I truly loved reading this piece. I think it is beautifully written just the way it is. I was really impressed by the idea of the overall piece as well as the word choices and sentence structure. I believe you painted the picture beautifully of how cruel and unfair life can truly be at times. Great job!
I enjoyed reading this piece. I like how it's perception versus reality. People would see the small person, but not understand that they deal with big issues and emotions. I can really feel the emotion coming off of the piece and I feel, as a reader, empathy for the character. It may be a shorter poem, but it says so much, another thing that I like about it. I think this is a job well done.
This piece really resonated with me. I come from a rough part of Philadelphia and I've seen my fair share of instances so much like that. It is sad how so many lives are lost. I loved the way this was written and it flowed extremely well. The imagery that you conveyed was graphic and clear. I could feel the emotion coming out of this piece. I think that this is very well written.
I honestly really enjoyed reading this. Any story that has to do with heroic pets has a soft place in my heart. i thought this was very beautifully written and it is extremely touching.
Now of course, any review that you get should be taken with a grain of salt, because your writing is your own and you know what is best for your piece. With that being said, I thought your word choice was great and allowed the lines to flow very nicely together. I also liked your punctuation, it really adds to the piece where it is necessary. I think the only thing I would do, is add a comma in the first stanza, line 4, after silently. I also noticed that the only period you included was at the very end, last line. That being said, you could add more periods where sentences would end.
Otherwise, I thought this was beautifully written! Great Job!
I enjoyed reading this piece very much. It's a little sad how much destruction we see on a regular basis, and in a way, society has become almost numb to it. If it's not affecting us directly, it's just a sad statistic. Regardless, I think this is well written. I know you said it's a draft, so you will probably be making your own revisions to it as you go on. I thought the imagery you used was very well thought out. As for the title, I would agree that it may be a little out of place. Your piece seems to have an air of victimization and devastation, so maybe a title along those lines. Even something like Victims of Senselessness. But of course, your writing is you own. I certainly enjoyed reading it. Great job!
I liked reading this piece quite a bit. I like the idea of the maker projecting his feelings of himself onto his meal as he goes into making it with little hope that it will be good. Almost as if he is rejecting the meal as he himself has been rejected. I think my favorite stanza would be the fifth. I can feel the emotion in the piece. Great job.
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I think these are all questions that everyone on Earth should ask themselves, followed up by, "when is enough finally enough"? I am particularly found of the psychology behind these things and you might find it interesting to look up the term The Lucifer Effect, coined by famous psychologist Philip Zimbardo. He conducted the Stanford Prison Experiment and I think in some ways it ties in nicely to what you have written. It is a little depressing to think that all these things happen and some of the committers of these crimes honestly do not care or feel anything at all. But perhaps the answer, as a famous musician put it, is "blowing in the wind." Great work!
I really liked this piece. It's short and gets to the point. It allows the reader to feel the emotion without being wordy and over the top. I think everyone perceives everything differently, and to me, I felt as if there was a slightly desperate tone to the piece, which I think fits the topic quite well. I sincerely hope you are not in this situation. Everyone deserves to be happy.
I like the idea of the never ending cycle that this poses. I also liked the idea of the interactive artwork. It almost reminds me of, in Fahrenheit 451 I believe, they had interactive TVs and the women would sit around talking to the actors and actresses. I thought this was very well done. I really enjoyed it.
This was absolutely beautiful. I really wish more teachers would do this for their classes because I think it would really do a lot of good. It was so touching and it even brought a tear to my eye. It was truly amazing to read this.
Also, I noticed that your user name is Oldwarrior - Disabled Veteran. This would lead me to assume that you served as well and I would like to thank you for your service and your sacrifice.
I really really loved reading this. I sometimes think that we all live in our own fantasy worlds and sometimes we hurt those who love us without us knowing. Most times it takes a shock like that to really wake us up and bring us back down to Earth. I loved the way you told the story and it all flowed really well. I wish you a long and fulfilling life.
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is truly amazing how life can just sneak up on us like that and then BAM we are old. Our whole life has flown by and we didn't even see it go by. I loved how you described the reflection and the confusion of the main character. Very interesting.
The first piece really struck me. My boyfriend of a year has just been deployed to Afghanistan a couple weeks ago and it has been very hard on both of us, so that piece really hit home. I thought they were both very well written, and I liked the pictures too. Great job!!!
I don't say this very often to people, because they don't usually do this. I usually just click the button with the number and move on. But I couldn't with the story, because it struck me. It hit me right in that thumping muscle in my chest. I could really feel the emotions and I could picture what he looked like and how he was feeling. I also understand the struggle. I really loved this story. A job very well done
I absolutely loved this!! It took me back to when I was a child and I believed in the tooth fairy. I loved the imagery of the fairy itself and the thought of thinking Mom would steal the money. I used to think that my cousin, who raised me, would steal my money. I really enjoyed reading this!!
Write on!
HBIC
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