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368 Public Reviews Given
581 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Blue Eyes  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

A near perfect poem...Um if there is such a thing. Your rhyme is good and the flow works well. The only thing I found that may not be perfect was the meter. It varies from line to line.

It is a sweet poem and being captured by the eyes of the one whom you adore.

Great writing.

Hugs

Becky
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127
Review of Raul  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

I can't help it. I laughed at poor Raul, never quote understanding he could not pack us all into the same box, for as sure as he did he put you in there too.

I loved this work with its nice twists and final peaking point where we learn you have stayed the course and not laughed at your fellow Americans.

Great job of writing.
128
128
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,

Me looking at one of your poems critically, thats a joke but here goes:

You have written a complete story in a poetic form and as is usual for poems saved the punch for the last. Teaching a great lesson with the final two lines.

There was one line I didn't like but it is technically correct.

Great writing.

Hugs

Becky
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129
Review of Smudges  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this a beautifully composed ode to life and motherhood. Your references are clean and offer flashes of insight just as I suspect the mind works.

It paints a picture for me of love and the eyes that have seen it.

I have one suggestion:

No longer chubby, faces beam with smiles,

I wonder if beaming would be more appropriate.

I read it twice and one way it is not, yet within my mind if we are looking back they were beaming.

Hugs

Becky
130
130
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

A very interesting poem indeed, I don't personally have a point of reference for the subject, but regardless you have pulled me into the middle of a war.

As we fight do we see the end? From your work I would say yes.

You lost your rhyme scheme one the fourth line:

Always fakin’

The line needs to rhyme with it...

there are a lot of words that do ryhme but I don't feel qualified to give you one.

Great writing

Hugs

Becky

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131
131
Review of Beethoven  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I simply loved your story, It held my attention throughout its length and left me wistfully reminded of another little girl practicing piano for hours.

Why I don't know because the piano was out of tune and there was no money for a tutor.

I guess it was because of Marie or Mom.

Great writing but I found one mistake,

That’s way she was doing ballet since she was five, never missing a day: until today.


way I think should be why...

Hugs

Becky

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132
132
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I liked your poetry, it carried imagery well and told well the story of Aurora. I do have a couple of suggestions:

Calling souls and ground to cohere.

souls and ground to cohere...my first thought was ghosts but sure the goddess of the dawn had no power over them?

Calling souls and spirit to cohere

my second one is:

But over ends she can not win.

over ends?

the ends of the earth???

anyway how about this??

As time marches she can not win.

just suggestions...

There is some amazing imagery in your work that I found captivating. The flow I did not delve into, but I am sure it is fine.

I hope I did not offend you with my efforts.

Hugs

Becky

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133
Review of Questions  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

Now this is a poem I can follow and understand. Maybe then its bad, I think not. I loved it. It flows well easily tripping across the tongue and it feels real as if it indeed comes from your inner most self.

I would say great job to you whether you understood it or not.

Thanks for sharing

Becky

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134
134
Review of Dearly Beloved  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi,

Loved your work it was very well thought out and written. So well written that I was only able to find one error. This line..

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floatig on the floor
Shall be lifted--nevermore!


floatig should be floating I dare say.

Great job

Hugs

Becky

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135
135
Review of Sublime  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

You managed to rhyme. In doing so you also managed to produce a heartfelt poem. Has good imagery and concludes nicely - so whats missing?


She looks at me with eyes so sad,
Knowing she will never get back all she once had.

let's use these lines for an example. The rhyme is there but there is no rhythm.

The first line has 8 beats and the second has 11 it makes the poems flow choppy. Here is a suggestion:

She looks at me with eyes so sad,
Sad she can't get back all she had.

Okay so it needs a little thought.

Its a great poem though and you should work with it.

Hugs

Becky

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136
136
Review of That was me  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
Personally I loved this poem of faithfulness and love humbly offered a mate with whom you have been separated. There are some issues I am sure others have pointed out. However, I think you have done an outstanding job of capturing the feelings involved.

Hugs

Becky

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137
137
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi,

Listen, you have a flair for telling a story - honest, but you have a few problems. Formatting being one where you seem to have created one very long paragraph. The within that paragraph you have varying lengths of sentences that distract the reader from the story.

I shall try to illustrate:

Lets work with this:

The Calm Before the Storm


“What the hell is wrong with this weather?” Cassandra said, trying to hold open the screen door against the extremely strong wind.
It was June, and the weather was acting like spring had never left.
She lived in Lincoln, Ohio, a small city of maybe 1,000 people. She had to go to King, which was about two miles away, for anything that she needed.
Her husband, Trevor, grabbed the door for her. “Maybe spring decided to stay over a little late this year.” Their daughter Amanda, was just coming up the steps. She had a calico-coloured kitten in her arms. She did not seem to notice the wind that was whipping her hair all around her face.

Here it is fixed to the best of my humble ability:

The Calm Before the Storm


         “What the hell is wrong with this weather?” Cassandra said, trying to hold open the screen door against the sudden strong wind. It was June, and the weather was acting like spring had never left. She lived in Lincoln, Ohio, a small city of maybe 1,000 people. She had to go to King, which was about two miles away, for anything that she needed.

         Her husband, Trevor, grabbed the door for her. “Maybe spring decided to stay over a little late this year.” Their daughter Amanda, was just coming up the steps. She had a calico-coloured kitten in her arms. She did not seem to notice the wind that was whipping her hair all around her face.

Now this is not perfect, but it does improve the presentation of what you have written.
You will noticed I dropped the extremely. I did this because of something said to me about one of my works...Never use LY.

I liked your work. With a bit of polish you could soon be writing wonderful stories.

Hugs

Becky

PS: If you'd like help with this please let me know I will gladly do so.

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138
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

Pretty exciting stuff here. It is truly a milestone worthy of mention, but it did not come without some very hard work. That hard work is reflected nearly every place I go. You guys have a lot to be proud of and it is still a great pleasure to have this place where I can go to ask for help with my writing.

Great job with this.

Hugs

Becky

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139
139
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
An interesting form of poetry that I have never contemplated before. It holds a challenge no doubt yet your example doesn't seem to flow very well.

I think however as an example it is excellent.

Keep competeing and offering new challenges to those who write.

Hugs

Becky

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140
Review of A Second Sight  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I really liked this story quite a bit, you did a great job with the story line and have the beginning of a book if you wished to pursue the couple through their romance.

The only problems I see are grammatical and punctuation. Neither of which I am an expert with, but one example would be that you switched people during a conversation within one paragraph.

Great reading this

Hugs

Becky

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141
141
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I liked this though to e the lines are a bit contradictory. You can barely see through the mist then it fades quickly so you can still see. Just doesn't fit in my book. It is however your work.

A very interesting work at that.

Thanks for sharing

Hugs

Becky

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142
Review of Closure  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I remember this one now. It raised goose bumps all over.

I really enjoyed reading something written with such skill that it is impossible to escape it. When I read this my heart stopped and I was choking trying to not cry.

Such love is not often reflected in words of such beauty and care.

Great Job

Hugs

Becky

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143
143
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.0)
You do have a way with words. I like the way you build your character he is easy to see in my minds eye. Where I lose connection is the significance of the last line. That I will own up tp being my own stupidity.

However, you do not escape unscathed here are the problems.

First no capitalization, which strictly speaking is okay so long as it is consistent.

Second is the fact that the only punctuation you have is the question mark at the end. If you use any you should use it throughout.

Great write

Hugs

Becky

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144
144
Review of Magic Mirror  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (5.0)
The hardest review to write is the one where I can find nothing to complain about. This work is that way. You created a magic mirror and through it showed us ourselves and God would have us.

Beautiful and innocent.

Great writing

Hugs

Becky

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145
Review of Hidden Lies  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I was recently browsing the public reviews looking for something to read. I came across a public review from someone who claims to be a very young teenager. Since I knew the author I decided to look into this person's estimation of a great writer. I know everybody makes errors sometimes, but this writer seldom does with grammar, yet, this person questioned many things as being incorrect grammatically. Many of the "suggestions" are incorrect, very incorrect. So, I have decided to publically rebut the false information given in the review. Since the review was public, I can paste it below.

[The bright sun and balmy breeze tempted Karen to turn around and run from
the sorrow awaiting her and her brothers]

"her and her brothers" sounds a bit funny to me. I'm not sure if my suggestion
is grammatically correct, but how about "she and her brothers"?

The object form of the pronoun is needed in this case, so "her" is grammatically correct. Now others will think that she is right and will use it
incorrectly as a result.

[The house seemed sad to her since her mother’s death]

The "to her" is not necessary.

Maybe she was the only one who thought the house seemed sad. If so, then "to her" is necessary.

[Without looking toward the woman she knew would be scowling, Karen answered as she mounted the first steps of the polished mahogany stairs curving upward.
“I drove as fast as humanly possible, Bettia. New York is a few miles away.”]

I had to read this a few times to see what you meant. It sounds as if the segment before the first comma is something Karen is saying, or answering, only you forgot to put the quotes. So I would suggest to change the first comma to a period. The period after "upward" should be a comma.

Maybe she is very young since she couldn't understand what was written. Why would you change the first comma to a period? Then you would have a sentence fragment. No, a comma should not be after "upward." The line is saying that she
answered as she climbed the stairs.

[If a “lady” could snort, Bettia did.]

"lady" does not need to be in quotes.

Again she gives incorrect grammatical information Yes, "lady" did have to be in quotes since the opposite was meant.


[Not going. . . to get better.]

The dialogue reminds me of when people in cartoons say "must... get... better" or something like that. Putting an "I'm" at the beginning of this would take
away that thought. I know the person saying this is weak, but I still think it would be a change for the better.

Really, this is beyond nit-picking. A "thirteen-year-old" thinks her idea would be better? Apparently she hasn't been around anyone who is having trouble breathing and who is trying to talk. I have, and what was written is very realistic.


When a new quote is said, it should start a new paragraph, except for when it's one quote broken into two so the author can describe an action in between
them.

This really puzzled me. If the same person is talking, unless the subject is completely changed drastically, the dialogue is still in the same
paragraph. You don't put the dialogue from more than one person in the same paragraph.

[You better off . . . better than Phillip”]

Put a period after "Phillip".

Ah, she did really find something. I'll be the first to admit I have trouble seeing periods and commas on the screen anymore.

[Their father gathered strength to shout at his second child before a spasm
of coughing shook his thin frame.]

As a suggestion - put the word "enough" before "strength".

I have no idea why "enough" would need to be before "strength." The man gathered strength, period. Adding the word enough would be padding the
sentence.


This piece should be rated 13+. The description of what the half-brother did to animals and to that boy had pretty graphic adjectives. I'm not sure if
I'm correct or not, but it would be good to raise the content rating just to be safe.

To make her happy? She may be correct, so I request you up the content rating.

Maybe I have over reacted, but someone, who sets herself up as superior and trashes someone's work publically, needs to be sure she is correct.


In my opinion this work was technically a five. The author had no real errors to detract from the work.

Hugs

Becky

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146
Review of Unrelenting Rain  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, I hope this isn't true. It certainly captured me mind and soul. To lose a child is a horrible thing for sure. Then to lose one because your mate could not control themselves...YIKE!

I sincerely hope your life is not this sad, if it is I will pray for you comfort and sunshine.

Hugs

Becky

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147
Review of Skunk's Revenge  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed this story as well. Only this time I was unable to locate any errors to report. *Frown* Oh well maybe next time I will find them. Thank you for sharing your considerable talent and this work of yours. It was fun.

Keep writing!

Hugs

Becky

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148
Review of My Little Gift  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a well told and interesting story. I have trouble reading for errors and paying attention at the same time but I think your psyhic abilities jumped on me momentarily for I found this...

she just walked to the cupboard and used chair so she could climb up and see the back of the top shelf.

used chair hmmmmm

Thanks for sharing a nicely written work.

Hugs

Becky

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149
Review of Mercy  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay I go it but again the lack of punctuation and in this one no capitalization except on the first line. I think the key is be consistent.

I very much appreciate that your writing about our Lord and Savior. Not enough do.

Good work.

Hugs

Becky

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Review of Frost  
Review by Becky Simpson
Rated: E | (4.0)
The lack of punctuation almost always drives me crazy. Why ruin a perfectly good poem by not adding that little touch to make it speak clearly to the reader.

You use of images in this is very strong. Other than the problem pointed out it is well written.

Hugs

Becky

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