This is somewhat akin to Tolkien. It has very vivid wording and whimsical flights of fancy. Hence it is a good poem yet it does have one minor problem.
It does ramble on a bit. That is however okay. The problem I see is the mix capitalization at the beginning of each line. Gotta do them all!
To guide me home.
I sent heavenward a silent plea
and climbed yet another rise,
Swooping ‘round yet another bend,
Watching threatening clouds
As I read this I envisioned the scene in my head, it was easy with the word craft you so easily command. Yet even with that scene carefully painted for me I found myself staring at the bottom line.
The Ghost of faith.
hmmmm first the capital G on ghost, obviously you are referring to the Holy Ghost and by that reference to the Trinity and thru the Trinity to the Son. Yet it does not seem a wise choice. I think it too easily misinterpreted. Also the usage (if it was your intent to indicate the Son) is wrong.
Does this make sense?...
The Son of faith.
within your poem -no I don't think it does.
Perhaps since this is free verse a simple rewording would do, since they thought Jesus was a spirit.
Good luck
Great write by the way its a very nice try at expressing what might have been felt.
A nice poem which would fall under a heading of what I would call Scented Memories. A memory of springs past carefully crafted to present her to me the beautiful memory of spring.
The only problems that I saw were what I would refer to as weak rhymes such as:
Good ole boys??? Stopped about halfway down. You mixed what I see as good ole boys with the new slice and dice group. I have seen many of the oldies and I can tell you this....They had a hint of romance, plenty of suspense, and the gore was not predominant.
I disagree with your analysis. As for the writing it is passable, yet the title by my understanding does not fit the material. Maybe you should of called it Bad Guys.
Thanks for sharing hope I did not abuse your kind efforts to entertain us.
It is a shame when we use poetry to condemn another. I say this because I equate beauty and poetry (even though the opposite can be quite true). You have no trouble expressing your situation here or the source of the problem.
What I ask is why not center is and let it flow through the bites and snarls the words are trying to form.
I am no fan of free verse, quite the opposite really. Yet, herein you have changed my mind. Your wonderful introduction into the world of free verse convinces me of the fact that surely it has some useful place in the world. I will have to wait to see more until later.
This work definitely grabs your attention and will not let go as you pound into us the fact that this young man was not a number. You did a great job of it too. I am not sure what you call waht you did but it accomplished the task you started out to complete.
This was very useful for me to read. Right in the middle of a reviewing contest! Now I find out what I have been doing wrong . Okay enough chit chat and down to business.
You write well, I didn't spot any errors though that does not mean they don't exist. (no high horses allowed) It held my interest very well and was useful, though not very emotional.
As I read this I realized just how much I missed by not being able to attend the convention. Your presentation was done in the true storyteller fashion, and filled me with desire to see so many of these wonderful people. I would give a years salary to have been sitting across from you when SM walked up.
I think you translated the excitement and feeling of the convention is an absolutely stunning fashion. Whatever small typos might exist are far outweighed by the professional job you did.
This is indeed a dark work. I enjoyed reading it though because of its exceedingly well written structure. The imagery and flow are great. As I read it I had visions of Tolkien and the ring wraiths. Ofcourse it is not that work nor even based on it. It is rather as if an extension of that work.
So now that I have praised your work only leaving our a few things that I should of mentioned such as rhyme, I have but one suggeston.
The men inside of whitened skin,
From ancient men of holy kin,
Stood tall in waiting for the age,
Of the darkened lord's mighty rage.
The mighty walls did suddenly shake,
Upon the bringing of the wake,
For out around ran an army dark,
As silent as the wings of a lark.
The horses' thunder grew more loud,
And inside gathered a mighty crowd,
And at the signal of the strong king white,
The drawbridge fell, revealing night.
In the three stanzas above you have used the word mighty three times. Once only two words seperate the repetition.
Now I know mighty is a mighty nice word but maybe it would help the poem just a tiny bit, not a mighty lot, if only we could get rid of one mighty?
Enough, thats an opinion and you should probably ignore it because above all else you have a mighty nice poem.
Your poem, has content that many can connect with including me. I find it difficult for me to judge poetry preoperly because I am no poet or for that matter a writer I am merely someone plague by the desire to create something others will enjoy and understand.
What I liked was the imagery of your work. My greatest dislike was the various meters of the lines. It makes it seem less like poetry. Though I do know it is.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
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. Okay enough chit chat and down to business. 