Will he find another love or[ was I it]? I think it would read better if you put, Will he find another love, or was I the love of his life?
How will my parents get over losing their only child; most of all you think, why me? I mean, I know that everyone dies at some point. No one lives forever, but to die young is a tragedy.
I mean I know that everyone dies at some point, No one lives forever but to die young is a tragedy. To know that I am lying here dying and it is my entire fault is the worse thing that could be happening. (Rule of thumb: Things lay, people lie)
I knew there was something going on in the house. I knew it was more than odd shadows made up from my imagination. I knew it was something darker, more sinister then I wanted to let on. However, I stayed, and I poked around and I ultimately brought it out. I confronted it face to face, and I lost. The most important battle of my life and I lost. I should have listened to everyone when they told[ me toove[] to move out, sell the house and get on with my life. Nevertheless, I [ didn’tve] Nevertheless, I didn't [ after all], this was my family home.
and leave this nightmare [on] with another family. It was my family history. It was my family’s fault. And if that meant I had to die to make sure it ends with me [ then it is the sacrifice] I must make. to make sure [certain] it ended with me; then it is the sacrifice I must make.
I honestly thought [ that when I was on my death bed], Omit the word 'that' I honestly thought, when I was on my death bed, I would be surrounded by family and friends, after living a long and wonderful life with the man of my dreams. Little did I know, I would be in the attic of my house all alone straining to hear if someone would be here soon enough to save me. (try not to use the word 'that' too often.
I would be surrounded by family and friends after living a long and wonderful life with the man of my dreams.[ Little did I know] Little did I know
I would be in the attic, of my house all alone.
[ I would be in the attic of my house all alone. Straining to hear if someone would be here soon enough to save me]. Knowing that there would be no savior coming. [ Knowing that there was no savor] coming. Again, watch using the word 'that' too often. Part of me hoped someone did not listen and someone would be coming to rescue me, but, I knew that was just an empty hope.
[that I had sent them all away and told them not to come back until they heard from me. Part of me hoped that someone did not listen that someone was coming to save me. But I knew that was just an empty hope.]
Wait. What was that noise? [Could it be someone coming?] I prayed it would be somebody coming to deliver me, to save me, and not something else. I could not handle the thought of facing pure evil again; not when I am so weak and so near death.
I hope it is someone coming to save me and not something else. I could not handle the thought of facing pure evil again. [Not when I am so weak and near death].
I loved the write. The above are only suggestions. I use 'word web. It is a free download. When want to use a word more than once, I can find other words there that mean the same thing and I incorporate them in my writings.
Well, it seems you have strong emotional ties to this young lady. In the first sentence, hate has a capital letter. In the last verse, you wrote 'and my soul 'feel'. That should be 'feels' First verse, 'to get shoved...away.' You might want to put that sentence like this. To get shoved away. Keep writing.
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