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Review Requests: ON
220 Public Reviews Given
221 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is informal and encouraging of writer's development.
Favorite Genres
I enjoy Realistic Fiction, Thrillers and love a good plot twist.
Least Favorite Genres
R rated
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Essays, Scripts, Letters
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 6 7 ... Next
76
76
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kathleen Cochran
I felt like reading a 'newbie', and then found your item with its beautiful picture. I especially enjoy it when a writer has gone to that extra trouble to find an image that resonates with their work. The image is like an 'aperitif' before plunging into reading of 'the main course' of your writing.

*Hook* Opening paragraph
A punchy short sentence that sets the scene for your tale quickly while also poetic. I appreciated that, while I paused to read it twice (that second time with a cheerleading Huzzah!)

*People* Characters
Your tale is an introduction to the character of yourself, and is very relatable. While you set up a challenge for yourself, by bringing time into our minds, to then reveal how you managed to fill those 676 weeks with literary ambitions in mind.

The title itself hints at some irony, which you then go on to reveal in greater detail.

Your style is warm, your mood inviting, and there is a sense of friendship offered.

*HeartBl* What I liked best
I loved the quote you shared:
Don Dilillo said, "A writer takes earnest measures to secure his solitude and then finds endless ways to squander it."

It made me smile to read that, understanding how it fitted into your story, while with a wry empathy for I have likewise squandered.


*Butterfly2W* A well wish
I am so pleased that you found your way here to the WDC community, where you are bound to enjoy many a distracting and inspiring writing prompt. May you enjoy your time with us and propel into the greater successes you have your eyes set upon!


Meanwhile, I have a collectable trinket for you:

77
77
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi
I am reviewing your entry as part of the 'I write in 2024" challenge.

I enjoyed reading about your experiences with stockings and smiled at the recollection of carrying nail polish to stop a run. I remember doing just the same thing myself - though, alas, with red nail polish. Oh dear!

Your tale moves on to practical compression stockings next, which I don't have experience of, so I found your tale interesting from an informative angle.

Beautiful honesty in your piece. I enjoyed it very much.

Write on!
Hope
78
78
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi intuey GoT Survivor!
I am reviewing your item in conjunction with the "I Write in 2024"  challenge.

You chose a philosophical topic to enter, a very broad topic, actually, ambitious!

*HeartBl* I enjoyed
I had a little giggle in your opening when you spoke of your upbringing with reflection on brothers and sisters. "Nor older siblings making them do things or beating them up."

*Hook* Opening paragraph
Your opening paragraph provides a conversational tone, setting a mood and tone that makes the reader feel like they are sitting quietly. It is a pleasant mood, and one that you carry on right through your work.

*People* Characters
In this piece, you are the primary character, and so we come to learn about your nature through the experiences that you describe and your outlook and views upon those things.

*Hammer* Recommendations
I would have liked to get even closer to you with some specific memories, for instance, that first one you hinted at of siblings manipulating you. A couple of anecdotes would have been enjoyable to read.


Overall, I enjoyed getting to know you through your considered sharings in relation to this prompt, and feel that this was a very relatable piece of writing. Well done.




79
79
Review of Aerobics  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sumojo


*HeartBl* What I liked best
"The sound of jangling keys brought Jan back to the present."

*Hook* Opening paragraph
When your character gets her diary from under a thin mattress, I'd thought that something was up. But her self-loathing had caught my heart, and I was so keen to find out more... absolutely forgetting the hint we'd read. (clever you) I just wanted to know more about her, and was 100% interested in the tale you then revealed.

*People* Characters
This is an endearing character, and you reveal her tale beautifully. It is easy to empathise. OMG every gym has a gorgeous 'Pablo'!

*Hammer* Recommendations
None, this is topnotch story weaving!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
80
80
Review of Anxiety  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kallie

*HeartBl* What I liked best
I like this style of a letter poem, sincere, with a great pace and rhyming pattern, and a message that I think everyone can relate to.

*Hammer* Recommendations
There is just that second line with two sets of rhymes in it, that my matchy-matchy mind wanted cut to be one or the other. It breaks the pattern. But tough choice, cause both thoughts are valid; which would you edit? I wonder if they can somehow be combined.

Fantastic poem,
Thanks for sharing!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope

Collect a trinket!
81
81
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kanishka
I found your article through the Read&Review button! I don't know anything about flash math, but I did some framing for a mathematician Roy Kerr (that was me name-dropping), and I thought him a fine fellow with a rather dry sense of humour. So I wondered if you might be a bit like him.

So I read!

*HeartBl* My favourite
Favourite sentences were: "I took a year off to try and complete these three subjects. And that's when the real fun began."

I loved imaging how you, at liberty, discovered what was exciting about your topics. Though Math doesn't do it for me, I completely understand how once the pressure is off, you can see more clearly.

*Hook* Opening paragraph
Your opening paragraph engaged me, speaking of cold and ruthless logic like it is something out of a horror film, an oddly endearing horror film. The personality you attribute to Math is relatable.

*People* Characters
The primary character in this piece is yourself, with a journey of discovery, with Mother gaining an honourable mention as having set you on that path.

There is a symbiosis between math and yourself, however, so I can't really say which of you are the true star of this show.

*Hammer* Recommendations
Not really a recommendation, but an inquiring mind wonders what 'your passion' was, which you barely mentioned in the third paragraph.


I loved reading this, and your closing comments le me share your joy of passing on your love of math with the next generation.

Thank you!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope

Would you like a trinket?
82
82
Review of GAIN OR LOSS?  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dr M C Gupta
I enjoyed this poem with its many questions, they are questions that we consider more frequently with increasing age.

The final stanza provides an answer, though it struck me as a little odd to recommend no desire, overall the philosophy fits well if I imagine the lack of desire to be lack of selfishness.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
83
83
Review of Legacy or Dash  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi G. B. Williams

I had a hankering, so hunted for a non-fiction piece, and yours is at the top of the list.

*HeartBl* What I liked best
I was immediately intrigued by your use of the sunrise as a lesson for life.

I came to understand that 'The Dash represents 'impatience'
I was confused as to what you meant by Legacy in this work. I believe it to mean what is left behind after you have died, but I don't think that is how you intended the word.

*Hammer* Recommendations
I recommend removing the exclamation marks, as they add a frenzied feeling, to an otherwise quietly thoughtful piece.

I hope you continue developing this thought-work, the topic is very worthy.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope

and for you, a trinket
84
84
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi again Kevster
The Read&Review tool showed me another of your scenes!

*HeartBl* }I loved:
This is a fun bit of imagination, I had a broad smile on my face as I read. I liked the way you managed to capture a lot of their personality in the very few words you had them speak.

*Hammer*I recomend:
On the second read, I thought the phrase 'In a twist of fate' seemed a touch out of place; it might more be 'In a plot twist', but I'm not sure. It isn't really fate-related it is.

Kee Writing!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
85
85
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kevster
Your celebration evening piece arrived before my eyes, thanks to the Read&Review button. I see the word Kiwi in your name, are you an NZ person too? Haere Mai!

*HeartBl* What I liked best
The tone of this work feels relaxed and enjoyable, in an echo of the evening itself.

*Hook* Opening paragraph
You immediately revealed what the item was about, setting the mood, it was like an invitation to join the scene you unfolded.

*People* Characters
We don't get to 'see' individuals or details of anyone who was present, not even yourself. So while you alluded to many, I did not come to feel attached to any of the players in this warm scene.

*Hammer* Recommendations
I think that term "van life community" could do with apostrophes around it, or capitalisation, as it feels like a term used rather than just words that are part of the sentence.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope

& a trinket for you,
86
86
Review of I am not scared  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Simply Me
I found this prompt story through the Read&Review button. :)

It is a fantastical tale, with just enough information to work out that a strange size issue and growing sort of problem is going on.

I think there is a typo that needs looking at here: Then I saw her Majestic, the grandest tree I'd ever seen.. I think you need a comma to define that the tree's name is Majestic: "Then I saw her, Majestic, the grandest tree I'd ever seen.

It appears this short story is midway in a much bigger story, so can hardly be rated as a standalone work. Though you did indeed fulfil your prompt!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
87
87
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dan I Am
I saw your short story reviewed and popped along to read it also :)

I was charmed by your nickname for Hemmingway, and your indulgences with his furniture. The location observations made enjoyable reading while we waited patiently with your for the answer to the very good question.

Enjoyable.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
88
88
Review of Oakridge  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi WriterRick
I found your story through the Read&Review button.

*HeartBl* What I liked best
You have a solid plotline and a satisfying conclusion.

*Hook* Opening paragraph
Your opening paragraph needs a bit of colour and some detail about this man that hints that he's got a mission on his mind. Perhaps this would be a good spot to mention his personal battles that you allude to later as echoing those he finds in Oakridge?

*People* Characters
I had a lot of unanswered questions about your protagonist, my biggest one being: how did he know about the missing girl? He was not just a travelling vagrant, as you described him as in at one point. I'd like to know more about why he knew there was a mystery to be solved in this town. How did Tommy know to ask him for help?

*Hammer* Recommendations
I'd love to feel a bit closer to the action in this tale, with more elaboration, description and dialogue in the various highlighted scenes. Get me closer to the action, please! For instance, the town bar, a place that seemed to pulse with the undercurrents of Oakridge’s darker side. What did he see to give him that impression? And then, how did he then blend in to overhear conversations? He's a stranger, and has been standing out as one before this.
and "He subdued Carlson, finally putting an end to the criminal network that had ensnared Oakridge." Which puts an awful lot of story into one sentence, but is told rather than shown with the thrilling details.

p.s. I think it's just a typo, but it goes from chapter 6 to chapter 9 (as if chapters 7&8 are missing/)


You have got everything here in this story, and I hope you will grow it further with the development of your scenes, fleshing out the action and getting the reader close enough to hear him pant!

Keep writing!
(also, collect a trinket if you wish)
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
89
89
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi TheactualTreasure

This is a wonderful poem reminding us of the importance of simplicity and getting rid of the mental and physical clutter. Through your words, the hero of the poem 'Simplicity' becomes a yearned-after treasure, and all that I wished for by the end.

*HeartBl* What I liked best

I especially liked how you mixed it up for the last stanza, giving it a proper air of 'finale'. And the uplifting message, a possibility that is available to us all.

Beautifully done
*Butterfly2W*
Hope

For you, a Trinket!
90
90
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Massive Friendly Derg

My eyes slid past your entry 'A Haiku Joke' in the "The Humorous Poetry Contest"  just as I was closing the pane. You gave my poor old brain a double take as I realized what I'd read... whaaa no surely?

Navigating my way back, there actually was a Haiku in a joke category. Like how is that even possible?

Yup.

You aced it.

Have a trinket, you comic legend
91
91
Review of Introvert  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Words Whirling 'Round
I arrived in your Portfolio today, wanting to find something recent, and your well-arranged folder system there helped me find this Introvert poem.

It is a very relatable piece of writing, I quickly found myself empathizing with your point of view, which is poetically well expressed, while very aware of the tragedy of it also.

You show restraint in your writing technique, which I enjoyed, not doing all the work for your readers but giving enough details for them to reach the desired conclusions. I especially liked your last stanza, although that is also the saddest.

Meanwhile, I trust there is artistic embellishment in the work, which I suspect could not be written about without simmering hope being deeply present and even already quietly realised.

And for you: a trinket!
92
92
Review of Have a Nice Day  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Anni Pon
Read&Review showed me this piece today, and I'm so glad it did.

*HeartBl* What I liked best

I liked how you opened with the shop assistant greeting, and led my mind through a journey.

All the while I was wondering what was going to happen? You had that ominous plot spoiler there 'Based on a true story', so I held a mental breath wondering what drama was going to befall us!

Your ending was brilliant. I laughed out loud. It was a laughter that felt inclusive because I've been short-changed before too. Perhaps everyone has.

This is beautifully written, with great repetition (soothing even, like the clickety-clack of train tracks) and with humor that I was delighted to discover.

Look, I have a freshly made trinket for you!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope



93
93
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi CathrinStuart

I found your poem through the Read&Review button, and seeing you are new here, I wanted to also send you a Welcome!

*HeartBl* What I liked best:
The image you used appealed to me, and the description 'Afrikaans - The ransom of a nations values.' is very intriguing

*Hammer* Recommendations:
I would love to see you supply the translation for your poem, to expand your audience. (I used Google translate, and see you have some powerful thoughts expressed.)

Meanwhile, below please find a collectable trinket for you!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
94
94
Review of The expert  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sumojo
I wanted one more piece to read before bed tonight, so hit the Read&Review button for another 'lucky dip' - and the site served me up your snobby connoisseur. Excellent!

*Glass**Bottles**Bottle4**Bottles2**Glass*


You nailed the prompt and are still bringing smiles to your adoring readers...

Prost!
Hope
95
95
Review of Until I depart  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Wandering Thoughts
I found your work through the Read&Review link, a poem!

The title was a tad ominous, so I braced myself for bad news as I began to read. It was nothing tragic, though, phew, I was relieved!

You have placed some lovely understandings here, my favorite is definitely that first paragraph.

I was a bit confused as to why Wandering Thoughts were capitalised (were those words from prompt, perhaps?)

And the second thing that confused me was:

within my internal mental construct,
My dreams are trapped for all to see.

Which sounds like dreams stuck in your mind, in which case nobody can see them. Is there an edit needed here to clarify what you actually mean?

Your repetition of the final sentence has a rather hymn-like quality, which feels apt given the talk of ultimate departure. It does not feel morbid, though, with that promise of keeping on working on your craft, which I was happy to read.

Keep writing!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope



96
96
Review of The Last Goodbye  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi TheactualTreasure

I found your item through the Read&Review link, and noticed you are quite new here. Welcome from another newbie!

Your tale about a girl going through the shock of a breakup has a great use of language to help the reader grasp the strong emotions of the moment. There are only two spoken words in this scene, this creates great drama.

My only critique is, that on first read it feels like she just learns of the breakup halfway through this text. Which makes it feel like she takes a couple of minutes walking to be over him.

On my second read however, a penny dropped, and I realised that she was reminiscing of the breakup right from the start of this scene (possibly months later.) Which makes much more sense to the 'raising from the ashes'.

I would like to recommend, then, that you figure out a way to reveal the timing of her memory in relation to the present moment. Perhaps you can do it by mentioning seasons? She might remember the summer flowers around that bench when they broke up. But show her as currently dressed in her winter coat, remembering.

I love that your moral is 'growing in strength to come through a sense of loss'.


*Butterfly2W*
Hope
97
97
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi tracker
Congrats on getting your second story written, I saw you called for a review too; and so here you find me.

I enjoyed your tale, with warm recollections about your cousin Linda. The comment about the dolls 'being 65 now' was impressive, and a nice way of showing not telling the cousins' approximate ages.

The section about needlework and cotton was an enjoyable introduction.

Suggestion:
Regarding punctuation, your quoted thoughts would benefit from italics. I double-checked online, and it is indeed an acceptable practise:

"to treat thoughts like other quotations and enclosed in quotation marks. They can also be italicized, without quotation marks. Both of these conventions are common." Source: kidlit.com

Getting into the nitty gritty of your piece is a great story of the school presentation. I wish I could have been there for that lively mock debate. I liked that you both used the Abe quote from different perspectives.

When you mentioned asking a question of Linda, I realised that the scene had shifted and that she was actually visiting at that moment. (To collect the green cotton no doubt!). I'd have liked you to have revealed that detail. It would also 'feel' right to have the cotton again mentioned right at the end of your story, eg with Linda heading off with the cotton, which would nicely tie off your story. (Which you might wonder if you'll get back or if she will lose that too!)

I also loved the music you chose to bring into the story, a tune that will be familiar to many, and in this instance was triggered to be a background song playing in the reader's mind.

Great work!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
98
98
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi elizjohn
I discovered your Banshee poem in the Writers Cramp as a Transportation entry.

My grandad was Irish, though he emigrated to NZ when he was just a lad still. He did not tell us much about his time back home; he was not one to talk for talking's sake.
But he must have told one of the aunts or uncles a tale, and that tale filtered through the family in a vague mystery sort of way: of how his mother heard a Banshee at their door on the night that his father died in the Mines.

Your verses here are a compliment to the never-heard details of Grandad's tale.

Thankyou.

*Butterfly2W*
Hooe
99
99
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Cubby

I love a good limerick, or better yet, two. While if I'm not mistaken, this one is read in an Irish Accent even on Saint Paddy's Day.

And a golden rainbow!

Great humor here, and excellently crafted limericks adhering to the syllabic rules.

*4leaf*
Top of the Morning to You!
100
100
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi MF
I received a review request from you, and am happy to read your piece and provide feedback from my point of view.

You begin your work with the tantalising offering of revealing many secrets behind love.

Overview:
You plainly are devoted to this subject, and have no struggle finding content. I have a strong sense that you have only brushed upon aspects that you could go into far deeper than you have in this article.
Your spelling and grammar is excellent!

Recommendations:
Focus Sections. After reading the full text, my strongest recommendation is to Break up this work into a number of separate focus topic articles. For instance, you mention the physical effect of love, the good and bad. That topic alone would make an excellent article and be large enough for your readers to appreciate.

Turning your work into a series will be beneficial for readers, preventing them from being overwhelmed by information.

Style: Your article is primarily commentary, which is dry reading, but would easily come to life if you share some anecdotes from your own experience. Eg, adding in a number of ‘paragraph long short stories’. Through anecdotes your readers will more easily empathise and ‘feel’ the honesty and truth of your advice.

A sweeping comment: I found one sweeping comment, ie: “Many people won't necessarily…”. Whenever I hear a grouping of people quoted about like this, I feel myself mentally distancing. Natural scepticism kicks in. I suggest you avoid those sorts of statements.

Font size:
I have heard from other writers here that size 4 is preferred (the default is only 3.5), and your article seems even smaller than the default. I recommend you tweak that for us here.

Disembodied Quoted text:
There is one quote in there that has no source:
"The terrifying thing about a love like this is that the same person who makes you feel so indestructible can have the power to shatter you with mere absence."
It’s a good quote, will be better still when we know who said it.

Kudos:
It is great to see such passion for a topic.
I can guess that you might dabble in a bit of poetry too, that part right at the end when you wrote of the chaotic mess being beautiful, was a lovely way to finish the work.

Please take my comments with the good intentions it is offered in. With best wishes for your writing journey.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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