This RAOK is a great group. They have faith in me, even though I have been so busy getting paid for my writing that I sometimes have not had much time to log into Writing.com. I am glad that you let me have the Upgraded Membership for the second time.
I greatly appreciate it and the least I can do is give this group a a small gift. I hope that you can put this to some great use...see the gift points awarded to you. It's not much considering the amount you have given me, but I hope it will help.
You describe this horse very well! This reminds me of the "Whore" which represents a people who turn their back on God. Is this what it is, or is that a different chapter in Revelation? Again, it would be nice to see a scripture reference at the bottom of the page. (ex: "taken from Rev Ch.__verse__..."_
This is very good. I understood it, because I know a little about the Bible, and the Red Horse, if I remember right is one of the evil horses/Anti-Christ/Satan. I remember it is one of these, because the White horse is Jesus/represents Jesus. This is a gruesome truth that cannot be ignored, regarding the end of the world. I think it's already been happening for quite awhile as a matter of fact. Just be careful, because I hope you would be willing to use some common language so that people who don't know the Bible will understand, or perhaps add a reference to the scripture verses at the bottom of the page, so people can look up about the red horse of the apocolypse, and the other horses as well,a dn study them for themselves. Great work, and I enjoyed this piece quite a bit.
I think you have a great start this story, but it has a lot of sentences that need to be fixed. First off, the opening line needs to be two sentences, or you need to put a semi-colon after the first phrase after which you have a commma. I decided not to finish reading this, I'm sorry. I am too consused by the characters, and it needs to flow better. I have a hard time because there needs to be more transitional phrases from one event to the next. Phrases like, "After Andy left for work"...and describe what happened next would help. Also, you have to decide whether you want the story to be in present tense or past tense. For example, I noticed you start out "Andy turned..." but then later on you have "The phone rings". It should be one or the other. Either "Andy turn" and the "phone rings" or "Andy turned" and the "phone rang". It would be good to read information on consistancy of tense usage. I hope this helps. If you revise this, you can email me and ask me to reread it. Don't give up!fishtail1776
I like the flow of this piece very much. It's so true! Great use of research to share your information, along with a really cool, flowing, like it is kind of poem. Keep up the great work. I read this pretty fast, because it flows almost as a stream of consciousness. Therefore, if there were any mistakes at all in this, I just didn't notice them.{emotion:smile} Great work!
What a sweet, sweet, poem, and you are praying for all of us. That is very encouraging. Keep up the great work. You can be an inspiration to a lot of people. This poem is filled with joy and praise, and is definately inspired by God. Thank you very, very much.
I think this is beautiful and for the most part flows very nicely. I love the analogies you have used for Jesus setting us free. It is amazing how you have made a very common analogy seem so fresh and new, by the style in which you wrote this piece in. I found this piece very encouraging. The only thing I would suggest is work a little on the last paragraph. I was hoping you were going to end with "both feet out the door", which I would assume would be the prison door, or at least...that your other foot is on the way out the door. Then, I think the last section would flow better with the rest. I really was encouraged by the first two sections, and the introduction, and I am glad I read this. You are a great witness of your Faith, in Jesus who is the only one who can set us free. I myself have to let him set me free, whereas I was so discouraged lately, and went down roads I should have never went down. I appreciate this piece very much. Thank you, fishtail1776
Only one foot in heaven? Are you sure? This piece actually makes me feel like heaven came to you, completely. I like it, and it's almost perfected. What's up with the word "honeyed" though? Is that a realy word? I don't know if that is intentional, or what. I don't want to mess with the structure of this too much, but hopefully you can change that. I like this poem very much. Thank you for writing it. Maybe I will get a chance to read more of your work sometime.
I'd say for the most part this articl is very informative. I have not read it word for word, but I have read most of it, and I can tell that it is a very useful piece. I do hope that people are rating my work, or I should say will rate my work honestly.
I haven't read this well enough to make any suggestions, but I do think it deserves a 4.0 because I read most of it, and can tell that it is very informative. Thank you, and I may refer back to this in the future.
I have found this article very informative, because I actually like doing reviews. They are fun. Also I like the incetive to do as many as possible for gift points, which hopefully when I accumulate enough, can be put to good use. I appreciate this article very much. It's nice that you have also added other sources other than your own as well. Just so you know, I do know of writing ML's, but could you possibly add a little more to this-an example-of how to effectively use ML tags in reviews. I didn't even really know that you could do that. It's news to me. By the way, I have a suggestion about reviews in general. I think it would be nice if we could spell check our reviews, especially if we have numerous ones appearing on the public review page. I have not even spell check any of mine so far.Smile.
Very nice form. It works well, and I am assuming this is meant to be an inspirational piece. You know, I know how it is. I have not been to church in awhile either. I probably should go.
My only suggestion, is for you to possibly think of a better line than "Won't you come with me to?" It's okay, but seems a little cheesy, unless this is supposed to be a song. Well, then I think it would be okay exactly as it is. Very good work, and thank you for your faith. You know, it shows in an indirect way, however that our faith in God is more that church on Sunday, but that we should not forget him. That is a great thing.
This is a very simple poem. I like simplicity, I really do. I can understand this scenerio. I always felt in high school like every time I made a good friend, that I connected with, they would move away. It was very frustrating. It was rare that I made a friend that actually stayed in my home town. My only suggestion is, can you scratch the Old English in parts of it and just go with everyday language, to match the simplicity of the poem?
Hmm...not bad! I may have to read it over again, but for now I must say...you have a very unique language here. It reminds me of an allagory, kind of like the classic Pilgrims Progress or something. My only suggestion, is to separate each separate though into a stanza, making it into three stanzas. You don't have to if you don't want, just a suggestion. Smile.
I wish I would have been allowed to choose more than one answer. But that is okay. I really do write most of the time for myself, because I enjoy it, and it is a form of therapy. I love to express myself as well, and of course I want to be published, but...all in all would I do it if I hated doing it? Absolutely not.
Oh well, I'm in the minority. That's okay. It was still a fun poll anyway.
Thank you for your very informative writing on how to submit a query. I just may have to keep this onhand. It is always great to find new pointers on how to send successful queries. I wondered, if you have any information on sending email queries, let me know. I would appreciate it.
I may have to finish reading this later, so I added it to my favorites. This is the type of humor that I would share with my dad. It's very funny, especially if a person knows anything about the Bible, or politics or both. I think it's funny, because I know most of the stories of which you make reference to. Very funny, and perhaps a creative way to learn about politics. I am going to keep this, and read it to my dad for sure. I may, with your permission give the link to other people. Please let me know.Thank you,
fishtail1776
How can I argue with a letter to yourself? This is a very nice letter, that I think deserves a lot of credit. I like writing letters, too. Although I just restarted my port after a year of not being here. But, I hope to add some soon. Enough about me, I just want to say that This letter flows nicely, and reads like a personal letter, and very conversational. Since I think it says what it was meant to say, I have no complaints. Keep up the good work.
You are so slick. Ha Ha. Is this like...a way to minimize giving a woman flowers? Just kidding. It's a great piece, and very action packed. I especially link the comparison of the shape of women, as of the shape of the flowers. It makes me think of the attitude that I would hope that a man in a woman's life would have for her. It's hard for me to make any suggestions for change for a piece I like as well as this one. I'm sure that whatever changes, if any, that you make, you can figure out that on your own...
I want to say that what you have here is a great start. I was not sure if it was totally finished or not. I think you do a great job of portraying the feelings of what I assume is your mom and yourself. I am sorry that this is all so hard for you. I was wondering if you could quote some of the accusations that your mom was making towards you before you went upstairs to the bathroon. I also would like to know what happens after this? Like, the next day or something. I would like a little more resolution at the end if possible, even if it is not a happy ending.
oops. I don't know if I accidentally erased the review I just wrote or what? I will start over just in case. I think you have a very powerful message here about unwanted children. And I do understand the effects of abuse on a family. I myself have experienced the effects of such. Can you please make more clear, please, the connection between this, and losing an unborn child? I do not know if I totally understand, unless these are supposed to be completely separate incidences. I am not sure. Please explain. Thank you. fishtail1776
I'd say this is pretty good for you being new to poetry. I like the analogy. It gives me the feeling of a relationship from beginning to end, kinda like "love gone bad", possibly. Am I right? Keep up the great work. You have alot of potential. My only suggestion at this time, is to make sure the rythm of the lines flow. I don't mean the rhymes, just the way the lines go, as in the accents of some of the syllables in each line. Other than that, I think it's a powerful poem, and I especially thing the opening stanza is a VERY effective beginning! Keep up the good work, and keep in touch. By the way, feel free to view my first story submitted in a year. I used to be on this site, and took a break, but now I am back, starting over again. I appreciated this piece very much. Sorry I don't have any gift points yet, otherwise I would give you some. I am happy to exchange reviewing with you though, if you'd like!
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