hi,
deter the story is solid, the action is able to allow the reader to understand the emotional bearing of the people within the tale. It is well designed, you might want to describe their surrounding area. Setting might help sell the story abit better.
hope it helps, the emotions that you are allowing the characters to protray is proper.
HI This story remind me of a busy family life a sweet innocent baby who probably points to everything and has to know new things Also the baby I think will develop is own way.Children always want to know the impossible, like how this works. My brother saw the pilot light of the furnace in the middle of January blew it out.
We froze our tails off. It happened all the time. Until Pop caught him sneaking down there. So, he pad locked the basement. So, we could stay warm, but my brother did not know any better as he was mentally handicapped. He had the IQ of 3 or 4 year old.
HI
I could envision the child with the drum. Playing it as best he can. I appreciate the concept, because my mom's brother was in the pipe and drum corps of the military. On new year's day I got play with after my parents returned from partying it up. The hour was 4 in the morning.
children only try to do the best, and they must be encouraged to do so. So, they will have faith in themselves.
hi
datar the piece holds water. It makes sense. As he was saying he is only a teacher. Who has just been told he is a slayer of hellhounds. The army that he is to join will not be appreciative of his story. If he is found out, try and add more drama with the hellhound on his footstep. Have it howl to tell of their impeding doom, and its anticipation of eating them both. Her slaying the hound, was without much difficulty. The speed that you establish is good in the written section.
Could you check out Essa's Plight & Sarata's warning. I will try and do the same
I am curious as to where are you located at, and what does the capital that we (the writers) have sent you do? My partner is not sure, so could you advise me of this. Please
hi.
white you have a great deal to say about what sceintist have been doing. Modifying this and that is true enough. The true enndevour is to realize, that some of these modifations are just things that modifactions for no purpose. So, what if your man (I am a man) likes this or that. If he is with you than he likes you.
To change to go with the flow is not good.
If these changes coulld enhance the details that you are looking for great. But are you being true you. It is like stealing someones indenty, if you want to live with a falsehood do so. However do not drag other people in to join you in this. What would I call it.
Unless you have had cancer and had to remove one of your breasts, then a medically enhanced one would make sense. To create the true picture of who you are.
hi,
Breaking the story has a lot in it. Ecxplain to the reader as to what has gone wrong in the camo. For them to have dwindling resources, There has to be a reason for thi sto have occurred, The death at the house on the road to their campsite happened as they were nearing the camp.
The police investiagting the death wold possiby quell any idea come there. Also what with their playing with thed dead animal by using a stick. Your frame work ofr the charcter could rely upon dialogue to tell us these things that you are wishing to convey. If the character had unrully hair have him or her brush the mop of heair out of his eyes, ir sugest it fall upon his shoulder like a lion's mane.\\
hi,
Good tale, so they were seeing a ghost instead of Jason. I did not have a hint that was what you desired to transpire there. It seemed sensible, but real. Ben is stunned by what the camera is showing to them. As he did not see, anything other than what the others were seeing, Great work.
hi.
Royal your work is magnificent. not know, that Deon knew about her having the affair with his brother until he told her so, But also by telling her that he was with Erica have done the same thing. It would be unpleasant for the girl who was doing this and was found out by Deon, but for his to be taking Erica to his bed is another story entirely.
I will try and read 21 story's by Oct 5. first time posting as well. Did not feel to capible of succeeding, but previously I have been doing that regularly.
hi
Jared the story is good, it allows the surprize to unfold for every one. For I was unaware they had anticipated his arrival there. When he forced them to allow him inside the bedroom and their bed. The piece could be the tables have turned. AS that is what has happened is it not.
hi.
starling. It sounds like this guy must do well on his sales. However I do not think the boy you were going to go out with would approve of his behavior. I hope you did not relate that story to your mom. Good tale though, he was a hunk. He saw the best in you and wanted to exploit that fact to you. His behavior could have gotten his nose broke at the very least.
If it happened your boy friend would possiblyget his point across that he was the only guy interested in you and he wants that way.
hi
keaton you feel insecure. You fell in love and were burned. So, you do not know if what they say is real. That they love you. What happens if you believe, than you be lead down the road. Believe in who you be. It took me decades to believe, that I am worthy of love.
The only way, is to take the ones hand that is offered for you to hold. Draw her/him into your arms. Talke with him/her about your fears. honesty is one of the greatest gifts we have in this world. Tell them why you love her/him. Allow them to see the frail you, let them take you in. Allow them to know who you are?
No one is perfect, you have to believe you are handsome and dashing. If you do not love yoursl=elf how will you be able to allow them to love ittle you.
Onyx wants to join the council, but she has not been taught by a school to caste spells. As she is shape changer and a human as well. They will not allow her to join the schools because of this. Her prowess is almost as much as their own. Only she has not learned to truly control it as she has cast a spell and destroyed their table in doing so.
HI I am JOYCE LANCASTER YOUR PIECE ON THE TAJ MAHL IS GOOD I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WOULD WANT TO TAKE LOOK AT MY SISTERS WEBSITE CHICKENBUS@shaw.ca she is A TRAVEL WRITER
hi
Raving. The tale is good, but should he have sent someone to aid the family. That would seem to be a sensible thing to do. Great work. I enjoyed it emmensily. Keep up the work. So, I suspect he would want to stop LOrd Ravin. Is there going to be a campaine set up shortly.
hi.
so, she was a queen and a mage, who was pregnant with a shape shifter. So, she was gifted in that way. I enjoyed teh work you wrote in the first part, but this is even better. It explains more about the queen and her relationship with her people. The sense of berail. Is as it was at that time.
hi.
supersnake, I take it, he did not do that again. I have a suspicion she blew his cars tires for him. I have a vague suspicion this is what you feel like doing to those people. Who do not live up to their words with you. I think honor mean more to you than othe rpeople you have met.
hi.
The story is good. I enjoyed it emmencely. I was lost until the I in the story suggested that she was responsible. She objected to the man having an artifical leg. I agree, she is squirreler than squirrel shit.
We all have some disability. Of some form or other.
I know the feeling. It comes and it comes in a wave, crashing across the keyboard. Then there are times that you can not draw a word from the well, no matte how hard you drop the bucket. The work s at times hard. You have to ocassionally prime the pump by leaving it for the moment and doing something other than that.
hi,
It sound like the hermit of the tarot deck. Walking in search of an honest man. Never to find one. Who is honest in this world. Who can afford to be? What is said, may hurt another so, one does not say, how one is feeling. It only allows you to see, what is before thee.
hi,
I had a brother who was that way , also. They are unable to allow us to see what they are truly thinking. They usually need some medications to calm down. It is hard I know, My father did not understand, my mother tried to tell him. Randy my brother needed help, like medication to settle him down. Mommy was out weighed by him, and he had a longer arm reach, So, she could no longer stop him. She just gave up.
Pop did not understand the problem. Until Randy KOed him, then did what pop thought anyone could do. stop him from pounding his head through the walls. That was when he decided Randy needed meds. all have past.
hi
great way to introduce the characters, so they are going to stop a bus. I take it, they are going to take it away from the authorities. That might wake them up. To how they are feeling, towards the people they wish to challenge. I do not think it is going to be good news.
great tale, although siren would not have been my choice for a title and I will tell you why? Sirens were able to sing helmsmen to their death, by their illustrious singing. Th ehelmsmen would want to see the woman' whose vocie this was. They would sail into the reef before which the siren would stand high above singing their song.
Very different, He was aware of what she would possibly think and do? Curiousity can be both a blessing and a curse. I woudl like to do this, or that? Pro or con? When she finally decided to go there, to his room. She was unsure of a lot of things. She was fortunate that things did not go wrong. He was able to sooth her fears and was allowed to make love with her, By allowing her to control the things he woudl do to her.
Sincerely
Richard Edwards
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