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214 Public Reviews Given
244 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of White Silk  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Pretty good, but incomplete story. we don't know what happened to Sophie. we just have to guess she was thrown out the window.

A couple of problems:

Missing word in the line below -
looking (like) he was a deer in headlights.

There are several of these - comma not needed after Boss.
“Sorry, Boss,”
In general, too many commas throughout the piece.

Write on!
52
52
Review of who is mine?  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pretty good.
Its a sad comment on the human race to think your shadow is the only thing that cares for you!

Only suggestions are:

Each line should begin with a capital letter.
And ' i ' should always be ' I '.
The following line should have some work - if you want two there's in the line maybe do it this way:
there there is that someone-"my shadow"!!!
there - there is that someone - "my shadow"!!!

These things are just my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt (just as all comments on this site should be).

Write on!
53
53
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good.

I have no suggestions to improve it.

Write on!
54
54
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Pretty good.

The only thing I should mention is that ' i ' and ' i'm ' should have a capital ' I '.

Write on!
55
55
Review of Mourning  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
very good.

Write on!
56
56
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like it.

For me, there are a few problems of editing: (This is just my opinion - you may not agree.)

as my heart 'gasp' for breath.
as my heart 'gasps' for breath

My eyes 'are the' vision of hell as the red glows in the dark days of my life.
My eyes 'see a' vision of hell as the red glows in the dark days of my life.


Every pore 'ooze' with the red flames of Love's
Every pore 'oozes' with the red flames of Love's

for i have 'learn' that this thing called Love...
for i have 'learned' that this thing called Love...

that truly 'destroy' us.
that truly 'destroys' us.

so simple,
and so complex.

so simple,
and yet, so complex.

The last thing I noticed is that many times ' I ' is typed as ' i '.


Write on!
57
57
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Pretty good.

I think it describes the demise of a lady bug in the wrong place at the wrong time. (Like many of us!)

Write on!
58
58
Review of Dream Forge  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think it is good.

My problem is, I have to look up many of the words that are used. (Too bad I am so ignorant!)

The last sentence seems very long with too many comas. (Its my understanding , most of the time, a coma is not needed when the next word is 'and' or 'but'. I'm sure there a rule for this but I don't know what it is.)

Write on!
59
59
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Pretty interesting.
60
60
Review of Forget Me Not  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pretty good story but strange.
61
61
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed this poem.

If you want, go to item # 1580025 A poem tittled 'Patriotic Duty' which I wrote..
Other people seem to like it - maybe you will also.
62
62
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am with you on the last line of this one.

I am not sophisticated enough to appreciate this offering.

Most likley, a more educated person would 'eat it up' but I can't get my mind around it.

Write on!
63
63
Review of the reason  
Review by Author00
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It seems a little strange to me, being a man.
I am presuming this is written by a girl.
Motivations of a woman are a mystery to me anyway.

Write on!
64
64
Review of Untold Love  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Not bad. I have had the same type of feelings of late.

One problem below:

Words 'has' no effect

This shoule be:

Words 'have' no effect
65
65
Review of Have Mercy on Me  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this poem a lot.

Write on.

Just for fun i will send you the first two paragraphs of my novel - kind of goes along with your poem.

“You little knuckle headed Ediot” Willie’s drunken father shouted “git back here so I can git my hands on you! I'll teach you to wake me up!”
Willie just kept going as fast as his little '5 year old’ legs would carry him. That was young Willie’s life to this point. What could be worse? Just keep reading!
66
66
Review of Thinking of you  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think its good.
Conjers up a lot of feelings.
67
67
Review of THESE OLD HANDS  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very good.

You don't need the advice of an old sissy!

Write on!
68
68
Review of Ima's Dream  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Pretty good.

It can probably be improved, but I am not smart enough to tell you how.
At first read, the first paragraph seemed to be akward but when I read it again, it seemed OK.

Write on!
69
69
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pretty good.
Its too bad people like this don't have faith if God and what He has said. They would not have to stress so much over death, if they know they are going to a better place.
70
70
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Pretty good discourse on hopelessness.
Its been said 'Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.'
Almost everyone thinks their problem is unique and no one has ever faced this much before, but we are wrong.
People don't have much 'guts' when they do this kind of thing.
They think 'Its just to hard and too much trouble to go on'. (They have lost their faith in God, if they ever had it to start with.)
That's why we need to 'Study God's word to show our selves approved, a workman who doesn't need to be ashamed'.
71
71
Review of Can't Move On?  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Pretty good advice.
One thing I could comment on:
If we go to God 'through Jesus' and ask for His forgiveness, we don't have to worry about forgiving 'ourselves'.
If God has forgiven us there is no more to worry about. But we still like to wallow in self pity and cling to our past sins for comfort? (Just human nature.)
72
72
Review of Blue Window  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Pretty good.
It reminded me of a soldier who is discouraged by the battles he hs to fight - over and over again.
A person doesn't have to be in the millitary to be in harms way - it lives inside of each of us, on a daily basis.
If we have no faith in God, there is no hope for any of us.
Some say 'There is no god' but without God, none of us have any hope!
73
73
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
aPretty good.
74
74
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Pretty good but many will not think so.
Its not politically correct, very scorned in today's society.

If you would like, you could read my offerings.
I am not sure this is clickable, but it is supposed to be:
 The beginning. Chapters 1 & 2.  (13+)
This is how it all started
#1578672 by Author00

The number is the lead to the first two chapters of my novel.
You can read up to chapter 10, there are 51 chapters.
I think you will like it.

Author00
75
75
Review of Silent Invasion  
Review by Author00
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very good.
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