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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| For someone who is a drug addict, I sure as hell don't want to be medicated. At this point, if I was to take a drug test, I would be drug free...not a single compound, other than a tiny bit of caffeine, is in my system...and it's a good feeling. This might seem like a strange thing to say...I would never put nicotine or alcohol into my body, and even pharmaceutical drugs would only be used temporarily, as it was with the Valium, to avert anxiety attacks associated with withdrawal (which I stopped two nights ago). And unless I am diagnosed with a mental illness that requires that I take a prescribed medication, I wouldn't dream of taking those types of drugs recreationally. You would think after making a statement like that, I would never put such a toxic drug such as meth into my body...but, this is my reality. All I have to do is kick this one drug and I will be free of addiction...yeah right. The fact is, I will never be free of addiction. I will always be susceptible to the lure of meth...even now, just writing those words, brought on a familiar feeling...an adrenaline rush which always comes before I make the call. I can do three months of not using...easy. That's the plan and that is set in concrete. What isn't so sure is what I will do in three months. For anyone who thinks I am on the wrong path, that's your right to believe and who knows, you might just be right. But, if in three months I decide I like where I'm at, and I decide to commit to another three months, who knows where the path I have chosen might lead? It may be a case of a few years of not using meth, but never having to deal with the issues of denying myself of the choice to use, if that is what I want to do. This is the path I am on...and I am the only one who will benefit, or fail and face the consequences for that failure. |
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