Hello {susr:bluemooner1}
I am here to review your entry into round 11 of the:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1390901 by Not Available.
Your Poem is centered on a very negative look at the world. In the harsh times we live in, your item and your views are justified and warranted. I can relate to the aspects of your Poem which make reference to people wearing masks. This is true to a certain degree but has society not prompted people to do so?
The pressure upon the human race to be perfect in every possible way is tremendous and there are many people out there who like to zero in on peoples short comings rather than their strengths. This alone, is enough to entice people to masquearde their true indentites. The only factor of your content which is mildly shaky is that you point out all people are like this. This is presumptuous and somewhat shades the quality of your message.
The rhyme in your Poem is working well and adds volume to the piece. It is all direct and carries a consistent rhythm through out your item.
From a presentation perspective, some of the larger lines could do with a little snip in order to keep your Poem looking neat and tidy.
There are no visible errors in your item and suggestions for improvement have been made.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Well done and write on.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1390901 by Not Available.
The first thing I will say is; I was unfamiliar with this format but courtesy of the link of information provided below I was able to judge this accurately and fairly. Thanks!
The Poem itself is very romantic and inspirational and effortless to interpret.
You aced the presentation side of things with a Poem which looks as strong as it actually reads.
From a personal point of view I will say I am not overly fond of the format because I am anti-repetition (personal preference) but this will not influence my judgement of your item.
This round was prompt free and I feel you did an amazing job of showing the judges your creativity and faith in your own ability as a writer to try something new.
There are no visible errors in your content and suggestions for improvement are not required.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Well done and write on.
Hello Shaziane
I am here to review your entry for round 11 into:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1390901 by Not Available.
The content of your Poem is based on a character who has done something wrong in the past and now feels as though these consequences are going to come back to haunt them.
There is much regret in the Poem which is brilliant because this emotion is essentially what should be shining through in an item such as this.
There is also a lot of guilt in your item and it seems the main character is a victim of her own punishment. At no point in the content does it directly express the significant other in her new relationship is punishing her. We are given her thoughts and actions only.
The content is generally good. The reference to 'please love me' is abundant and I feel slightly extreme as her desperation is shown very early on in the piece. However this is just an obseravtion and in no way do you have to agree with me.
The display of your Poem could use some improvement. Many of the lines are very large in length whilst others are shorter and there seems to be no particular pattern to this. I would suggest trimming the content down to more crisp and compact lines with either meter or just the elimination of words which have no importance.
In general, I think you did a good job, especially from an emotional aspect. The feelings of the main character were potent and jumped out to the reader.
Please keep in mind, all comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of kindness. Feel free to take onboard anything you deem is helpful and discard the rest at will.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Well done and write on.
Hello sccrwriter03
Welcome to WDC. I am stopping by to give you a review.
I like your Poem. It is cute and has been written in a natural tone of expression.
It is short but to the point. You say what needs to be said, no more and no less.
You have chosen to display majority of your Poem in a triplet format. From a display perspective this looks great. Everything is neat and tidy and nicely trimmed into compact lines.
There are a few small errors in your content and I will point them out to you as follows:
Line 1- The 'c' in caring and the 't' in ture do not require capitalization.
Line 2- Period (fullstop) at the end of this line.
Line 3- The 's' in sweet does not need to be capitalized.
Line 4- Comma at the end of the line.
Line 5- Period at the end of the line.
Line 7- The 't' in truly does not require capitalization.
Line 8- Period at the end of the line.
Line 9- Remove the comma at the end of this line.
Line 10- Place a comma at the end of this line.
Line 11- Period at the end of the line.
All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to take onboard what you deem is helpful and discard the rest at will.
Hello Writing ♥er
I am stopping by to give you a review.
Hmm your item is one which would call for much debate between adults and minors. I think your Poem has been constructed well but it reads more like prose than Poetry. This is just my opinion and in no way do you have to agree.
The content of the item is something which I feel has been written with an obscured view. You mock and even flaunt the fact that you believe a 13- 14 year old does not have the ability to know the difference between right and wrong. This in itself, is wrong and I will tell you why.
From birth our parents instill this into us by telling us what we can and can't touch, don't touch this or this may happen. If you do this, this may happen. Right from the onset we are taught the difference between right and wrong in an array of different ways and these are lessons which never cease through out our lifetimes. To say one does not know the difference between right and wrong is an excuse used to justify misgivings. In some countries, such as my own, the legal age limit is 18 years of age. To an adolescent of 13-14 years of age this only leaves 4-5 years until they are legally classed as an adult. If by this age you do not know the difference between right and wrong then there is a serious problem.
Of course this is just my opinion. As you are entitled to your own expression so are others. This does not mean you have to agree.
Tip- Outrages should read as outrageous.
The abundance of exclamation marks are not needed. You are right in using them in the areas you have but one is sufficent.
Hello SoloIQ
Welcome to WDC. I'm stopping by to give you a review.
This is a well written and thoroughly thought out Poem. Your item has a fast and steady pace which remains consistent through out the duration of the item.
You do a very good job of misleading your viewer into thinking things which are far from the true picture.
You lead us to believe, Doris is a prostitute only for us to find out at the end she is infact not. (I won't go into too much detail, I don't want to spoil it for others)
Last line of the 4th stanza- its should read as it's.
Hello care_a_lot
I am here to give you the last review you will receive as part of your number 5 cNote from "Invalid Item"
This was gifted to you by an anonymous reviewer.
This is an interesting write and if further focus is fused into it, the item could become very funny.
I will do a line by line with you but please keep in mind that all comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. In no way, whatsoever, do you have to listen to me.
Lines 1 & 2- The second line should not be broken from the first. They need to be re-connected so the sentence structure is correct.
Line 3- up to date should read as 'up-to-date'.
Line 6- remove 'a really' and replace it with 'an'.
Line 7- comma is needed after 'after all'.
Line 8- Capitalization is used to enforce a raised voice or volume in general. This is not your intention, you only wish to place signifcance, so italics for 'years' would be better suited.
Line 14- 'I want eat'. This needs to be changed unless it is your intention for the reader to believe Herb is impaired.
Line 15- Insert a question mark after eat.
Line 17- This line needs to be re-worked in its entirety. It does not form correctly.
Line 18- Remove the first mention of 'being'.
Your item also included a profanity and as such should have a higher rating content.
The limination of the repetition of machinery should also be considered.
I believe once you are able to find the time to concentrate on this a little more, it will be a quirky and funny read. Don't give up, work with it!
Hello care_a_lot
Congratulations on rceiving the number 5 cNote from "Invalid Item"
This package was gifted to you by an anonymous member. This is review 2 from 3 you will receive.
This entire item reads like a personal debate. You begin by explaining to the reader why you believe 'Sims' is just as important as homework and amazingly, you actually make some valid points. Perhaps understandable would be a more accurate definition.
The second section is dedicated to depression. This is obvious to the reader and a fellow sufferer of the same condition, when you are relaying, you wish you could shut yourself off from the real world and you feel the game provides this escape from reality.
The item then twists and changes course. The content in the third section sounds regretable and almost defeated. You know the right and smart option is to complete your homework and it is expressed to the reader that you would like too, but cannot force yourself to focus on it.
The emotions in this item are rampant and change swiftly. You have also thrown some personal information into the mix, which I feel allows the reader to sutain a deeper connection with the item.
You end the item with: "When will I listen?".
The answer to this question is- When you choose too.
I do make one small suggestion and this is to read over your item once more. There are two typos in the first paragraph and many punctuation errors.
All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to take onboard anything you deem is helpful and discard the rest at will.
Hello care_a_lot
Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive the number 5 cNote package from "Invalid Item" .
This was gifted to you by an anonymous member.
I enjoyed reading this item. I think it is very important to set goals for oneself to aspire to. It creates motivation and gives the individual something to work towards. It is always a good thing to give yourself some direction.
There is a large selection of different contests and activities in which you hope to enter. Some of them I have heard of and or entered myself and I can tell you they are great! Some, I am unfamiliar with, but I am certain they would also be good. How could they not be when they are created by WDC members?
I wish you the best of luck in everything you do.
Way to go!
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
This is the final review you will receive from me as part of your deluxe package from "Invalid Item"
This package was gifted to you by drjim
This is an excellent item to end the reviews with. I am so pleased I decided to review this one.
It is funny, witty and just in general adorable. Honestly, who could not like this?
You aced the rhyme wth ease. At no point during the item does it feel forced in any way and the rhythm is flawless. The display of the Poem is delivered in a tidy manner.
I love the story within the Poem. It was funny, cute and very creative. In all honesty I cannot find anything about this item I do not like. Way to go!
There are no visible errors and suggestions for improvement are not required.
It was a pleasure to review you.
Well done and write on.
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
I am here to give you review 9 of 10 you are to receive from me as part of the deluxe package from "Invalid Item"
This package was purchased for you by drjim
The moment I read the title I just HAD to read the item. Only recently I watched a horror movie titled 'Boogeyman' and I can assure you, it was very different to this.
Again, I am amazed and in awe of how easily you are able to take a dark theme and put a light spin on it. This is not always an easy task to carry out and yet you manage to make it look effortless.
This was a great item. I enjoyed the beginning because it was misleading. When reading, I thought you were 'innocently' building it up for something terrifying. How wrong was I?
The item actually does a complete tailspin and becomes playful and teasing in nature. I loved it!
The contrast between the two text colors is quite attractive. An excellent show of craftmanship is shown here.
There are no visible errors and suggestions for improvement are not required.
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
This is review number 8 of 10 you are to receive from me as part of your package from "Invalid Item"
This package was gifted to you by drjim
This is a beautiful 55 word story. The scene you have set is one of yearning. A mother yearning for her son's return from a tour of duty. The emotions this invokes are potent and moving. The reader is urged to sympathize with the character but then the item turns to one of inspiration and hope. The reader is praying, as is the mother, for the safe return of her son. You did a marvelous job!
Tip- 2nd line, you have doubled spaced after 'would'.
There are no other visible errors in this item and suggestions for improvement have been made.
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
I am here to give you review number 7 of 10 you are to receive from me as part of your deluxe package from "Invalid Item"
This package was gifted to you by drjim
Yet another comical item penned by you and what a good one it is!
The rhythm in this item is sensational and the pace is fast which pushes the reader through the content at a rapid speed.
I loved the use of ML to express the feelings for the particular lines in which it has been incorporated. I found it to be creative, funny and in general different. It made the light hearted tone of the item shine through brighter.
The rhyme is working to the best of its ability in this item. Each rhyming section is concrete and does not waver for a moment.
There are no visible errors in your item and suggestions for improvement are not required.
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
I am here to give you review number 6 of 10 you are to receive as part of the deluxe package from "Invalid Item"
This package was purchased for you by drjim
I like where you were going with this but it didn't quite take me over the finish line. I have not been able to work out if this is written to a pattern I am unaware of or the pattern simply slipped. If it was written to a specific format it does not do your item justice.
The beginning stanza began very strong, setting the scene for the viewer. We knew we were being led to something comical right from the offset and the rhyme enhanced this.
The rhyme in stanza two is visible on lines 1,2 and 4. Line 3 is left to fend for itself and is a thorn among the rose bushes.
The pattern changes entirely in stanza 3 and by this stage any rhythm previously developed is completely lost.
However, I do feel the content itself is of value. If you were to concentrate on the rhyme pattern and the structure of the item, this Poem would sing! Perhaps some form of meter may also be helpful for this Poem? I also noticed there is no punctuation in this item. It is entirely your decision if you choose to add it or not but I think your item would benefit greatly if you did.
All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to take onboard what you deem is helpful and discard the rest at will.
I love the way you are able to write cheeky items. Usually with comical items one finds it can go three ways. Either it is a flop and is not considered funny at all, in a desperate attempt to fuse the item with side-splitting comedy it becomes more of a wth? item or you can strike a perfect balance. You have struck a perfect balance in this item.
What a horrible cruise this seemed to be. The confusion of the characters gender because of the neutral name was hilarious not to mentiothe vigorous room mate! The poor thing, I was laughing and shaking my head at the same time.
The end was great.
Clear all your cases, this is going to make us rich!
A perfect ending to a funny item. The signing of the name is an added bonus.
There are no visible errors in your item and suggestions for improvement are not required.
I love this tongue-in-cheek Poem. It lifts the spirits and gives us a humorous look at the horrors which can occur at tree decoration time.
I am trying to pull my thoughts together here but I cannot stop laughing!
This is one of the better items I have read based on the Christmas season and all it entails.
I do have one suggestion and this is to punctuate. I feel this Poem definitely needs it, to keep the pace, flow and rhythm all in synchronization.
All suggestions and comments are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to take onboard anything you deem is helpful and discard the rest at will.
Much thought has gone into the creation of this Acrostic. The central word Friday is essentially an easy word to use but this is different when you have chosen to use the same word for a total of three times. This takes skill and dedication to create an item where each new word depicts something diferent fom the previous or following.
There are no visible errors and no suggestions for improvement are required.
You showed everyone vividly why we all love fridays!
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
I am here to give you review number 2 of 10 you will receive as part of your deluxe package from "Invalid Item"
I enjoyed reading this quirky Poem. It has been presented to the reader in a neat and compact fashion and the text and font color look great in the display.
I liked the rhyme. It was not bland and really gave your item some good rhythm and volume. It was good to see that you refrained from rhyming ordinary and common words. Your creativity shone through in this item with ease.
The repetition at the end of majority of the verses was fantastic! This also enhanced an already consistent rhythm which flowed through the item.
It was invigorating to read your creative spin on vampires. It was very different from the ordinary and the comical aspects were a treat!
There are no visible errors in your item and suggestions for improvement are not required.
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
Congratulations! You have received the deluxe package from "Invalid Item" . This package was gifted to you by drjim
I'm here to give you the 1st of 10 reviews you will receive from me as part of this package.
This Poem is so beautiful. It is romantic and Poetic in every sense of the word. It invokes warm sensations to rise within the reader because it is moving. It almost has an epic quality.
The blue font was a great choice of color to select purely because it enhances the sections in your Poem where reference is made to the sea.
All sections of your item are potent in content. I do not feel there is any need for editorial instruction in regards to do with this.
I do have one small suggestion and this is to punctuate the item. If you were to consider applying punctuation it would help to guide the reader through your item at the pace you intended. I do not feel the lack of it hurts your item in anyway but it will add more strength if it is noted.
All suggestions and comments are offered in the spirit of helping you. Please feel free to take onboard anything you deem is helpful and discard the rest at will.
This is an exquisite write and one I would encourage all members to read.
Well done and write on.
Hello Oldwarrior
Congratulations on your nomination into "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" . You were nominated by ShiShad to receive the Hemingway package.. I am here to give you 1 of 9 reviews you will receive from the FAN-ATIC Gifters.
Your Poem has been written in couplets. This is a format which I admire because I feel it looks tidy from a display perspective and it delivers the messages lingering within the items clearer to the reader. Your item is no exception to the rule. Your message of love and gratitude is displayed to the reader with force leaving no room for mis-interpretation.
The content is romantic in every sense of the word. You show the viewer how important your wife is to you. You show appreciation for the life you have both built together and the time which has been shared.
I think this is a beautiful piece of Poetry and it is effortless to see this has been written with your heart.
What a fantastic Valentines day present!
There are no visible errors in your item and no suggestions for improvement need to be made.
The item is perfect as it is.
Best of luck to you in the Ink Blot monthly draw.
Well done and write on.
Hello warriormom
I'm here to give you the final review you will receive from me as part of the cNote number 1 package from: "Invalid Item" .
This package was won by you in the: "Invalid Item"
This is a touching Poem and as we can see from the note included at the end of the page it is something which is very close to your heart. I think it is wonderful that you chose to share something so personal with all members of WDC. What a wonderful spirit you are.
The Poem is written beautifully and shows the reader that an illness such as Attachment Disorder leave the sufferer and their family members with a lot of unanswered questions to ponder. It seems to be a life of anxiously awaiting for something better to appear on the horizon or a break in the condition.
I think it is marvelous that you included the link for all members to further educate themselves about this illness. Until reading your Poem I had never heard of Attachment Disorder but now thanks to you, I have, and this has raised awareness.
Your item is touching, heartbreaking, inspirational and informative. If those are not elements which make up a great write then I do not know what are.
There are no visible errors in your item and no suggestions for improvement are required.
Well done and I wish your son and your entire family the best of luck.
Write on.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Looking for a great cNote? Check out...
"Invalid Item"
"Invalid Item"
50% of all GP's accumualted go to the Helping Hearts group!
Hello warriormom
I am here to give you review number 2 for the number 1 cNote package from: "Invalid Item" .
This package was won by you in the "Invalid Item" .
This is a beautifully composed Poem based on overcoming depression and moving on to something happier and healthier. I enjoyed the determination displayed in this Poem. You explain to the reader that you 'will' overcome these negative emotions and by the end of the Poem you 'do'.
I loved the 2 final lines of this item:
The black and gray will disappear,
and the real me will shine.
Those two lines are poetic, moving and have a deep impact upon the reader.
There are no errors in your item and suggestions for improvement are not required.
Well done!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Looking for a good cNote? Check out:
"Invalid Item"
"Invalid Item"
50% of GP's accumulated go to Helping Hearts!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon
Congratulations on your nomination into "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" . You were nominated to receive a 'H G Wells package'. I am here to give you review number two of three you will receive from me.
The title of your item is 'Revenge' and after reading it, I could not think of a more appropriate title.
I must admit, and I know it is cheeky, but I love it when I am afforded the opportunity to do the exact same thing. I promise though, it is never unwarranted!.
I like the way your Poem reads more like a story than poetic verse. You set the scene nicely and the reader is made aware of where the events that will tanspire are going to unfold.
Information is offered at the beginning of the item to warrant your actions. The reader knows that your actions are justified to a degree and I feel this element enhances the comical aspects.
I do not feel the 'payback' was overtly evil in nature but more a tongue-in-cheek snipe of a past issue. She should have known better than to approach you after your obvious body language gave her insight not to.
There are no visible errors in your item and suggestions for improvement are not required.
Welcome to WDC! I am stopping by to give you a review.
It is very obvious that you possess a talent for rhyme. The rhyme in your Poem is fantastic and no part of it seems out of place or forced in any way.
The message of temptation and its consequences is very strong in your Poem. You deliver this crystal clear to the reader and leave no room for mis-interpretation.
There are only three areas in your Poem which I feel need further attention. I will point them out to you as follows but please keep in mind all comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Feel free to take onboard anything you deem is helpful and discard the rest at will.
The first issue I will address is the repetition. The constant use of the word 'temptation' is overwhelming and because it is extreme this overshadows the rest of the content. You make it very clear to the reader in your title, item description and beginning of your Poem that this is centered on 'temptation' so the repetition becomes an annoyance as we are forced to weave through it to get to something fresh. This is something you should definitely try to eliminate.
Line 8- This line needs to be re-worked because it does not make sense the way it has been written. It is coming across as malformed and needs an adjustment.
Final line- The (i) featured on the last line of your item needs to be capitalized because you are making a direct reference to yourself.
From a structural perspective your item is well presented. It is easy to read and appears tidy.
Welcome to WDC! I am stopping by to give you a review.
Your 'Poem' reads well due to the informative descriptions. You use many different, creative ways to describe where the character is, what is surrounding him and the events which are transpiring. This is great, because the reader is made to feel more comfortable whilst reading your item because of the detailed navigation.
The actual message of the Poem was somewhat shady. The item is titled 'Ladies Man' and I can only presume this is a reference to the man who makes a highly anticpated entrance into the establishment. The man who speaks out, is speaking from a place of envy and sour grapes. He is disillusioned by his own perspective and as such, his thoughts make him seem shallow and inferior. He obviously does not possess any real confidence of his own and his actions make this clear to the reader.
There are no visible errors in your item but I do have one suggestion. I think your Poem would benefit if you were to write it as prose. The poetry structure does not enhance the content and whilst there are some fabulous images weaved through the item they are not poetic in nature. Your item would work much better if you were to write it as a short story or prose.
Please keep in mind all comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you. Feel free to use what you deem is helpful and discard the rest at will.
Well done and write on.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Helping Hearts seeking more members.
"Invalid Item"
A group devoted to helping new members of WDC.
"Invalid Item"
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gothic_angel/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.56 seconds at 12:58am on May 18, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
