To start, I enjoyed reading this story. A little girl lost to a school system that caters to the mainstream. I have a child like that.
As for suggestions, You need to go back and look at your quotation marks and dialogue. You missed a few sets of quotes making it difficult for the reader to follow the speaker.
Keep up the nice work and good luck with the CRAMP
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
congratulations on winning today's contest. I really enjoyed reading your piece. The imagery was incredible and it flowed nicely. I would have love to have seen her get off of the train for the last time, that would have been very emotional.
Wonderful job showing and not telling us what was going on.
great job and thanks for sharing...
Let me jsust stat by saying how much I enjoyed reading this story. YOu did a remarkable job capturing the spirit of the crime. Your imagery was perfect. I particularly liked: This never happens to blackmailers on the televsion - they were relaxed, as if ruining another's life was all in a day's work. But this was real, and reality has a way of turning perfectly normal people into a psychiatric case study."
CORRECTIONS/SUGGESTIONS: I did notice several small spelling mistakes that take away from the flow of the story. In the passage above, "just"is spelled"jsust" and "televsion", televsion"
These are nothing that spell check couldn't fix
besides the spelling, I don't have any others.
i would be surprised if you didn't win the contest...I love the surprise ending, what a kicker!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I LOVE this story. I usually don't read this genre, but this one has me having second thoughts. particularly enjoyed the dialect of the narrative voice. It was perfectly articulated. Your characters developed themselves nicely.
Suggestions:
The only thing that I would suggest is to add a little more detail about Uriah. I really wanted to get a better look at him.
Asides from that, I can see why you took 2nd in the contest.
I enjoyed it and will read more of your work soon.
If you think it, Write it down!
The Wordgodess
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
wow! I really enjoyed this piece and I HATE horror. This was delightfully entertaining and eerie at the same time. Wonderful use of imagery as well as dialect.
Clever climax, but the real kicker is the handbag...
very well done.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 1:11pm on May 04, 2024 via server web1.