Applause! Honestly, I like this poem. The message is clear and distinct. You start with an idea and finish it up nicely. My favorite line is your final, "give mistakes more than a passing glance".. Which is what WDC is all about. Give it chance and see how others like your writing.
Not sure about the line teaching common sense to a foreigner, that seems a bit contrived. But please continue to write and share your words and thoughts. Well done!
I think you have captured the hurt of someone who you let in close. Well done! The emotion is obvious, and I will say that I enjoyed reading this. Of course I want to smack this person! Some tips, I think you should replace
No one seen it coming with
No one saw it coming
Favorite line.... You're exactly what you said you wouldn't be.
Interesting essay. I like your presentation and the topic hit home for me. Thanks! I think you could break up the sentences allowing the reader a breath. Your fifth paragraph is a good example that could really be broken up into several thoughts. I would like to read more of yours. Maybe in a little different form. But that is a bit selfish on my part, stories are easier to read. Good luck.
I wasn't expecting this. I love the point - counterpoint, the back and forth, it really struck as reality to my feeble brain. To be short I love the message, the delivery, the tone. I am not sure I like the lack of punctuation, I need to ponder that more. You have evoked deeper thought, I thank you.
I wanted and found a poem to wake me up, to make me feel good this morning. So I find this poem of a matchmaker wannabe cat. I enjoyed your poem it kept there the whole time. I don't pretend to know the rules of poetry, but you rhymed the 9 meter lines most times, but not all. Is that good or bad? I don't know I just noticed it. It didn't take away from the poem at all. Thank you for your nice poem.
Interesting beginning. I see where you going with your book, the baby being born under amazing circumstances. Who then turns into something..
It does make one want to read more. So congratulations for that! As far as any tips for improvement, I think some of your sentences are a bit too long and could use some breakup. They made the reader, read the sentence again. But these are your words and just my humble thoughts. Keep writing. I want to read more. Thanks.
Well done. You have described a fighting spirit and personal achievement when others tried to knock you down. You say that you like to write in a dark style, but I disagree, this is very inspirational.
There are some tips to improve. Some of your contractions are not correct, but that is the beauty of the edit process.
for instance.... They may have wisdom from their years....
Keep writing you will have many interested and respecting your works!
If your intent was really to get people to think, you have given plenty of sparks for the flame of thought! I don't have any tips to improve, because I enjoyed the flow of your poem, particularly the ending, where you speed it up and drive the points home. Very nicely done.
I don't know if you can tell, but I love your writing style. I hope this is an observation not a real life experience. Keep up this kind of work you will certainly be appreciated.
Oh... hard to rhyme lives and alive.. not sure what I would suggest, but I bet you will think about it. and you wrote signing, not singing. (Which I think I do often myself and have to edit).
Do you write quickly and express your feelings easily? When I do, my best writing appears. Of course I have to edit quite a bit. Love your work. Thanks.
I can tell you that sounds almost perfect. I am sure that many would relate to this poem in their own lives. This is so wonderful to read, not to long, but long enough to express your point, your mood ... everything. Well done. I am certain to read your other works. I hope you do the same for mine. You wear silly bows? Oh, I know.. don't judge!
A nice poem. You start at the beginning of the year and work your way through. Easy to read with a nice pace. I think you lost me once right in the middle, in the .... I loved you once... Seems out of place to introduce the love part. But that is just opinion, certainly not wrong. I enjoyed it all in all and would like to read more of your work. Well done.
Thank you for your story. I love it. Well written, and you kept it flowing, interesting and of course sensual. My favorite line was " I felt an immediate flinch in my confidence" . That would describe that feeling well for me. The end was predictable for me, but yet it still leaves questions for the reader to answer for themselves. All in all, I say GOOD Job.
To be honest, I read the story before reading the tag line. This confused me a bit. Not sure what is meant by
... as he felt the large hallow notch in the middle break away from his back and swirl heavenly into the branches.. I was trying to the imagery and sorry I didn't get it. I am sure that I am just getting it. Now I see that he is the eucalyptus god. So most of the story makes sense. I would really like to say that your style is easy to read. Good job.
Any good story teller can appreciate some applause. I read your bio, so I know you are not looking for reviews, or corrections or ratings. I am personally much the same way. I liked how you took an almost familiar craft into a space craft. (I admit I don't know jet models). I really enjoyed your story. The six year old looking advanced being was a nice touch.
Tips... well one little thing. (he was now in his fatigues. His head was now resting on his survival backpack) .. seems repetitive maybe and add there..
Sorry wasn't going to but I thought you might think about that. Very nice story though, I like your style. If you get a moment read a couple of my stories. Thanks.
This is a very wonderful poem. Thoughtful and well said. I can relate to a loner. I have spent years trying to overcome my own shyness. It took me 30 years to let anyone read my writings. I can tell that five years ago, there would be no way that I could every had reviewed others work. Thank you for writing this. If this is at all a retrospective look at yourself, then I hope you can stop being "sick of being shy" and express yourself. If this is where you used to be, congratulations, and if this is pure fantasy of how you would expect someone to feel who is shy, then you have a very strong talent to describe. Thanks for writing this.
Well that was an interesting read. I think you have portrayed the struggles of youth and some social complexities that exist. Either from personal experience or observation, I think you got it .. just right. You speckled humor, or wit through-out which kept interest in your characters. Looking for tips for improvement, I am afraid I won't be of much help here. Maybe you had a ten year old use words he wouldn't know, but you had an adult remembering childhood, so I could be easily convinced, in remembering you would use adult words. I liked it. And will certainly like to read more of your work!
Nice poem. I can just imagine what inspired you to write this. So many times life comes up and we have to take one on the chin. Your writing style is easy to read. There are a couple of times where it looks like you were trying to rhyme and it lost some flow, at least to me. Which is almost impossible for me to do, so I appreciate your effort. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I really need to read the next chapters! You certainly spend tremendous energy describing this house. This isn't exactly easy to read, the first paragraph was choppy to me with so much description of the house, I am not sure I know what it looks like. But please don't take that as a negative. I like to type, read, eat, and talk fast. So while you are describing the house, my mind wants to skip down to the next paragraph. Ok, so I have personal issues! I will read the rest of the chapters so I would appreciate your style better. Keep it up, well done.
Yes! I think I have thought this story in my mind before. I like several parts, in fact so many I that won't just repeat your story. You have conveyed well a feeling of hopelessness. The series of distracted health professionals, and then the husband did it. Of course! Predictable? sure, but that wasn't the point I think, we knew it wasn't go well for her right off the jump. Thank you for writing this. I enjoyed it.
Tips for improvement, hmm a stretch here, but she wasn't embalmed since that would have surely killed her. But there must be some faction of society that would refuse the embalming process.
A poem like this evokes emotion. This makes me feel accepting and contemplative. I would love to have a discussion on the topic with you. Which is my way of saying I love to read poems like this. Technically speaking, I liked the inclusion of the solitary words in their more descriptive sentences that directly followed. You almost did it one more time, which would have been even more interesting. But, that isn't a criticism. I really like your style. I look forward to reading more of your work.
You got me! First of all I like this piece of writing. Why did I read your story? Because of the title. I was certain that I wouldn't like it. It seemed like I loved every story or poem I read on Writing.com. So, I thought that I wouldn't like this because of your use of "u". Which is my own reluctance to recognize that millions communicate that way. But you got me! One paragraph in and I am thinking of the review. You know, it would have been. "How hard is it to actually type You?" But then you wrote words that I could feel and understand. Outstanding, I can't wait to read more of your work.
I really enjoyed this story. I like the way you have explained the 'life' of this machine. You chose not to give the machine a name which I find interesting. I wonder if giving an identity at the end when he achieves his awareness would effect your readers. This story made me fell emotions like understanding, and warmth. I found myself saying, "yes, I like that' over and over. As with the other story of yours I read, it is easy to read, and it causes me to think and ponder. Thanks
You have me laughing at many levels. It does appear that you have been glimpsing into my household. I am not sure if I should be worried and appreciate that we all have similar life experiences. This is a beautiful little story and is all nice and tidy and complete. Thank you for sharing and I will certainly read more of your work. I do not have any tips for writing, just for getting a bigger water heater.
You did manage to make me the reader run the gambit of emotions. I really enjoyed the story in the fact not everything has a happy ending. That is reality. I found some real connection to your characters and enjoyed the story. I really couldn't find some kind of tip to improve. Perhaps only to say, I hope you have other stories that even the score.
I should first say that this is my first review. Ever. I am rating this 4.5 mostly because I could relate to your story. I found it very easy to read and I can feel the desperation mount as the story moved along. I also liked the way you would indicate that he was thinking to himself. I don't know if that is proper, but I don't really care, because I enjoyed it. The only thing I could even possibly question, is the length. I think you might have been able to tell this story with fewer words. But it wouldn't be hard to convince me this is just right. Thank you, write more. I want to read more like this.
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