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getting to the age where I can blame eccentricity or senility for anything that offends... |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog city is a wonderful place with friendly neighbours who accept my idiosyncrasies. Some will shudder at my style of writing as it is without apology, grammatically and politically incorrect.. My thoughts, opinions and bouts of madness are displayed for all to see - warts and all (even pimples and scar tissue for those who look closely). If you are a do-gooder or someone who turns the other cheek, look elsewhere. I’m giving honesty, trust and a piece of my mind. |
| Dear Blog, I hold my hand up, not to seek permission to go to the loo, but as an acknowledgement of guilt. If it wasn't for the reminder you have one of your cronies send, I would rarely visit. It is this writing thing. There are just two many ideas, millions of words waiting to be written and I am getting old and running out of time. This was to be where I came to vent my anger over the the many piddling little things that annoy me and yet, here I am humbly apologising. The problem with venting is that it didn't make me feel better, it made me angrier and more unsettled. Writing is supposed to stir up the creative juices not the destructive toxins. Also venting in this format has no where near the relief factor of a decent diatribe with lots of swearing and wall hitting. I am not a convert to the smash a hole in the wall style tirade as it may damage my delicate, aged hands and affect my ability to type and write. So I no longer vent here, I write. Which is what I am trying to do elsewhere. Don't do that! Don't start telling me where and when I should write! Yes it would be no hardship to pop in here, every morning while munching my muesli and write some type of journal on what I did yesterday, but it would be bloody boring because yesterday I did what I do everyday...yep! I wrote. That's what I do everyday, in between reading and doing cryptic crosswords. Easy life? Easy for you to say. Cryptic crosswords aren't that easy, that's why I like to do them. Reading is painful because while I enjoy the activity, it often causes me to doubt my own ability as a story teller and how miserable my sex life is.... That's right, bring up the matter of age....old people need loving too. So my dear blog I will go leave you, but not to write. I am having a day off. It seems I have a duty of care to look after you or you will wither and die and my conscience hasn't room for any more guilt. Today I am doing something other than writing, so tomorrow I will have no excuse and will visit you with news of my adventure outside the computerised world. Gra, Cairdeas, Dilseacht Gaelic for Love, Friendship, loyalty, |
| Dear Blog, It is a new year without capital letters. A change from 10 to 11, warrants the same reaction as it did at the time of my eleventh birthday - no surprise. After all, I had a lifetime of knowing it was coming (I was too young to know that this word could have sexual connotations then, so will ignore it now). Of course knowing I could one day be 11, or that 2011 was on the horizon, certainly didn't guarantee that I would actually be around for either occasion, but one always lives in hope of not dying young. As you get older, the term young goes from 20 to 60 at a rapid rate of knots. In a couple of weeks I will should have my 60th birthday but, if I don't make it, I will still be considered as being too young to die, especially by those between the ages of 50 and 60, for whom this would be a reminder of their own mortality. However the date is a certainty, even if my presence isn't. With 2012 being notoriously ‘the end of the world as we know it’, poor old 2011 will have to create it' own piece of history. 2010 was a bit ordinary, I had a birthday, Australia lost the cricket to the poms, Michael Webber was beaten by that arrogant little German upstart and Australia got its first woman Prime Minister. There is a saying 'that behind every good man is a good woman'. Well, whether our former PM was a good man is debatable but, wether deputy PM, now PM, Julia Gillard is a good woman, is a matter of defining the word ‘good’. When she promised him her full support and then 24 hours later stood behind him wielding a union branded knife, she proved she was good - at carving up political careers. With one foul blow, she brought her once intrepid leader to his knees, which considering the crawling he did before overseas leaders, was a fairly comfortable position for him to be in - except for that damn knife sticking out of his back. 2010 gave me many reasons to remind me that I am old fashioned. I am appalled by women who carry on about equality of the sexes. Why the hell do I want to be equal to a man when I, and generations of women before me, have always had more power than men? It may have taken a squeeze or two of the testicles to remind them of their place, but there were a lot of happy families out there who may not have had much, but they owned what they had, lived within their means and loved and cared for their family without distraction. No don’t review this and tell me how out of touch I am. My touch is okay thank you. Unlike batteries, it has ever let me down yet. So welcome 2011. Surprise me. Let this be the year the war ends and/or we infidels decide we like living in our countries without compromising our religions, laws or lifestyles on the basis of reverse discrimination. Both would be nice, either would make me happy. Let it be the year I make a tandem parachute jump, meet Keith Urban and/or Hugh Jackman...hmm choices, publish my first book and have more friends than I did in 2010. (It’ll only take one, and I can fake that one if I have too.) On that hopeful note dear blog I leave you. Not to the strains of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ but to a badly sung rendition of ‘Those Were The Years.’ |
| Dear Blog, It is a very hot day here 42c, I am tired and I am grumpy. However, I have finally given in to your silent but nagging request for attention. Here I am with nothing of interest to satisfy your penchant for words of wisdom. For a brief moment I considered writing something inflammatory just for the hell of it, but outside is as hot as Hades, so better to cool things down. I know. In stating it is as hot as Hades, I have no factual evidence to support the veracity of the statement. Nobody, that I am aware of, has ever taken the temperature of that infamous hell hole. So my poor undernourished Blog, today there are no scraps from the WDC table nor from the smorgasbord of life, because I simply can't be bothered making the effort to feed you, when I myself am starving for attention. Yes, there it is. How clever of you to glean the truth of my discontent from me. What a cunning blog you are. It is true, I am feeling unloved. Of course, being a 'tad' overweight, vertically challenged, and with no redeeming features at all, this should not come as a surprise. It is still a disappointment and at my age, the weight of disappointments is only adding to the rounded shoulders and formation of a hunchback.... Oh wicked blog, you have taken my mood to one of misery and selfpity, shame on you. Just for that, I'm taking my keyboard and going home. I shall leave you in the dark circuitry of this machine to contemplate the error of your ways and, when you next see the light of the screen, I expect nothing less than an apology. Signed: Your unhappy carer. |
Today I am feeling off. What it is exactly that I am 'off', is not clear. The other day a friend phoned and said she was having an 'off' day. I sympathised and hoped her day would improve. 'Off' our food? Sometimes. Generally it is a case of feeling unsettled. A restlessness. A 'can't be bothered' or an 'it's all too hard' feeling. To say I don't feel like I usually do could cover it, but how do I usually feel. In one day I go through a myriad of emotions and, with some slight embellishment, hundreds of changes to how I feel. So, why is today different? The only answer I can accept is that today I am not experiencing any fluctuation, good or bad. I am experiencing only one feeling; that of indifference. Indifferent to what needs to be done and the feelings of others. That feeling of indifference doesn't stop me doing things or being with people. I tell them I am feeling a bit 'off' and my lack of participation, being excused and understood, gains me a degree of sympathetic attention. I am treated as if I am about to come down with some illness or virus, and encouraged to rest and relax. Feeling 'off' is accepted as being unwell. So today I am unwell, had a granny nap, did not do the washing, am having take away for dinner and in general, taking some time out for myself. I am getting through the day with the minimum of effort. Ironically, tomorrow I will rush around and do twice as much, out a sense of guilt at having today off. |
This Christmas has seen a complete change in attitude for me. First, I will not be sending out Christmas cards to every man, woman of child with whom I have made an aquaintance with during my life. No longer working, I was able to cut out all but three former work mates. These are now lifelong friends. I am the oldest of eleven children, most of whom seem to have enjoyed a propensity to procreate. This is obviously the result of a sex gene, which I apparently missed in the DNA formation process. The number of nephews, neices, great- nephew and great-nieces, as great as they all are, is equal to the population of small town with an expanding infrastructure for future growth. As part of my New Year Resolution earlier this year, I advised all family members that I did not require gifts or cards for birthdays or Christmas and that I would not be giving out the same. They are an expense that I was beginning to resent and that feeling then became guilt. I am but one aunt, they are but a hundred plus individuals. The original ten brothers and sisters have become fifty plus families and I will not favour some over others (though this too has often been considered). There company is the only gift required and it can be at a time of their choosing, not some set date the conflicts with dance classes, sporting functions or the in-laws visit. I am open to celebrate all year, no significant occasion required. No gifts, no cards, no hassle - just the presence of people who have made the effort to either visit, or invite, me. My Christmas gift list consists of ten names and that includes my mother, my son, and the two important men in my life. Then of course there are the three former workmates. This leaves three other people whom I consider to be special friends. It is not that family is not important, but in my particular situation, they play very little part in my life or my future. This Christmas I am giving special thanks to the people who are important to me, not by birth or out of some sense of duty, as in the past. The people who contribute to the happiness of my life, who support me on those bad days and who motivate me and remind me of my potential. A scrooge I maybe, but a very lucky one to have such special and dear friends who have let me know that I am as much Christmas to them as they are to me. Gra, Cairdeas, Dilseacht Gaelic for Love, Friendship, loyalty, |
| How often when we are feeling down, we are sent an email, find a poem, or hear something on the radio that lifts us up. I used to think this a coincidence, but in truth I don't believe in coincidences, or in luck. Fate. Karma. I can't put a name to it, but it is out there in the universe usually only to be recognised in hindsight. I believe in miracles - from semen to baby is one of the greatest. Coincidences as I understand it, are supposedly more common now that the world is smaller, the media coverage greater and mobility essential. I have just read a poem that scared me because of the closeness of the words to my very own thoughts and feelings. Thoughts I have not been able to define clearly were there in black and white for me to read. I don't know if they were an expression of the poets real feelings or a piece of poetic lisence. However, because the words resonated within me, they had an almost painful reality about them. Tomorrow I will read them again and see if, from a different day and a different perspective, those poignant words still echo within my empty heart. |
| Last night I wrote a blog entry which was spellbinding, because I was inebriated or whatever, but when I hit the save button, all that happened was a message basically saying, it ain't a happening thing. Seems I didn't log on, which considering I was in my blog and writing, gave me some difficult moments of trying to comprehend what that coded message could really have meant. Commonsense prevailed and I logged on...and lost my entire blog entry...silly me had not pushed save prior to logging on? However, other than being totally pissed off with my ineptness, I decided that all was not lost. This morning the God's of writing blessed me with an even better article which, being modest I can tell you came somewhere between a Pulitzer Prize winner and Dear Abbey. This time I clicked spell check intead of save, which was just as well because it appears my keyboard does not know how to spell - it's ignorant of basic grammar as well, but I forgive it. It is a foreign brand so the problem is most likely one of translation. I work around it. But back to my blog...while correcting the spelling of a word, everything disappeared. Now, obviously my plump fingers caressed the wrong key. Therefore, again I was miffed and pissed at my continued ineptness. So it is recognition of some mystical power showing me by deletion that I should abstain from writing a blog for today, that I have decided to heed the warning and write nothing. Sorry. |
| I am a divorcee with an unmarried 37 year old son. It is the 12th of December and I feel no Christmas joy. Decorations are up out of habit. My list of presents to buy is less than a dozen, excluding those for charity. The stores do not bring me christmas cheer, and television viewing options are uninspiring re runs. Don't misunderstand. I am not depressed by the overly commercialised presentation, just saddened. When my son was young, the joy of Christmas was his look of wonder, and yes appreciation, at the unwrapping of gifts. He loved to buy presents for people and took such delight in watching them open his humble offerings. Without children or grandchildren, it is a very grown up celebration which doesn't automatically equate to mature celebrations. Too much food, drink and bulls*** is, regardless of the company, something that happens regularly through the year at birthdays, etc. There is often the division between his and her families and in one day, that tests most. Of-course there are many familys who mix often and without incident. Mine was just not one of them. However, how sad that families who get together once a year at Christmas, usually do so out a sense of duty or habit (much like my decorations). There is the religious significance that is becoming politically incorrect to promote because it offends a growing number of intolerant and righteous (in the non religious sense) hypocrits. No I'm not going to justify that statement, because the word Muslim will be used, and it's too late at night to be getting into that area of dissatisfaction. So without children there is only the commercialisation to remind you that this is supposed to be a special time of year. It started the day after Halloween and ends early in January, just before the promotion of Easter. (I can forgive them for selling hot cross buns at that time, but not the Easter confectionary). Many adults, myself included, complain about the greed of young people to have the everything yesterday. At times like this I can understand why. They are raised in a society where greed is promoted and rewarded. In my more cynical moments I would say that Christmas is a time when people are like a nativity scene - play acting their roles. That of the consumate happy family member. They rush around buying gifts for people they don't necessarily like, and spend money they don't have, all in an effort to impress. There is little truth in Christmas except in the eye's of a child. The young have not yet learnt that everything costs, the price usually being the attempt to maintain an outward appearance of love, faith and tradition. However, as December 25th nears, I too will don on my Christmas cloak and spread cheer and goodwill with vigour to all and sundry, whether they want it or not. Hopefully, through the families of friends, I will again see the joy of Christmas as experienced by a child. For a few short hours, my cycicism of Christmas being lost to commercialism, will be pushed back behind memories of Christmas's past so that my joy and appreciation of the occassion will be honest. |
| Visiting friends interstate for a week so close to Christmas has me realise that all my friends are younger than me. This allows me to act their age, which keeps me young. When I grace them with my company I usually drag them down into the gutter with me, as the conversations always end up being of a sexual nature. Usually how sex is no longer a naturally occuring event in our lifes lol. It is not even lunch time and we had discussed the media, which is arrogant in assuming it knows what I need to know. Wrong; politics, another group of people who say they are meeting my needs...(I can only assume the vibrator is in the post  ; Religion wasn't actually discussed, but the Lord's name was taken in vain several times, especially when we were talking about sex.Now for my political stir: Wikileaks is not about freedom of speech. It is about some little upstarts anti-american agenda that is feeding his small man syndrome and with the media frenzy, now thinks he's omni-potent by telling us what he thinks we need to know. None of us tell the truth 100 percent of the time? We lie by avoidance, ommission or with half truths and yet we justify as being in someone else's best interest (especially our own). Governments play political games to achieve results that are in their best interest. It has always been so and we all know it. What has changed that makes us feel we have to know the in's and out's of a duck's arse for no other reason that it will justify our existing opinions. A court will not release names of people if there is cause to believe that an innocent family member/s may suffer hurt or abuse by doing so. Is this wrong. I don't believe so. If the military do not release names of those who assist it because it may cause those people or members of their family etc harm then I see that as being no different. Wikileaks has the potential to turn nations against each other, to harm peace talks, to provide al Queida with information. That alone is enough to condemn the release of information that changes nothing in the day to day existance of everyone but a few. However, what it does do, is create mischief within the allied countries which detracts from the united front needed to deal with terrorists. Freedom of the press is bulls***. The media is controlled by the politics of those that own it. They do not report openly, honestly and with integrity unbiased news. They do not report all the news, being selective as to what will sell. Freedom of speech is something our troops give their lifes for and that allows us the right to criticise their endeavours, methods and in the case of wikileaks to undermine the planning and stratagies. Wikileaks founder is an Australian as am I and I am embarrassed by his righteous, holier than thou attitude. I don't give a rat's arse about the so called rape charges but I do care about the reality show mentality that is turning us all into voyeurs and living on gossip and innuendo. Why do we need to know every he said, she said of politics, nor do we need to know how our military achieves results. Have you ever wondered why allied forces haven't won any wars since the 2nd world war? Have you ever wondered if the growing media involvement in bringing every aspect of the war into our homes has something to do with that? When you have a media that is releasing 24/7 information about the where, when, who and what of the military on an international scale that allows the enemy access, does it make a difference? Being privy to the number of civilians that are killed, with the resulting backlash to our troups and need to punish them helps morale how? When it gets to the stage where troops are not to fire on an armed person until they are 100 percent sure that person is a threat, then by our hypocrisy we are the ones responsible for troop deaths. If the freedom of the press was truly about honest reporting, without regard to politics and religion, we would see pictures of children armed with weapons shooting at soldiers who, because of western civilities are not supposed to shoot back. We would see how the enemy treats how soldiers. Instead they print from a political agenda. As you can tell, this is a highly emotional subject for me and spelling, grammar etc. are disregarded. The allies tortured the enemy in the 1st and 2nd WW but we didn't know and when we found out later, we felt it was justified as being a means to an end. Now it is unAmerican, unAustralian or whatever and so unacceptable. Ofcourse the enemy may do what it likes but we must be perceived to be better than them....sorry it doesn't wash. Since we have brought in this intense scrutiny into every aspect of war, the enemy continues to win, because we at home in our idealistic world are a bigger enemy. We talk tough, but we are pathetically trying to appease the unappeasable and they are walking all over us at home and abroad. So what has this to do with wikileaks - everything. Wikileaks is an example of us wanting to know how politicians lie and manipulate and how the military justify their actions for no other reason than we can then blame those people for our inadequacies, failures or dissatisfaction in life. Wikileaks is giving people a false sense of power through knowledge...but it is knowledge that is selective in it's presentation and uncaring of the consequence. Wikileaks founder is abusing his freedom of speech in that, regardless of how acquired the facts, he is using them with full knowledge of the probable negative consequences to governments, military and individuals. You may not be of the same political persuasion as the ruling govenment and you may be against the war, but be careful what you ask for because by allowing Wikileaks and it's followers to use this distasteful method to bring governments etc into disrepute you are affecting how your next government can rule and sadly full and open disclosure will not bring peace, nor military success - it will make the country politically weak, create perpetual disharmony amongst it's people and give power to those who have no such ideals. This is my opinion which under the freedom of speech I have the right to voice lol. |
| Well Christmas Eve is here, it's 4.15 pm and 32c, which while not overly hot, and quite pleasant in the shade, is too hot for cooking. Have kicked my shoes off having finished all the food preparation for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Not the traditional fare - We're having a seafood extravaganza of crayfish, oysters, king prawns, calamari and fish with salad. Of course there will be no room for the Christmas pudding, mini cheesecakes, mince pies and all the other nibbles we somehow think are important at this time of year. I really don't know why I actually write a blog. No one reads it, however if by chance someone does slip into this site. A merry but safe Christmas to all. |
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