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 |   All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know. |
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The Idiotic Ideate?? Formerly: New Zenith To Hell…(all started with arc as writer here from the trials of Rising Stars to Preferred Author to WDC Quills Best Poetry Collection to the falling action I feel now that settles in a white case.) Got to hustle to preserve the best of me before fully fading on that virtual horizon glowing more brilliant with each passing day to permanent nuclear winter. if people don’t get it, I don’t need to explain it. We kill all that’s beautiful before we question it’s purpose. So many people find it easier to think in the black and the white. God forbid you get lost straying in the gray. "Whoever fights monsters should see to it…he does not become a monster.” I’ve been to the abyss and back. Not so bad. The loneliest happy person you'd ever meet, when not the saddest person who needs to be alone. In an ever-changing world, we need to handle topics at the ready. If you roll over and give in to the narrative without lending a voice of your own, you might as well hand over your civil liberties. We have voices that should connect to true conscience and spirit for honest and open discourse. Why feel so redacted? Unify on issues and put drama aside. Open minds require complete objectivity. If none need apply, question the unbendable sources for answer. If you knee-jerk react to every issue lurking out there that clutches your neck, you fall victim to your own ignorance born from a life of apathy (no doubt) in pathetic cries of injustice. Just writing what I feel without the narrative-altering mind f---ing with my head. [MY Chorus] In your house, I long to be Room by room, patiently I'll wait for you there, like a stone I'll wait for you there, alone "It amazed me how truth was often suffocated in minutes, but lies were given sufficient air to breathe indefinitely." "You are all better than you think you are, you are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself." ![Merit Badge in Second Time Around Contest
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Congratulations on winning the Grand Overall Prize in [Link To Item #2164876] with your beautiful poem, [Link to Book Entry #933358]. This poem really moved me. Great writing!
Rachel *^*Heartv*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Second_Time_Around_Contest-2164963_14.gif)    "...lasting art is never anything more than a mathematical expression of the relations that exist between the internal and the external, the self [le moi] and the world." -Jean Metzinger I'm in love with carefully chosen words, arranged just so, audible, edible, to inhale. I attempt to post new poems and epiphanies daily with some links to what inspires. I am legally blind with a rare, genetic form of glaucoma. I'm described as "end stage" after two successful surgeries, still subject to further vision loss. Cataracts complicating matters. Writing Can get strenuous but seldom deters what yearns to emerge, despite a documented history of depression and recently diagnosed ADHD and undefinable social disorders and/or PTSD. My recent poetry:
Sometimes epiphanies about my insights on writing and life and what goes on... Making sense of life is maddening. Why do I need to know, when truth may not actually exist? Learning to accept would be a better pursuit? Flailing about in my own mediocrity, hoping to bust out. I am visible. You can put a face with a name. I would like to see other writers, too. Fiction is what you write, not who you are. Reinventing myself. I couldn't continue on the path I was on and needed a fresh start. This time around I want to put the focus on writing and the world outside of this community as it affects my life. I realize now that I have been baring my chest a bit more, as when young. fake me much more boring and unliberated than the real me. A world arriving as silent as that blossom in your garden that I told you about... |
Thanks to Warped Sanity  's newsletter (I should hunt down link), I wrote:"This is interesting. I hope to learn more. I found the link to this in newsfeed. I thought about attaching my reply there, but want to contribute to this newsletter foremost my reaction and thoughts (to give at least one person a better vibe about me): I'm self-confident in arenas where I'm not diminished. I find with writing or being on a basketball court, I'm in the right element. There are good days and bad days as with anything, but I have the confidence to override and even influence a few around me. We can be having so much fun, we don't want to quit. We do form bonds and associations in this way, as we 'vibe'. There are negative elements in these arenas, too. Some come with a different narrative and try to find someone else, even me, to blame for their bad day. They also divide, try to influence others against my good intentions, as if they were bad. These people just haven't figured out that it centers around their own aura. I'm learning to lean away from these people so I can shine on my own, wherever I am. It's tough sometimes not got get caught up in someone else's bad day or obvious negative perception of me. I can read the room, now that I am older and wiser. I'm more at peace as I age and don't work as hard, as if I would be empty if I don't please others. I just need to take care of myself, attune. Writing and exercising are great ways to express, decompress and release whatever is trapped inside...for me." I'm working too hard at proving my value to others some days, when I keep driving through subjects and more that cause me to opine and get into old unresolved feelings and thoughts that I thought I was done with, to see them surface again. It's like anything. an addiction; you try to kick the habit. But, you're on your own, no sponsor. It's hard to find people who can get on the same page with me, who'll (for real) be in my corner. I've found a few that remain, some new, but many who won't come over the fence between us to meet, visit again. And, I probably am the same. Knowing the neighbors in this community is difficult when I need to put a face or something iconic to a name. So, I keep to myself more than I intend. When I put myself out there, it's more than people want to know, or need to know. And, while brevity is my friend, it does not untethered what still anchors in my soul, waiting for some kind of approval from some unknown master for release. I'll plow through millions of pages of internet offerings hoping I'll meet with something, myself to say this is what you've sought or to just pack it up. I'll sit quiet a day or more, let life sink in a bit. Maybe, not dabble in it, mind erased and do this all over again. Another tack, another way to figure out what it is that needs be said with finality, like seeking perfection. Like death. It's inevitable and unavoidable, but we dream on just the same. And that's what I'll vibe about for now. However it's taken, negative or positive, I feel it's constructive, but not purposely so. 6.20.21 |
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In the Falkland Islands, internet is very limited and very expensive. The place I'm currently staying only lets me use it in the middle of the night, so when I have to get up at 3 am to check my texts (no cell service to the US here unless I'm on the internet) or WdC, I don't do nearly as much as I used to. 
I currently have 2 very long emails I still need to get to from several days ago. Anyway, I miss everyone, but I also miss sleep, so there's that. 
Have you spoken to the doctor about your vision problems lately? I know there are special glasses for it because I have to wear them to read much ever since the brain injury. It's part of why I now only listen to audiobooks instead of reading regular books. It took 8 years for anyone to diagnose it because I have a brain injury and while one might think it would be obvious to me that I see double, it wasn't. Partly, my brain does a fair job of compensating. But also, partly, you use your brain to realize and understand that the 2 images you constantly see are double vision and something you should mention to your eye doctor. Since my brain was damaged, even basic things like that can escape me. 
I never once thought to mention it, even with annual eye exams in the Army and an exam every 2 years at the VA. Though, in my defense, since it happens in something like 41% of people with a brain injury, it should have been discovered by an eye doctor much sooner. 
I know doing that activity is a CRAP TON of work. But you made a difference in lives, not just his, but for all the people he's reviewed since. 
Well done! 
