Hello warriormom
Congratulations on your nomination into The Ink Blot Author Fan Club. You were nominated by stacylynn71 and jimmyfin to receive the 'Poe Package'. As part of your package you will receive 5 reviews from me.
This is a powerful write. It is an inspirational Poem based on overcoming circumstances which were no fault of your own and laying them to rest at the feet of the culprit.
It was very sad to be shown the grief you were forced to endure and the negative feelings which were spiked within you by the very person who robbed your happiness.
This was an inspirational write because you turn the tables and rightfully so! Why should the innocent be forced to suffer such horror? The culprit should be forced to see the ramifications of their own wrong doing. It was invigorating to watch you come full circle and take back what was rightfully yours. Your life.
There are no visible errors in your item and no need for suggestions for improvement.
This was phenomenal. Such Power within your words.
Well done it was outstanding!!!!
Hello warriormom
Congratulations on your nomination into The Ink Blot Author Fan Club. You were nominated by stacylynn71 and jimmyfin to receive the 'Poe Package'. As a part of this package you will receive 5 reviews from me.
Wow, Pat. This is such a sad Poem but such a beautiful gesture for you to write it.
Poetry which comes from the heart of the Author is always noticeable to the reader because it has quality. It is extremely easy to see this has been written from your heart and this is noticeable before the viewer even reaches the dedication displayed at the bottom of the page.
Your Poem is based on something tragic. The loss of a son. This is one of the most heartbreaking losses one can experience. My heart goes out to your sister, you, and the entire family.
You have written this Poem from your sister's point of view, what she must be thinking and feeling. You delve into the emotional and psychological aspects of her grief with a tremendous amount of detail and grace. The fact you were able to write this through your own grief is amazing and yet another display that you were born to write. You have a fantastic writing ability and it is evident in this Poem.
I am thrilled to see this has been awarded as it should be.
This is a fantastic write and a must read for all members of WDC.
A job well done.
Hello Michael
Congratulations on receiving a nomination into The Ink Blot Author Fan Club. You were nominated by ShellySunshine for the 'Hemingway Package'. I am here to give you the last review from your package.
Another fantastic Poem. An array of descriptive words are being used to their full advantage to forge a connection between the reader and the item. There is a graceful presence felt in this Poem. A soft and subtle voice of narration has been used. It is a moving Poem.
You have peaked your final stanza excellently. It was a great way to end this Poem.
Absolutely stunning.
There are no visible errors and no suggestions for improvement are needed.
Hello Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
Congratulations on your nomination into The Ink Blot Author Fan Club. You were nominated by warriormom to receive 'The Adopt A Newbie' package. I am here to give you the last review you will receive from me as part of your package.
The level of your imagination is rampant in this short story. So much is shown to the reader through the memories of the birthday girl and this is amazing because your story is so short in length.
It did not go unnoticed that your main character went through the story without a description 'but' the concentration you put into the story to re-tell a horrible memory of her past built up a strong enough emotional connection ,that the lack of identity did not hurt the story and was forgivable. The viewer was able to connect with her emotionally.
The significance of the red wagon was a nice twist in the story and came at just the right time. The beginning of the story was depressing. To be forced to bear the burden of feeling responsible for her father's absence was heartbreaking to see. This depressing tone gains strength as you continue on to explain her loneliness on her birthday. The one day when no one should be alone because celebrations should be taking place. This fused further strength into the 'darkness' of your item. Then you shift the content to the appearance of the red wagon and you show us the happy memories this conjures. You end your item on an upbeat note and this was great!
This is a fantastic story and one you should be proud to say you created.
Well done and write on.
Hello Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
Congratulations on your nomination into The Ink Blot Author Fan Club. You were nominated to receive 'The Adopt A Newbie Package' by the lovely warriormom. I am here to give you 2 reviews as part of your package.
The title of your short story is 'Not Like It Used To Be'. After reading your story it is very clear that your title is fitting for this item. It is based on an old man who is noticing negative changes within a modern world. I think you told the story through the old man's eyes very well.
Certain changes you brought to the attention of the viewer through the amns perspective were believeable because they are true. Times HAVE changed and things the old man were noticing are things a man of his era would focus upon. Common courtesy has now become a myth, respect from the youth is now as rare as 0. negative blood and days of safety have now become legends to tell our own children. You depict all of this clearly and in doing so you have created a strong connection between the reader and your item.
There are many errors in your story. Most of these are punctuation imperfections. Misplaced commas, question marks and there seems to be some minor problems with your praragraphing. I am sure if you take the time to look over your story once more they will leap out at you. If you require for me to specifically point them out to you please feel free to ask and I will shoot you an email.
It was the smaller details within your story which made this extra special. The limp of the old man, the visualization of his calloused hand and conjured memories depicting better times. It is easy for the reader to see that you have dedicated yourself to this story. It is through the little, special touches that we are shown your craftsmanship as a writer. This was a fabulous effort on your part.
Hello SWPoet
Congratulations on your nomination into The Ink Blot Authors Fan Club. I am here to give you your last review from the Sylvia Plath package. You were nominated by a secret fan.
This is an excellent depiction of winter. I am in complete agreement and do not see winter as an ending but a beginning. Winter happens to be my favorite season. It allows people to become closer, more affectionate, admitedly most of this is due to the tempertaure of the climate and is used in an attempt to get warm. But it brings an intimacy. Curling up with your respective partner in an attempt to get warm, staring into the flames of the fireplace whilst you soak up its warmth. I find all of these things cosy and consider winter to be far from anything negative.
I enjoyed reading your take on winter. It was refreshing and exactly what I needed while I am sweltering in the heat of an Australian summer.
Well done and write on.
It was a pleasure to review you.
Hello SWPoet
Congratulations on your nomination into The Ink Blot Author Fan Club. I am here to review you as part of the Sylvia Plath package you received. You were nominated by a secret admirer.
This is a fantastic Poem! It indiscretly shows us the influence matters of the world have upon our choices in how we choose to express ourselves. Expression can come in many different forms and is spawned by numerous reasons, whether it be to enforce the opinion of someone who has no problems in speaking it aloud or a timid person using it as a tool to express thoughts they do not have the courage to ordinarily say. Poetry in general is about freedom. You are choosing to focus your creativity upon subjects which are inspiring and positive in general. In vowing to do this you have become an inspiration in your own right by piercing an overcast world with a ray of light.
The punctuation in this Poem is off balance and in need of adjusting. However, this is just a technicality and I will not allow it to effect my rating on your Poem. Your Poem is 5 star quality!
Hello SWPoet
Congratulations on your nomination into The Ink Blot Authors Fan Club. I am here to review you as part of your Sylvia Plath package. You were nominated by-Not telling.
This is a lovely tribute of acceptance and a willingness to openly embrace people for who they are.
It is people with a considerate view like yours who make the world a brighter place for others.
The note included at the bottom of the page is just as inspiring as the actual Poem. Your generosity is stamped upon this item for all to see.
There are no visible errors in the content but I do have one small suggestion.
I would consider taking another quick look at your punctuation in this Poem. It is a little shaky and requires some editing.
Well done and write on.
A stunning write and a must read for all reviewers.
Hello SWPoet
Congratulations on your nomination into The Ink Blot Author Fan Club. I am here to give you the reviews you will receive as part of your Sylvia Plath package. You were nominated by-Not telling.
This is an interesting Poem and one I believe is left wide open for the readers own interpretation. There is an irony in the content and I am unsure if this was the intention or if it has been born from sarcasm. You will have to let me know on this one.
There is a strength in your item. Considering its small size I feel you have done a marvelous job in ensuring it is still quite gripping. The item is direct and gets straight to the point. I like that you have not attempted to lead the reader through a long maze of Poetic expression which eventually leads to a road of nowhere. Your Poem has a message and a purpose and both are clearly shown to the reader.
Your Poem is thought provoking.
There are no visible errors and I have no suggestions for improvement.
It was a pleasure. Write on.
Hello SWPoet
Congratulations on receiving a nomination into The Ink Blot Authors Fan Club. You are set to receive five reviews from me as part of your Sylvia Plath package. You were nominated by--Not telling.
Your Poem is fabulous. It is so romantic and concentrates on the dedication of ones self to another.
The phenomenal support shown by the generous person is fantastic to watch unfold. Their determination is extreme and they will not be detered from their intention. A true source of inspiration. You further elaborate by giving us examples of things this person will not be swayed by. This elaboration creates and sustains a powerful connection between the viewer and the item.
I especially enjoyed the ending. The way you have displayed the finale enforces the central theme and brings this treasure right over the finish line. I adored it.
There are no visible errors in your content and no need for suggestions for improvement. It is perfect the way it is.
Hello ShellySunshine
I am stopping by to give you five reviews today gifted to you by Jewel Busy Busy Busy!. All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
I can completely relate to where you are coming from in this item. When my children are misbehaving, especially my twins, I silently think 'Far out I can't wait until you are older so all this stops'. The thought dissipates as quickly as it was conjured because although it is frustrating I cherish these monents with my babies. It is obvious you feel the same way.
Our children will always be our babies, regardless of their age, and the older they become and the more detached as they discover there are other things in the world besides mom, the more we realize the significance of just how improtant they are to us.
Pause the world is a clear display of this. Not wanting to let go and allow nature to take its course. A yearning for these simple but cherished moments to remain unchanged and intact. You express this crystal clear in your Poem and leave no room for mis-interpretation.
Tip- You may want to consider sprinkling this with some punctuation to strengthen the flow.
It becomes the highlight of my day when I am able to find an item I can relate to in its entirety.
Thank you and well done Michelle.
Write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
I am stopping by to give you a review. All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
This is an interesting Poem and one that I feel is left wide open for interpretation. There is an encryption within this item. What it is, I am not sure, I am still trying to figure it out but its presence is strong. Your Poem is short in length but I feel it has a deeper meaning than what is being shown. Naturally this is just my interpretation and I am probably wrong. You will have to let me know on this one.
I feel that this Poem is displaying a certain clarity from you. You have made a realization that you are infact ready to take on the world and nothing will hold you back. Where the clarity stems from remains uncertain as we are not shown this information. Perhaps you may want to place some extra focus into this aspect of your Poem so the reader has all of the information before they attempt to decipher.
I am completely hopeless when it comes to giving items a title. This is displayed clearly in my own port.
Titles and I do not mix but as this Poem is touching upon clarity perhaps call it that if you want your title to remain simple. As stated, I am hopeless in this area.
Well done and write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
I am stopping by to give you a review today. All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
As I am a dark writer I was pulled into this item with ease. There are strong dark tones weaved through this item but there is also something more sinister lingering just beneath the surface. Your Poem displays tones of defeat and also an encouragement to embrace the darkness which lurks within us all.
The defeat displayed in the Poem stems from the fact there is no battle or internal struggle. No voice of reason is shown in an attempt to discourage the person from this dark path. It is an invitation to accept a morbid fate to ease ones burden of attempting to become something they are not. This aspect of your Poem was very visible and takes centre stage.
Again, there is a complete lack of punctuation. The decision to add it or leave it out is soley up to the writer but I do suggest you add it. You will be amazed by how much of a positive influence it has upon your entire content, particularly your rhythm and flow. As noted in my previous review I would at least consider adding the period points where they are needed to enforce there is an ending.
Well done. I enjoyed reading this Poem because the genre is so close to my heart.
Write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
I am stopping by to give you a review today. All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
First and foremost I love the display of this Poem. The way it elegantly curves, strangely reminds me of a tree branch. It takes on a deeper, natural theme for your Poem.
The green font is an excellent show of a writer who makes good decisions to follow all aspects of the themes they use. Your Poem is based upon nature and the green font serves as a reminder as we read on.
I did happen to notice there is no visible punctuation. Whilst this does not drastically hurt your Poem it is noticeable to the viewer and may cause their rating of this to dwindle down. The main highlight is the fact there are no periods in place at your ending points. At the very least I would consider adding those.
Tip- 2nd line of the second stanza. I would plural 'become' so the line flows smoother.
4th line of the last verse. I would remove 'hidden' and replace it with 'internal' or 'secret'. I would do this to break the repetition created by using the same word in two consecutive lines.
In general this is a great Poem. It has been written elegantly and has almost a confessional tone in the content.
Well done and write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello ShiShad
I am stopping by to give you a review today. All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
This is a fantastic Poem. You brought Christmas to life for me in February!
The red text you have used creates extra cheer in an already happy Poem. The reader is able to view and walk away feeling high in spirit.
The rhyme is amazing and deserves recognition of its own. It is evident that you have carefully selected where each word should go. Time, patience and love have been fused into the creation of this Poem and this is extremely easy for the reader to determine.
There are no visible errors in your Poem and no need for suggestions for improvement.
It was a splendid write and an intoxicating read.
A job well done.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello AJVega
I am stopping by to give you a review today. All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
This is a deliciously dark write. You had my attention hook line and sinker from the very first line.
The display is fabulous and the image enhances the theme further.
I like the combination of the red and black text color. It was different and therefore refreshing. It did not distract me in the slightest.
The rhyme is working well in this Poem except for one small section. The 1st and 2nd line of the third stanza. This particular rhyme created a pause in the momentum and I think it is largely associated to the fact that both words are so different in length. Besides this small section, everything else flowed naturally and smoothly.
There were no visible errors in your Poem and I have no further suggestions for improvement.
Well done and write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello Stephanie Grace
I am stopping by your port today to begin fulfilling your win in Sherri's Sizzling Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
I liked this flash fiction. You described the nervous behavior of the parents in great detail and built up a tremendous amount of suspense along the way. You do this creatively whilst not indulging the reader with any clues as to what is actually happening until the finale.
I considered many different scenarios whilst reading this. A meeting with an enemy, a long lost family member, even a lover...you name it and I thought it. Everything except what actually happened! I am not often taken by surprise but that is exactly what this item did. It surprised me.
Your word count for this item is 226 words. You have used this space brilliantly. You told an elaborate story, twisted the end, created suspense, described the actions of the two main characters in great detail and also sprinkled some imagery into the mix. If covering all of these areas in a flash fiction does not make it a successful write, then I do not know what does. I thought it was fantastic.
There are no visible errors in your Poem and no need for suggestions for improvement.
A job well done.
Who Am I (E) a man looking in a mirror and doesnt who's looking back #1514851 by origamidragon
Hello Stephanie Grace
I am stopping by your port to begin fulfilling your win in Sherri's Sizzling Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
To be honest I had never heard of the Pensee format before. Thankfully you included a link to further explain how the format is to be followed. After taking a look at your link I now have some insight into the form and as such am able to see that you have followed the format perfectly.
I am really taken by this form. It reads well, has great pace and flow and although it is free verse and has no rhyme whatsoever, it feels as though rhyme has infact been incorporated because it has so much rhythm. You completely sculpted this Poem to its full advantage. It was outstanding.
I did happen to notice two small errors in the content which I will point out to you as follows in the event you decide to edit at a later date.
Line 5- 'and' should not be there. It does not make sense and malforms the line. 'is' would read much smoother if the format will permit it.
Line 20- The 'h' in 'heaven' should be capitalized.
This Poem shows excellent use of the prompt.
Well done and write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello michellekeyes
I am stopping by your port to give you a review. All comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem as helpful and discard the rest.
You have followed the format exceptionally well and I can see no areas where this would require any improvement on that front.
Your Poem is strong and this is attributed to the fact you have carefully chosen the words in which you have used. Exercises like this usually do spawn great items from the author without them even realizing it.
My only concern with this Poem is the contradiction it presents. In the beginning you say 'Walk towards the light'. The next part of the Poem is expressing that you are craving for death and wishing to die, further going on to sprinkle some extra imagery onto the 'light'. This was too contradictory for me and took the sincerity and my belief out of the Poem.
The back and forth nature you have used can stand strong in larger Poem but not in one this small. It is important to find a message you wish to express and stick with it so your item remains consistent and high in quality. Of course this is just my own opinion and I am sure you would have your own point of view.
In general I think this was a job well done, particularly in relation to following the format.
Well done and write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello Beyond the Cloud9
I am stopping by to give you a review. All comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem as helpful and discard the rest.
I think this is a fantastic idea! Not only does your item allow us to learn what your particular tastes are when it comes to writing but it is also a great way to pay tribute to those you feel have earned it and are deserving. It is a very nice gesture to gather some extra attention for these writers and their items.
I like the way it has been set up. Everything has been categorized into different genres, making it easy for the viewer to make a selection which suits their own personal preferences. There is an array of different writers to choose from and I particularly liked that you did not advertise the same author over and over again. You have spread the attention and in turn many different writers have been put in the spotlight.
My only suggestion is to update this when you can find the time. There is a large number of invalid items in the display and these would better be replaced with fresh, existing items in which the viewer can enjoy.
Well done and write on!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello LolaWrite
I am stopping by to give you a review today. All comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem to be helpful and discard the rest.
Your Poem is very contradictory. This begin right from the start.
You hope the scars of this person will fade away one day and then you go on to say that they will fade away, you promise. There is much confusion in this Poem and I am unsure if this is a ploy to alert the reader to certain behaviors experienced during heartbreak or you are genuinely confused.
This same level of contradiction spills into the rest of your item, until the very last line.
I will admit this was very interesting to read.
Yes, no, up, down, right, left, no way, absolutely...
I have been left spinning but I WAS entertained!
Write on!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello Diamon'd♥
I am stopping by to give you a review. All comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
You make a very valid point in this Poem but I feel the area is not as black and white as you have painted it to be. Often people are forced to make decisions which stem from necessity. Naturally when you are forced to make a decision between two things you are not particularly fond of, there will be hesitation.
Situations also have a way of transforming into something entirely different at the strangest times. The decision which was primarily made to begin with, which at the time seemed like the best option may not look so good now. It was the best decision to be made at the time but now is not so withstanding due to the change in circumstances. Sometimes life can have a very sarcastic and domineering sense of humor. It is important to keep this in mind.
Nevertheless, as is the way of life, you are entitled to your own opinion and you get your message across to the reader loud and clear. Your Poem is made up of only five lines but you have ensured you have taken advantage of this space by making your message as powerful and as potent as possible.
There are no visible errors in your content, but I feel further elaboration and detail added to the Poem will improve this item.
Well done and write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello e
I stopped by your port today to give you a review. All comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
You have not given any information as to whether this is a flash fiction or not. Judging by the size I am presuming it is. There are only three lines in total to your story and none of them actually emphasize what your story is about. The description of the item seems to be more detailed. Stories which are written to a miniscule format can still have the ability to tell an elaborate and in-depth story but in order to do so they demand a tremendous amount of effort, patience and focus directed onto the wordplay being used.
There are errors in your content that I will point out to you as follows in the event you decide to edit.
Line 1- The 'h' in 'honey' needs to be capitalized because it is the starting point of the statement.
Same line- 'its' should read as 'it's'.
Same line- The 'm' in 'mom' should be capitalized because it is first reference.
Line 2- The 'w' in 'wait' also needs to be capitalized because again this is your starting point.
Same line- The 'i's' on this line all need to be capitalized because you are refering to yourself.
Same line- A comma needs to be placed after 'said' to end the line.
Line 3- The 's' in 'so' needs to be capitalized as it is your starting point.
Same line- Capitalize your 'i'.
Same line- Change w/o to read correctly 'without'.
Same line- Capitalize the 'f' in finally. Again, it is our starting point.
Same line- Capitalize all of the single 'i's' because it is reference to yourself.
Please do not be discouraged by my review. It takes a great amount of skill to get stories of this size over the finish line. If you apply the necessary changes and place more emphasis upon the meaning and message of your story, it will come good.
Well done and write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Hello LRbluemoon
I stopped by your port today to give you a review. All comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest.
This is a Poem of regret and the pondering of things which could have been done differently. There is a huge amount of bitterness in your Poem but more than anything there is a sense of self-loathing. Although your bitterness is directed onto others it is plain to see that you resent yourself more. This is a very dark Poem and there is no happy ending which makes your item seem more 'real' because not all endings are infact happy.
There are an array of errors and areas which require more of your time placed onto them. I will make a short list displaying some of them to help guide you in the right direction.
Line 2- Replace 'In' with 'At'.
Line 6- Edit 'there' to 'their'.
3rd stanza- This entire stanza needs to be re-worked. Your rhyme, although it looks the same infact does not rhyme and needs to be changed if you want your Poem to follow one consistent format.
4th stanza- The last line needs to be re-worked. It does not make sense and is low in quality which highlights it in the stanza because it does not fit in.
Stanza 9- The 'h' in heaven and hell needs to be capitalized.
The last line of this stanza needs to be re-worked to something higher in quality. It does not fit in with this stanza and looks as though it has been placed there out of necessity.
Last stanza, line 1- 'press' should be 'pressed'.
I think with some extra focus and dedication to this Poem it will come good. It is definitely a template for something much better and I urge you not to give up on it. Persistence pays off.
Well done and write on!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514815 by Not Available.
Congratulations JudyB on your nomination to the Ink Blot Author Fan Club. I am here to give you the last review for your package.
This is a good depiction of the different variety and levels in which manipulation takes place.
You give the reader precise accounts of situations where it has arisen and as such, this serves as a warning for others to be on the look out for the same thing happening to them.
I like the happy ending your Poem has. Although I am sure you would have preferred for things to have different consequences your ending becomes happy in a bittersweet way and inspirational because you put an end to this vicious cycle.
The rhyme in your poem is direct and I like that you have not settled to merely rhyme words which are easy. You challenged yourself in this Poem and that clearly shows.
I do have one suggestion for the first stanza.
This stanza does not seem to follow the same rhyme scheme as the ones which follow. I would suggest editing this one to mingle with the others so it all forms to one pattern.
My comments and suggestions are extended in the spirit of helping you. Please use what you feel is helpful and discard the rest.
A detailed description on manipulation. A must read!
Well done and write on.
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