"Clouds" is a delightful poem. We can see a lot in the clouds. Here the poet sees a wealth of things in the clouds, all things from small rabbits to dolphins to a violin. Even, "...children playing,/going on the swings." Perhaps my favorite image (maybe because of its uniqueness and because I wrote a poem about it), is that of an iguana! That's neat. The poem is 40 lines divided into stanzas of 4 lines each, with a good rhyme pattern, mostly lines 2 and 4, with some exceptions. It's a happy poem with lots of imagery, not surprising due to all that's seen up there! I am concerned somewhat about the elephant, not so much the guppy. And the penguins definitely get a nod. An enjoyable poem, testifying to imagination. Write on.
"The Amazon Chick" takes us into the Amazon Jungle with sharp imagery, portraying a "tomboy of slender build." This "sporty lady" is described well, and it is clear she is a warrior. For the jungle is a dangerous place, a "vibrant place", but the Amazon Chick is tough and has skill. When she played, even the "guys got bruised." In its 20 rhyming lines, we get a good picture and story of this jungle lady, and a stark reminder at the end that one can't relax there with even a nod, due to the possible fatal consequence. A well-done poem, colorful and active. Write on.
"The Smiling Rope" is a well-written poem about the rope, or noose, to which death comes about either as capital punishment or suicide. A grim topic, yes, but well-explored and aptly penned, a snappy 12 line examination of something that is part of reality, just as tsunamis are. The writer employs a tie of irony here, in the title, with the word, "smiling". The first stanza is 8-7-8-8 and flows well, with alternating rhyme. Stanza 2 also has alternating rhyme, well-done, but the rhythm increases to all 9. The last stanza goes back to 8, except the last line, which is 9. I like the first stanza best, and think the first 2 lines get this poem off to a very good start. The words used are good and well-fitting ("doomed go-getter). The poem ends strongly, with a stark punch. This is a good poem, and the only suggestion I humbly offer is to take off the (!s) after "choke" and "all" as I feel the understating would actually make this poem speak louder. A good work here on a serious subject, and the effect and the irony comes through. Write on.
"Just A Wave Of Hello" is an uplifting poem, basically simple yet with much truth. It is 20 lines total broken up into 5 stanzas with a good consistency. The first 4 stanzas begin with "A wave of hello" and diverts with good effect in the last stanza with "It only takes just a wave of hello." The writer likens a wave of hello to kindness and "...a sign of fresh start" as well as, "Of unending rebirth..." All through there is a positive outlook here, even with it coming "after the pain of goodbye." The words and phrasing fit well here with the poem's tone. We reach far with a wave of hello.
I think not enough people know of the ravages that anxiety can cause. Panic attacks are cruel invaders able to incapacitate at a moment's notice. This poem here, "Fear and the Body" vividly relates the physical terror and hurts that the invader boldly applies. The writer describes the pains and the pulses, the shaking, the burning, all sorts of physical manifestations that cut one off at the knees and and then laughs at the immobility. I would only offer a few areas for improvement, such as, "I catch the wall with my shoulder..." If I may, here, I believe you mean that you hit the wall, or bumped it, so perhaps something like, "My shoulder bumps the wall", or maybe even "I shoulder the wall." The narrative of the poem tells us that you are, indeed, sick, so perhaps the last line could be strengthened, I could offer suggestions but I know you could aptly apply something with a bit more punch. Overall a fine poetic description of the anxiety demon. Write on.
"Buck Up Buttercup" is strong and direct, yet the loving guidance of the parent comes through admirably. The writer here uses strong and active language, and in fact there are a few lines that basically jump out: "Put some steel in your spine." and, "Remember- / A closed mouth does not get fed." These are very fine and memorable lines. The essence here is to instill to sense of worth, that everyone is someone, and that some pride, indeed, can pick up the stride.
"Time and Again" is a finely written poem about addiction, the war within, as "The war outside is over." The writer speaks both clearly and poetically, with good word choice and arresting phrases like, "My mind flutters full of florescent images of surrender." We are drawn in, and carried along in a fix of skillful assuredness, and are comforted, more or less, by the ease and sound speech framed in the foresight of open mind. At the very end, the writer abruptly alters the output, as if a stark reminder of what the demon was, or is, or can be, for the freedom from it is the virtue and profit indeed. One can be free to remain free. And one can be addicted to fine writing, time and again.
"Forbidden Feelings" explores deep feelings of love and hurt, for the writer has the deep feelings of love but ultimately it is not reciprocal, that age-old story. The writer does a fine job expressing it here, this 17 line poem which is error-free, soft spoken and yet strong enough with its sense of loss and despair. It's matter-of-fact ending highlights the sense even more, for the heart feels the pain when knowing that the road now is in a new direction, and feelings are compelled to witness new found scenery. Write on.
"Ashes" is a fine poem with good language and well-thought phrasing. The writer looks at the devastation of the city, a "trampled city", and then goes on to paint the city in pretty bad terms. It is a "metropolis of mischance" that contains both the repugnant and the repulsive. This is descriptively strong, this 15 line poem that ends strongly, taking us on a ride among the ashes of this city, well done and write on.
A fine tribute to Autumn with good flow and crisp images. One can hear the "Screeching cicadas" and see the leaves as they "cartwheel down the street." The words, flow and pattern of this 4 stanza poem convey a pleasurable insight and vision of all the interesting and unique particulars of nature arising and interacting in autumn. Well done.
"How to Buy a Laptop" is a well-written piece on what to consider when looking for a laptop. The author gives practical advice, outlining what to look for pursuant to the buyer's needs and wants. Some things that are considered are portability, graphics, gaming and budget, as well as if one is a student. The author touches on the technical as well, considering RAM, hard drive memory and various ports. Some best choices for 2010 are given, as well as Internet references. The author has written a very good piece here that should help anyone in the market for a laptop. Kudos.
"The Hapless Tree" is a wonderful poem that is evocative and a joy to read. It tells the story of two trees and the relationship and sacrifice and of the resultant appreciation and thankfulness. This free verse piece is well-written and heartfelt. A metaphor of nature that can be applied to our lives. Very well done, write on.
"October Skies" is a marvelous poem with wonderful thoughts and imagery. It is a tour of many things and seasons and even reasons for existence. We are taken on a yearly tour of seasons, returning to October which is the precious month and the point. This poem is quite imaginative and a pleasure to read. "We see God in cigarettes and bottlenecks,..." causes reaction, thought. "We thank starless skies..."; Here I would prefer starry skies but his works as well. We have, "...prophecies frozen in ice"...now that is just too cool. Great work, write on.
In "I See God" the writer sees God in different people, apparently a daughter, a mother and then even the father, then perhaps this man was the son; "Seeing the man that his son was no less." The writer focuses on the eyes: "The compassion in his eyes one can not miss". The reference to eyes is mentioned in each line of this 4 stanza poem, with compassion, twinkle, trouble and respect being seen, or more specifically, "one can not miss". This theme is repeated, as is the "I see God in him" (or them). The lines rhyme directly with the first stanza containing half rhyme. People see God in all sorts of ways, just as is the very definition of God; a subjective matter to be sure. The reference to life, the newborn, and of life, "waiting to stem" are good. There's an interesting line, "Life of a martyr at the rim" which I don't quite understand. Good line though. This poem is a worthy effort and soft and sincere. Thanks for sharing, write on.
"Time" is a fine poem, well-written, thoughtful. There are good images and good phrasing: the best is, "Gold cannot deflect/Time's leading arrow". Just as good: "Kings and Beggars/To the same dust are fallen". This is fine word order, poetic to be sure. I love poems on time, one of my first poems posted was on time. And time is relentless, is ambivalent, to us, and the writer here presents that fact well. The writer sees time up on his "high horse" which is a cool way of looking at it. Time doesn't care about us, but we care about time. But you can't beat time. I recommend this poem highly; take time to read this. It's about time.
"Everything" is a sweet, simplistic poem, 14 lines, 3 stanzas, consecutive rhyme. It is for a bf, and the writer begins with,"You are everything to me" and also says that "Everything I do reminds me of you." We are told that the bf is "...always by my side." There are some errors, such as line (8) with the word "your" when it should be "you're". In the last stanza we are introduced to the word, "Nugorata" which, we are told is their ("our") word. Maybe a footnote explaining this would be helpful. Some imagery would help, perhaps the introduction of metaphor: this person is everything to you, perhaps this would be a good place to tell us how. "You are the music on my ipod", "the comfort for my soul ", or whatever. Thanks for sharing, write on.
"Old and Grey" (Gray) is a short poem but it is potent and well-stated. The writer laments of physical decline, mostly that of eyesight, and that is felt in the reading. Light is held in "secret corridors" and the writer wonders who holds "my shamed skeleton"--that's a cool phrase. A question is put to God: a bitter query, very understandable, as the writer expresses this feeling well. A good write, it is summed up well at the end with just six words. Thanks for sharing.
"Metamorphasis" (Metamorphosis) is a sweet poem, well-written that speaks to pain, it is one of consolation. There is a butterfly and a girl, and the butterfly consoles the girl. In just 15 line a lot is said. This piece speaks softly yet powerfully. The wise butterfly knows that only through pain comes growth, and with it the essential brightening of beauty. Write on.
"Finding Light in the Darkness" is well-written prose the weaves the writer's Christianity into examining the long and dark winter months and finding good and productive ways to use this time. Some practical examples are given such as helping with kid's homework or talking to your spouse. Since this is a Christian perspective, God of course is promoted, and not just any God but the God of the Jews, that is to say the God of the Bible. So in this regard the piece slips into the subjective, which is the definition of religion. A passage from the Psalms is even given at the very end. But the piece starts out with an immediate drag-down: "A season of lowliness and humility as we consider our sin." The die is immediately cast, the tethers of religion bind and jiggle the victim like a marionette--which is the goal. For me, I prefer to consider the mind. That way, there is worth, and not unworthiness. For whatever God you choose to believe in, if that is your choice, then He created it, and to not use it is the greatest sin. Sheol enough.
"Global Warming" is an interesting poem, it helps bring to our attention this serious matter. There is science here, politics, geography and even a bit of humor at the end, with the reference of the quote by Bill Cosby. Things are changing, the climate is changing, ice is melting, the population is increasing. This poem is a mixture of different aspects and references, a poem that is stark and thought-provoking. Write on.
There's something fascinating about "saturday's bulemic cat", a poem that entertains and at the same time causes a head tilt but with a profound smile. This twists your mind while at the same time tickles it; one of my favorite lines is "performing sleek, black yoga in the sun,..." Modern verse to be sure, enigmatic yet penned to supply both domestic and prurient images, more than what the cat drug in.
When I got to the end of "Shifting Sands" I immediately thought of The Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin" and the famous line there, using that word which the writer uses here, making the assertion using that word. At first I disagreed, thinking in reality's terms, but then thought perhaps the writer speaks of the relationship; I think that's it. It ends on a provocative note to be sure. This poem is 2 stanzas of 8 lines each, with a lot of philosophic questioning. To me the flow is somewhat of a struggle, especially the first stanza, but still the poem is above average and is thought provoking. I would like to see some punctuation but that's just me; it doesn't affect the green dot in the circle. Read this poem and see what is there and what is not. The cold hearted orb may rule the night, but we decide which is right.
"My Heart Ache" is a pretty passionate poem where the writer expresses deep and sincere feeling about her husband. There is a lot of anatomy here, with emphasis on chest and breathing. For example, the writer loves, "...to feel your chest rise and fall with each breath you take." The 10 lines flow well, and I don't detect any spelling or syntax errors. It's a nice poem, but I am just a little critical of line (7) with the phrase, "...hearts and breaths sync up to become one." That sounds a bit odd, but I'll ask if that's done deliberately. Is that a deliberate play on words there? (Opposing words) Just curious, but if so I don't think it's in keeping with the poem, which is all right. You put in good and sincere emotion.Thanks for sharing, welcome, and write on!
"Reminiscing" is an excellent poem. Not only does this flow well, and is a joy to read, but it conveys a strong and well-structured message. This is very good writing; right from the first line, "I used to be a soldier on the battlements of life", it continues on like a powerful river, deep, on its way to a life-filled ocean. There is ample meat here at this poetic repast. One of the remarkable things is that each line is 14 syllables for the most part; this writer had much to say and says it well. Wonderful write, it does not swerve...you maintain the nerve. Write on.
"3 W's" is a poem divided into 3 stanzas, the first one about "wishing" the second one about "wanting" and then the third about "waiting". It is a poem from the heart, about love (or perhaps more specifically about desire) in that the writer wishes someone "were here to hold me tight". That exact sentiment in repeated in the second stanza, in the "wanting" stanza. The writer wants this someone to "lay by my side forever" and also waits for this someone to "...come lay beside me", you get the idea. This is a pretty simplistic poem, well expressed but could use a bit more zest of creativity. Perhaps there could be more of a "show" instead of tell, for example in line (7) where: "wanting to feel your love surround me", some specificity here might be just the thing, for "love surround me is pretty vague. I'm just suggesting some images, something we can see, i.e., lips, muscular arms, blue eyes. and so on. But it is sincere and well stated, closing with a one line sentiment separated from the third stanza. All 3 W's are there, tying the poem together. Write on.
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