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 |   A terminal for all blogs coming in or going out. A view into my life. |
Started July 1st 2019 for contests, etc. as other blogs are filling up and have other purposes.  I'm starting a new blog because
I'll be linking to
I've started an appendix (I no longer have one personally) to keep track of my Space Cadet journals for Space Blog. It's a work constantly under construction. Mind the mess.
I needed to start a folder for contests as there are so many deadlines and details to remember.
  |
| Ask me whether I care. Part of me doesn't. I'm up earlier than usual and need to head out. I took a bath last night but a shower may be a good idea. Off I go. Is this the season of dry skin? 2 solutions: 1. use lotion. 2. travel to a moist climate. I went to market and bought hargisa and a blueberry pastry from Irina. At Butterfly Herbs I got a mint oreo milkshake with Irish creme. A goo combo. Saw Nancy Rishoff. She'd look good in my alpaca turtle neck. Sacramento State is in town for a game against the Grizz. I had a chance to go but without glasses what would I have seen? I'm fading. I worked again on my poems and ended up writing four instead of two. Now to choose. I also will write a poem to a postcard of Montana. Who will be the victim? No clue. What the meek inherit postcard of the Boston and Montana Copper Smelter Copper came. And copper went. What remains but toxic tailings. The land once rent must be cleansed; more money spent, while sons and daughters of copper barons went — elsewhere. Slash and burn. Dig deep and leave the mess. No thoughts for the wounded Earth that the meek inherit. © Copyright 2021 Kåre Enga [178.248] (16.oktober.2021) Sent to Pat. 71 degrees at 4:20. Barely a cloud in the sky. The Grizz fans weep. 27-28. Nick caught up with me and we spoke about him being my lawyer and getting my affairs in order, will, etc. About time. I'm not getting any younger. Ate pumpkin pie, drank the devil's brew ... black. Feeling a bit better. Spoke with Jackie Smartt outside of the Wilma. I told her I was jealous of her walking stick and then her son Kent showed up (he gave it to her). "Things like Texas’ declaration of secession in 1861, which, in part, stated: “We hold as undeniable truths that the governments of the various States, and of the confederacy itself, were established exclusively by the white race, for themselves and their posterity; that the African race had no agency in their establishment; that they were rightfully held and regarded as an inferior and dependent race, and in that condition only could their existence in this country be rendered beneficial or tolerable." Texas succession 1861: https://avalon.law.yale.edu/19th_century/csa_texsec.asp |
| Part 1 Halfway through the month and I feel like my wheels are spinning as I sit here in bed contemplating The Void (a.k.a. my future). Merry's call interrupted my thoughts. I got to see her on Messenger and she got to see my awesome hair (uncut for two years). She wasn't scared  . I'm 'sunken' and my skin isn't good and ... no use looking in mirrors. My father and uncle lived to age 82. My grandfathers 73 and 75. I'm aiming low. And no... that's not being negative. The reality is that I'm slipping in so many ways. Do I really want to outlive myself? I need to do that WDC Will, need to talk to Nick, need to get a grip and salvage what I can before the lights go out. Part 2 Saturday: farmers market winding down until the 30th. Check mail. Sunday: wash clothes every three to four weeks. I might not go out. Monday: see friends if I get out of bed. Tuesday: see Monday. Wednesday: regular market. Thursday: Billi Jo's worker Angie stops by and we chat. I might see friends. Friday: see Monday. I used to have a different rhythm. I used to have a life. Part 3 Yeah... I need to ramp up my writing. Contest entries are due and I'd love to enter "Poetry Song Contest"  as it's only twice a year.Need to have a more disciplined approach to learning Thai, but reading and watching TV series are helping me understand the cadence of the language and the culture. 1. You defer to your parent's wishes; thou shall not whine. 2. You defer to class, age, power and money. 3. You never show anger. It doesn't end well. This is a passive/aggressive culture. 4. I'm not sure what I can eat as I don't do spicy. I'm left-handed.  5. I need to make up some itineraries to calm me down. I'm good at that type of planning. I'm dreaming of meeting people and the stories I will share. Part 4 Certain aspects of my life are on hold and therefore a disaster. I need to deal with my depression before it's replaced with anxiety. I do eat. Today I had rice mixed with lemon, mackerel and yellow marigold petals. I've been eating cashews. I'm keeping up with my caffeine. I ought to drink more tea. I 'processed' petals I'll dry and add to my food: marigold (yellow, orange, red), carnation (peach and red), calendula (yellow). I'm going to take a soak now (because I can) in hope that I steam away the ennui. ~430 words Posted in "Blogville " 5113 |
| 21 degrees and no wind. Cold in the hallway this past day (as if windows were open). Warm and windy where hurricane Pamela lands in Mexico. 34 at 11. Above freezing and reasonably calm = I can go out without putting on my bear-suit. Saw a few flakes and my friends today ... Excellent macaroni salad. Bought bread and bologna. Cashews! Not much on sale. Visited Travis for a short visit... 3 hours later... I read him my slightly-edited and contest-entered poem from 2014 "There comes a softening — to cantucci " I wrote the following tonight thinking that 8 lines would be perfect length for this type of poem. Many do have 8 lines; only a few have more. I have written over 100. Wrote one earlier this year for Express it in 8. There comes a stillness — to my dismay There comes a stillness... ...to my dismay as the last leaves flutter then fall away as geese fly overhead. ...and to my bones as muscles stiffen and my sighs and moans weep away. © Copyright 2021 Kåre Enga [178.242] (13.oktober.2021) October 14 Snow on the morning's mountains. Cold. Had a cheese-bologna-peanutbutter sandwich. Cooking up marigold petals with rice. I can smell it. There comes a reckoning — to the mountains There comes a reckoning... ...to the mountains when October snows lace the pine a gift of Jack Frost and the Queen of Northern climes ...and to a waft of marigolds, in autumn's garden, flush with yellow blooms, their leaves now frozen. © Copyright 2021 Kåre Enga [178.244] (14.oktober.2021) |
| Winter's Coming... 23 frosty degrees at 08:30 in Missoula in Western Montana. Not quite as cold to the east. 78 degrees in Maha Sarakham Thailand at 21:30... but stormy week forecast. Would like to visit next month if I can, next year if I can't. Now 46 degrees at 4 pm. This weekend should be nice. Calm, warm 60s. Indian summer cometh. Gleaned frosted flowers today. Straw flowers and edibles: carnation, calendula, marigold. Also salvaged a geranium. Tonight is supposed to go down near 20 so very little will survive. Almost 9 pm and 40 degrees. Going to be another frosty morning. I got the fan out of the window without killing it or me. I should rearrange the plants by weekend. Their needs are different going into winter. I'm not feeling well. Nothing major. Just blah blah blah. |
| 38 degrees at 11 am. Billie Jo said she saw snow. At that temp it's possible. Graupel. For sure. So... first frozen precip.  May get to 49 today. May not. Not too bad in Maha Sarakham, Thailand. 29/20 this week with some rain from the typhoon as it crosses Laos to the north. Thailand may be opening. But exactly when? Reasonable flights to BKK are showing Nov 10- Dec 9 for $1.272. (JAL) And $1.020 to Phuket (HKT) on Qatari (a much longer flight). The steam. The steam! And 100 guests. Here in a pool of travertine I soak away the sores of aging, drool over the firm young bodies on display, try to hide my sagging flesh till to my dismay someone smiles and notices. The steam wafts around my 'nakedness' with a silky caress , like lace, covers nothing. My dreams embrace the youth, imaging each one as old as I. My eyes crinkle and they wonder why I laugh. Oh their wrinkles, their bright bikinis, nothing, nothing the steam can hide. Pai Hot Springs or Pha Bong near Mae Hong Son or 'cold' water near Kanchanaburi? Salon "The judge who jailed Black children for a crime that doesn’t exist" Meribah Knight WaPo has an op-ed stating the DJT is already weaponizing the next elections. Duh. I refuse to vote in the poll however as I do NOT allow anyone to collect my personal info. Bryan called from Costa Rica and took a screen shot after I undid my hair... scary! I really don't look good. I've aged poorly the last couple years. Ask or ask not; receive or receive not. Do I care? That is the question. |
| "You just toughing me?" It's really hard blogging when I have 'nothing' to say. Or have plenty to say but not the energy to be tactful. I realize that my world-view is NOT White-Identity, Anglophone, Christian-centric, Nationalist, in contrast to about half of those on social-media sites, including WDC. See the results of this poll with over 1,600 votes.
Another worthy poll with over 700 votes:
My poll from 2006 but only 38 votes:
And I gasp at the concern over sex and 'bad' language by those who write horror and attend every violent movie out there. To me it appears that as long as their core values and identity aren't questioned it's okay to slash and gash and kill. I also wonder whether LGBTQ characters and issues are tolerated at best (or Asian or African, or disabled, or mentally unstable or trans-sexual). I can't know because folks here rarely address any issue or subject they consider taboo... at least not in forums or to my face. Does anyone realize how offensive "hate the sin but love the sinner" really is? I would like to know how far their "love" extends. Friendship? Neighbors? Job? Housing? Marriage? All the human rights they extend to the "anointed"? "I won't kill you" is not love. And explain to me how "tough love" isn't just toughing me instead of loving me because unless you personally know me (closely or intimately) I don't feel the 'love'; you're just being tough. I should make a poll. But would people answer honestly? People have fears but are they too ashamed to admit them? The key would be in the wording. October Tenth Blues: To Zeke re dark skull poem (they asked whether the skulls were human): "Oh... could be.  If it makes it 'darker' then so be it. I don't mention the source of the skulls because it's a poem and irrelevant. If 'she' were an alien though... Same with giving her a name. 'Sally planting Sammy's skull' may actually make it more horrific. But it isn't a story and the focus is on feasting on those yummy grubs.
21 victims entered for disposal by the QoD. Ah... Darleen, we  you. I ate two beef burgers. One with dressing, the other with cheddar. Thinking of Robert... I'm sad. I was hoping to meet Nick today. Today is Gary's birthday. I miss them both. I tried to find a lament I wrote "on the tenth day of the tenth month...". Can't find it. Finished "Still 2together" yesterday. The extra 5 episodes were better than the first 13. An 8.0 instead of a 7.5. For me, a series is weakened if the story isn't thought through beginning to end before the first scene is filmed. Character development is crucial and if 2 characters are to get together then there should be 'chemistry' real or faked by the actors. "1000 Stars" felt 'real' (9.5) and "He's Coming to Me" (9.2) had awesome character development and chemistry. "Fish in the Sky" had neither (7.0). I think "Lovely Writer" (9.0) had a wonderful gender-bending side couple (Tum & Tiffy) and is a must-see for its insight into the Thai BL industry. ~530 words Posted in "Blogville " 5.101 |
| Sunny, pleasant morning. I went to market and bought a sticky bun from Irina. I went looking for blue hubbard squash and bought parsnips. On my way out Irina had a blueberry pastry! Her sister Amma brought some pastries from the other market. Lucky me! Then upon leaving I saw a giant pumpkin. And... blue hubbard... grown by Matias, age 11. He's gardened since age 6. $12 but it's a great keeper and I can put it somewhere and forget it for a month while I cook up my buttercup squash. I'm at Butterfly Herbs shaking. No clue why. Hard to drink my coffee... that bad. Time to write a postcard. Two written after I ate, drank and stopped shaking. Gary (whose birthday is tomorrow) and Petra are my 'victims'. No bite to what I wrote, but with the postal slowdown in the US, it may take an extra day or two to arrive. I called Gare yesterday, but no answer. I wonder whether Petra will read this before she gets my postcard and poem. As always, I realize I need to write more. And I need to do more in general. Angie gave me two plastic bags so I could get the big bad hubbard home. Very heavy. Added @ 5 pm: Cooked up flat noodles, added cream of asparagus, grated swiss, chicken and butter. Quite edible but bland. Bland will not kill me. I'm no longer shaking but this morning's incident raises questions. I entered two poems into Darleen's "Invalid Item" yesterday. I need to write two more this week. One turned out to be a sonnet. I like writing to photos. I should write another postcard to what is depicted on it. I'll need to write to each of the following images as they both speak to me. ** Image ID #1989394 Unavailable ** I think of a corpse holding on to kindness/wonder/hope experienced through life. Even after the dark pale of death there is light and life. ** Image ID #1994264 Unavailable ** Those who cannot speak with their mouth speak with their eyes. This image evokes deep pain. I opened up my mail at home. I received a merit pin for third place in June's WDC Quotation Inspiration contest for
5096 |
| October 7 I have taken something similar to the MBTI more than once. I come up ENFP ... all the time. I'm drawn to INTJs ... all the time. I get along with fellow ENFPs. I don't obsess over the categories (they aren't black/white but scalar/vector) but they helped me understand years ago that my motivations may be different from others. That others don't fit into discrete categories is no surprise to me. Humans aren't Lego blocks. That others are not helped is not my problem. There are other approaches and psychology is not static. Knowledge has progressed beyond Jung/Freud. There is no indication whether the author of the article has any education himself and his attack on Jung and 'calling him names' does not convince me that analytical psychology is worse than other approaches or that somehow Jung himself didn't have insight because he wasn't "acceptable" or made mistakes. This reminds me of facebook shit-flinging when attacking the person by calling them names discredits anything and everything that that person has ever done. I learned from my sociolinguistic project years ago that quantitative results are crap if the wrong questions are asked and that finding the right questions takes a qualitative open-questioning attitude that mere statistics ignores. In Quora, Liz Jarrard states: "I am no expert. Yet. But it seems Jungian Psychology could be seen as being controversial when you value the empirical (quantitative) and the cognitive over the anecdotal, subjective, affective, and qualitative. I like to think it’s quite like the difference between Sam Harris (a neuroscientist) and Jordan B Peterson (who is heavily influenced by Jung, and is a clinical psychologist). Or CBT vs Depth Psychology. When you want hard data that doesn’t support something that could be seen as subjective, you might tend to think it has less value. From that perspective, Jungian psychology might be seen as being “controversial.”" So... I think the Cracked article is mostly bullshit except for the part about employers using MBTI as a short-cut in the hiring process. There are no 'ENFP-only' jobs. And although I may get along with INTJs I'm still single. https://www.cracked.com/article_31336_why-the-myers-briggs-personality-test-is-n... Business Insider "Most Trump voters are 'animated by a strong anti-immigration sentiment' and worry that an increase in immigrants will threaten their jobs and pay: poll" I'm practicing my breathing today. I'm not all here. I'm a ghost moving among grandchildren unseen and left to my musings as I sit in the guest house, the hosts young enough to be my children, their own children full grown. I'm invisible, watching time eddy around street vendors and travelers frolicking in groups. I gather my thoughts, as if I could hold them, pretend that the movement around me could be woven into a new life, one full of the promise of tomorrow. I'm in Bang Saen dreaming of crabs hidden in the mangroves of Ang Sila, the monkeys of Khao Sam Muk, the walk to the temple of Wat Ko Loi in Si Racha. Or I'm in Phimai taking photos among the ruins of the Khmer. A ghost with a camera. Or I'm wherever there is life ... I'm just not here. I listen to Radio Rad (FM 89.5) in Khon Kaen to try to stay wake. The dishes are washed and I started on the refrigerator. Angie thinks I really need to get back to cleaning. So does Travis. Dalton wanted to visit yesterday; but, I said no. I'm not ready for visitors. I just don't want to be here. My friend Ann from Washington is in Paris. Anna Maria from Estonia is there too, visiting Isla. Cecilie from Tromso is in Oslo (but I know she'd rather be in Paris). If I left tomorrow could I see them all? I'd settle for Portugal. I'm practicing my breathing but I did eat. And I've had a couple cups of coffee. I guess I'm not going to have much trouble finding coffee in Thailand (chorreado like in Costa Rica). The culture has some passive/agressive aspects in common with Costa Rica. This isn't good news; but, at least I know from experience how important it is to not share what I think. Do ghosts have voices? I'd love to find out. I'm in Maha Sarakham on a rainy day reminiscing about Wat Photaram and the Thai noi inscriptions as I write my name in cursive. I'm drinking coffee at Elefin in Roi Et gazing at the lake. Do ghosts drink? Do they remember their name. October 8 50 some degrees on a cloudy day. Making rice and turkey. A smoky paella. Turned out well. Joann died. She'd been ill for quite awhile and her liver gave out in the end. Phil, her boyfriend, will need to be consoled. 49 degrees at 20:30. I finished two 'dark' poems. I believe there'll be over twenty entries and that's good news. |
| 5 de octubre @ 01:25 - 55 calm, cooling degrees by moonlight. I took a nap at sunset and visited the afternoon in Thailand. It's 31 degrees at 14:28 in Mahasarakham. Saturday will rain all day with a steady temp of 23. https://mediamanipulation.org —The use of scientific jargon and community norms to cloak or hide a political, ideological, or financial agenda within the appearance of legitimate scientific research. This may include the use of technical language, difficult-to-understand graphs and charts, or seemingly scientific data presented as empirical evidence to lend credibility to the claims being made. Cloaked science may be seeded onto public preprint servers, in data repositories, journals, or publications with lax review standards, through press releases, or by baiting journalists who may not be able to scrutinize the claims thoroughly. This definition builds upon Jessie Daniel's research on cloaked websites, which she describes as "sites published by individuals or groups who conceal authorship in order to disguise deliberately a hidden political agenda. 10:00 and 54 degrees. I'm actually awake. What more do you want? I'm out of coffee. Snow in the forecast for next Tuesday. I had no problem with the stairs today. A good sign. I went to visit friends and managed to get a coffee. Kathy gave me her chocolate pudding on raspberry chocolate cake today. Willie announced that John Walker (who was very active in the Senior Center) had a massive heart attack while hiking in Utah. At our age Death walks beside us. 14:10 and 75 degrees. My temp is 96.8; it was 97.2 this morning. Time for oolong with lavender. It got up to 81. Still warm inside as I decided to fry up some potato pancakes. This time I did them right. Ate one with a pork patty just now. 65 degrees at 8 pm. Going down to 45. Today should've been the last day of summer. Picked a marigold, a carnation; gleaned some lavender. I hope to glean what I can this week. 6 de octubre 65 degrees at 15:32. So uncomfortably warm in my place. I have the fan on. Went to OFF with Dalton to buy groceries. I got distracted and didn't catch an error in how something was rung up. Out $5 because it's a long walk back. I did remember to buy coffee. Jazzing with Officer Jones bebop coffee with a cop as we drink the brew I ask what's up a warrant for you if you don't sober up so with one quick chop I bop the cop © Copyright 2021 Kåre Enga [178.238] (6.oktober.2021) To Missbusta07: "As much as life sucks for me right now it could've been worse. I'm not much of a risk taker. I've battled low self-esteem all my life. But... I went to Kansas rather than stay home and that led to Costa Rica that led to small town Kansas and Nebraska that led to ... a mistake ... but I wasn't comatose for those 20 years even if work was a disaster ... but that led to writing and Oklahoma. Even homelessness taught me something and that led to Montana that led to Costa Rica and learning how to travel and now after 43 countries and being put on pause for 20 months I'm old, worn out, and not sure whether to zig or zag. But if I hadn't gotten out of my comfort zone I'd still be riding my tricycle around the block where I grew up. My sister still lives there." |
Here I go again.  But something Norb posted 5 years ago (that I just read today) leads to this entry. I did try to read most of the 30 day blog challenge entries. I mostly succeeded in commenting, but commenting seems to be a lost skill along with communication, conversation... Do people either not have anything to say or they are too afraid to say it? Or tired of drama. Maybe everyone got worn out by the social media fights and have gone back to their own corner of the boxing ring. I dunno. It's still hard to talk about anything. Fivesixer in a BT entry "This one's about policies, protections, and musical purging." from 2016 stated: #1 If you're gonna be here, say somethin'. Don't make me go into the WDC Statistics for this item and let me find out you've been here without at least sayin' hey. That's rude. I'd never just show up on your doorstep and ring your doorbell and leave if you ain't home and then not tell you about it. And comin' here to read is even worse if you ding-dong ditch my entries...you came here to read somethin', and I gave your ass somethin' to read, so you best at least say what's up. Even if you don't like it. I don't do this for my health! (Ok, I do do this in part for my health, but that ain't the damn point.) You made your click-effort to get here. You read it. You jus' gon' leave like that? Without sayin' a word? Shame on you, and shame on your mama for not teachin' you better! There! I done damn said it! Yep, It's still a problem Norb! (I did leave a comment even though it's an old entry.) It's not about the rating. This is a [13+] entry in a [13+] blog. It's about whether we writers can share our life and get any feedback or support, either for our writing or for us personally. Writer's are people too! runningwolf04 has been back blogging for a couple months now. I'm sure she would love to hear from you. "Invalid Item" New state, new job... starting over. Say hello maybe? I've left messages in "Notebook" for members who don't have a blog. So many ways to communicate. Today I really should reply to reviews, messages, a request for a trinket. I still owe a postcard. It's almost 2 p.m. and all I want to do is go home and take a nap. I bought potatoes and an onion at market, was gifted a pear. I had a lime-vanilla shake at Butterfly Herbs. I'm toast. This evening maybe I'll read some blogs and comment. I usually do. And I need to start writing for "Journalistic Intentions" and decide where to put them. If you've started a new blog or think that I might not know about your ongoing one, please leave a link. Same with an entry you wish to bring to my attention. ~485 words Posted in "Blogville " 5069 |
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. That's good, right? Or did you just list those checked? 
