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 |   All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know. |
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The Idiotic Ideate?? Formerly: New Zenith To Hell…(all started with arc as writer here from the trials of Rising Stars to Preferred Author to WDC Quills Best Poetry Collection to the falling action I feel now that settles in a white case.) Got to hustle to preserve the best of me before fully fading on that virtual horizon glowing more brilliant with each passing day to permanent nuclear winter. if people don’t get it, I don’t need to explain it. We kill all that’s beautiful before we question it’s purpose. So many people find it easier to think in the black and the white. God forbid you get lost straying in the gray. "Whoever fights monsters should see to it…he does not become a monster.” I’ve been to the abyss and back. Not so bad. The loneliest happy person you'd ever meet, when not the saddest person who needs to be alone. In an ever-changing world, we need to handle topics at the ready. If you roll over and give in to the narrative without lending a voice of your own, you might as well hand over your civil liberties. We have voices that should connect to true conscience and spirit for honest and open discourse. Why feel so redacted? Unify on issues and put drama aside. Open minds require complete objectivity. If none need apply, question the unbendable sources for answer. If you knee-jerk react to every issue lurking out there that clutches your neck, you fall victim to your own ignorance born from a life of apathy (no doubt) in pathetic cries of injustice. Just writing what I feel without the narrative-altering mind f---ing with my head. [MY Chorus] In your house, I long to be Room by room, patiently I'll wait for you there, like a stone I'll wait for you there, alone "It amazed me how truth was often suffocated in minutes, but lies were given sufficient air to breathe indefinitely." "You are all better than you think you are, you are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself." ![Merit Badge in Second Time Around Contest
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Congratulations on winning the Grand Overall Prize in [Link To Item #2164876] with your beautiful poem, [Link to Book Entry #933358]. This poem really moved me. Great writing!
Rachel *^*Heartv*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Second_Time_Around_Contest-2164963_14.gif)    "...lasting art is never anything more than a mathematical expression of the relations that exist between the internal and the external, the self [le moi] and the world." -Jean Metzinger I'm in love with carefully chosen words, arranged just so, audible, edible, to inhale. I attempt to post new poems and epiphanies daily with some links to what inspires. I am legally blind with a rare, genetic form of glaucoma. I'm described as "end stage" after two successful surgeries, still subject to further vision loss. Cataracts complicating matters. Writing Can get strenuous but seldom deters what yearns to emerge, despite a documented history of depression and recently diagnosed ADHD and undefinable social disorders and/or PTSD. My recent poetry:
Sometimes epiphanies about my insights on writing and life and what goes on... Making sense of life is maddening. Why do I need to know, when truth may not actually exist? Learning to accept would be a better pursuit? Flailing about in my own mediocrity, hoping to bust out. I am visible. You can put a face with a name. I would like to see other writers, too. Fiction is what you write, not who you are. Reinventing myself. I couldn't continue on the path I was on and needed a fresh start. This time around I want to put the focus on writing and the world outside of this community as it affects my life. I realize now that I have been baring my chest a bit more, as when young. fake me much more boring and unliberated than the real me. A world arriving as silent as that blossom in your garden that I told you about... |
| I'm like two different people on and off these drugs. What I'm not is sociable or able to defeat this nagging feeling I'm different and rarely finding footing or a place I fit in. It could be a life of experience that taught me how hard it was to read people, hang with them without figuring out some way to either offend them or making our co-existence uncomfortable either the harder I tried or the more I retreatedl. I am ADHD or ADD, depending on what my therapist says. What I don't understand is why she cannot buy into autism or something in that spectrum, because it is common in boys. It is life long. I know when I'm around people, if I don't get a handle on the situation quick, I look peculiar to this people who I can see don't know how to approach or take me. I try to do all the correct things socially, but overcompensate. I don't shut up when I should. No economy of words seems to save me from myself. The is this lifelong obsession with numbers, order and treating objects as living things. I could be absorbed for hours with the simplest of things. I discovered 3d images in woodwork and tile before it was a thing. I told awkward jokes and made fun of people because it was the type of humor I was raised with. I butted heads with friends, but I couldn't explain why I never kept one childhood friend or lasting relationship for the first 33 years of my life. I still have people teaching me the correct way to behave, or get the right read on situations. I don't think it's far-fetched to believe that the trauma I endured in childhood remains with me still because of this. I don't trust people, became cynical and defensive. I'm prone to overreact and become dramatic or emotional of situations that just requires me to take a beat, rather than let old fears seep back in. I tend to idle of the needless, rather than focus on things that could give back to me. Though, I am reordering priority based on results, it's never an easy thing. At least, it made me good at collecting money, which I like to count. My internet searches and the hours I have spent chasing one notion to other for what seems like forever has consumed me and a lot of my eyesight over the years. There's so much I should have known that I'm discovering, but I get too engrossed and lost in it all and lose precious hours a day. Sometimes, it benefits me when I write. So, there's that. So, everything works out for me, except I consider myself friendless since my teen years. I'm afraid to count on somehow, because of how traumatic losing a person, let alone getting to know them, can be. I'm trapped in this ideal of perfection and always wanting to say the right thing, sound smart, because I suffered a lot of humifaction from distractions that lead to ignorance. I'll keep working with my therapist. She hasn't got the full picture yet. This is more than you need to know about me. But, I write and I share so I can learn and get better. It took me 14 years to figure this place out, and still learning. 6.15.21 edit and/or add more later. |
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In the Falkland Islands, internet is very limited and very expensive. The place I'm currently staying only lets me use it in the middle of the night, so when I have to get up at 3 am to check my texts (no cell service to the US here unless I'm on the internet) or WdC, I don't do nearly as much as I used to. 
I currently have 2 very long emails I still need to get to from several days ago. Anyway, I miss everyone, but I also miss sleep, so there's that. 
Have you spoken to the doctor about your vision problems lately? I know there are special glasses for it because I have to wear them to read much ever since the brain injury. It's part of why I now only listen to audiobooks instead of reading regular books. It took 8 years for anyone to diagnose it because I have a brain injury and while one might think it would be obvious to me that I see double, it wasn't. Partly, my brain does a fair job of compensating. But also, partly, you use your brain to realize and understand that the 2 images you constantly see are double vision and something you should mention to your eye doctor. Since my brain was damaged, even basic things like that can escape me. 
I never once thought to mention it, even with annual eye exams in the Army and an exam every 2 years at the VA. Though, in my defense, since it happens in something like 41% of people with a brain injury, it should have been discovered by an eye doctor much sooner. 
I know doing that activity is a CRAP TON of work. But you made a difference in lives, not just his, but for all the people he's reviewed since. 
Well done! 
