Becky Simpson's (becky_hayes) Reviews

Becky Simpson

Review Requests: OFF

368 Public Reviews Given

581 Total Reviews Given

51

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1463704

Review of Flying Mashed Potatoes and Dressing

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi Shaara,

Very, very funny work. I enjoyed the poem's hilarity and thought you did a fine job. Of course I await Christmas with barely containable anticipation.

I thought the cleaning up the loom a bit of a stretch for this day and time, but that is a minor thing. Truly entertaining piece.

Suggestions

In this line I think the word thanksgiving should of been thanks given:

There’s little thanksgiving when a fight breaks out

Other than that no other thoughts...just laughs

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

52

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1463673

Review of Grow More Trees: A Children's essay

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (4.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

Let me welcome you to WAR and thanks for sharing with us. As I read your work I was surprised at the format. You labeled this as an essay and wrote it more like a lesson plan. I teach a sunday school class (I am no educator) and this would be a format they would dislike almost immediately. I tell you this because from what I know of kids you have to capture their imagination.

What I liked about your work was its clarity and the fact that your grammar, punctuation, and capitalization where nearly perfect.

Suggestions

My only suggestion is you edit this into an essay format or better yet into a story format. I would add that the level is really a bit low for twelve year olds.

I hope my comments have not offended you as they are not to that purpose.

Keep writing and sharing

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

53

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1460703

Review of Your Poem

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

I must admit I am baffled at this form of poetry. I read it and it flows without rhyme or reason. I should stop here and say thanks for sharing, but I think there is one word within your work that might require you to change your rating.

Though I am no expert as to the list of words I would merely suggest you review your rating. I apologize if I offend you and do indeed thank you for the opportunity to read in your port.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

54

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1460172

Review of Shadows

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi again,

To spend very much time on this poem would be to do the poem injustice. If you are reading this review, just go ahead and open the poem itself and read it. It is full of a wide range of emotion and grabs you with their intensity until the very end where it smashes you. Well done!

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

55

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1460166

Review of Night's Gift

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (5.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi there,

Have I told you how much I appreciate your abilities with poetry. You have helped me to see some of the errors of my way, and when I now read I look for the things I have been taught.

Flow: Your poem flows like a silk scarf over glass. No ripples even to disturb the quite rustle of the words as they glide over the page.

Rhyme: Ofcourse not this one it is free verse and yet it has such wonderful construction it feels good without the rhyme.

Punctuation: One word here, perfection. Excellent job.

and ofcourse the imagery which is so beautiful.

All-in-all this is a GREAT poem.

Thanks for sharing.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

56

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1459291

Review of YOU AND I

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

I have probably written you before (because your name seems familar). As I read your poem the thought slapped me in the face I have to write this man and tell him I enjoyed his work. Your work also got my attention immediately for several other reasons one important one is that I found it inspiring. Umm if I have reviewed you before you probably know whats going to happen next and if not I hope the following does not offend you. It shouldn't, you inspired it.

Suggestions

Punctuation: Poetry is all about words and their relation to each other. How two children play together is often dictated by the supervision they have. If Mom is close they will behave, if not, they will tear the house down. Punctuation is the mom of poetry. Without it the words try to tear each other down.

Your imagery is great.

Your word usage seems a bit off.

Now if you don't mind I would like to play with your poem. Just to see what I can do with it. I promise I will only do one stanza:

First Stanza

Let us go then, you and I
Along our different ways
Let us forget, you and I
Those our troublesome days

(My comments)

The last line is messed up in this stanza and the punctuation is almost non-existent. How about this:

Let us go then, you and I
Along our different ways;
Let us forget, you and I
Our weary troublesome days

That leaves with the repetitious you and I but I find it somehow interesting.

Thanks for sharing

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

57

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1458954

Review of A Night in Key Largo

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (4.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

I am a Florida girl, born in conneticutt and raised in Florida. A place called Orange Park. I can realte to much that is in your poem. =) in fact just about everythg but the smoking. Anyway I thought you did a marvelous job of capturing the state, except the third world stuff. Florida is paradise...ask anybody.

My problem with your poem is here:

I cannot stay with
The cool pillow wet

With my own sweat.

At the very least it needs a comma or some kind of break. At worst it simply creates a bad spot in the flow of the poem.

Hope I havent offended.

Great visiting with a Florida girl.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

58

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1457921

Review of "Baby Sister"

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (4.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

I believe this is the first time I have ever reviewed anything of yours. I was impressed with your poem and which I had a brother that felt this way about me. Mine is an alcoholic and basically a bum. He hates me. So for this reason I found your poem entrancing.

Suggestions

I have but one suggestion for you, punctuate! Poetry, especially poetry as well written as this deserves to be punctuated. As it is it is just a bunch of words read one after another. Is that waht you wanted?

Hope I haven't offended I know poetry is very personal.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

59

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1457901

Review of The Old Boyfriend

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi again,

Guess what, I loved it. Well done right down to the slip up.

Suggestions

No suggestions, looks perfect to me.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

60

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1457886

Review of The Fire

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hey,

Please tell me this is real. You sound as if you took it about as slow as I am. I think perhaps this is one of your best written works. Well done!

Suggestions

I saw one tiny thing that you might want to look at:

Your text:

Inside the car, I turned the radio to a dial that would give me news.

(My comments)

"To a dial" sounds wrong - they are called stations. This is the only thing I saw.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

61

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1456947

Review of A Fall Conflict

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (4.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi Harry,

Again you did it to me. You have a great amount of skill, maybe too much. You really ought to share it.

Suggestions

More of a comment than a suggestion: The image of a newborn flexing its muscles isn't so very threatening to me.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

62

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1456935

Review of Big Bad Black Bart

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi Harry,

And once again you have perfect form and put together another humorous work for us to enjoy. You carry quite a range of types of works. and each one is just about perfect.

Suggestions

No suggestions here, very good job.

hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

63

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1456918

Review of What's a Santa Claus?

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

Okay no fair. I cried like a baby over this. It is well written and deeply moving especially perhaps for me. I can relate to Mary Lynn's huge round eyes. As I remember my first real Christmas after I was adopted. Before I don't think there was one.

Suggestions

I think I found one error where you switched Marta from grandmother to great-grandmother in relation to Abbey. I am giving you the sentence below. Other than that no suggestions at all.

Your sentence

when I ‘proved her right,’ as she said, she did the same to Mary Lynn.” Tears filled her eyes as she faced her great-grandmother after they entered the bedroom. “I didn’t

(My comments)

As noted above:

when I ‘proved her right,’ as she said, she did the same to Mary Lynn.” Tears filled her eyes as she faced her grandmother after they entered the bedroom. “I didn’t

Hope it helps

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

64

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1456891

Review of Mexican Casserole

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (5.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi Viv,

Read your recipe it sounds yummy. I wouldn't mind having a dish of it right now. Any chance I could um talk you into...

OKay so I am only wishful thinking here. I can say as I read your recipe I was impressed with the clarity of your instructions. You did not confuse me with brunette and make this too hard for a blonde. I miss my kitchen!

Suggestions

Can't see any errors in this so can't say I have suggestions except if you should decide to submit it for publication...give us a picture!

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

65

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1455834

Review of Diane's Story

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (3.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

Before I get started talking about what you have here, let me welcome you to Writing.com. I think you will fnd that this is a wonderful place to practice your skills and at the same time, perhaps, learn some new tricks. In any case you will make new friends and build an extended family.

This introduction is very short and wants to both make us curious and maybe get us to smile.

Suggestions

I am sorry I can only offer you this correction without further comment:

This is the story of my life. Which could have been a soap opera. So you may share the experience I am writing of it here for you.

Start at the beginning: I was born in October, 1950. My Mother's toothache...

I will write you later with an explanation im having some difficulty with my health and needed to hurry.

Sorry

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

66

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1455394

Review of Young Men At War

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi Harry,

Your skill is phenomenal and as I read this I was reminded of that. As usual you do an outstanding job of bringing to verse a story for our enjoyment. Also as usual I thought it well written. I really want to know the secret.

This is my suggestions section: In this verse:

all hostilities while the diplomats try to negotiate
a peace agreement. A squad of militia from each
army patrols a town each side hopes to consolidate.
Approaching from opposite directions, they reach

I am not so sure about the third line, it seems a bit awkward to me. Maybe there is a comma missing.

Maybe its just me.

Great writing.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

67

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1455384

Review of Little Velvet Vampire: A Kinder Tale

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (4.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi me again,

Girl you have a great imgination. I could see this pouty little one easily. You have skills i did not know about, writing for kindergarteners. Gee you reckon they know they are that hard to spell. Anyway my impression of your story was that it was well constructed and well illustrated.

Suggestions

My suggestion is really a question: Do you think those little tykes will know what old-fashioned means?

Thanks for sharing yet another of your tremendous skills, good luck on the contest.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

68

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1455346

Review of Past Love

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

Before we look at your poem let me take the opportunity to say, "Welcome to Writing.com". It has been where I have learned many new writing skills (including how to spell without a spell checker) and met many friends. I have even discovered that there is family here, if you open your heart. I hope you will find your experience as uplifting and helpful as I have.

Okay your poem:

Um okay no fair making me cry! Your work is filled with hurt and you do a good job of making readers feel it. I didn't notice any particular spelling errors on first look, but I did notice the capitalization. Okay I hope you don't mind suggestions:

Suggestions

Capitalization: Capitalize the first word of each line. It is a generally accepted form for poetry.

Rhyme: While it is not necessary it is distracting for you to start with a rhyming sequence and then halt all rhyming.

Word Usage: There are some awkward lines in here that would flow much better if changed slightly.

Now please understand these are merely suggestions and opinions and they are not meant to offend you. Below I will try to give you an example of each using just a part of your work. Thereby allowing those who come behind me, or yourself, the opportunity to work out whatever I don't happen to see.

First Stanza Capitalization and Punctuation.

Just because love isn't real
doesn't mean that you can't feel
what it feels to have the pain
the kind that doesn't seem to heal.

(My comments)

Now as I see it:

Just because love isn't real,
Doesn't mean that you can't feel,
What it feels to have the pain,
The kind that doesn't seem to heal.

First Paragraph Word Usage or Flow:

Just because love isn't real,
Doesn't mean that you can't feel,
What it feels to have the pain,
The kind that doesn't seem to heal.

(My comments)

I think you have a few problems with flow in this stanza the awkwardness of the whole pain sequence made me stop and read it twice. It would be good to focus on the flow after you have written the basic feeling you want to capture. Lets see what I can imagine:

Just because love isn't real,
Doesn't mean that you can't feel,
What you gave me, love's pain.
Pain that never seems to heal.

Okay so now that I have totally changed your poem I beg your forgiveness and indugence as I must say honestly your poem inspired me to feel with you and through that see another path.

Good Job

Keep writing,

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

69

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1454128

Review of The Devil's Bride

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

Before I get to your poem, let me take the time to welcome you to Writing.com. I have been here 15 months and I can safely say I have never learned as much as quickly as I have here. I have made friends that I know will be life long and I will stay in contact with for many years to come. I hope your experience is as good.

Now about your poem. I found it very interesting in the way you chose to paint the scene for us. You did a fairly wonderful job of taking the reader to the scene as it unfolded. The other first thing that slapped me in the face was - gee there are a lot of commas. I will try to explain below.

Suggestions

Your poem

The icy cold surrounds her heart,
And into death she does depart,
The shadows fading in her wake,
And far above the heavens quake,
Speeding through the sky so dark,
Black devils wings do now embark,
To trap thine soul within a grave,
From which no creature can be saved,
But search no more for whom you seek,
For once she’s found you will be weak,
The coldest ice in you shall dwell,
And you’ll follow her straight into Hell,
To take your place down by her side,
The Prince of Darkness and your Black Widow Bride.

(My comments)

Punctuation seems to be the biggest problem for me in this work. A complete thought needs a period or question mark to emphasize it. You used a bunch of commas which made this really just one long run on sentence.

The meter of you poem varies which I won't really say is a big deal but it is obvious that you are trying to write a rhyming poem. Why not work enough to give it form, fixing the meter, the rythm and rhyme (grave and saved).

Sorta like this:

The icy cold surrounds her heart,
And into death she does depart.
The shadows fading in her wake,
And far above the heavens quake.
Speeding through the sky so dark,
Black devils wings do now embark,
To trap thine soul within a grave,
From which no creature can be saved.
But search no more for whom you seek,
For once she’s found you will be weak.
The coldest ice in you shall dwell,
And you’ll follow her straight into Hell.
To take your place down by her side,
The Prince of Darkness and your Black Widow Bride.

I hope you have not been offended by my comments I think your poem quite delicious. It also tracks with a belief of mine.

Keep writing.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

70

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1453263

Review of Mitosis

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~ Another Friendly Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

First impressions, hmmm well I know what all but one word is in here and checking my little dictionary of southern words I didn't find it so I had to break out the great big collegiate one. I liked the feel of the work as it had a hauntingly vague sense about it. Reminding very much of two ships passing in the night sort of thing. You did a great job of capturing that.

Suggestions

Whenever I write I invariably have some small error I make and that is what makes Writing.com a great place. The people who are on this site love writing and you will find them very helpful in finding errors.

By the way I forgot to welcome you to writing.com and I am including a special little gift since this is my first time to read one of your works. I hope you enjoy your time on the site.

Okay your poem:

Capitalization: Your poem lacks it terribly. Each word at the beginning of a line should be capitalized.

Punctuation: I am not an expert but your punctuation does not seem to be at its best. I find this to be a paricularily important part of a poem.

Spelling: "diaspra" is not in itself a word however I think I know what you meant. It would be better though if I knew.

I hope you find this useful and know that I took the time to show you this because i believe you have talent. Hope it hasn't offended.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

71

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1449649

Review of Broken Trust

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~ Another Blonde Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

Before we begin looking at your poem I would like to welcome you to writing.com. I hope you will enjoy the community, making new friends as you display your works. I guess you will find all sorts of people here including me your friendly neighborhood poetry nut. Even though I do not lay claim to be good at it I love the beauty and imagery I find there.

Now as I read your poem it was easy to see the pain and to realize that it is a case of lost love. You did this well and if that were the only purpose here you would get sixs for your work. I do have a few suggestions for you if you wish to have them. If not please ignore the comments. I write this review because I found something in your poem inspiring and challenging.

I hope you will not be offended, displaying your work is the best way to improve your skills. As others will read and comment on them.

Suggestions

Capitalization: In most poetry forms the first letter of each line should be capitalized along with nouns.

For some (such as me) it is easier to keep track of ryhme schemes by indenting in sets each set of rhyming lines like this:

I’m lost within this crowd
You promised, even vowed
That you’d be there for me
How can you let this be

Another part of poetry is the rythm defined by the meter or the syallable count within the lines. This can vary for effect but is normally quite clearly defined and an important part of the work.

Okay lets see what treasures your poem has buried in it.

Your Poem

Broken Trust
I’m lost within this crowd
you promised, even vowed
that you’d be there for me
how can you let this be
I feel the pain growing inside
I’m covered with all your lies
cleanse me and set me free
and end all this suffering
my beauty has now faded
but im still here, jaded
please tell me why
or this will be good-bye

(My comments)

First lets break out the title and make it bold. If you don't know how to do this let me show you:

You use a bracket { and then beside it a B then close the bracket } and the next piece of text will be bold. You end the effect like so {-/-B-} leaving the dashes out. You can find this and other tricks in the creation mode unde ML writing codes.

Okay enough about the title. Some things I saw in your work were that you lost your ryhme scheme, and the meter was not very consistent. below you will find your poem re-written as I see it. I hope I have in no way offended you. You have done a great job of writing a beautifully painted picture. So here goes:

Broken Trust

I’m lost within this crowd,
You promised, even vowed,
That you’d be there for me.
How can you let this be?
The pain now grows inside,
Your lies, cannot be denied.
Cleanse me and set me free,
End my suffering, just see,
My beauty has faded.
But I'm still here, jaded.
Please tell me just once why
Or this will be good-bye.

Now if I may, my favorite lines in your poem were My beauty has now faded. I found this matched my own philosophy of beauty which is:

A woman's beauty is not merely her outward appearance it is rather defined by the joy she brings to those closest to her.

I loved your work. I sincerely hope to see more and I hope I have not offended you.

Hugs

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Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

72

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1448810

Review of Songs from Paradise (1st Song)

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

~~ Another Blonde Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

I thought this opening very engaging, as it held my attention throughout the work. You have a great skill with words and I found myself wishing I wrote as well.

There was but maybe two problems I found that I think bear checking. They were both words that have been pushed together like:fullgrown...think that should be full grown. Also your capitalization is not consistent. You capitalized Tree Monkey in one line and then later do not.

Suggestions

First suggestion write some more please I want to see the rest.

Second suggestion find someone capable of editing it for you so that you may prepare it for publication. It is, as I said, imaginative and well written. Well worth the effort.

Hugs

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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

73

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1441202

Review of Today Is My 60th Birthday

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

~~ Another Blonde Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi Harry,

Happy Birthday! Today is also my Dad's birthday. STrangely but true he also died on his birthday. I really like your writing and find it not just inspiring but also educationsl. I learn a lot from your usage and style.

Keep writing great stuff.

Suggestions

No suggestions today...it's your birthday.

Hugs

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

74

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1441179

Review of A Wandering Warrior VI

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

~~ Another Blonde Review! ~~

First Impressions

Harry, Harry, Harry,

We are only mortals here. C'mon make a mistake every once in a while. One spelling error just to see if anybody catches it! Anything please. I am enjoying the continuing story and look forward to yet another installment.

Great writing.

Suggestions

None that I could see.

Great writing

Hugs

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.

75

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1441170

Review of Inspired

Review by Becky Simpson

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

~~ Another Blonde Review! ~~

First Impressions

Hi,

Nicely done poem, the first thing I noticed was the lack of puntuation. I am sorry but it is a pet peave of mine with poetry. Punctuation can make the poem have more than just rhyme or meter. It can almost become a song in its beauty. A pause here a stop there.

I also noticed in your poem passion and sadness that you feel you are involved with an illusion. It is well worded.

Suggestions

I think I gave my suggestions above so in here I will simply say your umagery and word usgae are fantastic.

Thanks for sharing

Keep writing.

Hugs

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Writing

A blur of fantasy and reality
Using words with natural frugality,
There creating some new abnormality
Or discovering a commonality.

Putting each sentence to a rigorous test,
Until eyes like blinking neon signs attest
An author we acknowledge has done her best;
This is creative writing at its finest.