Aside from the appallingly bad spelling, I think this might be a catchy, singable tune.

marrage = marriage (or was that a Freudian slip?)

title case = "It's a Two Thing"

C 2005 = has no legal meaning; you must use the c in a circle symbol: © or spell out the word "Copyright"

CHOR = I'd suggest spelling it out: CHORUS

,( = no comma needed before parentheses

Ya,Ya / Oh,Oh = you do need a space after commas

It,s = It's (I know, that's an accidental slip of the fingers)

verse = all caps, like CHORUS (VERSE) to set it off from the lyrics

At times your sweet = you're (contraction of "you are")

Then your sharp as a knif. = you're, knife

In your make belive world. = believe

Am I asking to much, = too much

From the girl I married. = married?

To try and talk clam, = is "talk clam" slang? I don't understand.

Lost in a daze,remember those days = space after comma

So now girl ,it's up to you. = girl, it's (space AFTER comma)

We'll we be one made out of two? = Will we be…

that its a two thing baby (Ya,Ya) = That it's a… (capitalize "That", apostrophe in "it's" – contraction of "it is")

Corrections (even in poetry, proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation count – you can only break the rules when you know them backwards and forwards, and break them with deliberate effect):

iI call a friend, someone whosewho's close to me just as a kin

Someone who hadhas my back

Don'tDoesn't make little-cracks [hyphen's not needed here]

Someone iI can depend on

going to help me succeddsucceed

a person that iI can trust

when times get outrageously rough

someone iI can tell ...everything too.

(Note: Only those portions of the poem necessary to illustrate corrections are reproduced here.)

This is a nice description of what friendship means to you, and many will agree. It has few of the qualities I look for in a poem (rhythm, rhyme, effective use of poetic devices such as metaphor and simile, etc.), and it is full of typos, but as a description of friendship it's not bad.

The short description just doesn't do this forum justice. That's as much a credit to the folks posting there as to the forum setup, but you did encourage them – subtly.

The forum header asks:

The colors sure put me in the right mood.

For those of you who haven't stumbled in yet: Participants vie to outdo each other in writing one-star doggerel. Or they just rant about it, but someho If reaching rhyme and limping iambs are your passions (or you've simply reached a point where you can appreciate the humor in an intentional bit of bad poetry), drop by and share a laugh or two.

A beautiful but humorous tale of God's creativity! I'm giving this a 5 – not because it's "perfect," but because it's vivid, visual, tastefully told, and funny. There are no noticeable mechanical errors, no confusing passages, no meandering from the topic at hand. It's just what you meant for it to be, I think, and I enjoyed it.

Do you mean "corralled"?

The hyphen is not needed: "come on"

"Oh" should not be capitalized here; it's part of the same sentence.

Italicize book titles.

"Christ sake" should be "Christ's sake"

I'd say "The End" isn't necessary; then again, I've got a few short stories that are complete as they are, and people keep asking when I'm going to finish them – I suppose this is one way to ensure that they don't make that mistake.

A good story. You held my attention, and I enjoyed your writing style. I could visualize everything. You tried to make me believe this was something other than what it was, and I almost did – right up to where he reaches behind the bricks. And then I knew, even before you showed me. But that's okay.

Shades of Fahrenheit 451 and 1984, but in a shorter, tighter package. Good job!

This needs work. A lot of work. That said, if I'm understanding the central idea correctly, it is a good topic and this puts a positive slant on it. It's not very original, but with personal or specific, real-life examples and an overall tightening of the organization of this article, could be a nice, inspirational filler.

can't

How come (colloquial; consider "why did he have")

iI

MYy ambitions, my goals, and my aims

all lie waste ("lie wasted" or "are laid to waste")

and iI had better

tThis is

our lifves.

We just give up (Whoa – who's this "we" pardner? One minute, you're talking about "I" and "me" and now you're dragging ME into it? Might make me feel less prickly if you preface this with "Too often, we just…" This isn't an absolute. Speaking for myself, I'm not a quitter; if you didn't make this personal, though, I can relate to the feeling of futility born of injustice and unexpected setbacks.)

surprise.We (add an "r" to "surprise"; add a space after the period)

people we less expected accomplish (I'm assuming you mean "people we least expected to outshine us" or something like that – it's "least expected to" [what?] – as is, it's an incomplete thought.)

cherished aims

by family members,; they are mocked

stick to such judgment.?

tThe number of times the inventors tried before succeeding. (What?? That's an incomplete sentence and I have no idea what point you're trying to make here. What about the number of times inventors tried before succeeding?)

And ewwe loose hope

by the sight of ("at" the sight of?)

tThe first obstacle we come across, which probably might be a stepping stone for another person (How so? Give an example of an obstacle that can be seen as a stepping stone. Specifics! Consider breaking this into two or more sentences, also. "Probably might be" just has to go – that's awkward and illogical. Which is it: "probably is," "probably would be," or "might be"?)

in prevent you ("is preventing you"? Could you make that "may be preventing you"?)

let go of today? I (add a space after "today?")

each day.Those (add a space after "day.")

who had climbbed the ladder of success

never had it easy if we are to listen to thieeir challenges, thieeir hardships and the moments that they had wanted to give up (This sentence is awkward; Consider: "Those who climbed the ladder of success never had it easy. They struggled with hardships and challenges; they often thought of giving up.")

it's only amazing ("It's only amazing"? You mean, it's not really astoundingly amazing? Just…amazing?)

on. It's (add a space after "on.")

it's what made them think (What are you saying here? That these great inventors kept at it for the power?)

Think of immpossibilities and dreams are sharttered,. (End this sentence here.)

aAims and goals may be flawed, but let someone shout the words, "iIt's possible!" and opportunities spring up from nowhere and thusto help you accomplish your aims. (Consider rewriting; this is just one suggestion.)

HOow happy

we develope

our friends and our relatives but when we give up on them nobody hears ("nobody" is one word; it's singular, so the verb is "hears")

So go on ahead and give up on this one aim because no one else apart from you can achieve that. (Oh, now you're telling me to give up? Are you being inspirational or sarcastic here? Okay, fine – if you're going to say this, be specific. What's this "one aim" I'm supposed to be giving up? I'm so confused now.)

And whiles you give up

the obstacle you are facing which when analysed critically can be turned into a stambling block (What else would an obstacle be but a stumbling block?? Why do I have to analyze it critically to see that? Don't you mean that I should analyze the obstacle to see if it is truly an opportunity in disguise? I thought that was the point you were trying to make.)

bear in mind that time is never your friend (Let's stick to obstacles and opportunities. You dragging time into it is just depressing me.)

today. A story (Add a space after "today.")

that entails your dreams, your aims, or your goals

make sure that story is completed on the same note that it (What?? On the same note that it was?)

was. I (add a space after "was.")

had a dream and iI accomplished it with the help of the obstacles iI faced! (Again, could you be specific? What was the dream? How did the obstacles help?)

You wrote a photo for your Intro to Poetry class? That’s…how’d you do that?

I’d capitalize “intro,” too, unless you were writing the intro to a Poetry class you were teaching.

You’ve taken a fairly cliché subject and done some fairly original work with it. Ripples on water are kind of overdone, both in poetry and photography (and yet, for some reason, they never seem to stop fascinating us). Instead of saying “ripple,” you say “shatter,” and right there I know you mean business. You liken the water to flesh, and give it an incarnation.

I had a little difficulty with this line:

ice – their fingers? Huh?

Oooh, you even drag Chaos Theory into this, and suggest a possibility beyond the simple ripple effect. Here’s a thought: Instead of “some distant city” try something specific – pick a city and name it. Bring more concrete images to mind.

That business of throwing yourself in – that would have bordered on the ordinary, had it not been for the “muffled cries of seals.” I could hear them, and in hearing them allowed myself to sink into the water with you, for just a moment. It was a too-deliberate surrender, though.

Likewise, the whole “spit me out” bit borders on melodramatic, until you draw in the “glaciers that long to be you” – I’d end there with a question mark, though, not a cliff-hanging, unfinished lack of punctuation.

Jerry, this tiny scene packs an emotional punch, and it’s just too sad. I suppose it tells all it needs to tell, in order to “solely capture a moment in time,” but I’m left feeling empty. I haven’t had time to get to know these people, with their fifty years of life together and all its ups and downs. You’re relying on me to take your word for it all – a glance, a word, a sigh, a touch – and poof! Blow out the candles.

For its length and supposed purpose, it’s enough. In light of current events, I’m having trouble not seeing this as politically motivated, though I’m reasonably sure it’s not. I’m not even sure how I feel about it these days, but this doesn’t help me figure that out, either. The characters’ motives are clear, but it’s not deep enough to convince me of the rightness or wrongness of it – or even make me feel much for them. Again, I have to simply take your word (and theirs) for how it ought to end. You haven’t given me enough substance, or that one emotionally-charged, power-packed word or phrase, to allow me to form my own opinions beyond those that were formed long before I read this.

By Jove, I think you got it!

I’m not sure whether I should review this or not, but the test was over some four hours ago, and it’s still here, so…

“test pooem”? I saw “dad” in your handle and thought maybe this was going to be a little scatological, with kids as the target audience. You did drag gas and eggs into it, but no – no poo poem here!

Typos. Lots and lots of typos. I realize this is “just a test,” but that might have been clearer had you typed in real dummy text, such as “asdfasdf;kj fhaifl; iasif8 flooglephlumph.” Since you took the time to compose a pooem, I’m going to take time to edit it (omitting all but the words necessary to help you locate the errors):

iI’m sitting

where do iI want to go [Let me guess: It’s a Microsoft operating system. “Where do YOU want to go today?”]

poetry and meI are like gas in an egg ommelet,

might be hot,, but not good [Unusual imagery here!]

what life experiaence do iI use to create

or should iI use something else,, news, or

the sencses.

easy to do when ,, was young.

the past was,, or seemed to be ,

so here iI sit like a tree, waiting to become a pincel, so iI can write poetry.

eggs, gas, and tree's,, what

Unless you are ee cummings, I suggest you use proper capitalization and punctuation, even in poetry. It’s fine to ignore those things if there’s a larger purpose in it (though some would argue that cummings, himself, probably had no such justification). Those visual cues, like capital letters and commas and things, do enhance and deepen communication.

You weren’t really going for “deep” here, though, were you?