Hi,
mrs. Raccooon
the story has a little more of a mystery. Rebbecca is alive as a guard for the house's and the monster beneath the house. The house is destroyed, so the monster has been released or hasit?
Rebbecca wanted them to have the diary, but why? To tell the family who built their house here to understand that no one of the family should go there. IT has been awakened, I originally though perhaps someone else has made a sacrifice or cast a spell for this monster to have existed.
It us human who built our house upon its home. It objected to having happened,
Sincerely
hi,
Mrs> Raccoon I agree. It is getting bettter, Amanda is also connected maybe have her date of birth coinside with her sister's rebellion of her parents. The hosue, might have been owned by someone or some other group of people. Something they did cause it to be awakened. So, I take it they are going back to the house.
How long would you say they lived here.
Your story has an H.P. Lovecraft quality to it.
hi,
mrs raccoon, the story is getting better. The family disturbed the monster, that had made Rebbecca see it. Rebbecca used her family's rifle to force them out of the house. Thats well and done. Herfather is blaming her and his mother for this monster.
As I was sayng, mayb ehave her check into the ancestry ship of the house and land. Who owned it before them. She is but a kid though. So, I see where they had come across the diary and what she had reda in it. Made her want to go there.
Is her grandmother still alive, maybne have her see her granddaugter and also have her allow the others to see what the diary says. Either that or have one of their curiousities get the best of them. and have the person pour over the diary.
Great work so, far I am impressed.
The story you are writing as a very impressive. Give me a little time, I will see what I can do to help you.
The tale is a good work. So, she had the diary. From a ghost, or so we are to believe. The house is rumored to be a haunted house, where she had arrived there.
She could perhaps look into the story about the house, and its owner. Have her dig into that to try to find out what has to be done to protect the family. Whom she has given the diary to her relatives. Sound okay.
the story is good. Has an eerie quaility to it. The fear that the family is feeling may have been because of what Rebbecca had seen. The tale draws you in like a lake of placid water just right to take a dip in. It is able to call the reader to the work you have created. I am impressed with your work. Keep it up dp not give up the faith you have. Encore...
That was true to point. Those who wish to die. Do not understand what they are seeing. The people who say hi to you, are your friends. I was a tease as a child and still today, I will play. I will annoy, but that is how I say, I love you. death is not an answer. He comes but once.
the pain others feel fo or the dead, will not forget you, they will blame themselves this is true, What if they did this or that. Would you be here, they do not know, what you see. What you beleve, they see you. A human being one who can love and be loved. Tell them, what you need, with your heart and soul, believe
you are needed somewhere on this place. You are here with blessing from god.
Your mother nad father made you, o be who you are? If you judge yourself, there is a portion of the bible that sayes let he who is perfect cast the first stone. no one drew up that stone. you are perfect, nor are those who judge you. Do they not bleed, do they not draw a breath, those with children dream, taht theirchildren will have a better world. Not without you,
Pain and anger is what you feel. The sense that you felt betrayed by your yearnng to be with him. The sense that he was seeing other women should have given you the time to tell him to move on. Your beauty is what he used against you. The beauty that you do not think you are. You were beautiful enough to forgive him, for his errors.
Your beauty is what your heart desires. TO be loved. Your heart yearns to be careessed and feel the reason to be, what you are. Thesong of life yearnsto be with thee. Listen to the delicates that those who know you, and love for you are beautiful. Believe in the song your heart sings. Believe in who you be.
the piece in point and emotional, it carries with you what you wish to tell us. The tale is filled with a yearning to eb forgiven. Believe in your heart, that you are not responisble for the death of your father. You only were able to help us understand the emotional burdon that you have weighed upon your shoulders. You are beauty that you must be believed. You are alive, because you are loved by them.
you have a reason to believe in who you be. You are blessed, and alive
hi,
It definitely has a different style to it. The peice draws you in, but I do not think you needed to say, that the story is fiction, it sells itself that way.It was remarkible. It had me interested from the first line of it.
Beautiful piece. Only if the world was to take what you have said into their hearts. We are maybe not the absolute brains here. However, we are pretty close, but we do not seem to be able to see past our greed. When will we be happy, what happens after we own it all. Does this end justifies the means by which we have gained it.
It is a good opening, it pulls the reader inside to take a peek. Once the reader is there you create desire for him to continue on reading. If this is the opening, when can I see the rest. Thank you allowing me to see this piece.
the contiuation, was good. I hope things work out in teh next installment . I am impressed with your work. The information is there, as is the emotional boundaries taht you are willing to allow us to see. I thank you for your work..I just finished the first part, and this is the second.
Great story, it has a lot of insite in it, allows the readerto see, how you feel about things. The story fits the every day soceity that we live in its tormoil and fear. There always has to be a reason, that is there. Some cause or crime that has to be avenged, You allow yourself to be courageous enough to other see you. My hats off.
The story has a lot going for it. In the being you identify the two people who had entered the woods as being we. Then as you say, the two people instead of we, You could I suppose, it might be better if you say, there were other who also entered here and did not return, we did not wish to be like them. They also numbered in two but did not return. WE feard we would join them.
it is different. The tale is good, but you should try to give the reader more to fear, why should the caharcater try and remove the cyst. They do not move maybe as you were suggesting kittens or mice under the blanket make it anothe rliving being that can shift the plaster that makes up its molecules, Perhaps it like a type of worm, or perhaps have it tunnel through the floors. So, he is unsure as to where he might step to be safe.
It was well created. It is true what we see and what we preceive may not be what they trully wish for us to think. They are a fantasy. Yet they are real, they think, feel, breath and eat. As they are as we are humans. Treat of us mortals as we would wish to be treated. How would you feel ifit happened to you.
There is beauty in all kinds of packages. Short, tall, meduim, skinny, or plump. To someone you are as they are beauty.
If your were trying for what this in, you have done well in doing it. I enjoyed the piece. It drew me in like a man seeking to be saved by a life preservers only to find there are none. Great work. The tale was enormously well created.
Joyce LANCASTER
female
December 31, 1958
Winnipeg Manitoba
I am imaginatve. Quick thinking. adore rats, yes I have pet rats. I have a disability but I write in my spare time I like to write about things in general Richard Edwards and I are part of a writers grp we do art work He is a fantasy buff I have a deeper sense of things.
Well I just want to sign and read simple instructions because I can't type fast husband is breathing down my neck it seems like a good writing site and one that makes sense to me since my writing is from tin cup to mouth fixed income,
Well written, it caused me to think of when I was child. The things that I did to annoy mt parents. Also, suggesting that the child was reezilant enough to know to go to the officers for help instead of just screaming and crying her eyes out.
It suggest that at times, we wish we better than we do. The tale did not really need the description at the being, If you had cut it out there, it still would have had its merits. Great tale
The tale has a lot of good merits. His explaining that the whatever they are need to be feed. The woman who is there, was not all that she promised to be. His desire to put her to death. He felt that she was rotten to begin with.
Hearing them arrive. Prompts him to slay her. Brain is a mess of grey tubes and blood. Parts of the brain could look like pudding as it is so often described.
The ending left us in the lurch. Are you intending to create a continuation of it.
The discription of going into the book store was alright. The mention that you were posted there, told me another thing, that might not matter. You were militarally based, or in college.
The mention that you werein the hally way to the shop and it was growing colder, Had me, thinking, it was going to be a c=ghost tale. It was well developed. The white snow, the cold touching him suggested that this was related to something from the past as it was summer time when entered the store.
The appearance of the cheif was also good. What he was asking you was conveyed in his motions and yours to understand him was also good. Not knowing where he should go. Made sense as you were new to this area of the US.
Hi,
The tale was unique. It seemed similar to Alfred Hitchcock, if you are old enough to remember it. His fear that it was her. That seemed like where the fear come from, Hearing about his friend who answered her contract as did he. What would happen to them?
He suspected that his buddy had been hung and his organs removed seemed like quite a threat from this woman.Mind you that wouldmake me, worry to.
Finally getting up enough nerve to answer it was a great ending.
Sincerely
Richard Edwards
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