whole thing...it sort of took me away to this place, your place, your world.

A sign of a good poem......the reader gets swept away into your world....

Nice job!
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137
Review by njames51 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E
I liked it! Congratulations!

You wrote something that held my interest, and made me want to finish it. It flowed well. The thoughts conveyed were sharp and and crisp, without being muddled with too many words. The poem was brief, consise, and had an expected journey.

I think you did very well! The use of less to convey more, is difficult to accept. Writers like to pontificate with excess verbage....and they get swallowed up by so many words.

I think you chose your words well, and expressed your idea in a sharp, crisp, use of lines. Excellent job!

Keep on writing!
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