This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A poem written for an unknown soldier.
Strengths: Nice rhyme, and format. You express yourself well.
Questions: In the second verse, "Your dreams were your life, And you lived in it, I feel", would it sound better to change this to, "lived in them, I feel"? When you read this out loud, does the flow seem a bit off? Just some suggestions for you to think about.
Summary: This is a nice poem, and a very touching one. You mention wanting to send this to the family; I think it would be a wonderful gesture and honorable to share this with them. Well done
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A nice little story about a cat and a mouse, with a happy ending for the mouse, not so happy for the cat.
Strengths: Great descriptive language; you create an image for the reader. You have good flow and the ending is nice.
Questions: In your opening, you could redo this a little clearer. Try something like, "The Cat's yellow eyes shone like gold, her fur, jet black and sooth as silk, shimmered in the moonlight. Slinking through the shadows and the brush, she looked savagely ferocious. In some of the sentences, they seem to drag out a bit too much with all the commas, maybe try breaking them up a bit more. Also, maybe break this into a couple of paragraphs. Remember, these are only suggestions; a few ideas I wanted to share.
Summary: A cute story, a bit short, but it tells the entire tale. Well done.
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: This is a short article about life and being content.
Strengths: Although short, this has a lot of meaning and thought embedded within. You start with questions to start us pondering your thoughts, and you conclude those thoughts well in the final sentence.
Questions: In the second sentence, just and guaranteed need corrections, and in sentence three, You should capitalize I and there should be a comma after it and again after else. I believe everyday should be written every day in this context and another comma should follow curse.In the last sentence, casted should just be cast. Just some suggestions for you to consider.
Summary: Some mechanical problems but well written in context and form. You share a wonderful thought with the reader and make a great point about seeing the blessings, not the shadows they cast. Well done.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A witty poem depicting the state of modern churches.
Strengths: Well written, very descriptive wording, and nice imagery. Great rhythm and well rhymed.
Questions: None.
Summary: This is an interesting poem that fits well with some churches and the way they are conducted. You did a great job, I found nothing to question, no errors, nothing to offer except, "Well Done!"
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A short story about a fixation, and what it takes to hold on.
Strengths: Very descriptive, great imagery, and great order. Nice opening and finish.
Questions: In the line, "I knew it," she whispered to herself. I am not crazy! The flies are moving in the air! They are flying! They're not stuck anymore!", the red quotation marks aren't needed. I noticed in areas of thought, you write it similar to dialog, but without the quotation marks. One of these is in the first paragraph, the second sentence, How could they stay there? she thought.. I'm not sure how you would write this; there are many different ideas on writing thought, from using quotations to italics. You may want to look at some ideas right here, in WdC to see if you want to write these areas different. The link is:
There is also a lot of information on the web, just Google, "How to write thoughts", or something similar.
Summary: This is a great little story with a funny surprise ending, at least I didn't anticipate anything like this. It captures the readers attention and gets us wondering, "What's up with the flies?" Well done.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: This is a short to the point, and well composed motivational letter to self.
Strengths: Well structured, and composed. Easy to read, follow, and understand. Written in good form to self, a bit of humor, and a lot of truth.
Questions: In the second paragraph, second sentence, your use of "sweetie", should this be capitalized since it's used as a name? Also, just past this you have "car" instead of "care".
Summary: This is very good, it's to the point, motivational, and very positive. Don't become discouraged on your novel and write because you enjoy it. If you're interested, there are quite a few good grammar courses online, many for free. A nice site for logging calories and exercise is myfitnesspal.com, both my wife and I have had great success there, and there are many others. Best of luck in all your endeavors...
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A wonderful poem written of a young princess; she's only three.
Strengths: Wonderful rhyme, great rhythm, and smooth flow. This is very depictive of a young princess; very colorful wording.
Questions: Verse three jumps to six lines, verse seven to eight, is this intentional? Verse eight could be separated into two four line verses which leaves me wondering if a line space was missed? Just something I noticed and desired to share. Of course poetry has many forms and variations, so the final piece is what you desire.
Summary: Well written, fun to read and brings back memories of another young princess when she was just three. I enjoyed reading this, well done.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: Interesting; a letter to the past year.
Strengths: Good opening, nice use of language and well structured. I haven't heard "moon shoes" in a long time.
Questions: In your opening sentence, you say "this year". Would "last year" fit better? A comma would fit nice after "They were pretty sour". In sentence 5, you use "this summer", would last summer work better? In your closing sentence, "You can tell this next year to bring...", I believe you could remove the word, "this".
Summary: This is a cute, interesting, and fun to read letter. I think there are quite a few people who feel the same. Good job.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A deep and touching letter of love, from a her to him.
Strengths: A well written letter, short but full of deep, touching, and very loving content. Easy to read, clear and understandable.
Questions: In the first paragraph, the sentence, "When you are not present, the wind...", seems to be a bit out of context with the rest of the letter. Do you think it draws away from the image of you hair dancing in the wind and how he looks at you? In the last paragraph, towards the end, you have, "Sometimes thorough a field." Should this be "through"?
Summary: This is a sweet, touching letter, you express yourself wonderfully, and paint a wonderful picture of what you see. Well done!
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A good descriptive preface for a story that sounds exciting and adventurous.
Strengths: Great descriptions, very informative, sets up the scene for the story to follow.
Questions: Something I read a while back about opening with a short paragraph that will really captivate the reader. Maybe you could switch things a bit and open with the second paragraph, then go into the details of Calli. I found the third paragraph a bit difficult to follow and had to re-read it a second time to understand it. Maybe you could look through this and see if there's a way to clarify the content some? Just some suggestions to consider.
Summary: This is well written, it describes the story and gives a glimpse of what the reader of the story will find, without giving too much away.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A powerful poem that shows how harmful the spoken word can be.
Strengths: Nice work with rhyme, good choice of wording. Very descriptive, and sincere.
Questions: Does the rhythm seem off a bit in verses four and five? A few on mechanics, well, that I noticed. Verse 2 line 3 isn't capitalized, is this a new sentence at verse 3 line 1, verse 5 line 3 isn't capitalized, and in verse 6 line 2 you start with a capital, should line 1 end with a period? These are just some suggestions for you to consider.
Summary: A very nice poem, powerful, and true; words may not break bones, but they can break something much deeper. Well done.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: A cute, short, and complete story.
Strengths: You give great detail in little space, so the story is easy to follow. Nice humor, fun to read.
Questions: Do you think it would read easier if you spaced between paragraphs? In your opening, is it just New Years, or all holidays? Here are a few other suggestions, think them over and do as you decide best.
Mice usually love holidays and Terry was no exception. Humans have so much food and drink that(not needed) they don’t notice if a little,(remove) goes missing. If a mouse can be patient and wait for the inevitable spillage that isn’t cleaned, thenthey can get an easy meal. These spills are definitely more common on New Year’s, and Terry was about to find out why. It was a New Yearday to remember, but a shame the memory was so hazy!
Terry had just eaten some salty peanuts when he had to duck for cover as he heard footprintsfootsteps approach. When he heard someone pour a drink, Terry was happy he might get the chance to quench the thirst that had developed. Sure enough, some careless human had poured a glass of that they thing they called ‘wine’ too eagerly; and(not needed with a semicolon) the drop that spilled on the floor would be more than enough for any mouse. As the person left the room Terry crept over to drink his fill from the puddle.
Immediately the taste gave Jerry a sharp sensation he didn’t like. He felt sick, but that feeling passed after a few minutes. ‘Why would anyone drink this?’ he thought, resolving never to drink ‘wine’ (just use wine this time without marking it) again. Well, he might drink it again,this comma isn't needed if he was desperate. A few minutes later, just as he began to think wine and mice don’t mix, he began to feel so much warmer and relaxed. Maybe he would just hang around here and feast on the delicious spread the humans had laid out for him. And,(a comma would help here) drink more of the puddle, of course.
He woke up later that evening,(remove) concealed in a bowl of chips. His head hurt, and he couldn’t remember anything except he had a grand time. If only New Years came a little more often!
Summary: This is a cute little story, and you did a great job telling so much in four paragraphs. I hope the suggestions are helpful.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: Insightful, well structured, and very well developed.
Strengths: You explain yourself well, you use great language, and you hold the readers interest.
Questions: The second sentence in the opening paragraph seems a bit long and drawn out, doesn't it? Perhaps a bi of restructuring would break this up while developing your intent better. Perhaps something like, "Thought all I had growing up was a cheap telescope my father bought, those nights peering through it left deep impressions on my young soul I would never shake." The waning image of the moon, it's dark craters far outside the clouds and...". Just a suggestion to break this into two. In paragraph 5, "till finally - I knew it - I would...", do you think the word "it" is needed? Just a thought I would like to share here, it's nothing more a matter of opinion, but the dashes - you use. They add a pause, and reflect deeper thought, but they can be over done and lose their potency. Maybe look through this and see how many and often you use. Some could be replaced by commas, possibly some semicolons as well. I think it would add more power to the ones you keep, but this is merely a thought I wanted to share.
Summary: Well done. This is clear, and the ending question wraps it up well. You have created a wonderful image.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: From clicking on, "Random Read". This item is a thank you to an anonymous gift giver.
Strengths: A wonderful gesture, descriptive and filled with positives.
Questions: about three quarters in, you switch to capital letters; are you aware of the small "i" right after the capital "T" in thaT?
Summary: This is a nice thank you message. Well done. I was also given a gift of an upgraded membership by an anonymous giver, and can relate to this very well.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.
Overview: Well written poem about the wind and all the places it's been.
Strengths: Great rhythm and flow, wonderful work with rhyme. Good colorful descriptions.
Questions: The last verse doesn't seem to follow the same count as the others, is this with intent? Line ten reads, "May it be in calm..." Does "in" need to be here? Removing it would drop this line count to 8 and make it fit the pattern you have set.
Summary: Well done! This is enjoyable to read, it's flow is wonderful, and it's very well composed.
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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview: Very colorful, enjoyable to read.
Strength: Nice rhythm and flow, great work with rhyme, and great choice of wording to create an image.
Questions: Second verse, second line, would it flow better if you changed they were to they're?
Review: Great job! This is a wonderful poem, it creates image, it tells a story, and it ends well. Well, for you and for the fox, not so well for one digested goose.
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview: Well written.
Strength: Good detail, nice dialog.
Questions: the second paragraph, "A scar," she tells them... Is the comma after scar right, or should it be a period? To be honest, I'm not sure myself, but it kind of caught my attention.
Review: Good job. If I'm understanding this correctly, the scar is from a surgery, but she tells the children it's from a shark. Keep on writing!
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview: Short and to the point
Strength: Nice work with rhyme and form. Good word choice, clear and understandable.
Questions: Does it seem a bit rough in flow and rhythm when you read this out loud? I had another member suggest to me reading my poetry out so that I could see if it flowed well or if it caught some.
Review: You claim short, and four lines is, yet you say it all in those four lines, you use great rhyme, and have done a great job.
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview: Great contrasts, interesting format.
Strength: Nice flow, easy to follow, clear and precise contrasting. Colorful.
Questions: Nothing more than a curious note. All your lines in the appearances are just that, until you get towards the ends, "Smiles, greetings, laughs", isn't greeting more an action? Also, in the contrast, "Touches, argues, slaps", seems a bit out of line with all the other contrasts. It's probably more me and how I"m reading it, but you may want to look and see if it holds with the continuity of the rest.
Review: Very well written, great format to strengthen the contrast, great job on balance and flow. This sounds like someone I once knew... Well done, keep on writing.
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview: Interesting story, great ending.
Strength: Great use of dialog, descriptive, and good action.
Questions: 1st paragraph: Does central need capitalization? Also, Vern poured us another cup of? further in, at, "...proud to live in our town, and they'd...", there's a missing space after the comma. I also wonder about the semi-colons, doesn't four this close together seem a bit over done? 2nd paragraph, does bib overalls require capitalization? Other than this, I didn't notice much else. You may want to look over punctuation and spaces just to make sure, though.
Review: Interesting story, great use of dialog, great description, and wonderful ending. Very enjoyable reading. Well done, keep on writing.
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview:
Strength:
Questions: At the point where she goes to wash the paint of her legs, "She didn't even notice when it had..." didn't even seems more present tense while the rest is past tense, maybe something like hadn't noticed would work better? Also, close to the end, you have, "She found a pencil as well. Added to the sketch..." Do you think that a comma with a conjunction would work better between, ...pencil as well, and added to the..."?
Review: Interesting way of creating a story out of this, it's descriptive, well developed and easy reading. I enjoyed this, well done and keep on writing.
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview: Great story, wonderful dialog, and very entertaining.
Strength: Great imagery, the dialog between characters is great, and the private thoughts create a nice effect.
Questions: There were a couple of spots that kind of snagged a bit, but other than that, I didn't notice anything major. In most cases, it was nothing, but the one spot that did stand out is, "The crowed left just before ten." I understand, but for some reason, the use of crowd seemed to throw off the flow here. I had to go back and read, thinking I missed something about other people besides the two girls and two friends had joined in. More opinion than anything.
Review: I enjoyed reading this, the humor was original, as was the story line. Well done, keep on writing.
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview: Descriptive, good dialog, interesting, and imaginative.
Strength: The characters are great, the dialog is real, and the adventure is compelling.
Questions: Difficult to question anything with this length in one reading, I do have some questions, but it would be easier to post them in a copy of the story, so that you can see where and what. Is it alright if I copy this and make some edit notes, then send it back in an email?
Review: A good story, entertaining, suspenseful and captivating, well done. Keep on writing!
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
This was fun to read, it relates well to my wife and I in some ways. We haven't been together for as long, but we still relate.
I enjoyed the bit about having a Baileys Christmas morning; maybe something we will have to incorporate into our own.
How did the rest of the day go?
How did the following day at Meghan's go?
There is a lot of ways you can go with this. I know, it's time to develop it. Have you ever thought about doing a journal? It's a way to put a lot of these ideas down and then at a later time, you could go through and take out high points that you want to develop into stories.
I've recently started doing this, although mine is just a free write of anything and everything that comes to mind. I do my writing at a site set up just for that purpose, and if your interested, I would enjoy sharing the address. It's not a blog or anything public, just simple writing.
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but will share my thoughts and opinions. My reviews are intended for positive feedback and to give you another point of perspective, never to belittle or instill negative feelings.
Overview: Very well done, so many years compacted into verse. A story? No, a life of memories put to rhythm.
Strength: Great flow, nice rhythm, and wonderful advances along the lines of time.
Questions: The only question I have is in the second to last verse, "Now here I am, nearing... Who runs this crazy race? ...people play charades?" The rhyme is off here and it makes this verse kind of catch a bit. Sorry I can't offer any suggestions.
Review: Very well developed, beautifully condensed, and the ending verse is especially well put. Great job, keep on writing.
"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ
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