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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hopes/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
220 Public Reviews Given
221 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is informal and encouraging of writer's development.
Favorite Genres
I enjoy Realistic Fiction, Thrillers and love a good plot twist.
Least Favorite Genres
R rated
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Essays, Scripts, Letters
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aw Gervic

This poem is just beautiful, and that last line...

My heart grows young, my spirit free,
In this land of possibility.


Especially so. You have hit the nail on the head about what is so wonderful about this experience of writing in the Wonderland challenge. It is a taste of youth, and all the more precious to us for youth being some little while ago now.

I love your entries.
*Heart*

Hope
27
27
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved watching Wile E and Roadrunners antics, it was the best cartoon ever. So I was so totally pleased when I discovered your entry was staring this much loved villain!

I love how you have broken it up into so many aspects.

The fantastic newsline
The book jacket
The prequel
The back room tall
Judge Judy!
The closing plea by Wile E
Then that asian chick reporting on the scene, (Or did I only imagine she was asian?}

Start to finish this is fantastic.

I've read it out loud to 2 family members so far, and there will be more.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
28
28
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This challenge is another example of Schnujo is Late to Lannister's team spirit and generosity; encouraging members of the WDC community to discover contests that need/are deserving of more participation.

I am awed most days with JodY.

Thankyou
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
29
29
for entry "Shadow " 
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Spring in my Sox
I get to review your entry as part of the "I Write in 2024"  challenge. I ever enjoy a piece that sports my nick 'Hope', so I was especially happy to dive into your poetic offering.

Ooo, but I did not see that coming.

I like your use of repetition, describing three shadows, shadows that take on a philosophical slant after reading the last section. It demands a second and third read-through; this time far more slowly, delving into its hidden meanings.

Each verse becomes much more, almost like the title of some far more expansive description - so I want to understand more of this story. Who is the little girl? Who planted that tree? What is the wall surrounding? And who have we just laid to rest?

I like that you leave these wonderings upon the reader; you have not oversimplified but credited the reader with the ability to divine their own truth.

My favourite verse is
          "Dancing to an inner melody"

While I remain moved that there has been a sacrifice for new life to then continue.


Yours is a thoughtful poem
Thank you for sharing it

*Butterfly2W*
Hope




30
30
Review of Spooky Mission  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Ben ,

Thanks for the review request; while I must mention I am not usually one for horror stories, I thought to accept your invitation never the less.


*Hook* Opening paragraph
You begin with a formal sort of tone that you carry throughout, so it makes me wonder if the Birmingham mentioned is the UK one, not American. I liked that you immediately described the building that your story is set within, while I did not know what was mean by the exterior walls having paintings of Blackthorn. That sounded like it would be an interior feature.

*People* Characters
The primary characters here are Daniel the Servant and Andrew his employer. Danile is immediately revealed as being a frightened sort of man, jumpy at seeing a cat. I did wonder if you meant him to speak the word "Shudders!" however, as that is not how the word is usually used.

Andrew is cool calm and collected, and stylishly dressed. I was a bit confused over who was who when Andrew was the one to then drive away to get food - although I see that is a plot device to leave poor Daniel defenseless.

*HeartBl* What I liked best
You have some really good descriptions in here, creating strong visuals of the scene. My favourite was

"Tenuous gleams of crimson red lamps lit the house in great vain"


*Hammer* Recommendations
I have two recommendations to make

1. There were a few times when I was confused about who was speaking. I think you need to adjust your line spacing to make that clearer. eg:

...concern."My time on this earth is over, sir," Daniel whispered, his voice weak."Wait a minute, I will go and get the first aid box from the car,"

Andrew offered, already moving towards the door."No, sir, I won’t survive anymore," Daniel admitted, his voice fading."Don’t say that, Daniel, everything will be alright," Andrew reassured him, though doubt lingered in his mind.


There is a line break after it says he'll get the first aid box, which makes it appear that it's still Daniel talking.

It would read clearer as:

...concern."My time on this earth is over, sir," Daniel whispered, his voice weak.

"Wait a minute, I will go and get the first aid box from the car," Andrew offered, already moving towards the door.

"No, sir, I won’t survive anymore," Daniel admitted, his voice fading.

"Don’t say that, Daniel, everything will be alright," Andrew reassured him, though doubt lingered in his mind.


Creating a new paragraph for each change of speaker will improve the readability of this conversation.

2. Near the end of the story, during the confrontation with Emily, it begins in his bedroom. Then ends outside when he gets his sword from his car. As the reader, that caught me by surprise; I was, 'But how?' It would be good if you could reveal during the fight that they had gone outside.

*Check* Overall
This is an ambitious story to tell within a limited Wordcount—I'd love to see it expanded upon and further developed. The Death of Daniel would be an entire chapter by itself, while the mystery of Andrew's occupation makes me curious, too. If you ever expand on the story, do please tag me in to read it!

Write On!

p.s.I have a trinket for you!



*Cat2*
31
31
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Eddie

This is a sad review, from a loyal follower of this show.

I feel like I've heard it mentioned here and there, but being from NZ, I've not actually seen this show.

Despite your voiced disappointment in its decline, I sense you have not yet given up on it entirely.

Meanwhile, your question: perhaps you shall find the humour and laughs you seek right here at WDC.

Best wishes
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
32
32
Review of Celestial Chase  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi TheactualTreasure

This is a beautiful poem, about the mysterious doings of Angels in the Heavens. *Heart*

It took me a moment to notice the repeating of 'laughter', this I then found with satisfaction was detailed in each of your verses (except the scene-setting first). It then came as an extra satisfaction when you called for laughter from us all as we became wrapped up in this wonderous imagining.

An uplifting read!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
33
33
Review of Bird Watching  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi TheBusmanPoet

This is a fun giggle of a poem, perfect for lovers of cats and birds alike (and I happen to be both!}

I enjoyed how it was such a short little teaser, a glmpse into the cats life - and you chose teh perfect photo to acompany it. Licking his lips, indeed!

Keep writing!
*Heartw*
Hope
34
34
Review of 2024  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Kevster

I found your article through the a Read&Review button.

Goodness. It is a gloomy picture you paint, a long list of modern age troubles and challenges, explained in a overview style without specific to your own life details.

I found it depressing. As I read I begun to hope you would come to a point of offering positive alternatives, but alas, you haven't taken that next step.

I hope that your interest in these topics can continue on to seeing the hope that still resides within each and every one of us.

Warm wishes
*Butterfly2w*
Hope
35
35
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi russelljadams ,

Hi, thanks for the Review Request! Always surprises me when that happens.

*Hook* Opening paragraph

"Think Johnny might be on break soon? Might be good to walk, stretch a bit," Rusty suggested, nudging a bottle cap into a crack with his toe. "Gotta keep track of things."

Initially, your introduction felt a bit vague, I was not too sure what the setting was, and who was Johnny. Upon second reading, and knowing the fullness of it all, I can see the cleverness there. Nicely done.

Still, I wonder if a couple more location clues would be good, regardless of who Rusty and Bruce were.

Your second Paragraph sets up our misunderstanding, also cleverly done, and so we begin an amble with these old friends.

*People* Characters
As I read I found myself mentally slowing down, because Bruce and Rusty have a very slow and steady conversational style. I felt like my own, usually rushed, pace also slowed. That was really enjoyable.

You diferentiate the men, not by any descrption of clothing (of course!) but by their slightly different outlooks. Rusty is more regretful and questioning in his comments, while Bruce is very aligned with his life.

As I read I got the sense that these were older men, who had finally allowed themselves to slow down and smell the flowers; all be those flowers are the past and present figures on a lap around their city block.

*HeartBl* What I liked best.
The point that I thought; Ooh what is happening? The first clue to deeper story infact, was this:

"Hold on...was that a flicker of gold?"

Rusty leaned over, squinting. "Nah, just a bit of foil. Probably from someone's fancy lunch."

Reading that, I had to immediately re-read it. It was an oddity to the scene that I thought I was starting to understand, but this was a new level of interesting.

I enjoyed that.


*Hammer* Recommendations
I found one typo, when they were talking about guessing what was being baked that day. You have " Bet it was always pie" should be "But it was always pie"

And I felt a bit confused about the second mention of the saxophone - was is a different one to the first oneheard, it felt like it was a different saxophone? I wonder if the first musician heard might be a different instrument instead.


*Check* Overall

I really really enjoyed this slowing down pace of life that you've have created, with a pair of old friend softly reminiscing good times in the past.

Strangely, I feel like I understand the appeal of being in their situation. Well, apart from that chill wind, the seasonal challenge of weather that you creep into the story in the last section.

This is a really enjoyable read.
I loved it.
*Butterfly2W*
Hope

p.s. why not enter it into the "A Newbie Short Story Contest" 


p.p.s I have a Hope Review trinket for you


*Cat2*
36
36
Review of My signature  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
This signature is so perfect for you my friend *Heart*
37
37
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Elycia Lee ☮
Such an interesting article!

We had a stopover in Singapore a few years ago, and a sign at the front desk said "No Durians". The receptionist explained it was a stinky fruit, and we took it no further.

But it made me wonder what they might be like. And this is the first time I've read a satisfying answer.

After reading this, I think I'd even like to try a little, one day, although I don't know how or where that could be. But yes, I'll be careful not to drink and durian at the same time. I enjoy being alive afterall.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
38
38
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi LeJenD'
I found your verses thru the Read and review button, and appreciated your author's notes in the beginning that lay a framework for best possible enjoyment of your poem.

It is a beautiful set of pleasures revealed, warming and enjoyable to feel alongside you.

I found no faults, only a happiness.

Thankyou for sharing
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
39
39
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi ruwth

My interested attention is directed to your entry in the Veterans comp, via the "I Write in 2024" . I get to review you.

Your introduction sets the frame for your story, to which the title is a big clue. It is an unfortunate story you go on to reveal. Your migraine was triggered, and in turn it triggered a series of events. Like a row of dominoes falling towards a cataclysmic and very final result.

This short story is a personal reflection with regrets for your response to choices, to which you were not aware of the ramifications at the time.

It is sad, and you managed to reveal the information (which required a lot of background information being supplied) in a way that I can really appreciate how you were really a victim of an alcoholic's sexist bias against you. While you were brave to stand up for what you knew to be correct (urine tests wise, in this instance).

I am not convinced that you are a 'non veteran'.

While as a Kiwi I hardly understand the ins and outs of your military, I would dare say that the experiance of your leaving above, is not the complete story of your service to your country while in the Military.

I suggest then, even if this is not the place for it, to not judge yourself too hard, but rather focus on and celebrate with a high head in remembering all the positives.

Warm wishes
*Butterfly2W*
Hope

P.S. I did see one typo:
"My first deployment to Aizona was my last. It did not go well."
40
40
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sumojo

I was pleased to find your poem looking past the shallow and commercial enterprise that is Valentine's, and then pointing us towards enduring love.

For true love is not just for a day

Well said!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
41
41
Review of Drift  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow H. M. Marie

That is a very scary experience you have shared with us here.
I liked the way you formatted it, how the end of the sentences zig-zag down the page - and in the context makes me think of heartbeats getting printed out on one of those monitoring machines.

I did not understand the final line though, the self-blame that the verses ended with. For surely, it was not true, you cant have been to blame for this event at all.

Wishing you good health
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
42
42
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana
Oh this is so interesting, so well told. Though I did not understand the opening sentence, it set a mood for me that I appreciated everything that was then revealed.

I liked the cultural aspect that was shown, not in a 'look at me' sort of way, but just quietly there. Like joining the smokers to look. See, that sort of thing doesn't happen around here. It helped define the exotic of the environment of your story.

My favourite part was this:

Pond believed that life was recycled. Lim believed that the spirit returned to its source. They both agreed that traffic accidents were horrifying.

There you showed differing beliefs but in a consensus. There is a beautiful philosophy alluded to here, that of an acceptance of individuality. I loved that.

Thank you for sharing this

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
43
43
Review of Fibonacci Spring  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oooo, a Fibonacci poem. *eyes brighten*

Oh, and so beautiful. And apt when we consider that the era of Fibonacci science institutions was called things like 'The Royal Society of London for Improving Natural Knowledge', filled with very godly men. That your sequence becomes a homage to The Creator of wonders like the nautilus shell, makes the most perfect sense.

Did I mention that I have some Fibonacci callipers? I've not used them much, but I love them., for the incredible wonder of it all.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
44
44
Review of FERNTALON  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi vMouse
Congratulations upon a substantial beginning here at Writing.Com!

Your story is well imagined and written, all warm and cuddly really. Made me smile numerous times. And the inside joke of Mouse as your nickname! lol

I do recommend adding double-line spaces between paragraphs. That just helps the readers to take a pause and digest what they just read before reading the next paragraph. The visual of your writing looks more interesting too, rather than a 'wall of text', as some people call it.

Another tip, that might help you get the most readers, is increasing the text size to 3.5 or even 4. It's just kinder on eyes looking at the screen when the text is bigger than the default.

I look forward to future pieces from you!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
45
45
Review of Endings  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Stella

Your poem here is quiet and sad, a funeral scene, with the laying to rest of a loved one.

There was just one bit that I did not understand
tears ricochet
I was unable to imagine that.

You have created a reflective mood with your poem.
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
46
46
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Nikola Semanrus

This is an amusing little play in a few snatched scenes.

I would have loved you to format it a bit easier to read however.

If you google formatting for Playwriting, you shall find the accepted methods they now use. eg. tab x6 for stage directions. Here at WDC you can use the {indent} formatting tag to help.

Double line space between speakers is our friend for readability for wider appreciation *Heart*

eg:

                                                           NARRATOR:
“After exchanging some pitiless remarks, our group of teens enter the shack-” (the Narrator continues speaking but is difficult to hear over Lee) “and see some truly life changing things.”

                                                           LEE:
“What is that voice?! I’ve heard it three times now! It’s like it’s narrating and I don't think it likes us very much.”

                                                           JACKSON:
“Three times? Why didn’t you say anything the second time?”


Heck, rereading that little bit there again has me giggling to myself. I love this comedy piece you have shared!

I hope you have more to come.
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
47
47
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tim Chiu

This is a very interesting offering, a non traditional take on Halloween. Your brief sentences relay big thoughts. I had to dictionary the meanings of a couple of your words there to help me to understand how they could be used in such a context!

Your poem is a fine example of how poetry can succinctly address depths that other forms of writing weaken by their excess of language.

Well done
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
48
48
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Naomi

I was happy to discover this self-reflection of positive abilities. We are too prone to taking ourselves for granted, and so it is a fine thing to see you have taken a moment to review, and to appreciate what you bring to the world.

A fine exercise!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope


49
49
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Writing_Fanatic

You have a fine lyrical style here; the rhyming pattern of your poem is kept at a regular pace, so it is very satisfying to read. No mental screeches.

The last two lines finished less strong, although you kept your pattern still. It felt a bit tidied off, rather than jamming the point home. A very serious topic.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

Warm wishes
Hope
50
50
Review of Magic  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Wanda Jane

I enjoyed this poem about magic and it's appearance in your life since you were little. You take us on a journey through time in it.

There was just one thing in it that made me confused, the use of the French term 'the little death', but then I wonder if you are perhaps not aware of the innuendo? I wonder if it might not have been intentional.

I enjoyed the journey's resolution, and that the youthful appreciation of magic shall be yours again!

Write On!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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