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getting to the age where I can blame eccentricity or senility for anything that offends... |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog city is a wonderful place with friendly neighbours who accept my idiosyncrasies. Some will shudder at my style of writing as it is without apology, grammatically and politically incorrect.. My thoughts, opinions and bouts of madness are displayed for all to see - warts and all (even pimples and scar tissue for those who look closely). If you are a do-gooder or someone who turns the other cheek, look elsewhere. I’m giving honesty, trust and a piece of my mind. |
| I have just returned from ten days of travelling in the caravan and it was perfect. Weather superb, company excellent and Australia is a beautiful country. As those of you who visit my portfolio often know, ANZAC day is very important to me. It was the poems that I wrote on ANZAC Day over the years that got me to WDC initially. Well in my travels this time round I had the priviledge of attending an ANZAC DAY DAWN SERVICE at Mount Gambier, in South Australia. The simplicity and the sincerity of the service, attended by so many people was a highlight of the trip. So many children and teenagers showing their respect for military past and present. Not to promote war, but to acknowledge the valour of our service personnel and the cost to our country in just over 100 years of nationhood. In the scheme of things the number of our losses has been small and the standard of our military high. Standing in the dark awaiting dawn, with the cold crisp air bringing a rosy hue to cheeks, I was aware of the respect being given the occassion by the lack of conversation, and that which did take place was done at a whisper. No one wanted to intrude on another's reverence and thoughts. The bugler, the armed guards at the memorial, the prayers and the wreaths were the rite, but the thoughts, tears and the invisible presence of those whom we gathered to honour was the spirit of the occasion. Lest we forget. PS Yes, although I was travelling I still wrote a couple of poems for the day. Silent Communion is among the ANZAC collection and HAUNTED #1770596 I inadvertently (in a rush) placed in my general portfolio. Two totally different paths my thoughts crossed while at the memorial service. |
| Well I am getting settled back into my daily routine again after being away for a fortnight. It was more difficult this time and I'm putting it down to the fact that this trip was a much needed learning curve for me - at a personal level and has given me much to think about. First, it was for a friends birthday and it seems I was not the only one worried about her as this was a common theme in conversations. I am one of those friends who will nicely (at first) be honest - you ask my opinion you get. However on ocassions when my opinion is not sought but I in my supposed wisdom, deem it in your best interest to hear it, so give it. Again I usually do this as tactfully as possible (and I can be exceedingly tactful and gentle). This trip I was tested several times by people who are also friends of the birthday girl, because they were willing to tell all and sundry what they thought - all and sundry except their friend whom they were so worried about. Here is where I let my own ego and self righteousness get the better of me...yep...I thought I knew better and told them - again politely - to face her and show their concern. We tried but she get's angry and upset. So! I replied. You see, somewhere on this high horse of mine I believe I have a clearer view of things than those raking up the muck in the down and dirty department. From where I sat, our friend was clearly angry and upset by all the back talking and little get togethers she wasn't being involved in and thought the worst anyway, so why not have a little upfront honesty and test the strength of the friendships? I observed certain people and was disappointed, however away from 'action' I recognise that I am not in a position to point the finger at the actions and behaviours of others. As someone who analyzes far too much I am quick to understand that it is the individuals own insecurities that prompted some of the game playing and attention seeking but it also made me aware that these are two of my own faults, I am just more cunning and manipulative about the way I do things - nicer, more tactful, but just as two faced as the other women there. I hate that feeling of realisation that the superiority I felt, be it briefly, was as false as the smile on several people's faces. That said, the party was a hit, the following days events were enjoyable and the organisers did an exceptional job, regardless of the undercurrents and angst. We were all terribly civilised and with the assistance of alcohol and a real wish for everything to go well, it did. Sadly, I think I am the only one that I saw a side of myself that was best left unseen and am feeling a little chastened by my arrogance. As I've gotten older my tolerance level has decreased but this is no excuse. Will I change - a little for awhile, but then I will have forgotten, I only wish I could blame a poor memory but I fear it is the unwillingness to make the effort that is my real downfall. |
| Have just finished celebrating a birthday with an interstate friend. Three days of socialising with family and friends with a party, a Sunday brunch and a Monday lunch. What made this birthday so special was one of the gifts. The birthday girl is an avid facebook corespondent and has many online friends, some of whom have become personal friends over the years. One of these friends organised for a long term, yet unmet, facebook friend to travel thousands of miles, wrapped him up and presented him bound in a ribbon, at the door. For two online friends to meet is delightful, but on such an auspicious ocassion it was wonderful and left the party girl speechless - after the scream of surprise and delight. The internet allows many nefarious activities, but it also fosters friendships and helps close the distance allowing us to always be in reach of each other. The thought and planning that went into this 'gift' was enormous but the pleasure of the recipient was greater. Material things can never replace the thoughtfulness of friendship. |
| I have accepted an invitation to sponsor a Rising Star, be it with some intrepidation. The Rising Stars in the past have proven to set a standard that current Rising Stars are meeting with enthusiasm and skill. As someone who is writing a series of possible novels, WDC is where I put my 'in between' stuff. The short stories and poetry that enters my mind at the most inconvenient time and annoys the crap out of me until it is out there. These are placed in WDC to share, and it is through the reviews of these pieces that I gain some measure of how my words and feelings can reach others and find some degree of respectability and acceptance. To sponsor another writer is truly scary for the chances are they will be better at several aspects of writing than I am. However, I recognise the importance of constuctive encouragement to all writers experienced and novice alike. When some adventurous soul accepts me, I will keep you all informed of the joys that this new role will no doubt bring me. After all, with each work reviewed I believe we all learn a little more about our art form, our preferences and ourselves. |
| We should never underestimate the importance that our online friends can make in our life. Many are unknown faces with whom we swap jokes and emails, others are friends or acquaintances and some of them exchange more personal news. However, there are those other online friends who, though you never meet, you have a special connection with. People with whom you can open up to and feel comfortable in there understanding and acceptance. Hiding behind an avatar or under a internet identity does give one a sense of anonimity and therefore a feeling of being safe from having to ever face the recipient of your personal or intimate thoughts. Occassionally one of these people will become a special part of your life. Those times you come home to an empty house but there is comfort in knowing that the moment you sit in front of your computer there is someone you have come to trust, with whom you can share the day's events. Late at night or early morning when you can't sleep and you turn to the computer to find a message that is proof that someone has been thinking of you. There need not be a sexual component to this special relationship because the value is in the comraderie and companionship without the pressure of expectations or comittment. Last week a dear friend of mine phoned me to say his special online friend had been murdered when her house was broken into. They were worlds apart physically and culturally, but they had come to know each other in everyway other than intimately. No topic was avoided, and over time their total honesty and trust underlined that they were more than friends. The news devastated him and as his friend affected me deeply as well. Webcam had given them the ability to see the happy smiles and the grimaces of pain. They had never met but they had touched each others heart. He cannot attend a funeral, or visit a grave. They spoke the night she was killed and they were both happy. Now his memories of that last conversation have been assaulted by the thoughts of her brutal death. Online friends can be an important part of our lives. Never take for granted the time they give us from their lives or their willingness to respond when we are feeling down or lonely. More importantly never assume that your contact through silly, sometimes innane humour, the political butts, the prayers or the words of wisdom are always recieved blindly. Sometimes your message arrives at a time when it is needed and you unknowingly make a difference to someone's day. So through this online format I thank those friends I have never met but who have impacted on my life and wish you all you would wish for yourself. I can only hope that my contact with you gives you as much pleasure as I get when hearing from you. |
| I have just came back from visiting Broken Hill, NSW. Mining of silver is the economic basis of this towns growth an survival but I'm not going to give a history lesson here. Geography perhaps. Broken Hill is red desert that those of you who have seen the movie Mad Max 2 featuring Mel Gibson would have seen. After rare flooding rains in the area, the proposed Mad Max 4 movie has been put on hold to await the return of the desert. To travel the area with roads awash with water, Lakes full and creeks flowing is lovely but at the same time disconcerting. The usually dry escarpments of sparse salt bush and stunted eucalypts has been transformed into plains of lush wild grass as far as the eye can see. The grey of the salt bush, dark green eucalypts and the bright green grass is beautiful to behold and yet not what one expects. Broken Hill has many fine artists, who have recorded on canvas the beauty of the land fighting to survive an arid environment. Every tone of red, orange and brown are depicted giving the paintings a warmth and toughness that more honestly represents the land and it's people. Having done the rounds of several art studio's - Jack Absalom's being the highlight, there is none showing paintings of a green landscape. Green is the antisithesis of everything about Broken Hill and all I seen, read or heard about the town and it's surrounds and that is why I found it so disconcerting. It was almost as if I was somewhere else and I was strangely disappointed at this rare beauty. That said, I took many photos to show family and friends who will share my feeling of awe and disbelief and in the years to come they will be vivid reminders of the miracle of water. Not only does it give life but it washes away the red ochre of the land and plants to reveal the dormant green beneath. Regardless of religious persuasion or disbelief in any religious or spiritual concepts, nature is an ever present reminder that miracles are a fact. |
| Those of you who suffer from cluster headaches will know the degree of pain I am in. When the pain is at it's worse I am incapable of thinking much at all, but one of the things that intrigues me is my need for isolation during that time and yet my resentment at feeling isolated. There is little to nothing others can do, but be there if needed. Yes there are times when the pain is so bad you think I cannot handle this for one moment longer, but I do. How do I deal with it? First I put on soft music, light some candles because although I need dark, I also need light. The dark is to ease my eyes, the candle light represents that I haven't reached the blackness of despair (it also creates a nice ambiance.) Then I lay on my bed and mentally dig a hole. A deep hole. A deep square hole. It is not to be anythink like a rectangle or grave shape. I once chose to dig a round hole but it reminded me of a well and a well is for wishing in. A well is a thing of hope (especially during a drought). I have had years of working out the best way to deal with my pain. Mild to strong, which I have 24/7 and is not a normal component of cluster headaches but my own variant, I simply try and sleep sometimes with the aid of a sedative, because sleeping at night is no longer part of my daily routine. Strong to severe, I take more pain killers than recommended and go through the above routine except for the hole. I don't dig the hole then because I am in pain but not afraid and meditate by anethesising myself with positive thoughts and motivations. This allows me to hear the pain but not feel it. Strange as it sounds that's the only way I can describe the sensation of being totally aware of the throb of the pain in my temple but without the sense of hurt. Severe to I can't handle it any more, I carry out the music and candle scene and dig. The shape and depth of the hole gives me a level of focus and concentration. Once the hole is dug to my satisfaction (the depth being relative to the degree of pain) I envision myself bending my head over the hole, opening my mouth and spewing the pain out. It tastes vile and feels terrible, but without those images of the process being difficult, I found that I had doubts as to whether I was ejecting the pain from my body. I just couldn't believe a pain so awful and debilitating would just flow easily away. So, there I am upchucking this pain that is a swirling mass of inflamed red and evil black into a deep hole. I then proceed to fill the hole with dirt. Once the first layer of dirt completely covers the throbbing mass, I feel a lessening of it's effect. I continue to fill the hole until not only can I feel anything but it softly throbbing through the ground, but I can no longer see where it is buried having mentally covered the disturbed earth with leaves and debris from the plants around me. Then, turning my back on the pain that was, I visualise myself walking back through a small forest. Sometimes I do not walk any further as sleep then takes me, but other times I walk further afield coming to the sea and a small secluded area of beach. Here I walk in the warm sand and wade in the cool water to the soothing noise of the small waves washing any residue of pain away and only then can I sleep. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Glasses, paper and a cup of brew while poetic thoughts I accrue. Never needing motivation, always surrounded by inspiration. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I am going to cheat with todays blog. I recieved a lovely email from a reader who understood my comments in WTF. She lives in Jamaica and only sees the evening news so when it is sad or brings of feelings of negativity with the world she cannot go for a walk, but she has her own ways of coping. Here are the words that poured onto the page in response. It always astounds me how thoughts can become an adamant voice when put into print. Thank you for responding. Yeah. There are days when I'm glad I'm not a teenager or a child because I fear for their future. Can you see the stars from where you live. If you can, find calm and an appreciation for the miricle that each one of us is in being a part of such magical creation. Sunrise is a time to appreciate the beauty of light and how strong a symbol it is in pushing back the darkness. Sunset is a time to reflect on the changes that give opportunity for familys to gather and share the days events, for nocturnal animals and plants to awaken and begin their new 'day'. Many have said that as individuals we are but a speck on a grand of sand in the Sahara Desert in terms of our significance within the universe. Therefore so are our enemies. In the grand scheme of things they are no greater in size nor importance. Live you life being the best person you can be, not the greatest or richest. Be the best as in what opportunitys you are given as a child, student, employee, friend, neighbour, spouse, parent, employer. To be the best you must have respect, dignity and compassion. Strive for this and we are being all we can be, for perfection is not something we attain, it is something that we see. It is like a rainbow, beautiful but out of reach. I have rambled on here but I hope you understand the basis of what I am trying to say. That no matter where mankind is headed, we must take time to appreciate the wonders of the world we are in, no matter how small or meaningless they seem to us. We must be the best person we can be, because that is where our soul grows and we must never miss the opportunity to show our love and appreciation. Look at the stars and think of the earths history from what it was when it was born to what you see now in sattelite images. It and everying on it, including you, is a miricle of creation and survival. Evil may destroy the future but it cannot take away the past or the magic of the now. Thank you and forgive me for letting my thoughts flow without direction, but under the motivation of sharing. |
| What in the hell is happening in our world? I no longer watch the news on the television because I can not handle it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not burying my head in the sand, but I don't need to hear or see the attrocities that are happenning in the world, our courntry, our state, our town and sadly within our community. Todays blog started because of a young child found being cooked in an oven.... I won't continue. I'll take a deep breath and go for a walk and try to remind myself that there is beauty and goodness out there still - although my faith is showing signs of wear. |
| We have all heard the stories about how the world is going to end in 2012 and I am sure that over the past months many people are beginning to wonder whether mother nature is trying to evict her disagreeable tenents. There doesn't seem to be too many countries that haven't had catastrophe's of some sort in the last 12 months. Now I'm not going to get into the global warming debate here. The reason I am writing this blog is because of the devestating earthquake in New Zealand. It is on a fault line so the odds of an earthquake are extremely high. San Francisco is on a fault line and earthquakes there are going to happen. Floods, blizzards, droughts, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes are, in the history of the world, normal. That they seem to be happening all at once rings alarm bells to many. The world's population has grown dramatically and so has global communication. We are aware of world weather patterns unlike our predecesors who had droughts but never knew about the floods in India, the earthquake in Japan or the unseasonal blizzards in North America. In the middle east we have countries that have been ruled by despots, dictators and family heirachys who have maintained their position through domination rather than democracy. This year the middle east is changing dramatically as people unite to dismantle the old with revelutionary zeal. The 'natural' changes wrought by mother nature and the 'political' changes sought by people is bringing about monumental change. I haven't included the ongoing war, because there have always been wars and that is another debate. Do I think the world will end in 2012? No, and if I'm wrong I am comforted by knowing no one will be able to scoff at my inaccurate assessment. However, do I think the world as we know it is changing? Yes. So all the soothsayers, Mayan records and doom forecasters are right, things are coming to an end and a new order could be a beginning. |
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