Absolutely awesome! Great job! Love it… couldn’t be any better in my book… and you are talking about our God…. What better thing is there to write about?
I enjoyed reading this poem very much. The flow is great; the message is undeniably conveyed. I really like the way you wrap it up with the scripture at the bottom.
Good job, well done! Glad that I stopped by. I found much inspiration!
I love the format you used makes it so easy for the reader to stay with it. Couldn’t be any better.
Good flow of words in this poem. I can feel the emotion and love for your daddy pouring from your words. This is a great start to a great writing. I think if you separate your stanzas it would help some, also I recommend www.rhymezone.com as a great way to find words that rhyme and fit what you are trying to convey.
This poem feels like it is coming straight from your heart and I enjoyed reading it. Good job! Welcome to WDC, feel free to email me at anytime.
Good write… I like where you are going with this. My favorite line:
I long to fall helpless into someone’s arms
but must use my arms to catch others instead
That one line seems to speak volumes to me, maybe because I can relate so easily to what you have written. I think you are definitely getting somewhere with this writing. Keep up the good work!
I look forward to seeing it when you have completed it.
I really like this writing of yours. I think you did a good job with the flow of your words AND you express your message so beautifully!
I adore the positive ending and I find that I can relate so much to what you have written about. You did very good. Your writing talent is quite evident, Run with it! Never stop.
The only suggestion I have to offer… take it or leave it… may be better if you get rid of words that are really not necessary, to shorten the lines and make the stanzas flow even that much better.
Example:
I dwell on things and ponder things and try to think things through.
This is really good. It is just packed with emotion, passion pouring from your words. I really like! I think you have done a good job. Also think you have a good chance in that contest. Well done.
I think there are some unnecessary words that you could eliminate and make the flow a little better but really its awesome and so obvious it comes from the heart.
This is very good Mr. Monk. Great descriptions, you have a way of painting the picture for your readers. Well done!
You have this selected as poetry? By no means, am I the rule keeper of poetry, but I just think this would make a greater impression on the reader if it was in paragraph form. Simply because it’s like you are telling the story of how it feels when you get on your bike and fly freely. And you do it awesomely!
I think the image of the writing takes a lot away because it doesn’t seem to have a structure to it. I can help work on t his if you would like, but if not, and you want to leave it as is… regardless, it’s a great writing.
You give to your readers an experience that some have never had. I haven’t rode a motorcycle since I was a young girl and a guy I dated rode me around a few times, so it was really nice to get to experience the ride from y our words. Good Job!
Also, I want to officially welcome you to WDC! I see you have had no problem with fitting in and making lots of friends and I am blessed to be one of them!
We need to get your bioblock set up! You are such an interesting person and you are / and will continue to add much more to this site.
I am sending you a link to information that will help teach you all the great options we have here on this site, so that you can get the most of your membership. Also, feel free to ask me anything you may have questions about… if I don’t know, I will find someone that does…
Your handle is just adorable! love it..
Glad you’re here! Glad our paths crossed!
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Again… good write! I like how you brought in “circumstances” as like the bad guy in this writing… That just stood out to me and how true. It takes wisdom to see where the problem lies and wisdom shows to me in this writing very clearly
Good Evening Davey Baby… I was just taking a stroll through your portfolio and I see that you have so much new stuff! I can’t wait to read, rate and review it all!
You are so passionate with your writing. I can feel your strong emotions just bursting through this poem. You are one of those sweet talker’s aren’t you??? Very good with expressing emotions… great flow.. I love the way you create… you just let it all pour out of you and it’s so well done!
I do have a few suggestions. I have noticed in your writing, you tend to put in words that are really not needed. I don’t want to rewrite this for you, not at all, of course I couldn’t because this is coming right out of your heart, but just a gal’s opinion here from a dusty town in West Texas.
You 've have my mind turning,
I'm am so confused,
I'vehave trouble selecting,
The words I should use To you
You're everything a man expects,
In and from a woman
Everything a man regrets,
that He may never hold
Words can't express,
How I feel for you
No actions to suggest,
How much, I love you.
You're rearrare among your sex,
In a class by yourself
I'd say your the best,
Second to no one else
You're voice is enchanting,
So sweet and pure
You're everything is something,
That a man should adore
You're everything a man expects,
In and from a woman.
Just suggestions, though you may like the way you have it as is... and I think as is... it is just beautiful! Glad your here on WDC!
Hey there Davey Baby, I just adore this and I am so flattered that you wrote it in sequel to my own writing. Just humbles me and you did such a great job.
I love the stanza:
The little girl is chasing
Now ready to fight
With power to do wrong
But the will to do what's right
but I suggest this :
A little girl is chasing
Now ready for a fight
With power to do wrong
but the Will to do right
I don't know, could just be my Texas accent but it seems to flow better that way, I sent several edit tips and I also wanted to offically Welcome you to WDC!
I see that you got yourself an upgrade! Way to GO ~ I am excited to get to explore your port once you get it built up.
I would also like to send you a link to some good info so that you will be able to make the most out of your membership here.
I am so excited... Welcome aboard! Write on!
Oh and Dave, You have no idea how much this poem means to me... and I don't think my appreciation can be expressed through words... believe it or not!
I vote for a 5... yeah, I am a bit bias , can't help it.
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I saw the link to this writing of yours in the general discussion forum and thought I would take a peek. I am glad that I did.
First, I found much inspiration through reading your words. Good spoken and needed words of wisdom, especially the last line you wrote.
I am quite impressed with your style of writing. It was your style that held my attention throughout this article; you could have been talking about… anything, even if it didn’t strike an interest in me, and I would have continued staying with the read simply because of your down to earth, and humorous writing style.
BUT just so happens, you wrote about something that did strike my fancy and I feel like you just lit a fire under MY butt! Your words will be of great inspiration to those that at times fall into the dreaded writer’s block.
Well done… Keep it coming!
Glad you’re here at WDC, I can all ready tell you will add so much to this site!
Hey Davey Baby... I like this one.. Really good! Like I said before, great flow... To me that makes or breaks a poem and yours always flow nicely. Good job!
I only recommend that maybe you do away with un needed words, I think it will improve the poem all around. Here is an example:
Heaven above, Could please hear my plea?
For the girl that I love,
To be here next to me.
Heaven above, As hard as I try,
I justcan't win her love,
Could please tell me why?
Also... stanzas! making some stanzas would improve... and I personally think if you center it on the page it will be easier on the readers eye.
Just my opinions here Dave, but overall all this is a great creation.
I absolutely adore this! Awesome… Great flow of the words, excellent rhyme. I mean just captivating.
I almost passed over but the title caught my attention and I hit the back button to read and I am so glad that I did.
I have some suggestions, though I rated you a 5 on the great wording… and rhyme and just all around an awesome poem… but… Why all caps? Did you do that on purpose? It leads the reader to think the writer is yelling or screaming… did you intend for that to be portrayed?
Also, I suggest you make clear your stanza. It will help tremendously in the imagery of the writing. Those are the only suggestions I have found and I think you have done a great job with this.
I love it! And you are talking about our Lord! Well done, faithful and good servant!
Shall, I be frank? I think there is a deep message to this poem and I don’t think I am quite getting it. So, I am not sure that I am offering a fair review to you.
Then again, I may also suggest that you add more explanation throughout this writing so that future readers may have a clearer idea of that which you are trying to convey. But, you may want to decide that for yourself after reading reviews from others. It could just be a ME thing! I don’t know…
I am no poetry pro by any means. I did notice that you have 12 lines through out the poem, is this some specific type of poem? I find that when I read something that appears to be jumbled together, I most of the time, get lost and just give up on the read. So I recommend lots of double spaces… lots of separation between lines, strong clear stanzas. Again, just my thoughts here.
I did find your writing to be quite mind-boggling and makes one stop and consider, this is a good thing! I hope that you continue with your passion of writing and I look forward to reading more from you.
Well done! I disagree with your previous rating on this poem. Though, I have to admit, I read the “Written from a Christian Perspective” and that’s what caught my eye… as I explored farther, I was somewhat taken back by the RAW… IN YOUR FACE style of this writing…
Then as I came closer to the ending I was floored… Oh Yeah, Baby… YOU ROCK! Good job, my friend. Ok, so maybe your style of writing is an acquired taste but I ate it up… Get out there and WRITE ON!
Excellent ending… just absolutely the bomb…. I just adore your unconventional way of getting the love of Christ out to your readers! Carry on! Let it Rip.
I like the format you used in this poem. I also like the raw honesty that is so evident within your writing style. I think you have done a good job here.
You convey your feelings quite well and I encourage you to keep writing at all times. Practice makes Perfect!
Hang in there with those silly supposed gods of the classroom, your time will come.
Great work, Keep it coming.
Welcome to WDC!
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