Seven words, which you repeated two. Your motives for writing this could be anything. From extremely deep meaning on the complexities of a nut, to simplistic nonsense. Good points are your spelling is immaculate. Wouldn't you end this with a question mark?
Now I believe you a clever soul, and we all just got a glimpse of that! Well done. Write on... maybe longer in the future?
It is always interesting to read a very short poem. Just how can the poet express themselves using very few words.
Summer sun beams down ( I would change beams to something else just a suggestion)
bringing us a warming glow ( maybe get rid of it, we know you mean the sun)
So the world can rise (love this line)
Not the actual earth rising, but the world as in all the people.
Please take my ideas as suggestions. I like your poem.
An epic tale of love lost, dreams destroyed. Full of sound, description, salient thoughts and laughter. You start out wondering where this is going and then, soon you know. No where. That is the depth of this story. Perhaps someday we will hear the rest, understand the tumult.
There once was a limerick about a bee, that was glorious for all to see, but as I read deeper, the writing was cheaper, he writes limericks much better than me!
That was pretty weak, but yours is nice. The first line somehow I would change. Not sure to what.
You are the victim of my fifth review today. I enjoyed some poems and thought, surely the next one was going to be awful and full of issues. I was prepared to blast you. Then I read this wonderful poem. I have in my mind's eye you lying there, hearing the owls, then the trains, the owls and the trains. Then the loss as your loved one boards the train and is gone leaving you with your memories.
Well crafted, very descriptive and easy to read.
Only one suggestion is I think you have some plural possessives you could add in a couple of places.
You have presented an outline of something much more. A story that is begging to be told and as yet revealed. In this current form this piece carries little substance, but is full of possibilities.
The use of inveigled is amazingly perfect!
Please share the complete content of this story when you can. I am certain many would appreciate the tale! Write on.
Very nicely written. Extremely easy to read, to understand your thoughts. You have a talent for expressing yourself.
I understand how difficult to broach this topic and can relate to this very easily. The weight of understanding yourself and what that brings to your own self worth. To put this out to be reviewed I expect was very difficult. Well done on all levels.
Joan you got me smiling. I hope that was your intent! I can relate to someone who is literal, obnoxious, and playful. You have brought many elements out in your short story.
I spied a couple of spelling slips.. though... you meant thought :)
He seemed to bear a strange, distant dance with their slow, sleepy movement... this seems broken up or worded oddly..
I should think I would like your style of writing and would like to read more. Please write more!
First let me review your writing style. There is a need to break up some of your sentences, they are long and you could make it easier for the reader by breaking them up and varying their length. You didn't capitalize New Orleans the first time.
I think you meant the preceding occurred, but maybe not.
You actually have a talent for writing. I know how difficult it is it share one's words for other to critic! But here on WDC we are here to help, so I hope you continue to write and express yourself. Welcome and please write on!
When I review, I read a piece and try to understand what the writer is trying to convey. I respect your efforts and these are your words, so suggestions are purely that. Suggestions.
When I read this I feel angry, I feel sad, I feel empathetic. I want to help and say it will all be good.
There isn't really any tips to improve the actual writing, everything seems to be spelled correctly and where you didn't space after commas, I would say that was for effect, rapid fire emotion.... lonely,hateful,ugly.... nice ...
Keep on writing, you did make me dizzy with this piece!
I find myself scrambling for the peanut butter. But I don't have any, but I find pretzels. So I have to imagine the rest. I like this a great deal.
Whenever I review, I first check for spelling and grammar, these look great in your piece.
This is so well described you can almost taste the food. I think you have inspired me to take a still life image and write about it. THANKS!
This poem really fits the bill. Exactly how I feel about writing. How I feel about reviewing and reading other's reviews. I think you might be able to do without a couple of commas, it seems maybe the complete thought is broken up with them.. Like .... As your imagination comes to life.
Another poem of yours that I love, actually it made me smile. Makes me want to write on... as I say to you.. WRITE ON!
Well I hope this is a piece of fiction. You have described for us a common situation. We think we will live our life one way, we plan on a career that way, we hope to find someone this way. And it all changes. You have written this well here. Thanks for that.
The only line I think needs work, is the.... My sister doesn't want to babysit a terrible aunt. If she is terrible, maybe break it to make that the point.
In my reviews, I try to be honest about what I see and feel. I will say what I think might improve the piece, but this is your writing and I respect the effort you have put into it.
Strong Points:
You describe many of your surroundings well, and it is easy to read your story.
Tips:
spot light should be spotlight
I decided 2.5 out 2.5 miles in… I think you might benefit is you describe this better.
Running helps and when I am feeling particularly violent that when kick boxing comes… this sentence needs some help. Maybe as simple as adding “is” after that
I spend up….. maybe I speed up
of it ponytail ….. its ponytail
into a person mouth…… person’s
Summary: This is a story of a privileged girl, new to an area, who wakes and runs to relieve issues that she has. You have left us without knowing about the male runner, you are on your way back but you don’t say anything about what happened. It appears as if you edited a section out. I can see this is chapter two so I ‘ll look for more. Write on. Thanks
I have very mixed feelings when I read this. On the positive note, you can feel the impending tragedy. But it seems like you have left me just one step away from understanding.
I see you have spelled silent... silient.
What was blue? A pill? A light? A blue coat in a road?
Maybe you did just as you wanted, leave it up to the reader to interpret. Write on! I love trying to think about this!
This is a very well written story. I don't know if I would change anything.
You have described several realities of addiction, and how someone with addictions would perceive those realities.
I would like to see where you are going with this. Could this be fact or fiction! Keep writing, lead us on that path!
First of all, I put this through a translator. So my review may be random. It looks like you have mixed up some things. It tells me that snakes fell out of your head. This actually looks like nonsense. You have long sentences and think it would server to break them up somewhat.
A short story about a child and the experience of riding a tricycle and competing for time to actually ride it.
I find a couple of issues with your grammar.
This should be.... I rode a tricycle for the first time.
I used to get late for meals..... I used to be for meals because I was...
keep a balance .... keep balance
this incident.... should be that incident
I really enjoyed the part where you have described how much the child wanted to ride. Well done. I look forward to more of your writings and please WRITE ON!
You have written another nice poem. This makes you wish for more. This can be interpreted in a few ways, and you have left some for the reader to speculate as to your motives.
Is there an extra period after much? Like that is a problem :)
This should be a familiar sentiment for many readers and I expect you would find many that like it.
I like this and so far have generally liked your style of writing.. Keep it up! Thanks.
In my reviews, I try to be honest about what I see and feel. I will say what I think might improve the piece, but this is your writing and I respect the effort you have put into it.
This piece describes for the reader a short journey of an old man, who meets a dog. You have shown us the images that he sees. Not pretty but real.
Tips:
The third line I think you have left off a word or need to change one.
Either …. He ambles amidst the crowd or The man ambles…
Summary:
Clearly, this is a well-crafted piece of writing. I could almost picture the street, the alley and the dog. I enjoyed your piece would like to see more of your writing. Write on!
Please understand that reviews purely my opinion, these are your words, that you worked hard to put down for us all to read. I appreciate it.
Structure:
You have written a very short story about a sailor and his experience in seeing many dolphins around his ship. You have two paragraphs, and I would have recommended this be broken up more.
Grammar and Spelling:
definately is spelled definitely
With your title, Springtime at Sea would be more appropriate.
Tips to improve:
I think this could really use some dialogue. In reading this we know you saw many dolphins. But perhaps if you another deck hand would interact you could show emotion and then some extra descriptions.
This is a great start, please keep it going, and write more.
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