welcome to this great site. i have been depressed in the past and can understand what you write here. it is an awful illness and i guess from my own study of it has many causes - some to do with our enviornment and others to do with biology. that may help to answer the why question.
i often find talking and writing great therapies for depression so you may find this site useful in that way.
Know this is a strange piece - because the title sets it off in a completely different direction. As someone who does not drink, I thought this piece was going to cover the ills of drinking. Obviously not lol. I personally would have preferred if it had been set in a cafe. Think maybe you should change the description in the title to sell the piece better. I like what you have done with this and I think any writer can identify. I think the tips could be developed further. But your writing style is really enjoyable to read. Well done!
So what are the elements of a good read - question mark.
Really great read. You brought this story to life - love your story telling and the whole contrast with the baby and adult grief. really good. i just felt two things stood out in this piece - the predictability of it and the fact that a guy has a best friend who is a girl. both don't make this a bad piece but neither add to it. this is a very entertaining read but would be good to see what you can do with a more complicated plot because you have the talent to do excellent things with it.
brilliant - very well written. you have a great talent for poetry here, and i have days like this all the time. my pc cuts out every two hrs so i know not to press submitt at exactly 2 hrs, well at least i should know not to do that . i hope you have a better day today away from the computer. only problem is writing.com is online
there i'll say first up that i never given auctions much if any thought. i can see you enjoy them though and this piece is written in the spirit of someone enjoying what they do which is great
I like the summing up, nice personal note.
You don’t want to pay too much attention to any one item as to draw someone’s eye that might just be your competition.
A clear read, just not my cup of tea.
Dreams
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No I have not tried golf myself but I LOVE your passion for the sport. Ever thought of becoming a sports pychologist alongside the golf? It is just that your intro really set this folder off well. You have a motivation, and a passion and it is great to see you following up on that. I love the little pics too. I can see that you have been very busy with both ur writings and ur golf.
All the best with both
Dreams
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((hugs)) I am so sorry. I can see that you are very upset over all of this. I was in the scroll a few times when you were talking about facing unemployment. Is this why? One thing this piece did not answer is what was your job and who is Madalyn. I was touched to see that you helped her so much. It is the small gifts that are actually the largest. I hope she finds someone else to help her and I am sure you will find more people to help, afterall the world is full of people in need in some small way. Well done for making a difference in your job and not juts simply doing it for the money.
wish you well
Dreams
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This poem has a lot of potential. I love the line 'Every now and then.' I think though that the rhyme wavers from time to time especially in the first verse. I would think that this piece would be better without it. The second and third verses you have done a really good job, but I felt the last on was too formal. I would not have said 'And in conclusion.' If the piece was longer and you were trying to make a point that was not clear, but here it does not seem neccessary.
Good luck with your entry for the website critic contest
this is really good but i feel it could be made better. i love your style. really gripping, moving, absorbing. i loved all the description of the rain and movements around the house. what i didn't like was the romance (just personal taste not my thing) but more importantly at the end i had to read back to see what the whole issue was about - to me this should not have been about war, but i was reading it like the child was sick and they had to take her to he hospital to get tests or something. sounds crazy that i can read it that way but i enjoyed it lol.
i loved this line 'Once, her mom had told her that gardens were good for more than just growing plants; they were good for growing girls as well.' Brilliant!
Yes I am afraid that we all have to grow up! But yes I sympathise. It is never easy. Our problems change but we still have them as adults. I feel sorry for your friend. I can understand his religious beliefs. I would (if i was a man lol) only take up arms for something that I believed in (i.e. my religion). But I would not support the country I lived in if I did not agree with them. So I am sorry he might have to face jail. Hopefully his faith will help him through that time and it may eventually change his life for the better. I also do feel though that you have to live under the laws of the land, and if you do disagree with them then you are left with a few options, compromise your faith, face jail, move countries or help to change the ruling power. All adult decisions in a 'gray' world. A great read thanks for making me think.
all the best
Dreams
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I loved this Kings THANK YOU! Your writing has come a long way and I have been so touched by these personal pieces. Yes hopefully I will be listening and helping others, as others have listened and helped me. Today I sent of an application for a volunteer postion on a Muslim youth counselling phone line. I hope I get called for an interview. It would be a great opportunity. I have been so fortunate to have been helped, supported and carried through my times of need. For that I am very grateful, to you and the other special people who words can not thank, and may God reward you and them generously.
This is an interesting piece, and i like the comparisons between old age and youth. you have a lot to teach us. i am wondering what these visions are about though? the piece does not answer that.
A really nice scene you have created here. The rhyme works well, but the colour I would change. I could hardly read this as the yellow and this shade of blue don't work well together. Did you actually describe a real scene that you saw?
I particularly liked this line 'A sweet scent lingers in the cool air.' because summer and spring seem to have such beautiful fragances
this is a delightful read, and i could not agree more that children are special, fun and adorable. this is a sweet tribute to all kids. i thought the rhyme started off well and then faded. i would suggest abadoning the rhyme in this piece all together if you can not see it through to the end. but i loved this piece for the words and the message
In our hearts happiness manage. - could u think of a better more expressive word than manage?
A very moving piece, so well written and a touching tribute to a friend. I suffered from severe depression through out my teen years and it was only as I approached 18-19 that I began to get better. Writing is a great therapy and I hope you are finding that too. It is great that you have this friend to help you, I was blessed with a lot of support when I most neeeded it too.
Sweetheart I can only say how sorry I am. I hope things work out for you. I can not imagine what has brought you to this point, but there are of course many possible reasons. I can feel the pain and yet perhaps also relief in this piece. I hope you find the courage to get through the days ahead.
so very touching Kings. your words touch my heart so much. you are a very kind and generous man and i am glad to see your writing developing so well. i can see that this poem has been rated so highly and it deserves to be. you have described your friendship so well and have shown yourself to be the trus, kind, honest man that you are.
i loved these words ...
'Be patient to fullfil all your dreams. In time you will have all of these things.'
Often it is hard to be patient but I am sure as you know when a friend tells you to be patient, whilst fully understaning that it is indeed hard then that is the best support of all.
I wish God had given u a girl because i think you would have made a wonderful father but as we said to each other b4 God has a plan for us all.
This is beautuful Kings. I loved it and I am sure anyone who reads this and believes in a God will find this message and reminder touching. Thank you for showing us how to be grateful, it is so important when God has given us so much. This is a very simple piece but each reminder shows me how grateful and optimistic you are. it is a very positive piece and it is so nice to speak about God in this way.
hi Kings
A very touching piece, and I am sure all fathers who have lost a child through divorce can relate to this one. it is very hard on them with access being so limited. the title of this is very cute and your piece really does pull at the heart strings.
This is beautiful. Another piece about letting go of a loved one. A time most parents have to face. I love all the little messages of support. I think they would warm anyones heart. I loved this piece because it speaks of a father's love so openly and also his support for his daughter, something all children crave for.
Another beautiful piece. I love this one too. This one I had to read out loud to appreciate the rhyme. It is another quality piece. Your words are a source of comfort and support, and I am sure any student or young adult embarking on a huge change in their lives can appreciate this piece and relate to it, so too can the parents!
I especially liked verse 1 but all of it was really good. I love the title and the whole message of support and encouragement for someone growing up and trying to stand on their own two feet. Who was this written for?
Assalamau alaikum
This is beautifully written and i loved the message. If only we could forget the hurt from the past - we would have peace in our lives and peace in the world. I love the use of colour in this piece and the fact that you narrate two very interesting, yet very different stories. I also like the summing up, always essential in a good essay. I would just suggest that you adjust the line structure so that the lines are neat.
wow! I loved this piece. You have expressed yourself very well and I can see you have talent. This is a really good piece. I like the fact that it has no typos and you have mastered the writingML tags eventhough you are a newbie. I think a lot of people can relate to this piece. You discuss so many issues about social isolation, social phobia, our need to be accepted and loved. A great read!
This was really well written - I love the winter scene. You described it very well. I however, was puzzled by the way the story was told. At times I wanted to laugh and then I thought perhaps we were meant to be concerned for this kind of 'bullying' - So as the reader I was left confused as to how we were suppose to take this piece - it is about a snow fight but then you seem to relate it to war and bullying. If nothing else it made me think.
Good work!
Dreams
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. i hope you have a better day today away from the computer. only problem is writing.com is online 
THANK YOU! Your writing has come a long way and I have been so touched by these personal pieces. Yes hopefully I will be listening and helping others, as others have listened and helped me. Today I sent of an application for a volunteer postion on a Muslim youth counselling phone line. I hope I get called for an interview. It would be a great opportunity. I have been so fortunate to have been helped, supported and carried through my times of need. For that I am very grateful, to you and the other special people who words can not thank, and may God reward you and them generously.