I enjoyed the story. I am a former police officer who just happens to be from Tennessee. I too write. Age eighteen in North Carolina, where I trained for law enforcement, is considered 'adult'. If the crime, committed by anyone under the age of eighteen, is murder, for instance, they are tried as an adult.
He looked up at me. ("yes.") ["Yes?"] His eyes were red.
This answer puzzled me deeply. At that time, I was almost nine years old and I was very dumb. When I look back, I realize that the whole time we were in that cemetery [be careful using the word 'that'. [I realize the whole time were in the cemetery, I was being puzzled or stupid.
At first ()[,]upon entering (that) [the] cemetery () [,] I was puzzled () [,] because
wondering (as to why) I would drop this and say: wondering why we were there.
These are only suggestions. So many authors at Writing.com have helped me become a better writer.
1 - Major Domingo
Army Major Marcial Domingo took off his glasses and wiped them with his white handkerchief, beads of perspiration dripping from his forehead, which he rubbed with the sleeves of his right forearm. He had forgotten to bring a face towel. He and his men were exposed to the heat of the sun in the middle of a clearing as large as a 400-meter oval grounds. As early as 7:00 in the morning, the 100 troops were called to assemble, but at 9:00, no Japanese officer was in sight. The surrender rites were supposed to be at 8:00. His men were restless. They have been since yesterday when the surrender was announced.
*When you are referring to military time, use 0900 hours or 0700 hours. Use the 1300 hours after twelve noon. Also remove the word 'which' he rubbed. (only a suggestion) beads of perspiration dripped from his forehead. He rubbed it with the sleeve of his right forearm (not sleeves) that would mean he had more than one sleeve on his right arm.
Again, these are only suggestions.
A lot of questions played in Domingo's mind. Why? Were there no other options left? he reflected. The Monkayo camp was located in the midst of a lush forest of tropical trees, connected to the reservation of [the] Aeta and Manobo natives that had lived there for centuries. Domingo was sure the natives would not refuse to hide them should they choose not to surrender. In the few years that he had been assigned in Monkayo, he had made many friends among them, erasing impressions [that]*be careful when using that word... they were savages. He had joined in one of their hunting trips and had partaken of the deer meat [which] *omit the word 'which'.. he brought to camp to share with fellow soldiers. No, the natives would not refuse.
Some suggestions. When you write, make certain your punctuations are in the correct place and words like, (In your first paragraph: up lifter) should be one word, uplifter.
You write: Shopping online can be fun and convenient until it becomes a serious addiction (.) .To some online(), shopping is a great way to buy stuff (which)(that) isn't available easily in the market(;) or to get good deals at products but for me it had become a serious addiction . [This is a run-on sentence. It might be an easier read if you broke into sentences]
Shopping for me is a mood up lifter (;) ,some may jokingly call [as] (it) retail therapy. (.) As Rebecca Bloomwood from the movie (')Confessions Of a Shopaholic(') had said (,) (")when I shop the world gets better ,the world is better(,) .And then it's not anymore. And i just have to do it again(." [It]''was pretty much the same case with me. [You might want to use another word than 'pretty' much. [Perhaps you can say, It was much the same with me.]
Again these are only suggestions. You keep on writing because I think you are onto something. Good write. P.S. I understand the addiction. When I was in rehab for a shoulder replacement, I bought a steamer cleaner for my floors. This was in 2014; this year, I broke my leg and was in rehab. I bought a pressure cooker. Buying on line is addictive.
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