I do believe this is the first acrostic I have read of yours. Not only is this an acrostic, but written in quantitative meter as well - pentameter. Excellent. You speak of Gods mercy and his love, always worth reading about. You are obviously a very spiritual man. I say BRAVO! God bless and keep writing...
For me, you have captured that special moment, when suddenly, in the middle of the night I become inspired, after days or weeks of drought - in your own words "unexpectedly,/ words are oxygen,/words are blood,/ words are fire/" I find this wonderful poem inspirational. Your words give me hope. Masterfully done. I say BRAVO! AUTHOR! BRAVO!!!
MY NAME IS DUTCH AND I AM HONORED TO REVIEW YOUR SHORT STORY, ESSAY, POEM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINION. I BELIEVE IN THE RATING SYSTEM. IN MY OPINION, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING I WILL SAY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ANY RATING ABOVE THREE STARS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
Overall Impressions:
First let me say that I think you did a wonderful job with the revision. Reading this makes me very thankful, and proud to be an American. I was truly impressed with this wonderful, thought provoking poem. Being from New York originally, I appreciate it even more.
Suggestions:
I think none.
What I Liked Most:
Two things: First, you allowed us to see the first draft, which I believe is very helpful to struggling new poets. And I also loved this line, "We are citizens of the world" I got a little choked up over this masterfully written poem.
MY NAME IS DUTCH AND I AM HONORED TO REVIEW YOUR SHORT STORY, ESSAY, POEM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINION. I BELIEVE IN THE RATING SYSTEM. IN MY OPINION, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING I WILL SAY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ANY RATING ABOVE THREE STARS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
Overall Impressions:
Incredibly interesting poem. I believe my interpretation may be wrong, but it sounds as if this poem is about becoming more involved with life in general. A Very thought provoking poem.
Suggestions:
I got stuck on the very first line, after that it seemed to flow very well. You have "Voices surround me in thousand ways." I believe it would sound better if it were "Voices surround me in a thousand ways." Other than this I believe this poem works very well.
What I Liked Most:
I like that you have added, whether intentional or not, a little rhyme to this structured free verse. Excellent job.
The first story was so good, I had to check out another. I am always amazed at these 55 word challenges. I thought you did a great job. You gave the story a good twist at the end, and even got a chuckle out of me - believe me, thats saying something. You are very good. God bless again, and keep writing.
I thought this was a fantastic bit of sci-fi writing. You have quite an imagination. This story read very smoothly, and flowed beautifully. This reminds me of "Big Brother" (always being watched). I believe that some of this technology is actually possible. I am not a big sci-fi, futuristic writing fan, but you made this enjoyable. You are very talented. I am envious. Keep up the great writing... God bless my friend...
MY NAME IS DUTCH AND I AM HONORED TO REVIEW YOUR SHORT STORY, ESSAY, POEM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINION. I BELIEVE IN THE RATING SYSTEM. IN MY OPINION, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING I WILL SAY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ANY RATING ABOVE THREE STARS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
Overall Impressions:
Very interesting poem about getting older and the aging process. The things we must think about - what we have and have not acomplished in life.
This is a very powerful poem, with a powerful statement. It seems your speaking of the struggle between the darkness and light, and the dark is winning. Your rhyme scheme works very well, and aside from all other punctuation not used, you used two commas or caesura's in the middle of lines. I think this would be more effective if you punctuated completely. Very well done though. God bless and keep writing.
Rather dark, but real. How many elderly in this condition feel this way - I'd venture to say, quite a few. flows well with good rhyme scheme. I could be wrong, but I would question wheather the word "comes" should be "come" in line two of the fifth stanza.
Another excellent poem. I disagree that all the rich expliot the poor, but many do. I, myself, live from week to week, as most of us do here in America. Yes, there is great wealth, but there is also great poverty. Mostly what we call lower and middle class, I fall into the lower class range - so I can appricate this work of art. Great job. I also understand that even the lower class americans live a much better life than many people in third world countries. But we have many homeless and much poverty as well. This is a poem for those people. Thank-you, and God bless...
WOW! A new form for me to study. Your message here is profound. Follow your heart, do what is right, and not worry what may befall you because of your beliefs. I am very impressed with this work of art. i think this is one of your best. Wonderful, wonderful, poem. God bless and keep writing.
You never cease to amaze me with you love poems. You are a true romantic. The form is perfect, and the rhyme scheme works well. I love the rhymes "That/diktat. Again, a great job. Masterfully done. God bless and keep writing.
form is perfect. syllable count correct. the rhyme is excellent. Stanza three is my favorite. It makes a very powerful statment; "Then why at all should we others dislike/because differently from us they act?" Your first stanza is true, with the exception that you are speaking of "WE" as if everyone on the planet drifts mindlessly along lamenting the worlds strife. With this I disagree, but respect your right to say it. There are many who do care - like yourself for one example. Wonderful sonnet. Well written. Masterully constructed.
MY NAME IS DUTCH AND I AM HONORED TO REVIEW YOUR SHORT STORY, ESSAY, POEM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINION. I BELIEVE IN THE RATING SYSTEM. IN MY OPINION, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING I WILL SAY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ANY RATING ABOVE THREE STARS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
Overall Impressions:
Straight from the heart. You expressed every emotion a mother can for her son. Unconditional love, fear, pride, wanting to protect, but also knowing you have to let go. I thought this was a wonderful tribute of a mother's love. You have used many poetic device's here as well. Enjambment, caesura, end-stop. Wonderful rhyme scheme as well, with many different types of rhyme. Great Job.
Suggestions:
I honestly see nothing that i would change.
What I Liked Most:
You conveyed your true feelings in this poem, and I felt your love for your son.
The Pantoum, in my opinion, is a very difficult form to master. The reason for this is not the way it is set up, but finding just the right lines to compliment each other. You have done that here. I have always been a fan of your prose, now I am a fan of your ability as a poet. BRAVO!
MY NAME IS DUTCH AND I AM HONORED TO REVIEW YOUR SHORT STORY, ESSAY, POEM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINION. I BELIEVE IN THE RATING SYSTEM. IN MY OPINION, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING I WILL SAY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ANY RATING ABOVE THREE STARS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
Overall Impressions:
This is a wonderfully written "prose poem" That touches the heart. What you have written is what I've dreamed will some day happen if I am lucky enough to receive God's grace. A beautiful place of healing and love.
Suggestions:
None.
What I Liked Most:
The 'wonder' of the whole experience. The questions you ask yourself along the way.
Summary:
Masterfully done. Bravo!
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MY NAME IS DUTCH AND I AM HONORED TO REVIEW YOUR SHORT STORY, ESSAY, POEM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINION. I BELIEVE IN THE RATING SYSTEM. IN MY OPINION, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING I WILL SAY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ANY RATING ABOVE THREE STARS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Wow, a very interesting view of war and death. I have to admit, this poem made me think quite a bit. I believe you have made a powerful statement, whether intentional or not, of what America expects from her sons and daughters.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have none.
WHAT I LIKED MOST:
Overall, a very good job with structure and form. Excellent use of enjambment, caesura, and end-stop. Your syllable count is spot on, and your rhyme scheme is very good.
SUMMARY:
Your poem has a very solid foundation, with a powerful message. I think their may be more here than initially meets the eye - very thought provoking. Masterfully done. God bless and keep writing...
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MY NAME IS DUTCH AND I AM HONORED TO REVIEW YOUR SHORT STORY, ESSAY, POEM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINION. I BELIEVE IN THE RATING SYSTEM. IN MY OPINION, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING I WILL SAY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ANY RATING ABOVE THREE STARS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Very good poem. A poem about discovery, and learning about the diversity in the world around us. A very realistic, and also patriotic view. Excellent write.
SUGGESTIONS:
I would use a period to end line eight.
WHAT I LIKED MOST:
I thought you did a great job with the overall structure of your poem. Good enjambment (the continuation of thought from one line of poetry to the next without punctuation needed at the end of the previous line or lines.), end-stop (to end a thought for dramatic pause or to end the line), and caesura (the pausing or stopping within a line of poetry caused by needed punctuation). I really liked the overall theme of the poem though - That what makes this country are the differences.
SUMMARY:
Excellent job. BRAVO!
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I thought this was very well written. You kept my attention to the end wanting to know what was happening next. Your story flows very well. I noticed one thing while reading through: "Why, mommy, why can't I go with you to grandma's?" I think it should be grandmas. I could be wrong though. Great write. God bless and keep writing.
You have a wonderful talent. The content is powerful, visceral, and real. What is distracting is the grammer and spelling mistakes. If you were to edit this poem it would standout and shine. A diamond in the ruff, but It is hard to follow in the condition it is in. God bless and keep writing...
A very heartfelt and precious poem of love. You can hear the love come through your words and the tender moment of this memory. Very visual and real. Excellent job. I have only one suggestion. I could be wrong, but in the first line of the second stanza you make reference to "dating for long", yet I feel from the rest of the poem you might mean, that you had not dated long at this point. If this is the case, you might change it to, "Though we had not dated long" This would keep the syllable count as well. If I am wrong, forgive me. It works either way. Wonderful poem. God bless and keep writing.
MY NAME IS DUTCH AND I AM HONORED TO REVIEW YOUR SHORT STORY, ESSAY, POEM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINION. I BELIEVE IN THE RATING SYSTEM. IN MY OPINION, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING I WILL SAY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ANY RATING ABOVE THREE STARS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
A very interesting poem. This sounds as if it would go good to music, all it needs is a refrain. You used good enjambment (the continuation of thought from one line of poetry to the next without punctuation needed at the end of the previous line or lines). Good caesura (the pausing or stopping within a line of poetry caused by needed punctuation). Good end-stop (ending a line of poetry for dramatic pause or to end a thought). Overall, nicely done.
SUGGESTIONS:
Just to fix the title. It has the tags showing and not the results. You made a typo.
WHAT I LIKED MOST:
I feel this free verse poem has a musical tone to it. It has good rhythm.
SUMMARY:
Excellent job. A powerful poem of rebellion.
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Very interesting poem. A wonderful statement about narcissism. In line two try blessed instead of bless. In line thirteen try keeps instead of keep, and in line twenty-five, try too instead of to. God bless.
I thought you did a good job with this poem. You have good rhyme. You also used good enjambment (the continuation of thought from one line of poetry to the next without punctuation needed at the end of the previous line or lines.) and caesura (the pausing or stopping within a line of poetry caused by needed punctuation.) Your poem flows very well. I would remain consistant and capitalize the word "and" in the last stanza, third line. God bless and keep writing...
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