The creation of articles. This is quite interesting and useful since the contest is for articles. Your main focus is quite good and didn't thought anyone would write about that. :)
Usefulness:
The tips to write the article are good. I think that a few of them must apply in any genre ;)
Rating:
Corrections (if any):
Would consider revising the first tip. Keep reading for the suggestion.
How I think you can improve your piece:
Yes, while most of the tips were direct to the point and easy to read, the first I felt like you repeated yourself and that you might say the same without so many words. Besides that it is a neat work.
Sorry for the delay, hadn't been around. Thought it would be easier.
I am Loraine ~ will be back soon. Thanks for submitting your flash fiction to "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" . Here is my review for your item from a reader point of view. This review is not intended to change your work and you can use it or discard it as you see fit.
MY FIRST IMPRESION AT READING YOUR WORK:
Sorry for the delay in my review. Here is a nice work! Never thought of time travel to the future instead of the past. That got my attention. The process was worth but I would love to see more of the "future".
CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:
This solitary man is quite interesting. You gave us enough background to know him.
SETTING:
The room he was working in. Would love to have seen more of it but since it was flash fiction you gave us enough to see the room.
DESCRIPTIONS:
Excellent! You did great here! You caught my attention from beginning to end.
SUGESTIONS AND/OR CORRECTIONS:
**If I do any correction of your work it will be because it is too obvious. Otherwise I will try not to do corrections related to grammar as English is not my first language.**
You're a good writer. Remember that practice is the key to achieve perfection. Keep Writning!
I am Loraine ~ will be back soon. Thanks for submitting your flash fiction to "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" . Here is my review for your item from a reader point of view. This review is not intended to change your work and you can use it or discard it as you see fit.
MY FIRST IMPRESION AT READING YOUR WORK:
Wow! I'm still shivering with this story. Drama? This is horror! Anyway you did an excellent job building up the tension.
CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:
The only thing I never understood was why they were inside the house. Out of it I could picture it quite clearly. I imagined girls between the ages of 8 to 10 years.
SETTING:
The old and scary house. Goodness if I couldn't feel the overwhelming silence and the creack sound of the floor boards as well as the heavy steps. *shivers*
DESCRIPTIONS:
With a few more words allowed I bet this would be a great flash fiction! Try for light and fast steps comming down the steps and heavy footsteps going upstairs
SUGESTIONS AND/OR CORRECTIONS:
**If I do any correction of your work it will be because it is too obvious. Otherwise I will try not to do corrections related to grammar as English is not my first language.**
You're a good writer. Remember that practice is the key to achieve perfection. Keep Writning!
I am Loraine ~ will be back soon. Thanks for submitting your flash fiction to "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" . Here is my review for your item from a reader point of view. This review is not intended to change your work and you can use it or discard it as you see fit.
MY FIRST IMPRESION AT READING YOUR WORK:
What a sad story is this! I loved it, and its meaning.
CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:
The mother, the father, the child and the aunt are keys to understand this story. I could easily relate to them.
SETTING:
The church or the cemetery? I go for the second one even if I'm not sure. Maybe because the services in my country are done differently.
DESCRIPTIONS:
Great descriptions. I could almost feel the odor of the roses.
SUGESTIONS AND/OR CORRECTIONS:
**If I do any correction of your work it will be because it is too obvious. Otherwise I will try not to do corrections related to grammar as English is not my first language.**
ADDITIONAL NOTE:
Couldn't find the car, but I imagine that was the cause of death.
You're a good writer. Remember that practice is the key to achieve perfection. Keep Writning!
Thanks for the romantic read. It was quite refreshing. I wonder how tall was he, and how short was she. Besides that your story has a surprising ending. Great job! Keep Writing!
Sorry for the poor review but I'm falling asleep...
Thanks for participating in the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge!
Your story is quite impresive! I didn't expect that turn of events. You built the mood making me wonder what was about to happen, an encounter? a date? oh the turn out was quite surprising.
I received your mail about our latest activity in "Invalid Item" and checked the first part of your story.
I found it quite interesting for children. I definitely think it needs some visuals to do it even better but it captures how the children speak.
Do English speaker children knows this? "What is this contraption?" Because I don't (but that can be because English is not my main language).
As soon as you work out your whole series (you told me you have six, I imagine you're planning to add more?) we will be looking for publishers for it. What do you think?
This is your sponsor in "Invalid Item" Loraine ~ will be back soon. This, as you know is only my opinion and you can use it as you see fit. Now on with your review!
Related to the assignment:
You followed the prompt surprisingly well. Your entry gave me the whole picture.
Plot and Character development:
The fear and worry of the main character in the situation he found himself is surprisingly clear. You built the tension until I could wait no more, to end the scene. It is great!
Setting:
I imagine the present is not the setting you wanted to picture but the past. You did great in the scene from the past. You included the 5 senses capturing my mind in a way I pictured it vividly.
General Opinion about your assignment:
You did an excellent job with the prompt! Keep Writing!
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This is your sponsor in "Invalid Item" Loraine ~ will be back soon. This, as you know is only my opinion and you can use it as you see fit. Now on with your review!
Related to the assignment:
I like the turn you gave the prompt. You used it in a way I never expected.
Plot and Character development:
This remembered me the I-robot movie I saw recently. Still it is great!
Setting:
I don't have an idea but it is not necessary in this activity
General Opinion about your assignment:
You worked well the prompt. Good job!
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I found quite confusing the change in tense during the story. You started your story in the present tense and switched to the past. There is another recurrent error in cry's must be cries (present tense) or cried (past tense).
I really liked the showing you used during the piece. Great job!
Using only the necesary background is something quite important. As we start writing we think the reader needs to know that but when reading out words they stop the flow of it. I liked your examples for showing that to us.
Usefulness:
Very useful. I think that your use of the example is quite the link to move us to it. Your example is so good that gives the reader curiosity to find out more of the story as well.
Rating:
You did great with a short article to explain how details must move the story forward and not hold it. I read about it in a book but that example was quite boring compared with yours.
Corrections (if any):
Did not find any error.
How I think you can improve your piece:
Be more detailed about why not to use the details there and how to use it later if necesary.
Good Job! Now, is that a story of yours? I would like to read it.
Sentence Structure is really important to make our stories clear. I like how you did a serious theme a fun read. I could almost hear your voice presenting the rides in that sentence amusement park.
Usefulness:
Oh yes! With such good examples I am seeing now the works different. The example I liked must is the tunnel of love for its example. I learned such thing not only in English but in Spanish, my own language, as well. Knowing that such rule is not ALWAYS right is something quite relaxing. The people reading this must go to that section almost at the bottom of the article to find what I'm talking about.
Rating:
I am not considering the errors I found because they are minimal compared with the lenght of your article and how the people can benefit from it. You not only researched but you wrote it in a way that is really fun and completely clear.
Corrections (if any):
"The news isare filled with items where time..."
"(I can see all my English teachers clutching there their hearts as I write this)." (I think in England that is correct but you can ommit this one since I am not completely sure).
How I think you can improve your piece:
I noted nothing wrong with the way it is. On the contary I found it original. Good job!
Additional note:
The twister is my favorite since I have a major in journalism. That is forced upon us to use the present tense. That is to call the attention of the person hearing it. We don't like to har about what is past but the present. So, they just twist the verbs and have your attention. At least that is how we needed to do it in my country. They don't tell you in those words but that is how it worked out. I was good writing the media news because once I learned how creative you need to be with a 30 seconds new to have everything and be easy for the person hearing it I used all my talent and transformed the boring new to the fascinating one.
Research is an essential part of a believable story. Not only it gives us a strong fundation for our story but it helps us to be more confident about what we are writing. I am judging for the contest only the first part but I'm for sure coming back for the rest of the series.
Usefulness:
Yes! It is great for those not knowing how to do a search over the net. And I must admit I am one of those. I never used the other buttons beside web and images and that last never gave me good results. I think the clue is not only in where we search but the words used as you showed.
You created a step by step guide and added guided examples. This is a great way to explain the basic features in google. I will be sure to try it at home for my novels since I love to do research to give it more sustance even if I have yet to use all of it in the ones currently here.
Rating:
You did an excellent job of explaining the review tool of Google. Great job!
This is your sponsor in "Invalid Item" Loraine ~ will be back soon. This, as you know is only my opinion and you can use it as you see fit. Now on with your review!
Related to the assignment:
You helped me SEE the soldier in all his phisical appearance (not if he was fat or fit but I imagine him fit anyway) and the attitude of them toward the civil people and their actions.
Plot and Character development:
They are ready and they are not only showing it but they say it. This subgroup was mostly on describing the characters and still you added the conversation giving it a special touch so we know what is going on.
Setting:
I know they are inside some area but I'm not sure if they are in the open (but that is my guess). Since I did not ask of you to focus on setting I will not evaluate that.
General Opinion about your assignment:
You did a nice job and quite an excellent investigation. Good Job! Still, check (I will ask anyway for someone to take a look) but I think I noticed a typo or two at the end. More likely it was only misconstruction of the sentence but I can be wrong in that regard.
Keep Writing!
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This is your sponsor in "Invalid Item" Loraine ~ will be back soon. This, as you know is only my opinion and you can use it as you see fit. Now on with your review!
Related to the assignment:
You really described the men inside the castle! I love your scene it is really detailed and from a different perspective. You did good with this assignment. I suggest you rate it 13+.
Plot and Character development:
You pictured strong soldiers and how they fared. How you picture them emotionally speaking I liked it. You did a good job!
Setting:
Excellent descriptions.
General Opinion about your assignment:
You went farther than needed. Keep your good work!
Keep Writing!
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Adult POV. A sight of relief escaped her lips ... Why didn't you finish completely the story?
Now that I did that part I will give you my opinion.
You need to build the mood of your story. You had a good start only you use too much passive voice. Hopefully we will be able to work that out later. I will be preparing something next month in that topic.
There is as well the way you divided some sentences as new paragraphs. That stopped me some during the story. As I'm not home I am not going through every detail but here are a few pointers.
Child POV.
After reading a chapter of her book, saying her goodnights and drinking one more sip of water Julie went to her bed.
"Night mom!" she called out to her mother and saw how it went out after it.
She felt how the darkness fell leaving her bathed only by the light produced by the nightlight. She turned her back to the closet and tried to concentrate on beautiful things while closing her eyes.
Even with the back toward her closet...
That is using as best as I could your words and creating the active voice (not using so much the verb to be) and using the POV of the girl, Hope you caught the difference. I'm sorry for not pointing it best as English is not my main language and I'm tired at the moment to concentrate on it. Hope I helped.
The second story is good, but showed much more worry than fear. You needed more emotions there. Still I liked it!
Just checking you followed the rules here: Title: "Dinosaur Weather" Word Count: Final sentence “I was glad to mount my motor bike and ride away”: Yes Sentence Highlighted: Yes Date Submitted: 05/21 Rated Correctly?: Yes Remember you may edit the grammar issues in your piece before the contest is over. If you do and you received this review previous the end of the contest you may contact me to do another review in your item.
Your Review Here!
My review is not intended to discourage you in any way. My view is as a reader and judge for the contest. I will point out my opinion but it is not my final word that counts.
PLOT:
At first I thought it was only related to the weather but later I found out it was not. I liked the combination of elements you used to create the mood.
The relax beginning of your story complement completely the stress of the end. Your plot increases as the mood and setting in your story. That is what I call a splendid job.
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:
I can't picture if the character is a man or a woman but it does not matter as you created it in a way the reader can be one with the character. That element is key to your character.
A carefree soul in tune with the nature. The character enjoys nature but not so the people and the creatures inhabitating it. Of course Dinosaurs does not exist in real life but the imagination and fear of the character for them impregnates in the reader and I can imagine one of those creatures running toward me.
SETTING:
A rich setting! What your story lacked (but didn't need) was the scientific names of the trees in the forest. You described every element present in your setting. The fog, the creatures, the car, the motorcycle, and even the humidity of the soil beneath the character's feet. Impressive.
You created a MOOD in your story (that is always part of the setting) that being the fog a constant element did the mood change from carefree soul to hunted as you kept describing every item in the setting.
DESCRIPTIONS:
So vivid that I almost spit at the mud in the character's mouth. I liked how you used the five senses in this piece. I couldn't find any missing sense in your piece.
I know other of your works and still you don't stop surprising me with your ability in the description areas. This work is more descriptive than any I've read of yours and I trully enjoyed it.
GRAMMAR AND SPELLING:
This is an area I will point only the most relevant I will not correct every spelling or grammar error in your story but must point out what they were and examples. (If there is any)
Could not find any grammar or spelling error. Still I found words (and sentences) in the first two paragraphs that did me stumble while reading. After those two paragraphs were over, my reading was as smooth as baby skin.
ADITIONAL COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS:
I loved the use of personification in this work. Most of all the motorcycle. You gave him (the motorcycle) a name and even a silhouette. What a wonderful thing I have not read in years! I almost forgot how people can personify any object without animating it to be as a person.
Thanks for participating and Keep Writing!
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I am Loraine ~ will be back soon. Here is my review for your item from a reader point of view. This review is not intended to change your work and you can use it or discard it as you see fit.
MY FIRST IMPRESION AT READING YOUR WORK:
You built my curiosity and my mind start racing 100 mph looking for the end of the story. I felt really hurried in the end as all the explanation of what happened was really fast. A really good piece!
CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:
The main character is easy to picture in this piece. What I looked at most was the deeper person in the character.
The other character is presented here by a stereotype. I knew what he was about in the course of my reading. I even imagined the reality of him before arriving to the final words.
SETTING:
The only scene is not represented by a specific place, but I imagined it was the bedroom. The focus point in here was the mood in your story. Good Job in it!
DESCRIPTIONS:
This is the place where you stopped at the end. After a rich entry in your piece with descriptions you just get to say actions instead. I'm not against it but I liked the descriptions in the introduction.
SUGESTIONS AND/OR CORRECTIONS:
**If I do any correction of your work it will be because it is too obvious. Otherwise I will try not to do corrections related to grammar as English is not my first language.**
No grammar errors easy to spot for me.
You're a good writer. Remember that practice is the key to achieve perfection. Keep Writning!
This is Loraine ~ will be back soon and this is my review regarding your entry in my contest. I don't know of rhythm in English as that is really difficult for me but your poem is really nice. I liked the way you pictured the good bye and how were those months.
Only one problem with dividing the phrase "Hasta Luego". You lose the essense of it. "Until Later" is not the same if you write
until
later
I suggest you move the words to be together somehow. As you were the only person entering that category here is your prize. Thanks for sharing it with me!
Your poem have rhyme and rhytm even with so short verses.
This definitely shows that you want to accept yourself as person, hope you reached that goal.
It seems a poem every person must repeat each time in front of the mirror and take as an affirmation for themselves.
FINAL WORDS:
Hope people with problems accepting themselves can find your piece and know the words to repeat every morning. Thanks for writing a piece and sharing it with others, here in WDC.
As you requested in "Invalid Item" here is my review to your item.
FIRST IMPRESION:
The river is described perfectly and I could picture it clearly in my mind.
I must say the last stanza have something I could not define that keeps the reader going through it but without the required pauses. I must say I read it twice as I forgot what I first read in the sentence, for the rest of it to make sense.
SUGGESTIONS:
I don't know if you were following some prompts or not but I found it too short. I know most of your work and I know you can work this and make it much better.
Thanks for requesting my review in "Invalid Item" .
FIRST IMPRESION:
I must say the first two verses are stopping me as reader. Usually who carries us in her womb is the mother. It could be that I have the meaning of the word incorrect in my vocabulary as English is not my main language.
The meaning of your father is clear here and how you saw him before and after departing this world.
SUGGESTIONS:
I would suggest you work the first two verses. I read it three times before continuing your poem. That is not good for a reader.
All in all it is a good poem, full of emotions. Keep writing!
Una trama excelente, actual y muy real para muchos.
Un buen uso de vocabulario.
Siento que pudiste crear más misterio con mayor utilización de signos de puntuación.
La estructura de tu cuento está incorrecta en el segundo párrafo.
Correcciones de Estructura:
Siempre debes separar los diálogos con su respectiva descripción del próximo. Para el lector es mucho más sencillo el poder definir realmente cuál es el personaje que se está expresando.
Sugerencias:
Añade más descripción en la escena: ruidos de oficina, y ambientación para aumentar la tensión del lector.
Intenta otras formas de introducir la situación. El principio es un poco dificil de entender ya que las oraciones no están construídas de forma efectiva para el lector. Mi sugerencia sería algo como "Luego de 28 años trabajando para la misma compañía (o empresa)."
Realmente disfruté la historia, cómo de un "plot" tan sencillo has desarrollado una historia muy completa e interesante.
Errores fáciles de encontrar:
Tienes muy buen dominio del idioma y la gramática. Únicamente puedo decir que encontré un error: "Tras de comprar ..." Tras de, es como si estuvieras detrás (ubicación) si omites el de, entiendo tu pensamiento será claramente expresado. También puedes utilizar Luego de...
Comentarios Finales
Tienes talento para este tipo de historias. ¡Sigue adelante!
Must tell this article is very interesting. I love the recipes here, it shows as well as the changes in the recipe, the changes in technology .
Possitive:
This is an article that shows you looked farther than book recipes. That is something we can not say of everyone.
Negative:
I found big lapses in time. From 230 A.D to 1545. Isn't it too much time without any recipe? I wonders how long they delay to find another recipe to sustitute the older one?
Sugestions:
I suggest you try to add to it the current recipe of the graham cookies and the one that does not need to bake (I love that one!). As well as including one earlier than 1500's.
Notes:
Welcome to the WDC family! I invite you to my appartment (port) anytime! Welcome neighbor!
Oh! Take care my home is under construction and anything could fall from anywhere to your lap to read!
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The creation of articles. This is quite interesting and useful since the contest is for articles. Your main focus is quite good and didn't thought anyone would write about that. :)
Sorry for the delay in my review. Here is a nice work! Never thought of time travel to the future instead of the past. That got my attention. The process was worth but I would love to see more of the "future". 
This solitary man is quite interesting. You gave us enough background to know him. 
The room he was working in. Would love to have seen more of it but since it was flash fiction you gave us enough to see the room. 
Excellent! You did great here! You caught my attention from beginning to end. 
Couldn't find the car, but I imagine that was the cause of death. 
Great job! Keep Writing!
I like the turn you gave the prompt. You used it in a way I never expected. 
You did great with a short article to explain how details must move the story forward and not hold it. I read about it in a book but that example was quite boring compared with yours. 
Your poem have rhyme and rhytm even with so short verses. 
The river is described perfectly and I could picture it clearly in my mind. 
Una trama excelente, actual y muy real para muchos. 
Siento que pudiste crear más misterio con mayor utilización de signos de puntuación. 
Negative: