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76
76
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Reviewer's note: I'm offering this review as a fellow participant in:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1225686 by Not Available.


The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice. Best of luck in the rampage!

*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I like the way you laid this out to begin with, and then slowly blended it together. Having each character stand alone, and then slowly all come together, each with their own problems. You did a fantastic job of conveying emotion, and letting the reader feel each bit of grief associated with each person.

I didn't expect Robert's reasons, that definitely took me by surprise. I thought that you did a great job of conveying a very true to life reaction to what had happened to him, and then just as realistically showing all of the other's characters reactions. I have to wonder how many people here do exactly the same thing.

Great job and great piece!

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
Nothing stood out to me. Mechancially your writing is sound, and you've told a fantastic story on top of that.


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*Note2* Let Your Muse Shine Through *Note2*
77
77
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.0)
Reviewer's note: I appreciate the time you took to read my work, and I offer this review in return as a way of showing my appreciation. The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I like the perpective you chose to tell this from. Showing us this world from a child's point of view allows you to convey their simple observations and have the reader draw more adult conclusions - for instance momma getting dressed up, and the neighbor father playing with the girl.

We didn’t live in the hotel for very long. I guess I was right…momma didn’t know how to manage a hotel.
This is a great line.

One thing that stands out as we read is that even though momma doesn't always make good decisions, she seems aware enough to try and do what's best for her children. She moves them around a lot, which isn't good, but it also seems to take them away from each new unfortunate situation. At least from our narrator's point of view.

This is a compelling story, and I like the way you've laid out 'The First Ten Years'. I can see the potential for future conflict, and it makes me want to read more about this individual and see how their life progressed. I would have liked to see more of a hook at the end of this chapter - something gripping to make me want to turn the next page. Right now there is a lot of potential for more to happen, and I definitely believe it will, but there are no real 'loose ends' left at the end of this chapter. Even just an occasional hint about what thinking one thing now will lead to later might help this.

Great job at painting a vivid, real picture and sucking me into this poor child's life.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* brother in a house in the town where I was born. I was the youngest child.
Because of the tone used in telling this, I'd suggest removing 'child' from the end of this. Also, consider combining the two sentences into one and putting a semi-colon after 'born' instead.

*Bullet* so she wouldn't hurt herself when she had one."
Errant quotation mark.

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*Note2* Let Your Muse Shine Through *Note2*
78
78
Review of Hard Times in NYC  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: I appreciate the time you took to read my work, and I offer this review in return as a way of showing my appreciation (and honestly, I just enjoy reading your work *Smile*). The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I love the imagary and simile (sp?) used in your very first sentence - great way to paint a picture. You use this device throughout and I think it works well for this piece.

simple and lousy isn't a hell of a lot better than complex and lousy - just less strain on the brain.
This would make a great, quotable one-liner/tag line.

In Looney Tunes, the helpless victim doesn't know karate. The two of us flew in different directions, and I swear I never even saw her move.
I was rolling when I read this, it totally caught me by surprise.

I like the casual voice that this is told in - just a guy relating a story, and I loved how in the end, this hare-brained scheme earned him a date. In response to your author's note, it stands on its own, but I see the potential for something much longer. I would read an entire book about Johnny's antics, I bet it would be entertaining *Bigsmile*


*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* and all devil may care.
I think it's devil-may-care

*Bullet*Because of the tone and voice of this story, grammar corrections aren't really appropriate. I can see this as being the way this character speaks, and for the most part will allow him to do so unfiltered. That being said, this sentence was awkward to me:
but with the extra enticement of a wad of cash she seemed a pretty attractive mark.
Suggestion:
but the extra enticement of a wad of cash just added to the attractive mark.

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*Note2* Let Your Muse Shine Through *Note2*
79
79
Review of Heroes Among Us  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Reviewer's note: I appreciate the time you took to read my work, and I offer this review in return as a way of showing my appreciation. The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I really enjoyed reading this, you've conveyed such a great message, as well as recognizing and helping the reader to love those two individuals who inspired you to share these thoughts. You make some valid points about what constitutes a hero, and I think more people should both consider this in others and strive to acheive it themselves. Thank you for writing such an inspirational piece!

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* Though entertaining as these stories may be, the heroes I will describe are not at all mythological;
Remove 'though' from the start of this sentence and I think that it will flow better and still retain its meaning.

*Bullet* and dirty old jeans, worn from much labor and frugal spending.
A couple of things stood out to me about this. I don't think you need 'much' in front of labor, and the way the sentence is constructed, it makes it sound like frugal spending is part of the reason the jeans are worn, instead of the reason the individual is wearing them (if that makes sense *Smile*). Suggestion:
and dirty old jeans worn from labor, unreplaced because of frugal spending.

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*Note2* Let Your Muse Shine Through *Note2*
80
80
Review of Girl Watching  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Reviewer's note: I appreciate the time you took to read my work, and I offer this review in return as a way of showing my appreciation. The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
The description of this caught my eye, and I just had to read. Your opening paragraph says that this is targeted at men who appreciate watching women. As an addition to that, having read the whole thing, I think more women should take note of this piece as well. You offer an unabashed appreciation of the female form, and not just the 'ideal' form, but any that's well put together. You do girls' bodies justice with your work, and have interlaced (although I don't know if its intentional) wisdom and advice for any girl who feels the need to put herself down based on looks.

One line that I really liked was
There are natural walks, and there are forced walks. You know the latter -- a walk by a girl who feels the need to exaggerate or accent her walk to ensure she is noticed by those around her.
This is so very true.

As an individual with an appriciation for any well assembled form (male or female, large or small), this was a worthwhile read.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
This is so well assembled, your thoughts moving in logical progression, that nothing stood out to me. The only suggestion I have is that I'd be interested to see more of your essays that expand into the hinted at, but mostly untouched areas of this one. Great job!

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*Note2* Let Your Muse Shine Through *Note2*
81
81
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I like the way this is laid out - its something that I'm sure every writer can relate to - those who are human at least. And the comparison of a being a writer to a stairway with an unseen end is a fantastic, unique visual.

I like the conclusion that Dick reaches at the end. It's so simple, yet so difficult to grasp until you look at it in the right light. Great job.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* When just a young lad he had written poems for his mother
This sentence was a little awkward to me. Suggestion:
As a young lad he had written poems for his mother

*Bullet* his interest expanded to writing stories of fantastical
Repeated word 'expand'. Maybe change it to 'grew'

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82
82
Review of Shimmy and Roscoe  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
You do a great job of painting this as a standard night out with an irritated but loving pet-owner.

as if he were scanning the airwaves for the best reception to show him the way as he romped around but tonight
This is a fantastic visual.

He brought his nose closer to her face, taking in the odor of a cheeseburger long since eaten
I could picture this perfectly - it's so true to animal behavior, my cats do the same thing.

The ending to this is fantastic. You've built tension through conflict with the dog, and the rising storm, and the implied threat wraps it all up. Great job.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* but the animal just didn't really care about her feelings
this combination of words gave this sentence a weak feel. Suggestion:
but the animal didn't care about her feelings

*Bullet* He didn't seem to notice how noisy it was today.
This phrase is repeated again at the end of this paragraph. I think you can remove it here and things will stil work.

*Bullet* And, you are the one controlling when I get to take you out for a walk!
Change 'you are' to 'you're' to give this a more casual, conversational feeling.

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83
83
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: I'm offering this review as a fellow contestant in:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1424961 by Not Available.

The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice. Best of luck in the contest!

*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I enjoyed that this story was told from a Grandfather's point of view. You managed to capture his pride in his grandson, as well as convey the grandson's personality and perspectives from an outside observer.

Your dialogue from Taylor was appropriate and well written. I could hear the child trying very hard to sound grown up in the way he spoke. And I felt such a tug when he started talking about Mommy. Throughout the story you take us through a wide range of emotions. I was touched to see the world and his desire to help his mother. And I think your light ending was a perfect lift at the end of a very thought provoking tale. Great job.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* Well, on this particular day, Taylor had something to say.
Though I know its standard dialogue for a person to start sentences with 'well', in narration, it's not usually needed. Drop the 'Well' here and I think your sentence will have the same meaning.

*Bullet* The dialogue was great in this piece, and you had some lines where you worked in action to go with it, but I would have liked to see more of that. You had a lot of dialogue without any action. Maybe have Taylor fidgeting more, show some more facial expressions, things that coincide with the tone of voice that you've described in several places.

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84
84
Review of Deaths Door  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.0)
Reviewer's note: I'm offering this review as a fellow contestant in:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1424961 by Not Available.

The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice. Best of luck in the contest!

*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
You said this was your first attempt at poetry; I rather enjoyed it, I think your venture was successful *Smile*

I like the metaphor that you chose to use here. The fear associated with passing on placed in the midst of a scene that most of us associate with a deep seated terror. I felt a lot of emotion in this piece. Great Job.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
I will admit to not being a poet either, but these are the things that stood out to me
*Bullet* Your rhymes each appear on the same line. Consider starting each of these on a new line to help the flow. For intance:
Passing beneath moonlight clear, I wandered far and near
Suggestion:
Passing beneath moonlight clear,
I wandered far and near

*Bullet* Though I made no movement and felt my panic grow
An awful shadow falling over me, urging me to turn and flee
This set of lines is throwing me off...starting a new stanza between might help, or:
Though I made no movement,
I felt my panic grow
Awful shadows falling over me
urged me to turn and flee


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85
85
Review of A Pet's Love  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I think this is a sweet piece, it reminds me of my own pets. I love the way you bring to life the relationship with these wonderful creatures, and the joy and affection both owner and pet offer.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* The second and fourth line of the first stanza threw off the rythm to me. I think it had a little to do with their length and a little to do with the fact that they didn't quite flow into the sentence above them.

*Bullet* Your closing tag should be {/center} instead of {center/}

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86
86
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
Interesting opening. It's very brief, but it's also very true. This is a clean introduction and it promises an intriguing, thought provoking story. I hope there's a lot more where this came from.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* There must be some out there wondering, ‘How stupid, to begin with an ending.’ And here is my answer.
The surrounding language implies a question, I'd suggest changing the thought itself to a question.

*Bullet* That is what Shay Raquel though to be the one and only truth
Change 'though' to 'thought'

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87
87
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*

*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I can see from most of the items in your port that your forte' is poetry, but from reading just this, I would have guessed that your forcus is the short story. It's a very well written, clean tale full of imagary and emotion.

I ate enthusiastically after that. Not that the food was good or anything, I just did not want to be force-fed again.
What a great line and good, effective way to show character development.

I think you've done a wonderful job of showing us the life of captivity through the eyes of someone who lived it, and the last sentence of this story gave me chills. What an appropriate way to wrap up this tale. Very well done.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* During every meal that I ate, I would wish for a piece of fresh-tasting food.
Remove 'that I ate'. The sentence will retain its movement and I think it will flow better.


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*Note6* Let Your Muse Shine Through *Note6*
88
88
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
This is such a clever story. I enjoyed being able to meet Sophie from her dialogue and from the bear's point of view, and I thought it worked well to have the bear's thoughts in italics the way you did - it brings him to life. I like how she takes him everywhere, I thought that was a nice touch.

The casual way that this story begins has a way of adding to the tension itself. I expected each turn to be conflict, but just as I had decided this was an event free tale, you sprung the police visit on us. Great job conveying Rita's emotions here.

This comes to such a sad conclusion, and I think that telling the story from Teddy's point of view added an extra dimension to this story and the subtlty made it that much more powerful. Great job.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* “You won’t have to go in there again,” she promised.
Change promised to promises to keep the proper tense

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*Note2* Let Your Muse Shine Through *Note2*
89
89
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
While my mother doesn't have alzheimers, she is in a nursing home with a declining mental condition. The way you start this story very much reminds me of Sunday visits, and I could picture and feel both the settings and emotions that you brought to the surface. And then this line just solidified it all:
"Carrie, you have to take me home," she pleaded.


"Yes, it is. My daughter's coming to visit me today. She hasn't been here in a long while and I can't wait to see her."
This one line is so very powerful and heart wrenching, it brought tears to my eyes.

What a bittersweet ending, and an emotional tale. Thank you for writing this.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
I did wonder why the nurse was just explaining the details of this condition to her a week earlier. With the onset of the story you lay out that this has been going on for a while and I would have expected her to have received this information earlier. Maybe if this conversation can be pushed back further in the past. I would still very much believe that weeks later, Carrie is still trying to take this advice.

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90
90
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
This has a very intriguing start.
Hector is aware of his existence as a fictional character; he knows only too well that he will never be a 'real boy', as Pinocchio would put it.
Not many authors venture into something like this, it's difficult to do, and I'm curious to see how it plays off here. I very much want to learn more about Hector now that you've said this. Great way to suck the reader in.

This has a casual, meandering pace to it. It's easy to like Hector, and even to feel his frustration over something as simple as a phonetic. I would have liked to see more here and I hope that's coming next *Smile*


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91
91
Review of Ice and Dark  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
This is a great introduction to a story. It gives us background on the world and lets us know what to expect from the species and this universe. I like that it's only an indirect tie to the story (it doesn't have the same characters), but lays down a description of the destiny we're going to see unfold. I also think it's good that you chose to tell this portion in a different voice, something more bibilical or fairy tale like. It lends a mythological feeling to the prologue.

Great job.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* Beloved and prospered them with many riches.
I'm not sure if this is the correct use of the word prospered.

*Bullet* Grief weld up in Valmar and he cried out for his children
Change weld to welled

*Bullet* the forest keeps and yielded not even to the god.
Change yielded to it yielded

*Bullet* I see the same comma issue here that I noticed in Chapter 1 (sorry for reading them out of order). For instance:
Therefore, in a rage that rent the world, in agony Valmar let in the sea severing the great lands.
Put a comma before severing

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92
92
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
This is a strong opening. The power of this storm is described in vivid detail, and lends a tone to the story almost immediately of desparation or hopelessness.

You do a great job throughout of weaving description into your tale instead of detracting from the narration with it. This is a hard thing for many people to master, but it looks like you have it down.

Drédor purred, a sated kitten next to his prey.
This is a wonderfully wicked line. It does a great job of conveying the character's personality.

This chaper starts off benignly, passively, at a casual pace, and ends with gut wrenching action. I think you've done a great job of sucking the reader in and making us see this world through Ian's eyes. Ending the chapter the way you did, with pending death everywhere, is a good hook and a good way to go. Structure wise, your story is sound, it just needs a little grammar polishing. I'm off to see if you have more of this posted because I'm dying (no pun intended) to see what happens next.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* There are a few places throughout that are missing comma's. I'm not a comma expert (I tend to overuse), so I won't point out, but take another read through, maybe aloud, and place them where pauses fall...it will help the reader better keep track of your fantastic descriptions.

*Bullet* Just for writing.com, consider puting an extra line break between each paragraph, espcially if you don't have indentations, this will make it easier for the eye to follow.

*Bullet* That was the reason for his birthright to be revoked from him
Because it's his birthright being revoked, I believe 'from him' is redundant and can be removed.

*Bullet* He was very proud at himself for
Change 'at' to 'of'

*Bullet* We can't have anyone, even the guards, spy you here...you must NOT be ever seen alive.
I'd suggest using something to set this apart. Because it's both remembered and dialogue, you can either put it in italics or quotes. But use something to help us realize it's not part of the regular narration. There are a few other places with thought as well, I'd suggest making them all italics

*Bullet* under his breath and edge closer to the bed out of his
Change edge to edged

*Bullet* Ian slammed the lead projectile into the man named Drédor's kneecap.
I think you can remove these instances of 'the man named'. You've established that these are the names they call each other so this is not needed.

*Bullet* After seeing the many frightened faces of his victims before he slaughtered them thrilled him to continue on assassinating.
This sentence was akward to me. Suggestion:
eeing the many frightened faces of his victims before he slaughtered them always thrilled him to continue an assasination.

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93
93
Review of A Foolish Chief  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I liked the casual, even tone of this poem, and I can see why it's a winner. You start with a dramatic tale and end it with a fantastic punch line.

Chief then conceded being challenged geographically,
His tribe looked around them and agreed most emphatically
This was my favorite set of lines.

Great job!

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* The timing and pace of this piece is very near perfect. I can feel the rhythm and it flows smoothly. There were a couple of lines that I stuttered on though. Maybe read it aloud and if it still flows well to you, then there's nothing to change.

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94
94
Review of A life well lived  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
This is a wonderfully touching story. I'm a little slow today, so it took me a minute to get the life flashing before his eyes concept, but I figured it out in the end *Smile* I loved the way you switched between the deathbed scene and the memories of the past, finally merging both into one, and the last sentence, bringing everything full circle when he rejoined his love, was the final tear jerker. You've done a lot with 300 words.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* Emily was his first best friend back then.
This sentence almost looks like its trying to convey first love or best friend back then. If that's the case, I'd suggest picking one. 'first best friend back then' seemed like awkward wording to me.


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95
95
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I really enjoyed the casual pace of this piece. It made it easy to relate to the narrator and made the story pleasant to read.

I was reading a romance, as usual. Even then I was fascinated by the things people will do in the mating ritual we call dating.
This is a great line, and offers a good look at who this person is. It's not the kind of statement I'd expect from a romance novel reader, and tells me they've got an interesting personality.

The embarassing moment brought a smile to my face, and you did a great job with describing the event, adding to the believability of the embarassment. But the ending on this was the funny finishing touch - of course making me more than curious what happened on 'the date'.

Great piece *Smile*


*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* I wasn't interested in him and wished he would give it up.
Suggestion to avoid the repeated word 'interested'.
I didn't feel the same and wished he would give up


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96
96
Review of I Was A Tiger  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
The last time I went to the zoo was probably five or so years ago, and the reason I never went back was because it broke my heart to see the caged animals, especially the large cats, pacing in a space that was to small, a place they were never meant to be confined to. That feeling rings through so strongly in this piece, and I appreciated that you took this point of view when writing this. Great job.

To me, the timing was a little off, where I usually expect rythm in a rhyming poem, but I apologize, I don't have any suggestions to fix it. It didn't imapct the message you were conveying though.


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97
97
Review of Shadow Detective  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
The deafening silence was so loud she could hear the train roaring as her heartbeat sped out of control.
This is wonderful imagary. It really conveyed what the character was feeling. You continue this fear through the entire opening scene, so strong I can feel it myself.

The end of this is chilling. The fear is palpable throughout the entire piece, with just enough lingering question about whether or not she's imagining things. Fantastic job on the emotion in here.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
*Bullet* she could begin to pick up details of items in the room
Change 'could begin' to 'began' to make this more powerful.

*Bullet* that she couldn't here a sound outside
Change 'here' to 'hear'

*Bullet* You opened the door to a large living room that ran the width of the house.
There are a few places where you make this transition into second person. I know that this is normal in every day dialogue, but can trip a reader up in narration. Try and remove narrative references to 'you'



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98
98
Review of THE DAZE  
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (5.0)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and

leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
A lot of poetry is full of metphor, which paints vivid imagary but can, on occasion, make it harder to envision what the author pictured when they wrote it. The thing that stood out to me about this was that all of your imagary was straightforward and painted a beautiful picture. I could see the staircase, and the vision of beauty poised on it, and the nervous mate waiting for her at the base. Great job.


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99
99
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*


*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
The message behind this is clear, though you chose to write most of it metaphorically. I thought that your imagary was powerful. I have a close friend going through a similar experience right now, and I can see parallels in what they've said in your work.

Thanks to you,
my mind is a puzzle, missing pieces,
This is my favorite line.

This was amazing work, I'm glad you posted it.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
its so cold down in the water
Change its to it's

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100
100
Review by Allyson Lindt
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice *Smile*

*Note6* My Personal Opinion:
I have my own opinions (like I'm sure most people do *Wink* ) about what makes a good teacher, so I had to read this.

All of these were fantastic points. There's a lot of passion behind this and I think anyone who is capable of living by these guidelines will make a great leader in any profession or industy, teaching or otherwise.

This was my favorite line:
Care more than is safe for your emotional stability. The FDA doesn't regulate a raw, bleeding heart.

This is great advice, and I'm glad you took the time to vocalize it. Well done.

*Idea* I have very few specific suggestions:
I really enjoyed the list format of this piece, but because I don't think you have these in any specific order, and because sometimes one leads to another, consider bulleting each item instead of numbering it.


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