A wonderful poem for your father. Great use of language and description. I can picture him through your words. A fitting tribute to a complex man. The piece flows well and has good rhythm.
Well done
This is a nice little piece. It seems to fall somewhere between Prose and Poetry. Your language could have been a little more powerful for such an epiphany and the piece doesn't seem to flow well. Prose and poetry are fundamentally about syllables. This piece has little cadence or rhythm. It is a very moving piece. Good content. Keep writing
This is very well written and very well thought through. This piece strikes a chord with the reader. Your language is almost poetic. Your descriptions detailed and imagery excellent.
Well done!
Keep writing
This needs a lot of revision. Spelling mistakes too numerous to mention. The main one being the Title.
"Whose" should be Who's (Who is) Also grammar. "I should of been" - I should have been. It's a good "teen" story, but it does need some work.
Keep writing
This is a good piece. It is gives the reader a fast paced ride down a spiral. Your language is dark and the imagery frightening. The words seem to rush the reader toward the inevitable end. There are a few typo's and I think it needs some punctuation to highlight the sentences. Good use of alliteration.
Keep writing
A typo "awkward". I'm not sure what you are trying to convey in this piece. Your message is a little obscure to me. Maybe that's just me. You have the beginning of a good poem, but it needs more clarity for the reader to understand the reasoning and emotion behind the words. Keep writing
A very good piece of work. Very descriptive and poetic. My only comment is regarding the third last line "the stars..... who stick to her like glue". It rhymes with blue, but this sentence doesn't feel right. Maybe the stars could have a hue? That would fit better with the poetic language of this poem.
Keep writing :)
I like this lyric. It sounds like a ballad of a broken heart. It is well written and well constructed. My only suggestion would be to insert the chorus in between the second and third stanzas. That way you have Chorus - 1,2 Chorus 1,2 Chorus. That might structure the lyric a little more. Keep writing :)
This is a very powerful piece. I think it needs a little more powerful language and imagery. I understand it must be very painful for you to write about it and I admire you for trying to vocalise something that's almost impossible to say. I would use analogy to heighten the terror and anguish you feel. (Example: "that hideaous night you stole my soul and left a shadow in its place) - something like that.
Keep writing :))
A good piece. I found it lacked some cadence and didn't flow smoothly. The last 2 stanzas rhymed, but the first didn't. That threw the poem out of skew for me. The content was very good and continuity was good. Maybe a little pruning would make this an excellent poem.
This has a sound basis but needs work with language and cadence. Rhyming just for rhyming sake doesn't work. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. I think this piece needs reviewing. Keep writing :)
A very good piece! Very emotive and good use of description. I like the "classical" style of poetry used to conjure a vivid picture of this girl. Keep writing :)
I love this poem. It has rhythm and cadence and your use of language creates a visual picture. Your imagery is excellent and your emotions are so eloquently worded. You make the reader "feel" exactly how you feel. Your love shines through this poem about your perfect day and perfect love. Bravo!
An excellent piece of work. It has a rhythm and cadence that slowly lulls the reader into a false sense of security, and then, slowly the realisation strikes. I can't fault this piece. The imagery and description is excellent and the unhurried pace evokes a feeling of being disassociated from the events. As id watching them from another place. Keep writing
I like the double entendre. It does work. Your language is very good at conveying the landscape, but it seems to lack any deep emotion. As if you are watching yourself go through the motions, distancing yourself from feeling too much. Maybe that is your intention? Otherwise a well written piece with good cadence and structure.
A very well written piece. I like your use of opposites and breaking boundaries. It flows well with good cadence. I have no idea what it's about, but I enjoyed the read :)
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