Again, another exceptional poem. This one seems to be more Dylanesque (Bob Dylan that is) I can't get enough of the way you cut through the superficial and get straight to the core. The core, the thing that we all strive for. You are not verbose, yet you don't leave anything out. You have a gift! Keep writing
I really like this piece. It's well written and very decritptive. You have encapsulated our existence in this work. It seems that you have a knowledge of Buddhism and the philosophy of reincarnation. I especially like the lines "In a celebratory procession of our selves to perfection" That succinctly describes the eternal thirst for knowledge and truth in our existence. Very well written! I think it's perfect and have rated it so. Keep writing
Very well written! This is a great piece. The style in which you have written of your helplessness and need to cling to each word is impeccable. Your analogy of her words being like a blanket to comfort you is very evocative. Your description of the daily drudgery pulling you away from the security of her words is emotive. You have succesfully captured the gamut of emotions derived from an online lover. "Until apathy replaced contempt" It seems that the relationship is over? Well done! Keep writing
This piece needs work. Continuity, grammatical errors and syntax. You convey your feelings well. Read it through again and you will see where it needs working on. Keep writing
Well written! This piece draws the reader in wanting to know more. Good use of descriptive words and a good mixture of happy and sad. It makes the reader think, which is waht writing is all about! Keep writing
A very good monologue! Well written and well thought through. A few minor typo's, nothing that can't be quickly fixed. This piece flows nicely and gives us all a wake-up call. Keep writing
This is a good poem.Strong and upbeat. A slight critique if I may? The first three lines are in the present tense, but the fourth line "showing where my future LAY" is in the past tense. Maybe if you made it "LAYS" it would still be in the present tense. A small quibble I know. Poets do have artistic license!!! Keep writing
This is a great piece. It's well written and eloquently captures the quiet anger and bewilderment you felt/feel. I was a "foster mother" and I knew how the children felt at being forced to live in a strange house, with strange people. They were angry and bewildered and deeply hurt and wondered what they had done wrong. I think you have captured all this brilliantly. I especially like the lines "When we came home.... and you sent us away" To me, that tells of your shock and surprise. Keep writing
This is a good piece. Just a few spelling errors and a few typos which can be fixed quickly. I like the way you have described the relationship between the tree and the child. Well done! Keep writing
A good peom about something you truly enjoy. You have imparted a great sense of your feelings about your hobby. I especially like " Along with my stress Exploded in neat little packets". Sounds perfect to me! Keep writing
I like this piece. It is well written and describes vividly how we still hold onto the things of our childhood. Mostly neglected but never thrown away. I like the way you have used the same stanza to begin and end, and told the story in between. It captures our attention and finally we realize why. Keep writing
I like this piece. It's a heartwrenching story, but one that must happen every day. I like the way you use the analogy of Tiananmen Square to your own "stand off" with your own percieved tank. The "lone rebel" trying to stop the inevitable. This piece is well worded and well written. It's an emotional piece and conveys your frustrating attempt very well. You convey a real sadness, that you were helpless. Keep writing
This is the third piece I've rated. All perfect! I really enjoy your work. I like your writing style and your emotional vulnerability which you flaunt willingly and with abandon. Keep writing
Bravo. This is a brilliant piece. Well written, not verbose, succinct and to the point. Reaching for the heart strings and tugging at them. Taking us on an emotional roller coaster ride. Tempting us to dare. Very well thought out and put together. Bravo again.
Applause
I think this piece means more to you than the reader. Or maybe I just don't understand it? I think you may be trying to be too succinct and not allowing the reader any clues as to what you want to say. Is it possible to bring the reader slowly into the poem with a few more explanations. An example might be the grandfather clock. What relevance does it hold for the two in the piece. It obviously has deep meaning for you and the other person, but what are you alluding to? This piece has left me wondering what I've read. I understand that poetry interpretations are wide and open, however, we must have some idea as to the purpose of the poem. Maybe you could expand on it a little? Maybe I simply don't get it? Keep writing
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