This is cool. Sounds almost like a true to life story. It would be a great novelle fleshed out or even the first act of a larger piece. Use the waterfall as the inciting incident maybe and see where the tale takes the lone survivor. Well done. Write on!
Great story! I had Jimmy pegged as a dead army buddy and then later maybe an addition (Jim Beam?), but the turns just kept on coming.
I enjoyed how you played with perspective. Was Peggy unbearable or was she the thankless caregiver to her mentally ill husband? Who knows!
As a reader, I feel this poem started in what I would call a place of "rumination" or heightened amygdalin thought. It explored the way the mind obsesses and picks apart even when our logic knows we are being unfair or unkind to ourselves. Then there is a shift in perspective in the last, which I feel shows a more rational mind, which seems to say, "sure, I am limited in my ability to manipulate my own mind and thoughts directly, but I can overcome with love and compassion." This is often a pillar of (Eastern) religion - introspection and management of the mind.
It's a beautiful piece and obviously triggered some thoughts of my own, which is always a sign of truthful writing (in my humble experience). Thank you for sharing and thank you for writing.
This is beautiful. For me, I think the poem communicates both the sturdiness and resiliency of the roots laid down by tortured and enslaved men and women (in the US, but probably what you captured is much more universal) and also the pain that is undoubtedly communicated through those very roots, which are a source of strength for so many. The poem makes me feel uncomfortable, it makes me feel a little mad, and I think it makes me feel most of all hopeful.
This is a great story. I've always stood in awe of musical families like yours. I hope there's more of you out there singing together as a family instead of passively watching TV.
Thanks for posting. Keep on writing and keep on singing!
You've skillfully captured the depths of despair, inner turmoil, and the tragically profound impact of words and actions on a fragile soul. Your words paint a vivid and emotional picture of a person's suffering and the societal forces that contribute to their distress.
The tale of the bear stirs a deep resonance within me. Pray, warn those dogs of the necessity of treading with caution upon this path -- or any path with a bear on it.
The author employs a varied vocabulary that adds depth to the writing. There's a fluidity to the prose that allows the reader to easily follow the narrative. The descriptions of settings and emotions are vivid, helping to immerse the reader in the story. The writing displays a balanced cadence, keeping the pace steady. The author creatively intertwines the perspectives of the two main characters, allowing readers to understand their thoughts and feelings, which adds a layer of depth and intrigue to the narrative.
The text is structured in a third-person limited perspective, alternating between Juliet's and Nicholas's viewpoints. This structure allows the reader to gain insight into both characters' internal struggles and perceptions. The grammar and sentence structure are generally well-maintained, contributing to the readability of the text. Both Juliet and Nicholas are well-developed characters with distinct personalities, thoughts, and emotions. Their individual struggles and desires are clearly portrayed, making them relatable and engaging. The author's ability to reveal their inner worlds adds complexity to their interactions. The emotions of the characters are portrayed skillfully, making the reader empathize with their experiences. Juliet's inner turmoil regarding her family's loss and her reaction to Nicholas's presence are palpable. Nicholas's desire to integrate into the community while grappling with his perceived reputation also evokes empathy.
The dialogue is natural and engaging, reflecting the characters' personalities and societal norms of the time. The interactions between characters, particularly the nuanced conversations between Nicholas and Juliet, reveal their conflicting feelings and societal constraints.
The dynamics between Juliet and Nicholas are central to the story. The tension and hesitation on both sides create an intriguing build-up, and the author effectively conveys their evolving emotions as they navigate their feelings for each other.
The text showcases strong writing skills, offering a well-crafted narrative with engaging characters and a gradual, captivating storyline. The effective use of alternating perspectives and rich descriptions enhances the reading experience. The author demonstrates an understanding of character development, emotion, and historical context. Overall, the work holds value for its ability to immerse the reader in a period setting and evoke emotions tied to the characters' journeys.
Your poem beautifully transcends Parisian clichés, guiding us to the profound ocean of authentic love. The metaphor of turbulent seas and calm waters captures love's genuine nature. The reference to Poseidon adds timeless depth. A refreshing perspective that inspires us to cherish true devotion.
In the dance of life, DeathBringer Surranon traverses the edge of yin and yang, a solitary seeker of wisdom through unconventional means. The cycle of learning continues, each encounter a mirror reflecting existence. As winds of change blow, may Surranon find harmony amidst the chaos.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/edifiedronin
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 3:42pm on May 08, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
