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Review Requests: ON
220 Public Reviews Given
221 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is informal and encouraging of writer's development.
Favorite Genres
I enjoy Realistic Fiction, Thrillers and love a good plot twist.
Least Favorite Genres
R rated
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Essays, Scripts, Letters
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 5 -6- 7 ... Next
126
126
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Elisa the Bunny Stik

I am not from America, so I came into reading your story with scant knowledge of what it was about (aside from your title, intro and request notes).

So it took me a while to realise your setting. Initially, I saw the account as a cat loving girl 'hiding at home' tale, after some sort of warring on the streets. There is joking around with Lulu, choosing clothing, having a shower, your usual mundane things daily life things.

It was not until you had her going for her walk, and the mention of a Black owned business, that I twigged that this was after the BLM Riots.

I wonder if you could have established that a bit earlier - perhaps via text on that open laptop screen in her room in the morning?

Once I realized the setting, I was interested to know more specific details. I'd have liked her walk to be more graphically described. Rather than her being surprised that anything was standing (which did not create a mental image in my mind) I'd have liked to know what chaos she did see.

In hindsight I wonder if the joking around with Lulu was a stress response to the stuff they had witnessed in the days prior, and so I wonder if you can reveal the fractures and tension of smiles a bit stronger? That perhaps the mundane daily life tasks should have sounded surreal under the circumstances, rather than normal, and so perhaps there is a way to add in that element?

I commend you for making an account, that I assume is based upon personal experience.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
127
127
Review of Dream  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
HiJacky

I stumbled upon your Dream work through the random review link.

It's a well paced story of a dream were the dreamer is aware, and confused, with a punch line at the end that leaves the reader still wondering what the family business actually is. My face possibly is an extraordinary creatures petshop,though there are other possibilities too.

I like that you leave it open to interpretation. *DragonHead*

A well written small story.
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
128
128
Review of Lannie's Porch  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi HHogg
You have a beautiful and poetic style.

I loved the description of Lannie's porch, simply explained I could really see it - and was charmed when you revealed how it matched the occupant to a tee.

This chap Lannie, as described, is entirely charming.

I must confess you did lose me a little, with talk of grandchildren etc, in fact it was just at that point when you realised that readers might start to drift too. Talk of Lannie in an unlikely city setting made me think 'how unusual' but I think I was so charmed by his porch life, that I just wanted you to take us back there again.

Which you did *Heart*

This yearning to stay feeling that you described, you did very well, because I felt it also. I found myself wishing I knew a Lannie with a porch, and could discard my diary to just stay till the cool of winter set in.

Thank you for this heart-warming contribution
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
129
129
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi lbidler
This piece (I was tempted to say peace instead!) of writing is beautifully composed, with the theme text cited to begin and the poetic break down of the attributes within your own life then revealed. I appreciate your closing, with use of a prayer piece to put the finishing touch to the completed work.

You have simply and quietly created a wholesome contribution.

When I challenge myself to thing of recommendations, the only thought I have is to extend your skill into further, lesser known aspects of liturgigal study.

Well done!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
130
130
Review of A Ruler Of Jade  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi 💙 Carly

Wow, well done for tackling a religious subject in a poem, I don't imagine you already knew any of the information you managed to work into the piece prior to the prompt. You did a great job weaving threads of understanding into rhymed verses, with prompt words spaced one per paragraph.

My only critique would be that the last stanza's lines were longer than the first two, which broke the mental rhythm a little.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
131
131
Review of Love  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

This is a beautiful poem, and one I can relate to as we have recently taken in my mother in her old age. I like that you have not concealed some of the difficulty in that task.

Your poem becomes more impressive when you reveal the careful structure that created it within. You managed to work within your confines very well, without sacrificing the quality of content.

Our final line is the clincher, the takeaway verse, the words that I myself shall hold close, although previously it was a feeling rather than articulated.

Thank you
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
132
132
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Amethyst Angel🌸📝🪽

A clumsy elf. What a great start (its always irritated me that elves act so perfect).

You have a great sense of humour here, and the childlike tone in the story narration was the perfect complement to the tongue-in-cheek.

You spaced your humour injections nicely. I think my favourite one was when his elf troops hid behind rocks. I like to imagine Legolas' perfect eyebrow bow might have raised at that point.

This is a good bit of fun, not taken too seriously.
*Hand1**Hand2*
Double high fives
133
133
Review by H❀pe
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Hi ~Kitten
The random 'Read&Review' selector gave me your story, and I see it is your very first in your Portfolio here at Writing.com. Congrats!

I begun reading with no idea of who Faith Hammond was, nor what VLRP meant.

Initially, there is a lot of detail in her schooling.

Once I got to the actual story part of your work, the schooling background did not seem to be necessary reading as a prequel. In fact, I don't know that it needs to be there at all, as it is rather uneventful stuff, and you have some exciting developments in the story later that will fascinate readers far more.

It looks like this is a story summary that you shall expand more upon later? For instance, she asks Jake that really important question, but there is no reply written. Shame, cause it was a great question she asked!

Yes, so it dawns on me that this is a work in progress of an much bigger story. She cannot truly leave her current city yet when she has mysteries left unsolved? No, there is surely more to reveal about what is going on.

So I shall sign off here, looking forward to reading the completed works when they in due course arrive.

Warm wishes
Hope
134
134
Review of A Mother's Lament  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi LeJenD'
Aw, I can completely empathize with this set of verses, how time can suddenly have passed. And the ache in a mother's heart that then exists (although it could be a father's poem too)

It is an unanswerable question.

The only part that I did not identify with was the 'wrinkled and grey' part. *Wink*

Well done

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
135
135
Review of Xmas in Florida  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Odessa Molinari
This is a fun piece of writing with two very different characters, unlikely friends. It's an interesting dynamic between them.

I found myself rather liking the locker-kicking grumpy energy of Nick, who must be the star of this tale. While he is possibly a Grinch, he is entirely raw and honest about how his experiences are making him feel.

Nick's viewpoints make Holly's point of view surprising since they are experiencing the very same workplace. She must be one of those unrufflable persons.

The only thing I wanted to check on, was when Nick decided to strip off - it was not entirely clear where he was at that moment. I had a little 'cover the children's eyes!' moment *Wink* But I think he must have been back in the locker room.

I do like the subliminal moral of the story, which I take to be and enforcement of 'your view of the world creates your reality.'

Well done
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
136
136
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Anni Pon
Your verses hold some really strong attitude, I love it. The scorn. I can really feel it, and in fact how you stir the emotions here, I feel right alongside the sentiments.

Usually, I like to see more of a pattern in poetic verses, but this reads very well as it is.

Fantastic
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
137
137
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Tommy
Congratulations on joining WDC, and getting your first piece in your portfolio.

Your piece reveals you have an inquiring mind, with an interest in the philosophy behind existence. I dare say that you have an interesting life journey ahead of you in an exploration of such things.

I was pleased you mentioned grammar (although only to discount it) but there are two reasons I'd like to you reconsider your stance.

1) A large block of text, such as you created, is exhausting to read without paragraph breaks and punctuation. Grammer helps pace your readers through the collection of thoughts, so they can understand all you have to say.

2) Another benefit to working on grammar is that while revising and reorganising your thoughts for readers' clarity, you yourself may gain greater personal insights.

I look forward to reading what you choose to share about your journey towards an understanding of the universe.


*Butterfly2W*
Hope
138
138
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jackie
I love your story with a lesson taught using her daughter's intellect to reach the right conclusion. Very nicely done, and the text in bold (which I am guessing was a prompt) fits in there so seamlessly, without dominating the story overall.

When trying to find a recommendation, there really isn't anything I see needing correction. Its a beautiful flowing and well-written tale.

The only possible thing was your use of the word nibble twice in regard to the biscuits. Perhaps because we don't see nibble used very often, it stood out, and the second use of the word made a bit too big an impression via the repetition. I felt a wish that the mom had taken a proper bite of that gingerbread!

Your story made me smile, while also a little hungry.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
139
139
Review of Thoughts  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi B
A great, though tragic, description of an overactive mind.

Along with the dreadful plight and lament of the situation, there is a subtext of a manner of pride in the never-ending mental industry going on!

Being a natural-born worrier myself I can entirely relate. Although I am an order freak too, so I wished that the poem was divided up into matching-sized paragraphs.

Sadly, the poem does not come to a happy conclusion with an insight for rest gained. So may I send you best wishes for one more paragraph you have yet to discover? Whereby quiet, hush and relaxing dreams may be yours.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
140
140
Review of Starting Out  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jacky

Haha! I love your plot twists, the political machinations of Girl Guide Cynthia and the Art Teacher's end-justifies-the-means.

A great little tale, with your revelations at the end very smoothly done.

Great job!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
141
141
Review of SHADOW  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Kayden

I found your poem touching, your take the reader into a very personal and unique perspective.

The pregnant pauses you allow with those single-word lines of 'but', seem to reveal a difficulty talking about the subject. Which feels like family loyalty wrestling with the poet within that needs to express themselves?

After first read, I read it a second time immediately. You have managed to intrigue.

I would like to see one edit though; in your third line it would read more smoothly to say '...even in looks...' rather than 'even on the looks'.

I look forward to reading more, in the future, from your tender perspective.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
142
142
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Novice Author,
Congratulations on getting your first item added to your portfolio here. I discovered it though the Read & Review link.

Your write clearly, your sentences have a good flow, and it is easy to understand. There does seem to be some repeating of information, however, which mentally dulls the edge on the finer points.

I'd like to suggest that you try breaking into quotes of Bob or Julie speaking, to enliven the article more.

Or, as it's written as a past tense accounting, you might add in some of the classes reactions to what they were learning. For instance, when Bob revealed that wearing niqab or burka would be good for men also - surely there was some surprise expressed! :D You surprised me at that point, in fact, I think that was my favorite part.

I hope you enjoy your time here at WDC

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
143
143
Review of Samantha  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey Blackadder this is great!

You have a very readable style, moving our minds though the revelations of this story in a pleasantly interesting way. It's plain from the start that this is a recollection, a before story, but you have written in with enough dialogue there to give it a fresh and in the moment feel.

There was just one word that broke the mental flow (for me at least). "But kindness has already left the world." I feel it would read better as 'had'.

The dramatic twist of the monster was a surprise, previously there was a mention of strange mist, so this creature came as a greater surprise.

And then that final sentence, brilliant. Gave it a very cinematic feel. Like this could be the intro story in a movie about your Biologist Samantha going on to save the world. It set a very cool tone.

Well done!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
144
144
Review of Machiavelli  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Seanfear
I enjoyed your poem very much. The regularity of the pace in verses and rhyme was pleasantly repeated. Bang on.

I liked how you used the first line of each verse as an introduction to a new line of thought, while each verse all together make up a very tidy and coherent 'whole'.

The only edit I'd like to see would be adding a 'yet' to the last line of the fifth verse so that it would read 'and yet politics follows the path'. I think that would flow on from the previous line better.

Most particularly I enjoy that you have taken a non cliche stance on Machiavelli. I always appreciate people who dare to be different. Go you!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
145
145
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your tale here is utterly delightful.

Your first sentence, thrusting the reader into a story that feels like it's already been going some while, wakens the mind into a lets-work-this-out mode. While I still wonder if perhaps this is a sequel to The Caucus Race? It is hardly required reading to discover this 'unlikely friendship' to be enjoyable.

The revelation of a first person narrator viewpoint was interesting came as a surprise. I don't usually like reading I's and Me's, but how you have written this reads enchantingly. Cleverly done.

Further, the moral, gently revealed, is one that we could all do with accepting. Who had expected this bridge troll was going to be a philosopher. Life coach even!

So you already know that there shall be no grammar nor spelling tips coming from me *Wink*. But rather, I did pause to imagine how writing an accent must have driven your spellchecker wild *BigSmile*

Start to finish I loved this tale.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
146
146
Review of Oh Joyful Day  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Carol
I adore your poem, and with the quantity of content you manage to get in while keeping your poetic form. Truly impressive.

I would love to see this illustrated into a children's book, it seems worthy to become a cornerstone in a little being's upbringing. I would have loved to have read it to my son every night, though alas I'm 20+ years too late. (Perhaps one day I'll have grandkids?)

I have just two critiques.

One: the word Pasch meant nothing to me. I blanked on it at first read, then looked it up the second time though. Haha! It was a bonus amusement, that Pete and his mom are Jewish bunnies at that. Ho ho, oh I just loved that too!

The second critique is: why didn't you get first prize in the comp?

Seriously though, if you are not an artist yourself I hope you have found an artist to illustrate this ready for publication. It needs to be on bedside tables, in kindergarten bags, under a blanket tent with a torch... and other equally important places.


*Butterfly2W*
Hope
147
147
Review of Monster  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi 5
This is an interesting piece, about a monster that seems to be very sincere in it's self condemnation. This little guy becomes relatable for this fact.

While it's tale begins with talk of a previously social existence, even if faked, the reader slowly witnesses it's decision to retreat.

And sadly there is no happy ending! But is the tale truly done?

I'd love to see what this poor miserable creature goes onto do in his sequel, I hope that he/she will discover redemption!

148
148
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Noza

As a bit of a health nut myself I read your article with interest, what new things might you reveal about water?

The article is primarily a gathering of information. Research is great, but I would suggest that it is a good practice to provide links for readers to further examine your source information.

I would have enjoyed more of your own personal comments and thoughts on the topic - and perhaps if you had personal experiences to share.

Best wishes
Hope
149
149
Review of GRATEFUL HEART  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.5)
Goodmorning Naomi

After your review of my piece I suspected that our inner metronomes, the cadence in which we read or write, might be compatible? So hastened to your portfolio to click upon a random page.

Happily I discover that your poetry is pleasant to my mind, each line the right length. Further your rhymes do not feel forced, but each continues growth of the tale you which to tell. The only thing I would change would be to add an s to encourage. ie 'Encourages great happiness'

Overall this is beautiful, thankyou.

p.s. Your poem reminds me of something I read a few months ago; that gratitude can provide relief for chronic pain.
150
150
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi
May I also ask for someone to check if my application to join went thru ok? I don't seem to be a member of the group to receive emails yet, and if there are daily emails I'm sure I will need all input I can get!

Excited and nervously yours
Hope

P.s. Sending a donation *Heart* and would like to give my free badges to the pool also
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