I like structure, and I really appreciate the structure here. Being of a perspective that one must have focus and discipline to accomplish goals in life, I did not appreciate the thought that one can just do whatever they want and end up at an expected end. It's confusing and deceptive in my opinion. I was a bit disorientated by the punctuation. I understood the thought, as you expressed that idea well. Thanks for the write.
I like the idea of trees and nature. I like the idea of trees talking to trees. It gives me the feeling of wind blowing between them all making them sway and dance with other. It feels like they are almost speaking to themselves. If this is what you were seeing and writing about, it must of been a much beautiful site to see! :)
The ambiguity of who died is disconcerting. Was it the father or the son? Maybe that is part of the mystery of the poem. I personally thought it was distracting.
Myself being a religious man didn't like how heaven was made to be a place that was disappointing, even if it were in relation to the desire of being alive in the world over shadowed the desire to be in heaven.
In my opinion it's depressing to think that this life would be more appealing than the after life which involved going to heaven. Although, I agree that this life is more appealing than going to hell, I really don't like the idea of heaven being less appealing than this side of the afterlife.
I did like the introspection of the person in this story. I did like the idea of visiting the idea of the afterlife.
I definitely appreciate any poem where another person is encouraging others to express themselves. These words are words for inspiring the masses to be more free and open. These words are words for helping others to simply keep pursuing more freedom in expression even beyond the hurdles and bumps of writer's block or life's depressions. At least, this is what I got out of it. I think I would have liked more rhythm or rhyme for a poem of this sort. The words seemed a little force, or maybe it's just the way I'm reading it. Thanks for the write.
I liked the idea, and I like rain. I really like the line,
"it splashes life in large
pendulous drops and"
. I didn't quite understand the feeling you were expressing. Like, I think I'm supposed to feel the discomfort of the situation, but I got caught up with the feeling of being carefree. I got lost in the translation of your expression. What was I supposed to feel?
This was well done. At first I thought of the morning whispering snow by the snow falling wissfully to the ground. Then I though of the snow almost being like rain since you mentioned dripping, or maybe the were melting because they were dripping from the blossoms. Then the last line summed it up by stating that indeed the snow melted. I like the idea of snow melting, and the sound of it melting is soothing. Very cool picture you've painted here. Thanks for the write.
Now this I liked. What great ability you have to bring your analogy into a story. I really appreciate inspiring words to propel a person to live their dream. Encouraging words for people to grab their fantasy and bring it to reality. For people to try and be everything it is that they were created to be in life. Well done.
Oooh, I so agree with your words and sentiment. We know that the Lord, Yahweh, has everything under control, however we do need to hope for the best of our country. Please continue to educate the masses!
I really liked this line:
"The young blackman's campaign was brilliant, he spoke just left of center."
I personally am a person who likes rhyme and meter, so my only suggestion was to work on word flow. :)
I really liked your flow. I think it would be much improved with iambic pentameter. Have you ever considered that for this particular poem?
Something to the extent of:
"I walk among a sea of people yet I feel alone.
I search and search for something that is yet to me unknown;
I now know that my search has been for all my growing life,
I pray that what I find is worth all of my strife."
"Quick to criticize, but to arrogant to see, it's still art."
The "to" in this sentence, should be "too".
The expression itself was a bit choppy. There was not quite a flow of thought, or verse. I love the idea of encouraging people to express themselves and be free. Overall, your point was understood. Thank you for letting me read this writ.
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