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 |   A terminal for all blogs coming in or going out. A view into my life. |
Started July 1st 2019 for contests, etc. as other blogs are filling up and have other purposes.  I'm starting a new blog because
I'll be linking to
I've started an appendix (I no longer have one personally) to keep track of my Space Cadet journals for Space Blog. It's a work constantly under construction. Mind the mess.
I needed to start a folder for contests as there are so many deadlines and details to remember.
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| "Can your dreams be long if your life is short?" Albert asked his teacher in a calm even voice, knowing she couldn't answer. He could. He dreamed of being an astronaut and setting up a colony in Mars. He even asked his science teacher how he could extract water. His teacher laughed, "Ask your Dutch father." So he did, but tears got in the way. Not his, never his. His dad's. His mom had grown up in Indonesia on a small island. She would only smile and say, "Just find enough to drink but not too much." She feared tsunamis. The teacher stood there stunned. His friend Samantha waved her hand and blurted out, "I can." Jimmy gasped; no one dared move or say a word. "Even a fruit fly dreams of fruit. A short dream maybe but just as good. Lots of fruit means lots of flies which means lots of dreams." The teacher sat down and put her head in her hands. Jimmy started to cry. "I going to go to Mars someday." Albert said this in a soft steady voice. "When I die next summer my parents are going to put me in a container and have me sent there." Now Samantha began to cry. "It's my fondest dream." |
I responded to n.lea  You write: "The ocean and the beach have always been a place of calm amidst the chaos if my life growing up. The lulling sound of waves crashing and lapping at the shore in it's irregular regularity, like the time in music was a grounding me." << This phrase already uses poetic devices. It can be used to create another poem... or as an intro to a chapbook of poems on this theme. Write a poem every day for a month or every week for a year and you will soon have enough for a small tome.Thank-you for responding. I rarely do regular reviews because they end up sounding too harsh and I don't want to poison other readers by my low ratings. Also, some things I know little about (like writing a novel... don't ask about NaNoWriMo... I'm struggling.) But poetry... too many years listening to my Muse... [edited below] 1. Concrete is better than abstract in my opinion (imo). Specific concrete nouns like maple/elm/oak are better than tree (unless you are Joyce Kilmer) and Burns may be able to get away with "a rose is a rose is a rose" but we can't. (I know I've written about the very fragrant lavender rose "Angel Face" ... somewhere. And roses have thorns, stems, leaves, hips and are used as hedge rows, potpourri, perfume, jelly) 2. Senses ...especially if it's an unexpected one. In Japan "sakura" is the iconic cherry, "hanami" is the season. But both usually refer to the beauty of blossoms not the taste of plum wine, deer drunk on rotting fruit, the flies that gather, the sound of a ripe or unripe plum hitting/splatting the ground, the smell/taste of cherry juice, the texture of the bark. A surprise is good. 3. Anglo-saxon words tend to be short; Latin words are long. This effects the rhythm and rhyme as well as its poetic impact (and age group written for), better short and transparent imo unless it's poetic philosophy. And it's better not to write in legalese unless that's the intended audience. Rare is the essay that waxes poetic! Legal brief? Nevuh. 4. One can show or tell. Showing and evoking emotion is used a lot in Eastern forms. But... "rage rage against the dying of the light!" In telling his father to fight off Death, Dylan Thomas taps into the human angst over dying; but, it's still evokes our own emotions. HOWEVER, writing a poem and then adding lines to tell the reader what they are supposed to get from it is great in marketing but unacceptable in poetry. Author 'self-critiques' or 'didactic lesson plans' should be kept separate. Many poems end before they end. 'Wrapping it up' is an echo of a homework assignment. 5. Language... repetition like rhythm and rhyme even line/refrain; assonance, consonance, alliteration... all important. Weak words such as 'the' may occasionally help with rhythm if there is no other option but in general take them out. Same with 'is'. 'Is' is just an equal sign and adds nothing; active verbs are important. Adjectives and adverbs? Subordinate clauses? Unless they add 'something' they can be limited or dispensed with. Syntax? Don't torture to rhyme. There are better options. Like free verse where any rhymes don't come at the end of lines. Very freeing. 6. Truth. The only truth that matters is the internal truth of the poem. A poet isn't a lawyer. The house is/was 'green'? Maybe true; but you need something more specific or with a different cadence or more syllables or needto evoke a certain emotion? Try 'chartreuse', 'hunter', 'aquamarine' ... or even 'ultramarine with a blush of maroon'. It doesn't usually matter what it is in real life. The poem has it's own inner reality. Well, enough yadayadayada ... |
For:
 Dr. Croissant Ricotta Vascular Lab"Where the Big Cheese Cleans You Out" I'm looking for Rotor-rooter man. Plugged drain? Nope. Plugged veins. Ah ... Dr. Croissant's office is down the street next to the pizza place. Which one? Only one in this one-horse town. *__* What's clogged? Seems my legs don't work as well as before. Doc back home thought I should have my veins checked. Where's home. Rochester. My uncle has a pizza place there. Le Pizza? No, Marchione's. May be why my pipes are plugged. I love greasy pizza, the greasier the better. Next time order their Sicilian white pizza, best with just a sprinkle of anchovies. Fish and olive oils are better for you. Do you order with double cheese? Triple. That may be your problem! So let's check out those veins. Afterwards you can go next door to Miguela's. She my aunt. I'll send over a prescription for no meat, no cheese. She makes an awesome spinach pizza with pinole. For:
A free-verse poem about the life of an everyday person. "The Writer's Life"  by lexos02 Mini-review: Ars poetica: a writer writing about writing. We all do it! What I like: "the page stays blank ... the story just ends." Yep. It shows promise but it's not overly poetic. Lines of subject-verb-object-period don't work well for poetry. And it reads like a list at first, although it gets better. Sometimes adverbs like "finally" distract; it distracted me; it can get its point across without this *sigh*. I give it a 3.5 at this point. With stronger words and poetics it could be a 4. Prompt: Write about your life as a writer. I won more than once this week.
.  Isn't that badge pretty? I write for badges! And tonight I decided to write a quick flash fiction. The key is to drop the reader into a scene and evoke some kind of reaction. Not as easy to do as it seems and I'm still hit-and-miss. But tonight I won for: " Stuck at home again [263] (268 words)" for "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" . Arakun the Twisted Raccoon  has been running this for years. I highly recommend reading a few and then writing one yourself... one-a-day for a month  . It's the only way to learn. Ask Jacky Hugh Wesley dragonwoman  or even my friend QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham  how that works. Persistance is a virtue. I'm writing a lot because I can't travel, I'm depressed, I'm bored and I have too much time on my hands. My Muse seems to be happy with this even if I'm not thrilled. So two hot flashes in one day (the above is flash) and two poems completed but not posted yet. AND TOO MUCH TO DO before deadlines at the end of the month. I could go on and on ... and I have in multiple blogs. 3,105 |
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